Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: “I’m Fine!”

This is post 29 in my series on the Law of Attraction. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

It never fails. Every winter, I talk to someone, or a bunch of people, who are stuffed up or not feeling well. I go to give a hug and I’m warned to stay back or I may catch something. I always reassure them that I won’t and they act like I’m crazy. But I feel strongly that I’ll stay healthy, even hugging someone who’s sick, and I do. The Law of Attraction kindly responds as I stay healthy.

Some people maximize their perception of illness or injuries. I minimize health problems with my thoughts!

Some people are really good at suffering. If they catch a cold, they’ll say they’re sick with the flu. Little things become major injuries. I’m referring to the old making a mountain out of a molehill mentality. The automatic response to even a stuffed nose is, “I’m sick.” Thinking “I’m sick” makes you feel worse. And, it tells the Universe that you’re sick, so you continue to feel sick and will probably take longer than necessary to feel better.

When you minimize physical ailments, you reinforce being well.

I recently had a bad stuffed nose, sore throat and then laryngitis. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling good and I sounded awful. But when anyone heard me and referred to me as being sick, I refuted it and said I was just under the weather. They looked at me like I was crazy. I sure sounded sick! But, I refused to use that word. The Law of Attraction picks up on what you say. If I said I was sick, I’d reinforce being sick. I had no fever. And I chose to believe that all my ailments were a result of the very cold weather we had. Into the heat, out into the cold, irritated my system. That’s all it was—under the weather.

I was in much better spirits being under the weather than I would have been being sick. Yet all I did was use different words!

Years ago, I remember hearing Louise Hay say that if you fall in a way that might have broken your leg, do not say, “I may have broken my leg.” Instead, immediately affirm that you’re fine–even if you feel awful or the potential consequences aren’t good. Affirming that you’re fine sends out an intention of being fine. I agree with her that doing this, with a strong intention in your attitude of being fine, will prevent illness or injury from going beyond an initial discomfort. And it’s much less likely that your leg will be broken!

You can choose to wallow in your physical ailments or get better faster and suffer less by keeping your perception from going down the negative path.

A few months ago I had a bad fall. It was dark in my apartment and I got up to use the bathroom. Since there was a house guest in my living room, I didn’t want to turn on any lights since it might have disturbed her. Coming back, I turned to close my door, which I don’t normally do. Since I was half asleep, I got a little disoriented from turning, tripped over my slipper, and kind of fell. The fall itself wasn’t bad. I felt it coming and kind of sat down. But as I went down, my forehead slammed against a sharp point. It hurt.

I immediately told myself, “I’m fine.” Then I felt my head and it was wet in the spot I hit. It had to be blood. Worse, my finger went deep into that spot. A chunk was gone! I began to process that I’d had a bad bang on my head and got a little lightheaded as my guest, who’d heard the fall, came in. I repeated “I’m fine” as an affirmation to myself. She immediately ran to the phone to call 911. I looked pretty bad.

I yelled to stop and kept saying loudly, “I’m fine.” “I’m fine.” “I’m fine.”

She put the phone down but said my head was bleeding from a very deep cut and she insisted I should go to a doctor. I refused. We argued. By then I was fighting for my right to be fine. Truthfully, I was scared. This was new for me. My head hurt and the missing part was deep. But I kept saying “I’m fine” to block out thoughts of a more serious problem. I never did go to a doc. My wound is still healing but it’s much better and I really was fine.

You can CHOOSE to be fine or CHOOSE to magnify your problems. Referring to yourself as sick or badly hurt increases your suffering and makes what’s wrong much worse.

I still remember, laying on the cold floor in the dark, feeling my sticky forehead with the hole in it, and thinking, “I can choose to have a serious problem or choose to be fine.” I was scared. This seemed serious. But, I remembered that I always have God’s support, calmed down, and kept repeating, “I’m fine” until I believed it. Had I caved to the fear, I might have ended up in the hospital, had stitches, an MRI, and maybe my injury would have become more serious. But if I’m going to teach others to use the power of the Law of Attraction, I had to walk the walk. And I did!

Next time you have a physical ailment, find ways to express yourself in less negative terms. Tell yourself you’re fine, over and over until you’re feeling the vibe of being fine. It may not feel that way but as it puts out you’re fine into the Law of Attraction pipeline. It might take a day or two, or more, but putting it into the pipeline makes it happen a lot faster than giving in to your ailment. When it happened, I went on with my life instead of succumbing to a need to be laid up with a bad problem. There’s still an indentation in my forehead where I lost a chunk of it. I feel healing is still happening. But each day I’m finer than the one before.

Avert a lot of suffering and anxiety by reinforcing that you’re fine. As the Law of Attraction picks up on your intention, you will be!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Tips for Improving Your Networking

With the economy falling apart and people losing jobs left and right, there’s a book that addresses this in a lighthearted, non-depressing voice. No Job? No Prob! (Skyhorse Publishing, 2008) by Nicholas Nigro is an entertaining, yet very enlightening, book about how to handle not having a job. I’m delighted to have an excerpt from the book today. These are 20 great suggestions for doing successful networking, even if you do have a job!

Branching Out: Finding Friends in New Places
By Nicholas Nigro

1. Everybody Lives in a Community, Including You There’s no getting around the fact that you live in a community of individuals. So, right off the bat, you’ve got something in common with either a whole mess of people or, if you call home a rural hamlet, a somewhat smaller demographic. Whatever their exact census numbers, neighbors can assume signi?cant roles in your growing network. Explore the chief concerns facing your community and attend any 290 local meetings that occur. Volunteer your time vis-à-vis community matters. If you require assistance in this networking terrain, you might just ?nd MeetTheNeighbors.com helpful. This website brings neighbors together and empowers them with the tips, tools, and techniques to communicate, organize, and—of course—socialize.

2. The Jaycees The United States Junior Chamber of Commerce (Jaycees) at USJaycees.org is an organization that could very possibly augment your network of contacts. The only ?y in the ointment is that this out?t is for young folks only. If you’re past the decrepit age of forty-one, you’ll have to look elsewhere for a networking boost. If you meet the age requirements, the Jaycees could de?nitely assist you in locating a job, career, or business startup. It’s a group that will, at the very least, facilitate meetings with new people, furnish potential job leads, and supply timely information on what’s happening in your community with regards to the business at hand.

3. YMCA and YWCA These two organizations—one for men, YMCA.net, and one for women, YWCA.org—are, above all else, committed to enhancing youngsters’ lives, building stronger families, and improving communities by encouraging volunteerism. Many neighborhoods throughout the country are fortunate enough to have YMCA and YWCA centers— with their trademark ?tness programs (including swimming pools)— on their terra ?rma. In the big picture, YMCA and YWCA out?ts are essentially places to lend a helping hand while meeting fellow helpers and helpees.

4. Alumni Associations If you are a graduate from a college or university, you are an alumnus. There is also an alumni association waiting with open arms for you and, yes, a pecuniary contribution of some sort. Alumni groups regularly organize social events and encourage networking. They publish newsletters which detail the adventures of their membership. Don’t forget, too, that high schools also have alumni associations. Fear not descending the ladder a few rungs. You’re all adults now. In addition, if you were a member of a fraternity or sorority in your college days, these esteemed out?ts haven’t forgotten you. Once you’re an accepted pledge, you’re a pledge for life. It’s sort of like a tattoo. So, by
all means, take advantage of this permanent brand in your networking odyssey.

5. Digg This The website Digg.com proclaims that it is all about “Sharing and Discovery.” It is a cyber spot for news, videos, images, and podcasts that are submitted entirely by the Digg community, which consists of humble sorts just like you. Get yourself out there any way you can. That’s how networks become NETWORKS.

6. One Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words If you’ve got photographs that you want accessible to your current network—family, friends, and others—in one fell swoop, showcase them on Flickr.com. This website portal decrees, “Share Your Photos, Watch the World.” In other words, there are a lot of folks who are members of Flickr, and some of them just might be interested in your images. Remember the old saying: Seeing is believing.

7. Share and Share Alike Since we’re on the subject of networking beyond the traditional comfort zone, you might consider joining an online community with a mission to bring people together with shared interests. In fact, it’s a community that facilitates business connections and romantic connections, too. And, by the way, there are no laws that prohibit seeking both at the same time. So, check out Orkut.com and bolster your network with, for starters, virtual contact and then—who knows?—physical contact.

8. Political Activism No matter where you land on the political spectrum, there are opportunities for networking therein. Conservative, liberal, Republican, Democrat—it doesn’t matter. You could join a local political party organization. You could also get involved with issue-oriented groups, be they supporting abortion rights or gun rights or anything in between. In other words, translate your political leanings into network building. For assistance in this fertile area, visit SpeakOut.com, which is a website chock full of information on both the issues of the day and the pathways to activism. In fact, the site features copious links to advocacy groups that run the entire left-to-right gamut.

9. Save the Planet There are an awful lot of people all across the world who prefer not to swim in waste waters and breathe Los Angeles–style smog. If environmental issues mean something to you, there are environmental groups aplenty that would be as pleased as punch to welcome you as a member. Check out ActionNetwork.org, which will furnish you with the names and websites of the leading environmental advocacy organizations. There are excellent networking possibilities here, as there are in just about all out?ts dedicated to a cause.

10. Rotary Clubs The motto of Rotary International is “Service Above Self.” And you’ve probably spotted local Rotary Club signs along many highways and byways in your travels. Did you ever wonder what on earth a Rotary Club is, and who its members are? Well, Rotary International is the world’s pioneering service club. Its individual chapters consist of volunteers. Visit Rotary.org for further information on Rotary Clubs and what they do. Many Rotarians are well-connected members of their respective communities, which should be of interest to you.

11. Business Networking If you want to sample a networking out?t that is speci?cally dedicated to business, look no further than Ryze.com. Members can erect network-oriented homepages to attract quality business contacts.

12. You Can Never Have Too Many of Them True friends are rare and hard to come by. So, it behooves you to perpetually be chumming for buddies. FriendFinder.com allows you to run personal ads for whate
ver your heart desires, including a good time and a little loving.

13. Blog Away It’s the twenty-?rst century. So, if you want to build your network by reaching out to new folks, a blog of your own could be just what the doctor ordered. But it’s not going to do you any good to blog away, and blog away some more, and—in the end—reach the virtual audience equivalent of a black hole. To extend your network, why not seek to fashion your own blog network, if you will? For a better understanding how this voluble cyber bailiwick functions, call on HomeTurfMedia.com and 9Rules.com. Reach as many people as you can with your blogging insight. It’s a network builder for sure.

14. The Right Links At LinkedIn.com, you will encounter a website business with the mission to strengthen and build your existing network. And since that’s precisely what this entire section is all about, why not have a look-see?

15. Best Friends on Four Legs The pet care industry is growing in leaps and bounds because of the incredible bond that people feel for their companion animals. Pets are now unmistakable members of the family and we are “pet parents.” This sociological phenomenon has introduced a variety of networking possibilities. In other words, employ your love of animals to meet fellow animal lovers. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Join a club devoted to your specific breed of cat or dog. Gather and frolic with fellow canine parents and their canines at park runs. Join organizations, such as the Humane Society of the United States at HSUS.org.

16. Make Networking Your Hobby Whatever you call your hobbies or special interests, there are like-minded folks out there who share them. These are prime possibilities for your budding network. Many hobbies have clubs and societies for their devotees’ bene?t. Attend events and shows in your hobby ?eld. Talk and trade with your fellow hobbyists.

17. Convert Your Talents Into a Network Whether you have a knack for crafting or painting; whether you can ?x cars or computers; whether you can tickle the ivories on a piano or strum the strings on a guitar, there are networking opportunities amidst one and all of these special talents and countless others, too. Just place yourself on life’s big stage, even if it’s in your little sliver of the world. Let people see and experience your extraordinary genius. Artistic? You could attend arts and crafts shows and sell your creations. Handy? You could volunteer your services as Mr. Fix It at a senior citizen center and elsewhere. A musical talent? Play the piano at a local watering hole or a church function.

18. Network Channeling In a previous chapter, we noted that posting videos on YouTube.com was an interesting avenue to travel down for a whole host of reasons. And you don’t have to post home videos of yourself and your friends pulling people’s pants down or anything like that. You can post less personal productions, such as clips from television programs or movies. Once you put videos up for the entire world to see, people slowly but surely visit your channel, as it’s called, and could eventually become your subscribers and friends. As you can appreciate, there are potential networking tentacles in all of this.

19. Start a Group This is the Information Age. Hence, you have opportunities galore to initiate cyber groups. In fact, you could host your own group today on Groups.Yahoo.com or Groups.MSN.com. There are discussion groups devoted to every imaginable subject and interest. Why not establish a group dedicated to the travails of unemployment, inviting members to share ideas on how to best weather the storm, as well as their personal experiences? You’d be surprised how many people would sign on to your group, and some of these folks could become integral parts of your growing network.

20. Instant Networking We would be remiss if we did not reiterate the names of the two most popular social networking websites on the Internet: MySpace.com and Facebook.com. These two cyber portals are rooted in meeting people with common interests. They enable their members both to promote themselves and to connect with the wider world.

Check out No Job? No Prob! (Skyhorse Publishing, 2008) by Nicholas Nigro. It’s a great read and a great resource!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Oh No, She Didn’t! But She Did

Last night I caught part of The Bachelor. There was so much hype about the ending that I was curious. Jason, the bachelor, who lost when he was one of the final two on The Bachelorette, had to choose between 2 lovely women. He knew what it was like to be one of 2 candidates hoping to win the heart. Yet he learned nothing and was so selfish in his decisions. From the snippets I’ve seen, Jason has been like a pig at a chick smorgasbord. He kissed (and probably a lot more in private) as many women as he could get his lips on.

Joy Behar sprayed his lips with Purell before she kissed him on the View! ? He did get around.

So after being rejected by Deanna, all of a sudden Jason was ‘the man.” Women begged for his attention and he gave it in exchange for physical contact. I never watched full shows yet I saw a lot of making out and fondling. And, he spent the night with several. My thought throughout was “What self-respecting woman would want to be with a guy who jumped into intimacy with woman after woman?” The “winner” got to see it all on TV after.

When a woman gets intimate with a few guys she’s labeled a slut and scorned, which is totally unfair! Yet Jason was treated like a king by women who knew about his chick jumping.

I hate this double standard but more importantly, I hate seeing all these women—gorgeous, fit, and otherwise bright —throwing themselves at this guy, begging for crumbs, and fighting for his attention, and love. DON’T THEY GET IT YET THAT YOU CAN’T WIN LOVE ON A TV SHOW! Yes, Trista and Ryan are still married and have a baby. But that one possible success out of a boatload of failures doesn’t compensate. Nor do we know if they’re really happy.

Meanwhile, many women watch this show and seeing these attractive women set a poor example of how desperate women can be.

At the end of the show, Jason dumped Molly, explaining that he’d fallen in love with Melissa. Molly left hurt and angry. She warned Jason that he’d made a big mistake. Jason said he knew better and was very much in love with Melissa. After only 6 weeks and 25 women, Jason couldn’t have fallen in love. People jump into relationships so fast that they don’t let the sexual chemistry settle before declaring their love. And what made this situation go from bad to sickening is that Jason, who expressed so much love for his son Ty, brought him into this scenario.

“Here’s your new mom Ty!” But as Ty bonded with Melissa, Jason changed his mind. On the after show, he explained that his feelings were different for Melissa since the show ended.

He acted forlorn as he matter of factly said that now he realized he should have picked Molly. Hey, you can send a dish back in a restaurant! Why not trade one desperate woman for another. He tried to act all sweet but there was an arrogance in his decision to end it with Melissa and order a Molly meal. Jason was confused about why it felt different now with Melissa. Hello!

Jason, you jumped into it without knowing each other and now that you do, don’t like what you know! Relationships take LOTS of time to develop.

Needless to say, Melissa wasn’t happy. But does out boy Jason learn? NOPE! He then declared his love to Molly. She looked at him like he was crazy when he asked if he could start seeing her and go slow this time. Okay, maybe he has learned a teensy bit. She kept giving him an “I know you didn’t!” look as he professed his feelings. Here I was thinking that she’d give Jason his comeuppance. Say no. Tell him he’s nuts.

Or “How dare you expect me to jump in again when you explicitly said you loved someone else when you dumped me.”

But she made me ill when she smiled and hugged him. And kissed him, expressing how relieved she was to have him back. Double YUCK! Does she have no self-respect? He dumped her, told her he loved someone else. But now that it’s over with Melissa, he wants to try Molly next.

I wrote the book All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise. One thing I ask women is “Who really is the jerk?” when they allow men to get away with stupid behavior. Molly barely gave Jason a hard time. She welcomed his slutty mouth back. So he made out with a lot of women, probably slept with a bunch too, and chose someone else over her. He wanted her back and that was all she needed. No apologies.

Jason smiled sheepishly and Molly caved. So again I ask, “Who’s the jerk?”

I truly hope the day comes when more women wake up and get smarter about how they expect men to treat them. And, that they don’t make men more important than having self-respect. And they don’t sacrifice their happiness to feel what they consider complete. We all deserve to be loved with respect and treated well. Men aren’t jerks. Women just teach them that it’s okay to have bad behavior because they’ll always be forgiven.

I’ve never been happier since I completed myself. Molly needs to learn that settling for a guy like Jason will break her heart down the road. He falls in and out of love like some folks do their laundry. Grrrr… I hate to think about all the women watching this show and thinking it’s okay to take a guy back who behaves poorly.

When you reach a place of contentment like I have, and self-love like I have, you’re much less likely to tolerate disrespectful behavior. I know what I deserve and won’t settle for less!

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“Just This Once” NOT!

morguefile.com Have you ever looked at a yummy piece of cake when you’re on a diet or put your hand out for a cigarette after you quit smoking and said, “just this once?” As I’ve tried to improve my habits and be as healthy as possible, I’ve learned that “just this once” is rarely once. We all have weaknesses for something, whether it’s cookies or drinking or getting lost on the Internet, or going back to a lover you know will hurt you, etc.

Will a desire for something control you or will you take control of the need?

WILL POWER. This is something we’d all love to have, without having to fight cravings. But it doesn’t work that way. Often we find ourselves battling against a strong desire for something that we know isn’t good to have. We want will power but holding onto it takes work and perseverance. It’s hard. Hard but worth it!

Instant gratification is much more appealing than depriving yourself.

When I was a DoorMat, my will power was weak. I was basically unhappy so I grabbed for anything that felt good for the moment. Saturday was cheesecake night. Unless I was somewhere that kept me from it, every Saturday night I either went out to a diner for some or brought a piece home. I indulged in anything that tasted or felt good. And I smoked. And chewed sugar-laden bubble gum. Since I didn’t value myself, there was no motivation to stop putting junk into my body.

Something yummy right now can seem much more appealing than the potential to lose a pound, which can take a while. And when you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to see past the cookie.

But I’ve learned why having will power is important. It really is a strong act of self-love. Knowing this doesn’t necessarily make it easy to say no to things that bring momentary pleasure, but it does make it more doable. With my slow metabolism (yes, I’ve been tested!), I have a hard time losing weight, even with a relatively healthy lifestyle. But this past fall, I gave it more serious thought and got a message, which I believe came from God, that I had to break my sugar habits.

I finally made one of the biggest decisions of my life. While I did eat healthy, I had habits for eating sweets that I had to break. That was the end of October.

I’ve gone on diets before. It’s been slow but I’ve lost some weight at times over the years. But this has been different. I didn’t give up sugar. I broke my habits, and I had lots of them. One that I always saw as harmless was having a starlight mint (or more than one) after every meal. One is only 20 calories so I justified that it was okay. I had dessert every night. Something small. I used to have a Heath bar, which I love. It’s less calories than most. Sometimes I could resist and have only a half of one. But this was another sweet habit.

Something in me clicked when I began. I didn’t want habits to control me. The first week was like being in withdrawal from a substance addiction as I stayed off of sweets.

It got easier as I continued. I still had sweets, but much less often and not during the normal times I had in the past. No more mints after meals! That was tough. I still reach for them sometimes, but can stop more easily now. I still have one occasionally, like after eating something very spicy. But maybe 2 a week instead of 3-6 a day. I have to ask myself for permission now before I have one. ?

It makes me feel so much in control of my intake instead of feeling controlled by my whims like I used to be.

I have a sweet on the weekend, but after lunch instead of dinner like my habit was. And I still pig out on special occasions. So I don’t feel completely deprived of sweets. But I rarely have sweets at times I used to. Having them is no longer a habit. I can even walk past the mints in restaurants without reaching for a handful!

Oh, and I’ve lost 8 pounds without changing any of my other eating habits.

I wish I could say that my cravings have stopped, but they haven’t. I still want sweets. But the cravings aren’t as strong. There are still times it’s hard to generate will power to resist them. But I do! And, that feels wonderful, so powerful. Cravings no longer control me! I control them! I’ve found that one of the biggest deal breakers for controlling an addiction, whether it’s for food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, seeing an abusive/unhealthy person you think you love, etc., is three little words:

“Just this once.” We always think we can have it once and then stop. But addictions don’t work that way.

I consider anything you crave and find hard to resist an addiction, be it a substance, food, person, activity, etc. Allowing one “just this once.” leads to another “just this once.” It’s never “just this once” when it comes to cravings. But you CAN generate the will power to begin to control the cravings, IF you want it enough and CHOOSE to. Here’s some tips I’ve learned:

* Show yourself lots of love! The more you love yourself, the more you want to take care of YOU. It’s a no-brainer! When you care about your well being, it’s easier to do what it takes to be healthier. Think of will power as an act of self-love and feel the love with each temptation you resist. Be the best friend to yourself that you should be and support your efforts to break habits.

* Postpone, don’t automatically deny. When I got disgusted with my Saturday night cheesecake habit, I told myself I’d wait an hour and then get it. After an hour, I chose to wait another hour. Then a half hour. Each time I postponed made it a little easier to wait. After all, I wasn’t withholding the treat. I was just waiting a little to have it. But I didn’t have it! Eventually it got late and I decided I could go without it. The rest of the night I reveled in being able to control my need for the cheesecake. I began to postpone other treats, and slowly broke the habit. Sometimes I did have it, and it was okay. But I didn’t need it all the time and my need became an occasional treat instead of a habit..

* Plan treats. I enjoy my sweets and allow myself to indulge, with some limits, on the weekend. If I have that to look forward to I can wait. I can also get addicted to playing computer games but I control this by allowing specific times to play them. If you have an addiction you can’t do in moderation, treat yourself to a massage or activity you enjoy.

* Find less addictive substitutes. There are some sweets I can have a little of and stop and some I can’t. I know I can’t keep a box of Oreos around as they talk to me. I’ll eat much too many! So, I don’t get them. Then there are cookies I like but don’t love. That’s what I buy if I get cookies. Find something else that gives you pleasure and avoid those that weaken your will power.

* Make a habit piggy bank or jar. Every time you resist buying something to eat or cigarettes or a drink or treating someone to get into their good favor, put the money you’d have spent in a piggy bank or jar. Save up for a trip, an electronic toy you’d like, new clothes or whate
ver would make you happy. This is a great way to reward yourself and see the fruits of your will power.

* Talk to yourself when you say “just this once.” Ohhh, I’d think, “I can splurge and have cake after dinner at home, even though it’s a Tuesday and that was my habit.” But I know it will lead to more exceptions. So I tell myself I can’t do it, out loud if I’m alone. I explain why, to myself. It usually convinces me that I can’t do it “just this once.” It’s really important to acknowledge the craving and praise yourself for not giving in—out loud if possible. I actually tell myself firmly that I can’t let myself start succumbing to “just this once” since it won’t be once.

*Take conscious pleasure in being able to control your desire. I congratulate myself for taking control instead of succumbing. Feeling empowered can give you a rush that makes up for not having a cookie or whatever it is you want.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »


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