Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Moving Past Mistakes and Poor Judgment

This is the 17th post in my series on the Law of Attraction, inspired by watching Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life, the movie, expanded version. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day!

I recently heard from Rob (name changed), a regular reader of my blog who said he definitely was a doormat but aspired “to become a recovering doormat and finally a recovered doormat!!” He said:

I was repeatedly treated unfairly at work, shouted at etc. but never had the courage to speak up. One day I abruptly left my dream job (not the best way to leave a job) and my career just started going downhill. I did not leave in the best possible way, spoke up angrily against the person who tormented me. He was senior and more powerful. It back fired and I lost all connections with my previous employer and to add fuel to the fire, this person got promoted!!

Now things are getting better. But I always have a feeling of loss, feeling of guilt (why didn’t I speak up sooner or leave silently), just a feeling of emptiness, embarrassment etc. I get very conscious when I bump into my co-workers from my previous job. I just feel that I am not the same person I used to be. I feel part of me died in the process. I want to get better. I am trying hard and just wanted to let you know that your blogs help me a lot.

I responded to Rob but said I’d write a longer response here. His situation is very common. You get angry at ongoing situations or treatment at work, or by family or neighbors or a romantic partner, etc. but don’t speak up, while stewing silently.

Silence tells the Law of Attraction that the treatment someone gives you is okay. Then it comes back to you with more treatment that you know really isn’t okay.

Each time you’re treated unfairly, a bit more anger builds up. Rob may have reached the boiling point when he abruptly left his “dream job.” Anger buildup fosters poor judgment. It’s hard to see clearly through the haze of feelings it creates.

So he burned bridges by speaking up with his anger, instead of rationally and politely explaining how he felt.

Was that unhappy situation really Rob’s “dream job”? We don’t dream about being treated unfairly or feeling lousy or unappreciated or shouted at, at work. Some of this dream sounds more like a nightmare! There’s more to a dream job than just the actual position. I have clients who defend staying because it’s what they want to do. So they put up with a disrespectful boss, a stressful work environment, hours that are too long to see their families, and more, just to stay in that “dream job.”

Leaving a bad situation is good! When you think of it as empowering, it empowers you. When you beat yourself up for doing it, that’s the energy you attract.

Staying in a job with very negative factors, despite doing work you want to do, is similar to being in a relationship and settling for a partner because he makes you feel complete or is a good financial provider; or she’s great in bed or everyone thinks you have the perfect partner because she’s attractive and a model housekeeper. But if the loving connection that solidifies a good relationship isn’t there, other factors won’t compensate in the long run. Or if he or she is abusive or nasty or controlling or treats you ike a DoorMat, you’re settling to be in a relationship.

It’s the same with work. While you can’t have it all, if your job is what you like doing but the environment is negative or aggravating or toxic, it’s time to leave!

Rob focused too much on the importance of being in that “dream job.” But it’s not a dream if you’re not happy in it. It’s frustrating to love the work but not like how you’re treated. It’s like finding a perfect apartment after looking for ages BUT, the neighbor above you clomps around, disturbing your sleep and peace of mind. Despite all the perks of your living space, you’re not happy from the noise.

If speaking up politely doesn’t change your situation, it’s time to move!

I prefer to speak up first, but nicely, not in a confrontational way. When my upstairs neighbor was noisy, I nicely explained, consistently, how it affected me. His family quieted down. Talk to people at work if things aren’t right. If your boss is unfair, go to him with a list of specific grievances, and a smile. But if none of this works, wake up from your dream and leave. Rob waited for his breaking point. It’s better to leave on good terms.

But, if you do leave after mishandling the situation like Rob did, get rid of the anger and remorse. It’s OVER!! NOW is all that matters and now you have new choices.

You’re living in the past if you wallow in regret, since you can’t change it. Why let it hold you back or hurt yourself more than you already were? That’s YOUR CHOICE, not a sentence! It’s always best to go forward instead of looking back. Otherwise, you can beat yourself up with thoughts like:

* ”Why did I do that?”
* ”That was so stupid of me”
* ”How I wish I could undo what I did!”
* ”Maybe it would be different if I’d……”
* ”Now I’m screwed.”

Meanwhile, the Universe picks up on these thoughts and guess what you get back?!? More of the same thoughts and bad vibes. Looking back with what ifs and regret and wishing you’d done things differently is wasted energy. LEARN from mistakes instead of beating yourself up. Ask:

* How did I speak to the person I alientated? LESSON: “I must force myself to speak more politely next time.” Letting anger motivate your tone creates remorse after. You may have momentary relief at releasing anger, resentment and frustration. But it will turn into thoughts that will bring you down.

* What did I say that caused a problem? LESSON: “I must think and plan before I speak out in a situation that’s important.” Anger creates evil thoughts at the moment it gets unleashed. And it makes you irrational—saying what will later make you look back and think, “what the heck did I do?” If you write down your feelings and figure out words to express them, you can get your point across in more effective ways that eliminate a need to kick yourself in the butt later!

* What’s making me most angry? LESSON: “I must figure out what’s truly causing my anger and address that.” Sometimes you may express what really isn’t the direct cause of your anger. Or you may explode at something insignificant because a bigger issue gnaws at you. Take time to figure out what’s so annoying. Does your boss remind you of a controlling father or romantic partner who criticizes? Or are you angry at yourself for allowing unacceptable behavior to continue for too long?

Once you see the LESSONS in the behavior you regret, let it go and focus
on moving forward to make your situation good.
Rob still suffers from residuals of leaving his “dream job.” That only results in feeling bad and prevents the Law of Attraction from bringing the good opportunities he deserves. You all deserve the best and would get it if you accept it! I now have. When I was a DoorMat, my thoughts attracted poor treatment and experiences.

It’s hard to feel good if you always feel wrong on some level.

Now that I’ve recovered, I know my worth and EXPECT to have good things happen. The Law of Attraction responds with them. And so to Rob, and all of you who still have this kind of problem, I recommend taking the steps to heal any wounds from guilt or remorse about past mistakes or ill-advised actions:

* Let go of anger. Rob is still angry. The guy who provoked him got a promotion while his life fell apart. But that’s history. Write a letter to the person with every detail about how your feel, express forgiveness, read it aloud and then burn it. When you let go of the anger, you attract more positives. I discuss this in my post, Trading Anger for Compassion.

* Express gratitude for the good lesson. Learning is ALWAYS good! Feel gratitude that you’re more enlightened now. Gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for.

* Adjust any guilt or remorse you feel. IT’S OVER and serves no purpose! Accept that it’s impossible to go back and change what happened. Read my Lightening Guilt Part 1 and Part 2. Rob needs to let go of what ifs. NOW is what counts and NOW you can choose to live your life on a forward track. The embarrassment, shame, guilt, regret you might feel in these kinds of circumstances matters to no one but you. And it just attracts more, unnecessarily. Love yourself enough—however slowly—to let go of it.

* Forgive yourself for being human. Self-forgiveness is CRITICAL for moving on. You may not feel forgiving right now but say to yourself, “I love me enough to forgive me.” Over and over. Self-love takes time to develop but it can in anyone. That’s what fueled my exit from DoorMatville. I hated myself when I began but said, “I love you” in the mirror, even though I didn’t. Eventually it sticks. Then self-forgiveness is easier. Keep trying. It’s worth it!

* Do something nice for you. Be more loving to yourself. Treat YOU to something special. When you do, say “I deserve this!” Being more loving is a good catalyst for self-love. The more self-love you feel, the easier it is to let go of old hurts and regrets. I love me now enough to not want to hurt myself. You can reach this place too!

* Reclaim your spirit. Rob says he feels like he’s not the same person and that part of him died in the process. Sometimes we lose old parts of ourselves. I’m not the girl who got stepped on as a DoorMat. That’s good! But I am still me. Your spirit can feel wounded or lost when you’re looking back at negatives. Push forward! See it as a good thing and as you heal, allow your spirit to blossom on a healthier level.

* Force yourself to walk tall. If you see someone from your past experience, fake confidence and act like you’re doing well. They’ve probably forgotten. If asked how you’re doing, “Terrific!” They get their cues from you. If you show them a positive front, they’ll assume you moved on from the incident. So get movin’!

* Be patient! This is a process. I felt like I was shedding an old skin as I became an empowered woman. It took me years, but there was progress in each little step. Rejoice in each bit instead of wishing for more. Remember that gratitude brings more to be grateful for!

The old DoorMat is gone but I’m still me—in a healthier package—inside and out. I know that Rob can rejuvenate his soul and become a happier person than he was before—just different. Focus on NOW. Be kinder to you NOW. List your good qualities and hold them in your heart as you go after your healthy dreams—living a life you love, in a job that is a dream because you enjoy the work and the people around you, and feeling kindness around you because YOU’re being kind to YOU. Let the Law of Attraction bring you lots of goodies by adjusting your thoughts to bring them in.

Life after being a DoorMat is a process that brings so many rewards. Please join me! ?

Law of Attraction in Action Series
Law of Attraction in Action: Concrete Use of This Power
Law of Attraction in Action: Service People
Law of Attraction in Action: Kindness
Law of Attraction in Action: Easing Your Way to Joy
Law of Attraction in Action: Smiling in Your Mirror of Other People
Law of Attraction in Action: Age
Law of Attraction in Action: Who Are You?
Law of Attraction in Action: Revenge
Law of Attraction in Action: Too Blessed to Be Stressed
Law of Attraction in Action: Recovering Your Health

Law of Attraction in Action: Respect
Law of Attraction in Action: Miracles Part 1
Law of Attraction in Action: Miracles Part 2
Law of Attraction in Action: Clear Intentions
Law of Attraction in Action: Luck
Law of Attraction in Action: Criticism

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Carnival of Healing #167: Nourishing Gifts


Welcome to the Carnival of Healing #167!
I’m absolutely delighted to be hosting again. This Carnival is a weekly round-up of personal blog posts on the topics of holistic health, wellness, spirituality, and self-empowerment. It’s coordinated by About.com’s Guide to Holistic Healing, Phylameana Iila Desy.

The Carnival of Healing #166: A Thanksgiving Weekend Feast was hosted by my friend, Janet Dagley Dagley at The Reiki Digest. Next week it will be hosted by Cari Campbell at Your Joyous Life – Daily Inspiration. There were a slew of submissions this week and I couldn’t include all of them. If yours wasn’t chosen, please submit to future ones.

When I host a carnival, I like to have a theme. As we enter the holiday season, people are thinking about buying gifts for friends and family. Are you making a list of all the loved ones you want to get something special for? As you do, make sure the most important person is on that list—YOU! Too often, we leave ourselves off our love lists. YOUR name should be first!

I live by the Law of Attraction, and believe that we attract what we intend to have. If you’re not on your own gift list, it tells the Universe you don’t consider yourself as important and lovingly as you should. Taking good care of your health and well being, and helping others to do the same, is a spectacular gift. In this bad economy, it can seem daunting to find gifts within your budget. Yet often the most loving gifts cost the least in cash. So my theme today is gifts you can give to YOU that can help improve your life, and some you can share with others.

This week there’s an assortment of articles that have suggestions for making your life better. Read them and learn what you can do for yourself and share with others that can improve the quality of your lives. Without good health and a relaxed spirit, it’s hard to be happy, no matter how many fancy material gifts are received. The articles below have many suggestions for activities and mindsets you can put into action now.

Creating better living habits is a HUGE gift. As you nurture yourself more, those around you will benefit too! You’ll have more energy, less stress and increased longevity. Here are some articles to help you live a richer life. Recognizing all the ways to nurture yourself and change your lifestyle is a priceless gift!

Physical Fitness
Taking care of your body’s ability to function at a full level of fitness is a wonderful gift that you can pass along to your family and share with friends too! Here are some articles to help you achieve this.

Get your exercise where you can! Lazy Man presents Exercising at Home posted at Lazy Man and Health. He says to “live healthier, start a at home workout.” If you put off going to the gym, get fit at home!

Games are more than just fun activities. I call my word puzzles brain exercises. Fiona King presents 50 Best Video Games for Senior Health posted at U.S. PharmD. These games are also good for us younger people! Fun and healthy!

Weight loss is something that millions of people say they want, but don’t achieve. It’s also something we put off till after the next party, holiday, time of feeling mentally ready, etc. Andy presents Tomorrow Never Comes – Start Losing Weight Now or Never posted at Weight Loss Window. It gives tips for how to start your weight loss now! What a great gift to YOU!

Many people look to the newest fad diets to knock off some pounds. Andrew presents New Weight Loss Plans Now Include Detoxification Procedures posted at Rife Machine Blog. He explains why detox methods may or may not be right for you. Before beginning any diet that isn’t just about eating healthier, learn about it’s downsides and talk to your doc!

Neck pain can really hurt your quality of life. Dean Moyer presents Neck Pain Relief That’s Quick and Easy posted at The Back Pain Blog. He says, “While muscle strains and pulled ligaments are not very serious injuries, they can be extremely painful and debilitating. Fortunately, ice therapy is a quick and easy way to obtain significant neck pain relief without breaking the bank.”

Improved Health Practices
To me, most behavior is a series of habits. When you make an effort to replace unhealthy ones with those that improve your overall well being, you give yourself a wonderful gift of a better life. Educate those you love too and you’ve just given an abundance of loving gifts! Here are some articles to help you be more aware of how to take good care of your body.

Erika Collin presents 101 Ways to Increase Your Longevity and Quality of Life posted at Massage Therapy Careers. There are 101 great tips for improving your physical and mental health—lots of gifts to use yourself and share with loved ones!

Too many people rush to take meds when an ailment hits, without researching first, especially with new drugs. Side affects can be like coal in your Christmas stocking! Brain Blogger presents The Need for Post-Marketing Surveillance of Drugs posted at Brain Blogger. He says, “When a new drug is approved and enters the marketplace, often the only safety and efficacy information available is based on a few thousand people who took the drug during strictly controlled clinical trials. Not surprisingly, these trials are designed to focus on the drugs’ benefits, and may not include a large enough sample size to elicit serious adverse effects”

Tis the season of partying. Donald presents Tip for a Healthy Heart – Drink Wine posted at Life Optimizer.
For those of you who feel guilty about indulging in some vino,
this article may encourage you to partake for the sake of keeping your heart healthy. Just set some limits! A hangover is another piece of coal in your stocking! ?

People usually don’t think about their nails when they seek to improve their health. Atif presents Nails are a window to your health posted at Health by dratiffarid. There are tips for what your fingernails tell you about your health and how to keep them healthy.

Holiday cooking can lead to more burns than usual. Aparna presents Honey extremely good for burns? posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming. He explains why using honey can speed recovery from burns.

Healthier Nutrition
Eating healthy, and serving healthy food to your family, is a wonderful gift at the holidays and all year round. When you get into good eating habits, you increase your longevity, energy, and an all around healthy gift.

Research shows that processed food decreases the nutrition of food and adds factors that can be unhealthy. SengAun Ong presents Easy Food Easy Health posted at Tipskey – Unlock Practicality. He says, “It is a common sense that food nutritional value decreases with more processing.”

We know that high blood pressure is unhealthy. Alvin Hopkinson presents Foods for High Blood Pressure – 6 Healthy Tips to Control Hypertension posted at High Blood Pressure Treatment & Medication Reviews. He says, “Foods for high blood pressure are important to maintain a low blood pressure and minimize the affects of the annoying side effects caused by these medications.”

Laurel presents Orange Veggies Cut Heart Disease Risk posted at Laurel on Health Food. She says, “Recent research published in the Journal of Nutrition found that the antioxidants in orange-colored produce could help reduce your risk of death from heart disease by 20%.”

Peace of Mind
What better gift for you and your loved ones than having peace of mind. Here are some suggestions for achieving it.

Grace Young presents Happy Holidays posted at Disabled 2 Abled. She shares some great tips for “How not to be a drudge on the holidays trying to meet other people’s expectations.” What a great gift to you!

Valeria presents 10 Benefits of Meditation, and How to Do It posted at Timeless Lessons. Meditation rocks as a gift to yourself and Valeria tells you why!

The great Dale Carnegie had some excellent lessons for having better relationships with people, which creates more peace around you. Jeff C. presents Core advice lasting you a lifetime posted at Gobs Health, which shares some of them.

Having a healthy response to criticism keeps you happier. Chris Edgar presents Calling A Truce In The “War Of Words” posted at Purpose Power Coaching. He says, “Many people seem to harbor the unconscious fear that, if they don’t have a quick and witty enough reply when someone criticizes them, they’re going to be physically injured or die. How do we overcome this fear and regain a sense of composure and control in our interactions? In this article, I describe three approaches I’ve used myself and in working with others.”

Most people want world peace. Now Astrid Lee, Reiki Master Teacher presents Pictures of World Peace posted at We Are One World Healing. She gives readers a sweet taste of world peace through a series of prints.

Worrying about your weight can hurt your peace of mind, especially during the holidays. Marsha Hudnall, MS, RD presents How Much Stress Do Weight Worries Create for You? posted at A Weight Lifted.

It can hurt to see someone you care about being torn down. Mike Salara presents How To Stick Up For Someone Else posted at Mike Salara. There are some good tips for speaking up for someone who needs support dealing with someone who is being mean or hurtful, which for them might feel like a gift!

Being comfortable with who you are is a lovely gift to you. Naren Ghimire presents Personality vs. Individuality posted at Spiritual Pub. She says, “This article takes a different outlook on personality and the problems associated with it. Instead of providing tips on building a strong or positive personality; it motivates us to find something more beautiful than personality. It is our intrinsic nature, our own ‘’Individuality.’”

That’s it for this week’s Carnival of Healing. Thanks to all the people who contributed. Tune in next week’s when it’s hosted by Cari Campbell at Your Joyous Life – Daily Inspiration. You can submit to this Carnival with the Carnival Submission Form. Have a VERY BLESSED week!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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Forecasting Emotions



I’m delighted to have Tina Tessina, Ph.D. back as my guest blogger. Her articles always bring a great response as she has such a great take on life’s ups and downs. Tina is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in California. She is the author of MANY books, including the best selling, The 10 Smartest Decisions A Woman Can Make Before 40 Money, and her newest two, The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart (Adams Media, 2008) and Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media, 2008) Tina also writes the “Dr. Romance” column on Yahoo! Personals and MUCH more!

Here’s Tina’s interesting and helpful take on emotions, as she compares them to the weather.

Emotions as Weather
[From It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction]
by Tina B. Tessina

Although most people in the country wouldn’t agree, we in Southern California have been having extreme weather conditions for us: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we’re so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call “real” weather—weather wimps. Being afraid, ashamed of, or embarrassed by your feelings is like being afraid of the weather, because emotions (tears, panic attacks, angry outbursts, withdrawal, depression, elation, lust, romantic excitement, euphoria) are the weather conditions of the inner self.

Certainly there are weather conditions that are fearsome, such as hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, exploding volcanoes and fierce fires, and we need to control these if we can, and protect ourselves from them. But, like the weather, most emotional climate conditions are pretty mild.
My clients have found it very helpful to use the metaphors of weather to understand how natural and normal all feelings are. Here are my thoughts on the basics of emotional weather. It’s a concept I’m just working out, so please share your ideas and reactions.

Sunshine:? Your smile lights up your face the way the sun lights our day. Smiles, too can come from behind clouds or after emotional storms. The smile signals that all is well, pressure is equalized and the coast is clear to be out and open and have some fun.

Rain: ?Like rain, tears can be stormy or just a light sprinkle, and feel angry, cold, dreary and sad, or even come through the sunshine. Rain often follows a change of weather pressure, and tears can be the result of release of inner tension. People frequently cry from relief that they’ve been heard or that they can see a solution where there appeared to be a problem. Those who suffer from a trauma or a loss normally cry a little after the first shock of finding out, as the awful pressure of the news is absorbed and the grief sets in.

Rain first carries with it the dust suspended in the air, and then washes everything clean as it continues. Emotional rain, too, can first be painful, and then begin to bring release and clarity. A “good cry” is one that really lets go of the held feelings and continues until relief sets in.

Rainbows?: When you allow the tears to flow until your natural smile returns, you will feel hopeful again—hope is the rainbow of our internal climate. Like a rainbow, hope doesn’t exist until there has been a disappointment, and the disappointment has been accepted completely enough to let the sun shine once more. That smile, coming thorough sadness, brings with it a renewed feeling of hope.

Storms: ?Sometimes reluctance to express unhappiness or discomfort builds pressure that eventually releases in a rush, like a storm. Violent storms shake things up, just as strong anger does. Anger that is allowed to get out of control is as destructive as a hurricane, but anger that is expressed in healthy ways can “clear the air” just as a storm does. The aftermath of a healthy, not too violent storm allows us to appreciate the pleasures of calmness.

Cloudiness and For:? Emotionally, things are not always very clear. It’s normal to feel foggy and unsure, or depressed and dark from time to time. If you can remember it’s just your emotional climate, and explore it to discover the cause, the fog will lift, the clouds will part, it may rain or storm a little, but the sun will eventually come out again. Normal depression that is not allowed to take its natural course, not opened up to let the fresh air in, can turn into emotional smog, or internal pollution.

Smog?: Emotional smog, like the weather kind, is just the normal cloudy/foggy conditions with man-made junk added. We call it clinical depression. Everyone is down from time to time, but those who attack themselves when down, or have others around who pollute their internal atmosphere with criticism or shaming, become smog-bound, and can’t clear up their internal atmosphere. Letting in the fresh air of interest and the warmth of emotional support allows the fog to lift, and the sun to come out again.

Internal Conditions?: If you try paying the same amount of daily attention to your internal conditions as you probably do to the weather report, and begin to regard your feelings as naturally as weather, you’ll become much more emotionally comfortable. Like weather, your feelings are easier to accept and live with when you manage them, respond to them and don’t try to resist them or deny them. If you understand your feelings as weather, you can have many lovely inner days.

Your Sense of Emotion?: Human attributes, we are taught, include five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Only in science fiction do we read about a sixth sense, which is usually depicted as a psychic sense. If you think about it, however, your emotions are your real “sixth sense.” Just like your other five senses, your emotions register data about the external world. With your sight, your eyes take in data about colors, shapes and relative sizes of the things in the world around us. Touch tells us how things feel, how warm, cold, soft, hard, sharp or smooth they are.

Your emotions tell you what others’ feelings are. We can sense, in an almost psychic way, how someo
ne feels at a distance, without being told. By comparing what our other senses tell us about others (smiles, frowns, tension, “prickly vibes,” relaxed breathing and an indescribable type of data we call empathy) with what we know about our own inner feelings, we draw conclusions about what other people are feeling.

Without being told, we know when someone is angry, when someone has strong positive or negative feelings toward us, and when we are loved.

With conscientious practice, people can improve their use of senses, such as being a wine taster, reading braille, refining your sense of color as an artist, or learning to tell different fabrics by texture. Certain people, such as psychotherapists and actors, practice and refine emotions until they can sense very small changes. As a psychotherapist, I “read” my clients’ emotions and give them feedback to help them sort out emotional confusion. “You say you’re fine, but you appear to be angry,” I might say to someone who is disconnected from his feelings.

Sight is an external sense—we only see what’s outside us. Touch, however, is both internal and external. We can feel food go down our gullet, on occasion we can feel our own heartbeat, and we can feel muscle cramps and movement from inside the body. Emotions are a sense that is simultaneously internal and external. To our emotions, it’s as if there’s no limit to our bodies, and our skin is transparent. We feel our feelings on the inside, and yet they reach out and touch people and tell us what they’re feeling, too. It is a type of psychic sense, especially to people who develop it.

Just as your sight helps you navigate the roads, avoid obstacles, and choose the best route, your emotions are the sense that help you navigate the paths of relationships.

If you are knowledgeable about your feelings, and your sensitivity to others’ feelings, you can be much more effective in all your relationships, maximizing your love, your intimacy, your emotional well-being, and your happiness.

Practicing Emotion?: You can refine and sensitize yourself to your feelings by “tracking” what you are feeling on a daily basis: Just stop a few times each day and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Once you get comfortable with that, you can spend some time people watching, and guess what they might be feeling. You won’t know if you’ve guessed right unless you ask, but just practicing paying attention will sharpen your skills.

You can subscribe to Tina’s free newsletter: “Happiness Tips from Tina” on Tina Tessina‘s site,

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Criticism


This is the 16th post in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action, inspired by watching Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life, the movie, expanded version. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day!

When I was a doormat, I took criticism to heart and let it annihilate my already low self-esteem. If someone said I was wrong, I was wrong. If someone said I was fat, I was fat. The messages in the criticism I got became my reality. I put it out to the Universe as my truth and the Law of Attraction reinforced that. Has someone called you dumb? Too short? Not attractive enough to find a good romantic partner? Incapable of getting promoted too far? Not good at doing things you want to do?

Your response to criticism controls your reality. If you accept it as true, it becomes true. If you refuse to listen or to accept it as true, it isn’t accurate and doesn’t cloud the sunshine in your world.

DoorMats take everything people say personally. Since we want to please, we feel we must accept what the person says. That keeps you stuck more in DoorMatville. Criticism becomes like poison darts through your happiness. Accepting criticism as truth molds you into the person you attract with the Law of Attraction’s help. For example:

* If someone says, “You’re fat,” your perception can make you act like you’re ashamed of your body and feel unworthy, or feel a nice kind of curvy. I was a fat girl until I decided I’m a sexy chick with a hot, curvy body. You may need to lose weight but that doesn’t make you fat. Only believing that you are makes it true.

* If someone says, “You’ll never get anywhere,” you can believe it and not get anywhere or refuse to accept it. Then the skies the limit! I used to feel limited when people told me my limits. I unhappily taught school for years when people said this was the only thing I could do. Now anything is possible in my world!

Limitations must be signed off on by you. Your only limits are what you accept and send to the Law of Attraction to bring back to you. I finally realized that just because someone thought I couldn’t do something or wasn’t good enough or thin enough, it mean it was true. It’s YOUR choice, not your duty, to accept what others say about you. It’s YOUR choice what direction your thoughts send you on.

If you use it as motivation to prove the criticism wrong, the Law of Attraction supports it not being true.

I always loved writing but some of my teachers didn’t like what I wrote. In sixth grade, my teacher signed my autograph book saying that someday I’d be a famous author. I hoped I would. But it got confusing as I got older–like being on a seesaw as some teachers gave me good grades for my writing while others didn’t. In college, I wrote a paper for an English class and my professor praised my writing. I actually turned in the same paper when I switched schools and had similar assignment. The second professor tore my writing apart. It was the same writing!

Criticism for a component of your dreams can keep you from realizing them.

After college I gave up on the idea of writing professionally for years, questioned my ability and wrote just for fun. One day I found my old autograph book and saw Mrs. Patrick’s prediction of me being a famous author. No way! I still didn’t think it was possible. As my music business and self-empowerment workshops became more successful, people pushed me to write books on the topics. I balked, explaining I wasn’t a good writer. But a seed was planted .

Eventually I decided to see if I could develop a book. I jumped between ideas until I had parts of several written. A friend knew a literary agent and offered to take one to him for feedback. He tore my writing apart. OUCH! I stopped writing again. But the seed remained. I read a little of his criticism and found some helpful advice. Using it did make my writing better. Then I read On Writing Well by William Zinnser. It truly taught me how to improve my writing. The confidence I got from implementing the lessons helped me to persevere and get published!

Another valuable lesson sunk in: There will always be people who like, or don’t like, what you do, especially if you’re in a creative field. Don’t give them power over your thoughts!

I don’t like a lot of the music played incessantly on the radio but plenty of folks do. I’ve read many books and gone to see movies that got trashed in reviews, and liked them. And I haven’t liked many that had 5-star reviews. Criticism is an opinion. Not fact! It’s an opinion that’s YOUR choice to believe or not. No one likes or agrees with everything.

What counts is what YOU think.

People who criticize often need to put others down to feel better about themselves, even if they speak under the guise of “trying to help you. They may not mean to hurt you, but that still doesn’t make it right. Have compassion to recognize the place it comes from and the awareness that enables you to form your own self-image.

Not adopting what people criticized about me helped my efforts to grow into a strong woman who loves her life, and, most importantly, herself! You can grow stronger by recognizing and deflecting critical word darts hurled by other. Give yourself the power to choose your destiny by doing so!

When you let the Law of Attraction know who you really are, you can grow into the person you CHOOSE to be. I sure did!

Law of Attraction in Action Series
Law of Attraction in Action: Concrete Use of This Power
Law of Attraction in Action: Service People
Law of Attraction in Action: Kindness
Law of Attraction in Action: Easing Your Way to Joy
Law of Attraction in Action: Smiling in Your Mirror of Other People
Law of Attraction in Action: Age
Law of Attraction in Action: Who Are You?
Law of Attraction in Action: Revenge
Law of Attraction in Action: Too Blessed
to Be Stressed
Law of Attraction in Action: Recovering Your Health

Law of Attraction in Action: Respect
Law of Attraction in Action: Miracles Part 1
Law of Attraction in Action: Miracles Part 2
Law of Attraction in Action: Clear Intentions
Law of Attraction in Action: Luck
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