Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Welcome to the Carnival of Healing #146! I’m absolutely delighted to be hosting again. The Carnival is a weekly round-up of personal blog posts on the topics of holistic health, wellness, spirituality, and self-empowerment. It’s coordinated by’s Guide to Holistic Healing, Phylameana Iila Desy.

When I host a carnival, I like to have a theme. Yesterday I wrote an article called Get into Oink Mode! I discussed how we shouldn’t put limits on ourselves on how much we can manifest. I live by the Law of Attraction, and believe that we attract what we intend to have or put the action into to go after. So my theme today is finding all sorts of way to be kind to yourself and make yourself the best you can be. When you identify things you can do or have, and put out the intention to get them, you’ll have the Law of Attraction on your side. Why not attract lots of goodies instead of just one thing at a time? That’s why I like oink mode. My actions show the Universe I want all the blessings I can attract for my body, mind and spirit!

This week there are an assortment of articles that have suggestions for making your life much better. Read them. Learn from them, and identify things you can do for yourself that you can put out to the Universe and attract for yourself.

Since thoughts and beliefs limit what you attract, if you can unlearn some of your old habits and ways of thinking, you open yourself up to attracting a better way of life. CG Walters addresses this in Walking on Water: Unlearning our limitations posted at Into the Mist.

In that same vein, Arun presents Positive Spin posted at Arun is Bringing You…Your Daily Remedy. He says, “Simply changing your outlook can make everything in life seem brighter!” It also attracts brighter experiences and makes your attitude brighter too.”

Creating a healthier lifestyle on many levels is a fabulous way to let the Universe know you’re serious about being feeling good. Anand Dhillon presents How to Build a Healthy Lifestyle posted at Anand Dhillon’s Self-Help Blog. He says he explains, “Step-by-step how to go from a sedentary lifestyle to an active, healthy lifestyle. Includes health tips about diet, nutrition, exercise, breathin, making the transition, measuring progress and avoiding the pitfalls.”

Gratitude is a great way to attract amazing things into your life. Lovelyn presents Gratitude: The Secret to a Happy Life posted at The Art of Balanced Living.

Appreciating all the blessings around you attracts more. Shirley presents 8 Free Ways to Enjoy Life. posted at Fun Spirit. She says, “It’s so easy to overlook the wonders and joys that surround you every day. In the rush and hurry of getting through the day, we may overlook the simple pleasures. With all the products and advertising bombarding us, you may have forgotten some of the free and easy ways to enjoy the abundance that is all around you.”

Stress can really wreck your joy and peace of mind. Joel Chue says self-hypnosis is a great way to control it in Self-Hypnosis Relaxation Information posted at SELF HYPNOSIS: Weight Loss, Quit Smoking Self Hypnosis!. Using relaxation techniques shows you’re serious about getting more relaxed!

When we see things as unfair, it makes us angry. And anger is detrimental to your health and your soul. Finding ways to handle unfair people in a fair way, attracts healthier energy. Crystal Nichols has tips in her article, How to handle the unfairness of life posted at Christian in the Corporate World.

Doing yoga is beneficial in a gazillion ways. Neelakantha at at compiled a long list of articles, blogs, classes and other resources for learning more about it. The Ultimate Guide to Yoga: 100 Blogs, Tutorials, and Resources and Sagar Satapathy at that same site presents 77 Surprising Health Benefits of Yoga Doing yoga shows the Universe you’re serious about having a healthier body, mind and spirit!

Dan Taylor asks, “Do you really want to know what’s holding you back?” at The Truth posted at The 45-Year Old Six Pack. Your actions can set your intentions. This is a thoughtful post that can get you thinking!

Avani presents a review of Bill O’Hanlon’s book, Do One Thing Different in 20 Learnings from Do One Thing Different posted at Avani-Mehta. When you try a new response to an old problem, you attract better energy.

Some foods pack a double bonus—feeding you and nourishing your health. Ralph Jean-Paul presents Eat This Now! The 20 Healthiest Foods You Shouldn’t Live Without posted at Potential 2 Success. He says, “Get your hands on these foods and begin to experience the powerful health benefits they provide.” I say show the Universe you’re serious about being healthier by adding at least some of these to your diet. I eat a lot of them and it does improve my health!

Have you, like many of us, looked for ways to lower your sugar calorie count? Weight Ladder / Rich Leverage presents Agave Nectar Complex Carbohydrate Sugar Substitute posted at Weight Loss Journal. He says Agave Nectar Complex might just be the perfect solution to the question of sugar substitution. The best thing about it is that it’s thought not to affect your blood sugar levels. I’m going to try this as I like sweets but want to have less sugar!

Need to lose weight? Joshua Seth presents How To Double Your Weight Loss posted at Joshua Seth’s Weight Loss Hypnosis Blog. He has tips for helping you take control of factors that keep you from losing those extra pounds. Take action against them to show you’re serious!

I get sore feet sometimes and am always grateful for ways to avoid that happening. Tip Diva presents Tip Diva | Top Ten Tips – Avoiding Foot Pain posted at Tip Diva. She says, “If you’ve ever gotten home, kicked off your shoes and announced, “Oww, my feet hurt,” then you’re probably not wearing proper shoes. Here are ways to alleviate common sources of foot pain.” As a walk-a-holic, I welcome these tips!

Have you suffered from herniated discs and wish you could heal them? Dean Moyer shares his response to one reader’s question about herniated discs in his Can Herniated Discs Really Heal? posted at The Back Pain Blog. He says the good news is they do heal and what’s more, surgery is seldom required.

That’s all for this Carnival! Read and learn from the posts. Tune in next week. Cynthia Quarta at Healing Tai Chi will be hosting. You can submit to this Carnival with the Carnival Submission Form.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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I’ve heard a gazillion times that too much of a good thing is no good. I know that can be true. Sometimes, having too much of a good thing can make you take it for granted. If you eat too much of something you love you can get sick of it. That’s happened to me, even with yummy things. Too much alcohol can make you sick. But this theory doesn’t apply to everything in life. Yet we often limit what we feel we can get or what we deserve. That’s not a good use of this mentality!

Mae West said that “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” I agree wholeheartedly! You can never have too much happiness, contentment, or prayers that get answered.

I used to just pray for specific things, so as not to be a greedy girl. Then I read the book, Prayer of Jabez by Bruce H. Wilkinson. It’s a teeny book with a BIG message. It analyzes the Prayer of Jabez, a little known prayer in the bible. The first verse is “Oh, that You would bless me indeed.” The interpretation of that line?

God wants you to ask for miracles. Lots of them!

There’s no tradeoff—if you ask for one thing you can still ask for another and another! Now I completely accept that I can ask for everything I want, and expect to get it in its right time. After reading the book, I began asking for more. And I got more. I asked specifically for miracles, and miracles happened! I got one thing and continued asking for others.

Now that I believe God wants me to be happy, I’m in oink mode! I’m no longer guilty or apologetic about asking for goodies in many areas.

Let go of limitations about what you should ask for or expect. Why not? We can get support for the best life possible. No matter what your religious belief, or lack of one, I implore you to embrace a sense of faith in whatever way works for you. Put it into action! Let the Law of Attraction bring you lots of goodies from all directions. I used to put out an expectation for something I wanted. Then I felt it wasn’t nice to ask for more. So I waited a while before putting other things I wanted.

That was DoorMat style! Now that I’m in oink mode, I put out all sorts of expectations. They come at the right time.

As your spiritual power works, get into oink mode. Use it more! Start by asking for awareness and guidance about something you need. Be patient. Spirituality isn’t magic. You just have to use it. The more faith you get, the more you’ll manifest. It takes time before big benefits of faith become obvious. They may creep up in subtle ways until one day you realize that life is much better in directions that you’d asked for. YEAH!

What would you like? Think about it. Get your vibe of expectation going. Tell the Universe you’re ready for it. Then release it to God and expect it to happen. Getting lots of goodies is so much better than being a DoorMat who feels she doesn’t deserve much. Now I want it all!


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I was running in Central park the other morning and saw a large group of kids. They were out with a teacher in a summer program. As I ran by, I noticed something I’ve seen many times. The boys were running around having a blast. Playing ball, Frisbee, chasing each other, falling down. The girls were sitting quietly in small groups. Doing pretty much nothing!

I wish Cyndi Lauper’s song, “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” was true. Because they don’t!

Okay, maybe they do, deep down. But many won’t allow themselves to have it. When I ran a summer day camp, the boys ran around and played ball all day. The girls over 9 or 10 never wanted to do anything but sit around watching the boys, combing each other’s hair and gossiping. There were a few I could motivate to get up and do an activity. But most followed one or two leaders who called all the shots and led the rest like the Pied Piper.

And then guys wonder why their girlfriend or wife wants to be with him all the time! Many chicks haven’t learned how to have fun, beyond having a guy.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from guys is that when they want a night out with the boys, their partners act like they feel lost. I used to do that when I was a DoorMat. I’d ask, “But what will I do?” in response to his wanting to spend time with friends. My life revolved around whatever guy I was dating. If he was busy, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Why do so many of us have no life when our world isn’t revolving around a man?

One reason is because when we’re girls, we often don’t learn to have fun the way boys did. We didn’t have activities that encouraged us to bond with other girls. Boys played more team sports and had less boundaries. They didn’t have to stay clean and quiet, so they had more fun together.

We have closer intimate friendships than men. But men have a male bonding for which there’s little female equivalent. Men’s camaraderie often has a stronger and healthier foundation.

I was once asked to speak on a live TV news show to talk about a “girl’s night out.” The producer planned to interview women on the street about what they do when they go out with friends. Then I’d comment on their activities. She was excited, thinking she’d get some great responses. I warned her it would probably be a boring segment. It was.

Most women said they went out for dinner with friends. Some went to the theater, a lecture, or concert; some had drinks. What did they talk about? Many discussed work. A big topic was men – their current partner – where to find one – anger towards them – frustration without one. Women often get together to commiserate about men on some level. They spend nights out talking about men and general problems. Talking out our problems with friends is fine. It can be good for us.

But when do we just have fun? When do we carouse, get silly, or totally let our hair down? We often don’t.

On the other hand, guys have lots of fun. As boys, they share more sports, wrestling, crashing cars and soldiers and other activities while girls play with dolls or play quietly. So as boys have mindless fun, girls practice being mothers. Guys continue bonding through sports, drinking, doing crazy stunts together, etc., as we spend time with friends trying to look good and find a boyfriend. Men still have fun with their friends as adults.

We don’t necessarily have a foundation for having a great time. Our upbringing may not have taught us appropriate or acceptable avenues for fun with other females. Many of us never learned to have a “girl’s night out” that’s nearly as much fun as being with a man, or even close to as fun as a guy may have with his friends. So many women have no interests beyond HIM.

Women often complain that friends disappear when they have a man. When we’re happily in a relationship, we may not need friends, except as a sounding board. But that’s mainly because we’re taught we need a guy to complete us. And if we’re complete with only him, we want to stay put with him!

When guys are in a relationship, they often don’t want to give up going out with friends. They like being able to let their hair down and go back to childhood. We get judged if we try behavior they enjoy. Men get drunk together. If we do women do, we may be seen as loose, or unladylike, so there’s a stigma attached. Men carouse and get stupid. That’s also not considered lady-like either. Men play sports. Some of us play too, but not with the same intensity as men. We don’t have our Sunday football games in the park where we can make fools of ourselves and love it. Men watch sports together at home, live, or in bars. They play cards, hear live music in a bar, and other things they find fun.

Many men are often so into bonding when they’re out together, they don’t care about meeting women on some nights out with friends.

I have friends who won’t go out anywhere unless there’s potential to meet a guy. I get impatient with them now. I love my life and spending quality time having fun with friends. I’m not on the prowl when I’m out since I’m complete on my own now. Some women are almost programmed to try to find the missing piece in a man so they feel whole. But that never works! And many never learn it doesn’t. I didn’t back in DoorMatville. I always thought it was my fault that I could find the man to complete me. I kept trying to find THE one. Now I’m THE one.

Completing yourself allows you to have more pleasure in life’s blessings instead of always being on edge, waiting for Prince Charming to whisk you off.

Women meet with friends for dinner or drinks to talk about men. We go to various functions looking for men. We shop for clothes to attract one. Boring! Many of us don’t share interests with friends which we truly enjoy. It’s not our fault. Girls aren’t encouraged to enjoy each other’s company as guys are. Men may go back to being frolicky little boys for a few hours with their friends. When we’re with ours, it’s not enthralling to simulate being good little girls who sat quietly doing a task or raising our dolls.

But it can be when you make yourself whole!

I wasn’t taught to have a life. Many of us haven’t been. But you can change that. You can develop interests that can consume you with pleasure. You can put the thought of finding someone aside as you explore adding interesting facets to your life. You CAN learn to have fun without a romantic partner. BIG smiling fun! I’ve learned that the only way to be happy is to get a life. Cultivate interests. Stoke your passions for things that don’t involve a romantic partner.

Get out from under the tree and go play. Get dirty. Get silly! Let your inner child come out and play. I’m still a little girl at times—a very happy one! Go out and play. Come on! You can have some fun, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to have a fun life!

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I saw a poll on one of the morning shows today. They did a survey asking what people consider patriotism. My answer didn’t even make the long list that included voting, wearing a flag pin, and other things that I believe doesn’t necessarily make someone patriotic. Looking at the long list of things that I don’t consider representing patriotism got me thinking.

I consider myself patriotic because I love my country. Pure and simple.

Anyone can wear a flag pin, or vote. But to say from your heart that you really love your country, even if you don’t agree with everything its leader does or its policies, is patriotism to me.

I watched the fireworks tonight as the Fourth of July celebrations sent lights exploding over the East River on TV. I actually live near the area where they go off. I can hear them explode in my apartment. But I have no desire to face the packed crowds to stand outside for many hours, often in the rain, to watch. Are they more patriotic than me? Nope! I’m just more practical. I had a friend who worked at the UN with an office overlooking the festivities and for several years I was spoiled with a front row seat. So now I’m content to watch from the comfort of my air-conditioned place.

As I watched the finale, I felt wonderful about being an American as the band played God Bless America.

I’ve despised many of the policies of the current administration and count the days till Bush is out. My heart gets heavy when I think of the war we instigated in Iraq. But I can speak freely about it. That’s part of the freedom I celebrate as part of being an American.

I have a good friend in Tehran Iran. She translated one of my books six years ago and we’ve been writing to each other ever since. She doesn’t have the freedom I have. She can’t even read this blog! It’s banned, as are many things for her. Even my book got banned after she translated it! She’s used to living with restrictions. I’m not, because my country allows more freedom. Nasrin can’t speak out against her president in public. I can, and do!

It’s funny, because right after 9/11, it seemed like everyone had flags hanging and I wanted one too. All the motivated patriots had flags on their cars, homes, etc. Since I live in an apartment, there’s no place to hang a real one so I got a cardboard facsimile and taped it to my outside door. It’s been there ever since. What I find funny is how many people question why my flag still proudly adorns my front door.

I’ve asked if patriotism is only supposed to show itself after a tragedy. But they don’t get it!

It actually gets comical when folks question why I’d want a flag on my door now. Or sad. Some have a very skewed view of patriotism. To me, rituals don’t necessarily make you one way or another. You can vote or wear a flag pin and not love your country. My flag is on my door from my heart, not from habit.

A while after 9/11, we had the huge blackout. Our hallways have no windows. I was out when it happened and had to walk up 10 flights of stairs to get home. There was an auxiliary light on as I walked up the stairs. Just as I reached my floor, it went out, leaving me in total darkness. There are 2 stairwells on my floor and I couldn’t remember which one I’d come out on. I became disoriented and got scared in the darkness, not being sure where my apartment was.

Then I saw a reflection on a door. It was from my shiny cardboard flag!

The flag people questioned helped me get home. It’s still mounted proudly on my door, as people wonder why. Because I’m not a fair weather patriot!

Happy Birthday USA! Happy Fourth of July to you all!

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