Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Becoming Decisive


Do you hesitate to make decisions? It’s a common problem. Concern about the results of making a choice can drive even the best of us hesitate to commit to something. Yet in order to reach the SUCCESS you’d like, it’s important to learn to trust yourself to make choices.

Everyone has some insecurity, and it can rear it’s head when decisions need to be made.

Are you scared of making poor choices? You may worry about disappointing or inconveniencing someone. So you hesitate and hesitate, as it pounds your confidence to know you just can’t be definitive about making a choice. Waffling puts you on shaky ground. Stammering loses respect, from yourself too.

It can get frustrating when you know you should make a decision but you don’t trust yourself to do it, though you know you should be able to.

Sometimes old habits block our ability to make a decision. Were you reprimanded for mistakes growing up? Or criticized for making poor choices by a romantic partner? That can make you gun shy about pulling the decision making trigger. We get conditioned to expect certain responses. If you got used to expecting to be put down for your choices, you may subconsciously still expect to get nailed for them, even if the circumstances are very different.

It’s important to remind yourself how much you’ve grown and improved. When I was a DoorMat I’d wince inside when I was forced to make a decision. I waited to be chastised for not choosing correctly. It didn’t happen often but when it did, it was painful.

Wanting to please can make even one “wrong” decision feel catastrophic.

Do you play mental ping-pong between what others may want you to choose and what you really want? That was often my case. “Where do you want to go for dinner?” A simple question that made me think about what I’d like to eat, then what would the other person like to eat, then what would the other person like me to choose, then I’d teeter over the answer and ask the other person to choose. Whether it’s a personal decision or one for business, if you’re concerned with what the other person would want you to choose, it’s hard to make a real decision.

Get advice from someone you respect. Make the choice you’d like first and then see what someone you trust thinks. Trusting your choices takes practice. You’ll eventually feel more comfortable. Inability to make decisions adds to feeling powerless. Identify what makes decisions tough to face and how to become more decisive:

Identify what scares you about choosing. Often you’ll see that whatever holds you back can be dealt with to get past it. If you’re just concerned about pleasing others, step back and ask yourself what you think first. What’s the worst that can happen from making my choice?

Don’t dwell on worst-case scenarios. They’re usually much worse than real outcomes. If you think of something awful, consider how likely it really is for it to happen.

Ask, “Am I concerned about pleasing someone?” Practice making decisions that at least take you into serious account, one choice at a time. Consciousness helps!

Picture both sides. List pros and cons of each choice. Then use logic to choose. Always ask yourself first, “What do I REALLY want?”

Don’t blow the decision out of proportion or make any too important. Very little is do or die. I see people get so worked up over having to make a decision when the possible outcomes don’t merit all the anxiety. Keep it in perspective.

Tap your intuition. Your first thoughts are often right. Practice thinking about the first choice that comes to you instead of over-analyzing what to do.

Do affirmations to boost confidence. “I trust myself to make a good choice.” It can help settle you down.

Distinguish between serious and frivolous. Decisions that impact work, health, and family need more thought than where to eat. Make the simpler ones faster.

Practice making small decisions. As you see the world doesn’t implode, tackle more. Each small one you choose makes it a tiny bit easier to make another.

Take a deep breath and just say it. Often the decision just lays on your tongue but doesn’t quite come out. Count to three and blurt it out when you begin to second guess yourself. If it’s not the best choice, you’ll have learned why.

Praise yourself for making a choice. “I did it and can do it again!” Feel pride for conquering blocks.

While making a tough decision, nod your head in agreement to reassure yourself. It helps fight doubt.

You won’t always make perfect choices, and it’s okay. Do your best. Hesitating increases pressure, which increases stress. If it’s not the best choice, it’s okay! Accept you can’t know everything. You can’t predict responses or glitches that can manifest. Evaluate situations and decide based on known facts. That’s SUCCESS—the best you can do!

Thanks to these blog carnivals for including this article.
10 Posts about Realizing Your Potential Aug 2008
Carnival of Self-Mastery
Carnival of Improving Life

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Daniel Glass, founder, Glassnote Entertainment



I’m delighted with the interview I have today for my continuing Embracing SUCCESS series. Daniel Glass has had, and still has, an illustrious career in the music industry. As a music journalist, I’ve been in awe of his ability to be instrumental in helping launch the careers of many top music business executives and hit recording artists.

Daniel Glass has always been passionate about music. He began as Vice President of SAM Records. From there he was Director of New Music Marketing, and then Senior Vice President at Chrysalis Records, guiding the careers of superstars including Billy Idol, Pat Benatar, Sinead O’Connor, and Huey Lewis and The News. Daniel next joined the SBK Records as Senior Vice President of Promotion, where he helped break artists, such as Jesus Jones, Technotronic, Wilson Phillips, and Vanilla Ice. From there he was promoted to Executive Vice President/General Manager of SBK Records and after the consolidation of SBK, Chrysalis and EMI Records USA, he became President/CEO, where he developed many hit artists, including, Jon Secada, Selena, and Arrested Development.

Daniel was profiled as one of Crain’s New York Business “40 under 40” success stories.

In 1996, Daniel and Doug Morris (who went on to be Universal Music Group’s Chairman) began Rising Tide Records, which later became Universal Records, with Daniel as President.? While there, he was instrumental in helping break many new artists, including the multi-platinum debut of Erykah Badu, Goldfinger, and the Lost Boyz. In 1999 he joined Danny Goldberg at his new independent label, Artemis Records, as Executive Vice President, and then President. Artemis was named #1 independent label in Billboard.

Now Daniel has founded Glassnote, an independent entertainment company that encompasses Glassnote Records, Music Publishing and Merchandising. I visited him in his office here in NYC.

Walking in, the vibe was energetic and friendly. Everyone was in one big room, working together. Daniel exudes passion for the music he works with. His enthusiasm for the artists on his label radiated out. He had the same enthusiasm for his staff. He coaches and mentors them to be the best they can be and told me their stories with great pride. I read an article in R & R magazine that shared stories from top music industry execs who credit Daniel as their mentor +. He has a keen ability to see the best in people and to encourage and nurture them to bring it out in themselves.

To me, the joy Daniel has in every ounce of building his company while nurturing the talent of his artists, and the abilities of his staff, is SUCCESS at its finest. He’s still expecting to go much further, but he’s enjoying the whole process. I asked him about it.

Why did you start Glassnote? I’ve been involved with 4 companies in the past that morphed into something else. Chrysalis was sold to EMI. I wanted to be there my whole life. SBK, which was a tremendous label, sold to EMI. Doug Morris and I started a little label called Rising Tide Records, which quickly morphed into Universal. That was a year into our success. And Artemis, which I was lucky enough to work with Danny Goldberg on, morphed into an investment model. Hedge funds and bankers took over. So I thought, at this point in my life I’ve been well trained. I couldn’t build a company again, see it be sold prematurely, and not be on the controlling end of the creativity and the business part. Also, I’d never seen a time in history where the atmosphere and climate was so perfect for independent labels and intimate, small operations. We had the funding and the know-it-all to attract great artists and a great team.

Why do you feel the vibe of your company works well? We have a very young team here. Each person has amazing potential. It’s a true collaborative effort. Physically, we created an office where everyone works in the same room. The open office represents who we are. It’s completely democratic, open and inclusive. I think that’s the only way you can be successful—the vibe of a collaborative, team operation…I have the same satisfaction from a hit record as I do from a hit employee, a hit teammate. I love seeing someone blossom and grow. That’s how the great organizations have done it. You grow people from within and you have to weed some people out.

What’s your ambition for Glassnote? I look at Chrysalis, where I was for seven years, and I’d like to run our company the same way, on a smaller basis—with a high batting average, sometimes batting 1,000, which means if you put out nine records, nine are successful. They did everything in-house. So my dream is as we grow the company, to have our artists writing for other artists in the company, to actually sign writers that work for Glassnote to help our writers to write better. Sometimes as independents we release records that we think are great—A-pluses—but they’re B-pluses or A-minuses. A-minuses don’t sell. I think the atmosphere of collaboration makes you better. Here we raise the ante every day. I make people work hard.

What people skills need to be developed? You have to train and mentor people. There’s way too much assumption that people are competent. I look at it like teaching people [arriving from a foreign country]. You first find out if they speak any English. Make them feel comfortable and help them understand. I will throw out terms or say things and then ask if they really know what I’m talking about. They say yes, but I question it. So you must train people. It’s expensive—both time and money—but it’s worth it.

What do you consider one of the most important lessons? You have to teach people to stay in the game for the entire marathon. A marathon isn’t just 26 miles. It’s 26.2 miles. You must finish it. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Slow is sometimes better. You have to pace yourself– to know when to go up the hills, when to drink, so you can finish the marathon. Too many people don’t finish things; they skip around and graze. It’s a chronic problem in our society. To me, number 11 and 2 are dirty numbers. Bring it to #1. You have to finish.

What skill do you feel is missing? It’s not a skill but people aren’t having fun. People have been consolidated, bought and merged by various hedge funds and takeovers. I think they’re not having fun. If you’re not having fun you’re not going to be successful. You’ve got to work hard but also have to have fun.

What makes you a good mentor? I think a lot of people have amazing potent
ial but don’t necessarily believe in themselves. If I see the glimmer in their eyes, I don’t care what their background is. If I see potential, I will try to nurture it, embellish it and bring it out in you. I think I have the ability to do that, to make you believe in yourself. I also have the ability to teach people that the distance between two points is a straight line. The older I get, the more efficient I get. A lot of people who are young and hotshots think there are shortcuts. I’ve yet to see one. I’ve never seen in baseball anyone go from first base to third base and not get called out. You could bluff, or make believe, but you still have to touch all the bases. Some will do it quicker or be more proficient.

How would you define SUCCESS? Artists have dreams. I think SUCCESS is when you can fulfill that artist’s dream. In our business, SUCCESS is also making money. Profit is not a dirty word to me. I’m very concerned and conscious about the bottom line. I think a lot of independents aren’t. They’re so pure and too hip. We want to make a profit here. I want our investors to feel they invested in something good. There’s 2 investors—the ones who put their money into the company and the fans. I respect them. To me it’s fans that keep you going. That’s who I care about. The rest of it follows. You make records that you love and hopefully sound great.

What would you advise someone who wants to be successful? If you don’t know the 1 through 10, find people that do. Know what you’re good at but more importantly, know what you’re not good at. Surround yourself with a good business team, so you don’t go out of business. And pay your bills, because your reputation can go like that! Surround yourself with a great team. I surround myself with bright people.

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Is Revenge SUCCESS?



I hear people proudly talk about the revenge they’re getting on someone. Is achieving it something to be considered SUCCESS? Going after revenge is usually destructive. The behavior that revenge motivates is unhealthy. You might feel successful at hurting someone. Think about if that‘s the kind of SUCCESS you want to own.

Tricia Walsh-Smith has gotten a lot of media attention for insulting her husband about what he’s not giving her after their divorce in her YouTube videos. She must feel a distorted version of satisfaction as she fumes and sputters trying to get her revenge. Many people, women and men, seek revenge when they think someone has done them wrong. They look to hurt, lash out at or embarrass someone who disappointed or hurt them.

Negative revenge is NOT sweet. It’s a harmful action that hurts YOU, as much as or more than the one you want to get even with.

Shame on Tricia Walsh-Smith! Her YouTube video airs her husband’s dirty laundry. She married a guy 25 years older, who she says never wanted sex. It didn’t seem to matter until she found Viagra and condoms, which indicates he went elsewhere for gratification. Hello!! Tricia needs to take responsibility! She asked for a marriage that would probably fall apart. I’d guess her motive for marrying him was financial security.

Was being a kept woman enough for her before she found he was cheating? Now he wants her gone and she’s angry she has to move out of her apartment, etc., according to the terms of the pre-nup she signed. On the video, she whines about losing her gorgeous home.

What does telling it all on YouTube accomplish? Embarrassing him? I think she should feel more embarrassed! It’s an advertisement for all the world to see that she’s a scorned woman.

Marrying to be taken care of creates many of the bitter women that look to get even with the man they hooked for whatever they needed at the time. Marrying a very attractive MUCH younger woman can also create a bitter situation for the guy later on. Revenge SUCKS! I’m sorry to be so graphic but, nurturing your anger to get revenge against your ex, or anyone else, brings nothing but more unhappiness and is counterproductive for being happy.

In your pursuit of punishment for the person who’s done you wrong, you punish yourself too! How? Going after revenge:

* Keeps anger at the person burning. Anger doesn’t feel good! Metaphysicians see the mind as creating all illness, which is my own philosophy, and believe anger creates cancer. It definitely causes common physical ailments, like stomach upsets, headaches, poor sleep, etc. Instead of moving on, it stays with you, driving you to make decisions that seek to hurt someone.

* Sustains a state of stress. Always looking for ways to get back at someone keeps you on edge—looking for the right time to attack; mulling what they did over and over in your head; plotting ways to get even when you should be sleeping.

* Maintains a goal of hurting someone. Looking for revenge is usually a plan to make someone pay for what they did. So instead of happy thoughts, yours are about what nasty, mean or devious deed you can do to the person.

* Blocks forgiveness. You can’t move on from anger if you don’t forgive. Forgiving is for YOU, not the other person. You don’t have to forgive them directly. But you can forgive in your heart, if you stop trying to get revenge.

* Feels lousy in general. I think of it as have a big GRRRRR…. going on inside all the time. Seeking revenge can be a full time mindset that keeps what the person did to you running through your head over and over. You talk about it to whoever will listen. You might even get superficial pleasure at the thought of what you’ll do to get even. But it just keeps that big GRRRRR….alive and kicking your positive outlook to the curb as you wallow in negative retaliation.

* Attracts negatives to YOU. Since revenge is a negative action, the Law of Attraction brings it right back to ya! The more revenge is on your mind, the more the thoughts will attract more stuff you might feel need to get revenge for. Letting it go leaves room to attract happier situations!

If you want true personal SUCCESS, let behavior that bothers you go. Find ways to deal with the results of what someone does instead of expending energy looking for ways to get even. Tricia Walsh-Smith needs to find a good investment broker to help her make the most of the half million she’ll get each year in her divorce settlement. Poor thing! And, she needs to find a new apartment. Making revenge videos won’t garner her the sympathy she wants.

Revenge is NOT positive SUCCESS. It is an accomplishment but one that bites you, which to me isn’t SUCCESS.

When you let go of a need for revenge, you can also let go of anger. Find ways to do something good for yourself with that energy behind your anger. That’s SUCCESS you can be proud of! It will come back to you with more positive things.

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Why Building Relationships Beats Sales Training



Building good relationships is at the core of most SUCCESS. Whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, or colleague, relationships can be a source of support, contacts, warmth and much more. Business relationships are key for making progress and achieving career SUCCESS. Tdoay Robin Jay is my guest. After more than 18 years as an Advertising Account Manager, she began her current career as an author, speaker, and coach. She shares some insight about building good relationships from her book, The Art of the Business Lunch (Career Press).

Why Building Relationships Beats Sales Training
by Robin Jay

We all have a neighborhood store that’s just around the corner from our house. Whenever I’m speaking before an audience, I ask if anyone in the room has ever gone out of their way – regularly passing by that neighborhood store, traveling a bit farther down the road to another, different store…sometimes even paying more for whatever they needed…JUST BECAUSE they didn’t like the way they were treated at that other, closer store. EVERY hand goes up.

Heads nod and hands go up because we ALL want to feel special. And even though a particular store may have better pricing or be more convenient, we, as consumers, will go out of our way to patronize another business because we LIKE THE WAY THE PEOPLE MAKE US FEEL somewhere else. People prefer to do business with people they like!

I am a business relationship expert who personally hosted more than 3,000 client lunches and, as a result of that, I saw my sales increase by more than 2,000%! It’s remarkable just how much people want to work with you when you take the time to build a solid relationship.

Corporate America spends more than 4 BILLION dollars training its sales people every year! (source: ES Research). Yet, although giving people a rah-rah motivational speech will usually result in a bump in productivity…that bump rarely lasts longer than 90-120 days! However, when you build solid, productive business relationships, the effect is similar to the ripple effect you get when you drop a pebble into a pond. The ripples continue to generate and flow outward….with no end in sight. Your new associates, once they like you, will bring you into their inner circle and in no time at all, their friends will become your friends. Your business will be booming – while others experience the peaks and valleys as dictated by the economy, trends and budgets.

Shortly after I took one of my clients out for an absolutely delightful lunch at Cili – a restaurant on the edge of the Bali Hai Golf Course in Las Vegas, she had a serious budget cut. She cut out every other vendor but ME! Socializing with your clients is one of the best ways to get to know them and build rapport.

While it’s true that you can’t MAKE people like you, you can certainly learn techniques to move a relationship along in the right direction. For starters, make it about them. Ask others about what is going on in THEIR lives. Contribute to the conversation as needed, and don’t be too intrusive. But work at making them feel special and they will respond positively. Think about it…when was the last time someone took you out to lunch and made it all about you? Did they ask what you are up to? What are YOU working on? How can they help YOU? If they did, I’m sure you’d be anxious to see them again! It’s really not that hard to build great business relationships! Just think about how YOU would like to be treated.

Dr. Tony Alessandra talks about the Platinum Rule: treat others how THEY want to be treated. That makes great sense, too. We are each different. While one person may enjoy a nice social lunch, another might prefer to keep to themselves. In that case, you might want to drop off a good book, (or a gift card to the book store), along with a dozen doughnuts to your client at their office.

I used to show up with food a LOT! It’s a great way to get a foot in the door and make friends with the “rejectionist” as we laughingly called many receptionists who took their job as gate-keepers way too seriously! Thanks to the internet or a warmed-up receptionist, it’s easier than ever to find out a person’s likes and dislikes.

I remember one client who loved Teuscher’s champagne truffles. The exorbitant treats were always on her desk…and reps who paid attention quickly learned of that client’s preferences. Show up with those truffles and you would not just get an audience with that client, but you’d be well on your way to building a lasting friendship. Believe it or not, most reps are not that thoughtful. So a little consideration goes a long way – especially when it comes to building business relationships! It shows you care…and who doesn’t appreciate that?

Focus your attention on building solid business relationships and it won’t be long before you start to reap the rewards. Remember, people prefer to do business with people they like….so always try to be likeable and give others a reason to get to know you better.
——————

For more information about Robin Jay, check out her site.

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