Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Position Yourself for Self- Empowerment by Dyan Garris

I write a lot about the Law of Attraction in a variety of situations. It really is the biggest power tool for getting what we choose to have. Yet so many people complain that they try to think happy thoughts and do affirmations but don’t manifest. There really are a lot more dynamics that you can work on that don’t have to take ages.

Today, I’m pleased to have Dyan Garris stop by on her virtual book tour. She is the author of several books, including Money and Manifesting, in which she shares an interesting perspective on the Law of Attraction and has suggestions for manifesting more. She explains how our energy is also a factor in doing so. I learned a lot about effectively balancing chakras when I read it. Here she shares a sample:


The purpose of The Secret according to the teachers of The Secret was to raise awareness about the Law of Attraction. And raise awareness they did. The concept of the laws of attraction and the power of positive thinking are now indelibly etched into our brains. These principles needed to be introduced and accepted into collective consciousness as the spiritual truths that they are in order to set the foundation for ascension and transformation. It’s a very good start, but these teachers are correct when they now tell us that they left something out.

As a clairvoyant counselor I’ve talked to a lot of people who’ve attempted to apply the laws of attraction and the power of positive thinking diligently in their lives. And absolutely nothing changed. Of course nothing changed, because we have half of “secret.” So what is missing? Where do we go from here? Do we now order the “missing instruction manual” for The Secret and try to apply it for the next year? Do we really have to wait years, as Rhonda Byrne did, for our journey of self-empowerment and transformation to manifest?

This simply does not have to take years. This type of shift can happen instantaneously when we have the desire and then the proper knowledge for integrating change. Manifesting money or anything else does not have to be an overwhelming struggle.

To begin with, there are many things that can stand in the way of manifesting. Limited underlying belief systems, fear, illusions, patterns and a sense of entitlement are just a few. We first need to know how to clear these in order to manifest our desires. It isn’t hard. It doesn’t have to be time consuming. And it can even be enjoyable.

One of the keys to manifesting is the knowledge of how energy works and how energy flows.

Without that knowledge you can’t manifest much of anything, even if you think about something all day long. Contrary to popular belief, we do not manifest with our minds. And yes we do have to actually DO something other than just think positive thoughts about what we desire.

However, the very real power of creation resides in our root chakras, in our base. Do we conceive offspring with our minds? Once we understand this as a basis, we have the beginning of the real secrets of manifesting. If you’re trying to conceive with your mind, you’re in the wrong position. Turn around and see what happens.

Thanks to Dyan Garris for sharing some of her knowledge. She’s the author of Money and Manifesting, Voice of the Angels, A Healing Journey Spiritual Cards, The Book of Daily Channeled Messages, Talk To Your Food! Intuitive Cooking, and Fish Tale of Woe, Lost At Sea. She publishes a Daily Channeled Message at Voice of the Angels. In 2005 she created a series of music and meditation CDs for healing, Automatic Chakra Balance, help in sleeping, relaxation, and vibrational attunement of mind, body, and spirit.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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The Arrogance of Some Powerful Men

Today I heard the disturbing news that my governor was caught hiring a prostitute. The full story hasn’t come out yet, but reports say he hired a woman through a prostitution service in NY to take a train down to Washington DC. When she got there, Governor Eliot Spitzer got caught!

This is the man who ran a campaign as the good guy, pledging to fight for ethics reform. When he was NY state Attorney General, he seemed squeaky clean. He was even dubbed “the sheriff of Wall Street” for his strong campaigns against misconduct in the financial services area, and other industries. I was thrilled when he ran for governor of NY.

When Spitzer won, I thought my state was in good hands. Yet this pillar of politics got caught with his pants down, well almost, anyway.

After working to clean up prostitution, he thought he was above the law and still entitled to indulge in the industry he crusaded against. Power does get to the heads of some men! I saw his news conference and he walked in confidently, with a smile on his face, his wife and three daughters by his side. He was solemn when he said his few words. Then he left, to work on healing the wounds to his family. The problem goes a lot deeper than that!

Why didn’t you think of the repercussions before you let your lower head get so cocky Governor Spitzer? What made you think you were above the law, and above the convictions you had for others? And that you could break the beliefs you said you stood for.

This reminded me of another politician—hmmm…. “I did not have sex with that woman.” Bill Clinton also had that arrogance!

Power addles good sense in men whose egos are overblown from having power. I think it makes them feel invincible, like they can’t get caught. Clinton had it bad. Then the southern head gets involved and these men think they can do what they please. And they leave the rest of us wondering how they could be so stupid! Power gone awry!

I believe that people with good self-esteem have more consideration to others, and more self-respect. Self-esteem comes from within. Power doesn’t guarantee having it. Insecure little boys can grow into bigger insecure boys who walk around in a façade that power creates. They always feel invincible and think they won’t get caught. Or maybe they need to cross lines to make themselves feel better. But it’s no substitute for real self-empowerment.

We can learn from them. Before doing something you know is wrong but think you can get away with it, think again. What would be the consequences of being caught? Loss of job or face? Jail? Fines? Losing someone you care about? Living with knowing what youdid? Ask yourself if it would be worth it.

The best way to do it is to live your life with integrity. Don’t do things you can get away with if they’re wrong. The Law of Attraction brings your actions back to you. Knowing this is another good reason not to do wrong. Nobody is above the law. You may think these men get away with it all but they don’t. You don’t know what goes on in their day-to-day life. Clinton had to face his issues with promiscuity. I’m not sure he’s cured—yet. But I’m sure some of his stuff hit his fan.

I hate to have Spitzer leave office, but I’m afraid it’s what will happen. And probably should. I don’t know all the details yet so I reserve final judgment. I’m just sorry that power corrupted even the ethical crusader.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Guilt & the Law of Attraction

I’ve been writing about guilt and how it hurts our lives. It gives other people power over your life and happiness. Often your choice to assuming guilt is a lose/lose situation.

You lose if you give in to what the person makes you feel guilty about, such as canceling your plans to help them, loaning money you don’t want to (and know you probably won’t get back), giving a referral about someone you don’t really trust, etc. Guilt makes you do things you don’t want to. That makes you unhappy.

You lose if you don’t give in to what the person wants from you if you let guilt take over. That too makes you unhappy.

The Law of Attraction means you get back what you put out. If you put out that you’re accepting a mindset that brings unhappiness, you attract more unhappiness, probably in the form of more guilt. Why do that??! It brings nothing good. The people who make you feel guilty aren’t satisfied with one time. Guilt can be an ongoing process:

* Mom may moan about how much she needs you to call and visit her more, do things her way, raise your kids according to her standards, dress differently, attend functions you hate and a gazillion other demands on your time, beliefs or desires that you don’t want. It gets worse if she pulls the “woe is me” card. But it won’t change with you feeling guilt, which tells the Universe you need to be punished, even if you’re not sure why. So you continue to be punished with more guilt, or letting it make you give in to Mom when you don’t want to.

* Your romantic partner may blame you for his abuse, for her not wanting sex, or for all their ills. “If you didn’t____, I wouldn’t be in such bad shape.” Fear of losing love or companionship or sex makes us assume the guilt they throw. It’s so wrong! That tells the Universe your partner is justified in making you feel at fault, so the guilt, and unhappiness continue to come to you.

* Your boss thinks you should work all the time—late during the week and even on some weekends. If you don’t go along you’re not dedicated to the company. So you feel guilty for wanting to spend more time with your family, or just getting enough sleep. And guilt sets in like a black cloud over your life. When you work longer, anger is generated. If you leave on time, you’re guilty. Lose/lose. Guilt tells the Universe that you believe you should work more. So they cycle continues—working more than is fair to ask for or feeling guilty during your time off. The Universe supports your belief that you should work more to please your boss by creating more “opportunities” to work longer hours.

* Your friend always counts on you to drop her kids off informal babysitting or to fix his car—even though it limits your free time and isn’t reciprocated. If you say no, you’re made out to be a bad friend. She complains you’re screwing up her meeting, since she can’t bring her kids. He digs that you know how to fix cars and he doesn’t so you should help him. Until you squash your guilt by accepting that just because you can do something, you don’t have to—and, people can be hired to baby sit or fix a car or whatever else you’re needed for—the Universe will keep sending you more requests.

Guilt tells the universe that you’re wrong, so you attract more of that. The more that’s requested of you, the more guilt—a vicious guilty cycle that only YOU can break. The ONLY thing that can break that cycle is setting boundaries, which creates a different dynamic! Making your needs important changes the energy you put out and attracts more positive goodies.

If you don’t want to do something, don’t, and tell yourself it’s okay! Put out the message that you’re taking care of you.

If the actions you deem in your best interest get accusations of guilt, affirm that you’re doing nothing wrong.

We attract what we put out. Walking around with guilt brings more of the stuff that creates guilt. Saying no WITHOUT guilt shows you know that it’s okay to make your own decisions about what’s right and wrong. That attracts more acceptance, and folks will get used to the new and improved, guilt-free YOU! The people who continue to hurl guilt bullets should feel guilty about their unfair expectations of what you can give.

When you own the belief that you’re entitled to decide what’s right for you, even if others disagree, you’ll have the Law of Attraction on your side to support keeping guilt out of your head. It lightens up the darkness of your life that guilt creates.

So let the light of guilt-free shine! The Law of Attraction will shine good stuff back to make you feel even better.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Lightening Guilt—Part 2

On Friday I posted a response to a reader who asked for help with managing her guilt. She’s feeling guilty about the fallout from her divorce. Yet her husband drank heavily and refused to give up his contact with a woman he’d become very close to. When I was a DoorMat I lived with lots of guilt. The few times I turned down requests for my help, guilty feelings pervaded my existence.

After my divorce I had a boyfriend who blamed me for all the wrong HE did. It was MY fault when he misinterpreted things I said that were clear and full of loving intentions. It was MY fault that he didn’t show up when he said he would. He had many problems that were beyond my control and were there long before he met me. I knew that on a rational level. But insecurity makes the nicest of us irrational.

I’d apologize profusely while a voice in the back of my head asked why? I’d done nothing wrong!

In retrospect, I see that my insecurity pushed me to be perfect, which is impossible to be. Yet I gave it the ol’ DoorMat shot, especially with my guy. I was afraid to lose the good stuff I thought we had. He was hot! Cute, great body, and amazing under the sheets. My need to please and be perfect made me try to fix situations that I didn’t break. Perhaps my guilty reader feels the same way. Developing better self-esteem woke me up.

Stomping out guilt requires assessing what you did that makes you guilty—in a way that’s fair to you! It also requires ACCEPTING that you can only be responsible for your own behavior.

That’s hard for many of us! The ingrained desire to please creates guilt habits. People like to blame their bad behavior or troubles on others. Some ACT as if they like you better if you accept the guilt they throw on you! But their behavior is NOT your fault. Some men blame their abusive conduct on the women they hurt. “If YOU hadn’t done this or that, I wouldn’t have to hit you.” NO ONE has the right to abuse anyone, physically or mentally! Or blame you for what is really their fault.

So what’s a guilty girl or guy to do?? Stop accepting guilt carte blanche!

It’s hard to break guilt habits, but you can. It’s YOUR choice to let guilt ruin your day so practice choosing not to! If someone blames their troubles or unhappiness on you, do you reassure yourself or wallow in bad feelings, even if you don’t understand how you’re responsible? Consciously evaluate whatever makes you feel guilty, let go of thinking about what you get for taking blame or how the person will like you more, and objectively decide if you realistically deserve it.

Not giving someone their way when you have no obligation to isn’t wrong, unless what they think is more important to you than your view.

Be honest about whether or not guilt is warranted. Pay attention to what triggers it and change your perception of the situation. If someone tries to instill guilt, remember that you’re a good person who can’t do it all. Guilt is self-punishment. Love yourself enough to skip that! If you feel guilt brewing, ask yourself:

Did I purposely hurt them? If the answer is no, assess why you feel so guilty. Not jumping when someone wants something from you doesn’t make you wrong or bad.

Was what I did in my best interest? Often people would prefer you do what’s in their best interest. But that doesn’t make you wrong when you take care of you.

Did I try my best? If that wasn’t enough to satisfy someone, oh well! That’s all you can do. And you shouldn’t feel guilty if you can’t be what others would like you to be.

• Was I truly wrong or is someone trying to make me feel that way? I’ve found selfish people are first to call others selfish – to guilt them into giving in to their requests. Be objective instead of worrying so much. Not doing it his/her way doesn’t call for guilt.

Have I done something that warrants ruining my day with guilt? Did you commit a crime? Screw someone over? If your intentions were good and you accept you can’t be everything to everyone, there’s no need to suffer for not being perfect in someone else’s eyes. Guilt won’t make the person more satisfied or undo a situation, so move on from it!

When you forget to do something, don’t have time to help a friend, say something inappropriate, or do anything that brings on the ol’ guilt vibes, put it into perspective:

• Feel bad it happened for the moment.
• Apologize if necessary.
• Forgive yourself for being human.
• Let it go.

When I left DoorMatville, I also cut back dramatically on guilt. If I do something I think was wrong, I apologize and it’s over. I know I’m a good person who doesn’t purposely try to hurt others. Sometimes we goof or have less than stellar judgment. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Now when someone tries to put blame on me for something I know I wasn’t responsible for, I refuse to feel guilty. I’ve actually asked, “Why do you think I should feel guilty when you….?” If I accidentally do something wrong, I apologize but refuse further punishment.

I won’t give someone the power over my joy anymore. DoorMat days are over!

You can’t be everything for everyone, including yourself. Stopping guilt in its tracks is a loving act that makes your perception most important. If you can’t see how you’re at fault, affirm, “I did nothing wrong and shouldn’t feel guilty.” As you trust your judgment more, you’ll have fewer reasons to go there. Accept that you’re a good person and don’t owe everybody what they’d like. Forgive your mistakes.

Let guilt take a back seat to self-love. That keeps you keeps your happiness factor at a smiling kind of level.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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