Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Prayers +

This is post 27 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I once spoke at a Christian conference. Afterwards, a lovely woman who I’ll refer to as Laura, introduced herself and preceded to tell me about all the troubles she was going through. She assured me that she was a good Christian—her father was a minister—and she prayed for help each day. In fact, she had everyone in her church praying for her. Laura asked if I’d pray for her too. I reassured her that I would.

She was stunned when I then asked—“What are you doing for yourself besides praying?”

Laura stammered but no real answer came out. She looked confused. “Weren’t prayers enough?” she asked. No. When you have true faith, you don’t need to ask everyone you know to pray for you. By running to everyone she could find to help her pray, Laura put out a message that she was afraid her own requests wouldn’t be answered. That expresses doubt, which says you have a lack of faith in getting what you want.

Prayers without faith in the prayers won’t manifest good results!

There’s NOTHING wrong with praying. All prayers are good. But Laura’s fear was obvious. She didn’t expect to get them answered, so she turned to everyone, including me, to do it for her. Praying, like doing affirmations, can be empty words if your thoughts deny them. Once I was convinced that my prayers get answered when my thoughts are clear and faithful, I didn’t need others to pray for my. I know my intentions go directly to the source.

In order for prayers to work, you must also show that you’re serious about getting what you’re praying for.

It’s important to have concrete actions and thoughts that show you expect to get what you say you want. Laura was so busy counting on others to pray for her that she broke her own connection with God. I asked her if she talked to God or put herself in His hands with trust as she prayed. She looked sheepish. This woman, brought up in the church by a father who was a minister, was so scared and desperate to improve what was going wrong that she attracted more of the negatives. Laura asked me what she should do.

I suggested she work on developing her relationship with God and do what she could to put out positive thoughts about getting what she needed as she prayed.

Laura needed to talk to God while she prayed, share how scared she was, and, ask for guidance in getting past the fear. It’s critical to focus on what you’re looking forward to having when your troubles got resolved, instead of focusing on making problems go away. The latter keeps your thought on your problems, and the Law of Attraction brings more problems. The more Laura depended on others to pray for her to improve her life, the less she got because she wasn’t trusting that it would happen.

The more she thought about all that was wrong with her life and talked to others about it, the more Laura put those troubles out to the Universe and the more the Law of Attraction kept them coming!

I told her about a minister I once heard speak who changed my life. He was a crusty old Irishman and his delivery was crisp and bluntly when he said, “You can pray a lot, many times a day and before you go to bed. You can ask others to pray with you. But if that’s all you do, you know what the result will be? You’ll be the best darn praying person. And, you’ll always be praying for what you won’t get if you don’t get up and let your actions and thoughts show that you expect to get it.”

Praying is like the condiments in a meal. Strong positive intentions cook the main course of what you want.

You need both. Ever since I heard the minister talk I’ve redefined what it means to pray. For me, it doesn’t mean saying what I want and sitting back waiting to get it. If you’re not ready for a healthy romantic relationship, prayers alone won’t bring you one. But loving yourself more and becoming whole on your own shows God that you want the kind of romantic partner who is strong and loving too. If you want to be rich, watch for opportunities that can help you make more money and do the work to achieve it. If you want to move to a better living space, start looking for one as you ask God to show you the perfect space.

You can begin by asking to be shown the best opportunities for getting what you pray for, and take advantage of them to the best of your ability!

God often speaks to us by presenting situations. Watch for these! It may not be obvious that God is speaking to you when something unexpected happens or you see a good possibility for making money or you keep bumping into a neighbor who might be someone to date or the many other signs that God is communicating. Help the Law of Attraction to work with you to attract positive goodies by letting your actions reflect an effort to get it.

* Show yourself love and you’ll have the best chance of meeting more loving people.
* Improve your skills, try every opportunity, be the best employee you can be, and enjoy the money it can bring.
* Call realtors and search websites and papers for an apartment and the right one will come.
* Say thanks in advance for what you intend to get to show that you believe your getting it is a given.
* Get enough sleep and make eating healthy and exercise a priority to attract feeling better.

The next day, Laura greeted me with a smile. She had her first real talk with God and felt more hopeful than she had in ages. She was now actively praying by talking to God and felt it working. And she thought of some things she could do to help herself!

Give your prayers more punch with your intentional thoughts and actions and they’ll begin to work for you! And, always remember to say thank you when they’re answered, whether it’s when you see the results or like me, have strong enough faith that they’re coming so I know they’re answered well before. ?As you connect to your source, the prayers will become more real to you, and the good old Law of Attraction with work with, instead of against what you want.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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An Inside Look At Bulimia with Tamara Hey

As pressure for a perfect body motivates very poor decisions, more people, especially women, are suffering from eating disorders. It breaks my heart to see perfectly healthy individuals abuse their bodies in the name of losing weight. This in turn, abuses their souls, and their self-image.

It’s hard to love yourself when you hate your body!

Tamara Hey is a singer/songwriter who I’ve known and like for years. I’ve always enjoyed her straightforward lyrics. Sometimes biting, sometimes funny, often both, they tell the truth. Still, I was surprised to hear her perform Round Peg, a song on her latest album. It begins:

Round Peg doesn’t fit in with all of us skinny chicks
But what I like most about her is that she doesn’t give a shit
I wanna be her and let myself go
I bet she never stuck a finger down her throat

Could this lovely woman suffer from bulimia? I listened intently. I heard the emotions as she continued:

Round Peg couldn’t care less, buttering both sides of the bread
Letting the crumbs fall to her chest, brushing them off and starting again
I wanna be her — taking big bites
I’ll bet she never let a mirror cut her down to size

The chorus—ROUND PEG, ROUND PEG—ROUND PEG, ROUND PEG—wove around the lyrics that gave such a clear feel of what it feels like to have a poor body image, poor enough to purge your food after eating. My heart went out as she sang:

Oh Peg, your chocolate birthday cake
I pushed the pieces around my plate

That sweet 16 left such a bitter taste

Round Peg, I cut you out — with everything else good — ounce by ounce
I shouldn’t have done that, but I did, and now I’m down to bones and skin

I wanna be you — laughing out loud

But I’m bitter in the center and no fun to be around

I asked Tamara if this was her truth. Yes, she’d suffered from bulimia. So I had to interview her about it! Tamara Hey is a singer/songwriter with 3 independently-released CDs, including “Miserably Happy” (November 2008). She “brings lighthearted optimism to a singer/songwriter genre often skewed toward the brooding and depressive”, blend[ing] humor, sarcasm, wit, and introspection … with tons of pop vibes. Here’s what Tamara shared:

Why do you think you became bulimic? I can’t remember exactly what age I was, but I’m sure I was younger than 16; probably 14 or 15 years old. It was a “phase” that was short lived, but the state-of-mind doesn’t seem to wear off.

What motivated you to write Round Peg? I didn’t sit down with the intention of writing about bulimia. I had written down the potential title, “Round Peg” after hearing someone passing by say it mistakenly. The expression is really “Square Peg in a Round Hole”. She had it backward. I liked it and it was a challenge to come up with something the song could be about. When I realized what I was going to write, I was a little afraid. I had never considered writing a song about bulimia.

What does Round Peg represent? To me, Round Peg represents the kind of person the singer loathes and even fears yet wishes she could be. The singer is afraid to be fat. So afraid that she resorts to bulimia, hanging around with a clique of skinny girls who aren’t good friends. She befriends them because she knows that under their influence she will never become fat. She also envies Peg for her sense of self, freedom to enjoy life and just be who she is.

Was there a girl or type of girl that you saw as a Round Peg and envied? I can’t recall anyone specific. But even today, I admire women who are not afraid to wear clothes that show off what they’ve got physically. They seem comfortable with their shape no matter what it is, whereas, I think I never really will.

When you looked at the birthday cake, what did you see? In the lyric, the birthday cake was actually at Peg’s Sweet Sixteen. Fun foods like birthday cake, present me with a choice. If I decide to eat that birthday cake, then I have to face the challenge of not feeling bad about it; accepting that I ate it and move on.

How did you feel when you looked at yourself in the mirror? I almost never felt good. In fact, even today I purposely don’t have mirrors in my house – except for the bathroom cabinet mirror. I’m afraid that I’ll be tormented if I have mirrors in the house.

What made you so bitter? I used the term “bitter” in the lyric as a metaphor: an empty, acidic stomach and a bitter personality.

How did you finally turn it around? I woke up feeling really sick; dizzy and shaky. I knew I had to stop. And I did.

How do you feel now when you perform Round Peg? I feel really good. At first I was nervous about revealing something so personal. But now I enjoy it. As a song, it’s really fun to sing and the arrangement is just the right combination of strange/circus and a little mean. Also, more than one woman has come up to me after a show to tell me that they really like the song. I think maybe they are telling me that they can relate.

How do you feel now about yourself? I feel pretty good, but unfortunately, I will always have the insecure, bulimic teenager inside. I’m very weight conscious. I don’t starve, but I’m careful.

What did you learn? I learned that making myself sick is not the solution to any problem.

What does the title of your album, Miserably Happy, mean? To me, “Miserably Happy” means not allowing myself to be totally happy about a something. But with that song, I’m trying to show that I’m aware of this tendency and I can laugh about it. Many people have told me that “Miserably Happy” describes me very well.

What advice would you give to someone who tells you they’re bulimic, or who seems obsessed with losing weight? Being thinner probably won’t solve what’s really troubling you. Figure out what’s really going on. Seek help from someone you can trust to be objective about your situation—a doctor, a therapist, maybe a friend.

Bulimia or anorexia or fad diets, etc.
are NOT healthy under any circumstances! While I do advocated being fit, losing weight in ways that harm your body isn’t getting fit. I just got a product I heard about called Slim Shots. It’s an all natural small cup with a blend of palm and oat oils that works in the ileum to trigger a feeling of fullness. I had one today and actually felt no urge to munch all day. That’s unusual! But it was only one time. I’m going to keep using them and I’ll report later on about whether they work well regularly.

Taming your appetite naturally so you can eat less is a MUCH healthier way to lose weight. No matter how you feel about your body, learn from Tamara’s painful lessons. Respect your body enough to lose or maintain weight in healthy ways. Check out Tamara and her music at http://www.tamarahey.com/

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Law of Attraction in Action: Valentine’s Day

This is post 26 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Saturday is Valentine’s Day, which I call V-Day. It’s a day when MANY women wait for love to be specially expressed and romance to abound. It’s also a day when many men get stressed or feel pressure to accommodate the expectations of their partners. And it’s also a day when many single women feel depressed, like they’re missing out on love. The expectations and longings on V-Day get blown up and create disproportionate expectations for one day of love.

Many emotions are stirred on February 14th each year! We give this one day so much importance.

I admit that I’m a hopeless romantic. I love sweet gestures and getting flowers and other surprises. But love isn’t about obligation. It also isn’t about forcing someone to express it with gifts. But that’s what happens on this day designated for love. I laugh when I see men lined up at delis buying flowers and in drug stores buying last minute candy and stuffed animals and any other things to impress their ladies.

This is all done as single chicks struggle to survive the day of love without a special man.

I used to get depressed on V-Day if I didn’t have someone to bring me flowers. I’d often get together with a friend to commiserate a lack of love. Every time we saw someone walk by with flowers we had an ouch moment. Actually, we’d torture ourselves. If I didn’t see the flowers, she’d point it out and vice versa. We’d moan about not having a guy and share how much we both wanted to be in a relationship. I found it funny that the days before and after I was fine about being single.

But February 14th brought out the needy in me as it does in many people.

We’re inundated with ads for romantic endeavors and gifts for a while before this targeted day for love. It can make even the strongest chick long for what we see or read about. Single men can feel the sadness too if they want to be in a relationship. I’d bet that there’s a lot of depression on V-Day when it’s supposed to be a day to honor love. Even people in relationships feel let down from the pressure to buy the right gift or do the right thing. And the disappointment when your partner doesn’t come up with the most romantic ways possible to express love.

BUT—LOVE ISN’T A ONCE A YEAR DEAL! Putting so much into the love you get, or don’t get, on February 14th demeans what love really is.

When I was a DoorMat I waited in expectation for the guy I was with to make me feel loved. But the roses I got didn’t change that I still felt lousy about me; even hated myself often. The roses or dinner or one night display of affection was like a small band aid on a HUGE wound. That wound was from not loving myself. Now that I’ve left DoorMatville, whether I’m with a guy or not, I celebrate myself on V-Day. Then I always get the love I want the most—from ME!

When you get depressed on Valentine’s Day, you tell the Law of Attraction you have a lack love, which results in continuing to feel unloved.

Pay attention to all the love around you, whether it’s romantic or a kind neighbor, family member or friend. Love comes in all kinds of packages, but it’s still love and should be appreciated all year long. It may not feel the same as a romantic partner on V-Day but can still be satisfying. I once was in London on V-Day. I used to go there regularly when I had my record label and I stayed in a bed and breakfast owned by a family I became friends with.

I was particularly friendly with Bernard, one of the brothers who owned it. He saw how down I was about having no love on V-Day. I saw people carrying flowers but none were for me. When I returned to my room later, there was a stuffed bear holding a bouquet of roses—“with love from your friend Bernard.” We weren’t romantically involved but it made a big impact on my heart. I kept that bear for many years as a reminder of how pure and delightful a loving gesture like that can be.

The biggest love that should be nurtured on V-Day is what you give to YOU!

Strong self-love makes it easier to navigate the emotions on February 14th and gives it a lot less importance than what the media hypes it to be. Loving yourself is not only valid love, but it’s the most critical and valuable kind. You can give it any time, any place, whether you’re single or in a relationship.

Being loving to yourself sends the message that you deserve love, and therefore you’ll attract more of it.

I learned this a few years ago when I broke up with someone just before the “big” day. He was very romantic and I’d looked forward to receiving roses and other goodies. But, he’d done something that I knew couldn’t be excused just for this reason. I began to get depressed when I went out and saw what seemed to be everyone carrying roses but me. My initial response was to feel unloved. But as I began to indulge in self-pity, I remembered:

The greatest gift to yourself is to love yourself. I made a vow that V-Day to honor that love!

I imagined the most perfect rose in my head. It was yellow, with rusty orange edges and I went on a mission to find it. I just wanted on perfect rose. I finally found it in a florist shop for 10 bucks. That’s right! I spend 10 bucks on ONE rose! I’m worth it! It gave me such pleasure to be able to make myself feel so good from buying that rose. I’ve been buying myself a bouquet of flowers every week for years, but this was the first time I’d bought a rose. Now I do it occasionally just because, even when it’s not V-Day!

The heck with waiting for a guy to do it! I love me and if I have a boyfriend, I’m loved even more, since I’m already loved without one. V-Day is now Self-Love Day to me!

Honor yourself on Saturday, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Do something special for you. Be loving and kind. There’s nothing like self-love for being consistent and always available. It’s not a substitute for the love of someone else. Even when I’m in love with a guy, I’m in love with myself too. Guys may come and go but I’m here to stay! This Saturday I’m planning a healthy day, since keeping myself fit and healthy is a super gift of self-love.

The more you show yourself love, the more the Law of Attraction responds with more love. Corny as it sounds, LOVE does make my world joyous. Money is nice. Possessions are nice. Flowers are nice. But LOVE is priceless! Indulge in self-love and allow the Law of Attraction to return it with more joy.


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Bah Humbug Girl

morguefile.comToday I emailed a writer I’m friendly with, who I’ll call Lynn, to tell her about a story she might pitch to a magazine about my new rap video. Her immediate response was telling me all the reasons that no magazine would accept the idea. I didn’t argue with her since I’m tired of it. But it reminded me of why she always struggles to get work.

Lynn is a very nice person. Sweet as can be. The kind of person people would say that deserves lots of good things to come to her.

But, whenever I see Lynn and ask how she’s doing, she snarls and complains that it’s hard to make a living. Editors are difficult to deal with and close-minded about in her eyes. Life is a struggle to Lynn. Her moaning makes me uncomfortable about answering when she asks how I am. She’s envious when I say my editors are a pleasure to deal with and very open-minded.

She thinks I’m lucky. I think that we both get what we expect.

Lynn carries herself like she has the weight of the world on her. Her smile is melancholy. She rarely seems happy and dwells on how rotten editors are to work with. I however, am usually in love with life and radiate joy. And while I like some more than others, I’m fine with all my editors. Yes, there are snags along the way as people will be people. But for the most part, I consider my work relationships as blessed as my personal ones.

I’ve tried to talk to Lynn about changing her attitude but just get arguments about how I don’t understand. But I do, all too well, though not in the way she thinks.

Yes, we get back what we give out from the Law of Attraction and Lynn sure manifests her expectations! But besides that, people can feel your attitude. When you expect someone to tear your idea apart, they can feel it. I try to be friendly to everyone, even when they don’t seem the kind of warm and fuzzy people I like. It gets me so much more than going to someone on edge, waiting for the ax to drop, the way Lynn does.

She also puts up her own roadblocks by deciding that someone won’t say yes, hence not even asking.

When you find yourself getting consistently turned down for what you’re going after, monitor your thoughts right before and right after. What’s your mood going in? Is there something in your voice or tone or the words you use that could be making the person consider turning you down? There are many things that can be like red flags to people you ask for something. Some common ones are:

* Are you apologetic when you ask? An apologetic tone is a red flag to someone you’re asking something from. It tells the person you’re not sure you should be asking. That makes them consider more if they should be hesitant to work with you. Roadblock alert! When I was a DoorMat I apologized for everything. It’s a wonder I didn’t say I was sorry for being born! ? Then I’d complain like Lynn that people are difficult to get cooperation from. Now I know that I was the difficult one. Save apologies for when you’re truly wrong and keep them out of your verbal interactions.

* Do you preface requests with a version of, “you probably won’t like this but…” I hear that said often. When it’s said to me, I expect to not like what the person is going to ask for. Self-sabotage alert! When you live in DoorMatville, you often feel unworthy and folks view you as such because of how you communicate. Before you ask, convince yourself of why the person will like it. If you can’t, don’t waste your time asking! YOU must believe it’s good before you can convince others.

* Does your voice radiate a total lack of confidence? If you sound very unsure of yourself, people will be unsure of you. Confidence buster alert! I stammered through requests. That sure won’t make a good impression! Even if you’re nervous, fake confidence by speaking slowly and definitively. Save your ums’ and repeated “reallys” for friends. Make a conscious effort to state your case clearly in a calm, decisive voice, in as few words as possible.

* If you’re in person do you slump or avoid eye contact? This screams insecurity. Body language alert! No matter how insecure you truly are, you can fake pulling your shoulders back, holding your head high and looking the person in the eye (without staring him or her down!). That just takes consciousness, not real confidence, but it can lead to building your confidence as you get better results.

* Does your attitude reflect that you expect to be turned down or to have a confrontation like Lynn’s does? Every mention she makes of getting new assignments has an edge of defeat in it. Do you do that? I used to feel defeated from the starting gate and it showed in my expectation as I waited to be turned down. Self-kicking in the butt alert! Now I approach people with the true excitement I feel. It can be contagious!

* Are you friendly or somber? Being friendly always gives you a leg up. Sounding somber brings people down. Smile alert! Force a smile. It puts you into a better mood and will do that to the people you interact with. It’s hard to be somber when you’re passionate about what you ask for! Enthusiasm gets people on board. Somber makes people want to move on. Save somber for funerals and curl those lips NOW!

It doesn’t matter how unlikely what you want may seem or how many people tell you it won’t happen. Had I listened to those voices, I’d still be unhappily living in DoorMatville. I wouldn’t have become the first white female rapper or had 10 books published with 2 more under contact. I bucked systems and nay-sayers when I wanted to do something and proved many folks wrong.

When my last book came out, a big newspaper wrote something negative about it. I’d just convinced Lynn to pitch a story to that paper on a different angle about my book. She emailed to say she wasn’t going to bother since the review wasn’t good. I argued that the secondary story was till good. She balked. I danced with her until she finally agreed to pitch it to get me off her dance card.

No one was more shocked than Lynn when the story ran. My energy overrode hers!

I got Lynn’s email saying there’s no point in pitching a story about how I, the first white female rapper, was making a music video of my first rap, Girls Can Do after being motivated by writing my 2 new books. She said no one would care since I’m older now. Hello! I think it’s a great story and it will get written, but not by Lynn. I’m tired of dancing with the bah humbug girl and will just nicely send her a link to the first article about me. ?

Watch for self-imposed roadblocks. It can be hard enough to follow your dreams without YOU standing in your own way. Having done that for MANY years, I can attest that dissolving the blocks and being open t
o all of life’s goodies creates a much better and joyously happier life than being a bah humbug person
. Pay attention to your attitude. If it’s not going in a direction to enhance your life, make the effort to alter it. Then you can see why this recovering DoorMat wakes up smiling every day. ?

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