Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Adjectives for Your Life

This is post 31 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

The other day, someone I know was saying that lately his life sucked. I winced each time he said it. Others chimed in with adjectives about their lives that were negative. “My life feels like a struggle.” “I know what you mean, life is hard.” I asked them for more adjectives to describe their lives and eventually challenged them to find some good ones. They were actually able to do that!

Yet their emphasis was on the negatives! And they wondered why those negatives continued to be true. I knew why—the Law of Attraction picked up those thoughts.

Often when something is annoying we give it more power than necessary. Actually, it’s best not to give negatives any power. But of course it’s human nature to magnify the annoyances. You have a bad day and it becomes a bad week, then you reinforce it and it continues. Then it transfers to your whole life. I’ve talked about individual things we do that affects how the Law of Attraction works for our highest or lowest good.

But it’s also important to be aware of how our overall attitude toward life creates the tone we live by.

Your view of your life is YOUR choice! You can choose to find the good in things that don’t go well or choose to feel bad about what you don’t like and bring it into the bigger picture of you life. That taints your perception in a bigger way than necessary and attracts more of the negatives that you equate with your life. Why integrate a bad experience as part of your life when you can leave it in the past?

You can also look for the good in a situation to balance what you didn’t like.

Sounds tough? Which do you prefer? Feeling good or being brought down by negatives? Your choice is that simple. Just yesterday I returned from an afternoon of writing in a café and saw fire engines heading down my block in midtown Manhattan. As they approached my apartment building I muttered, “keep going.” But they stopped and dozens of firemen ran into my building with full gear and hoses.

My building was on fire! An electrical panel for our elevator at the top floor ignited and was shooting flames and smoke.

It was scary. Why my building?? The elevators were shut down but I was allowed to walk to my apartment—on the 10th floor! I don’t normally walk up, especially when carrying my laptop. But I did and it was actually not too bad. I’m in better shape than ever now so I didn’t have to stop much to catch my breath. When I got in and spoke to a friend, she began to say how terrible it was that my building had a fire. Did I want to feel terrible? NOPE!! I thought about it and found the blessings. The fire department came fast so the fire wouldn’t do too much damage. Bless our doorman for quickly noticing the light off on that elevator and going upstairs to see why, which got the firemen there fast.

So I focused on the blessings. My big one is that I’ve improved my physical fitness a lot and can now walk the 10 flights up without much effort! I love knowing that but wouldn’t had it not been for the fire! ?

After that, when I told someone about the fire, my perception was that a fire in my building helped me to see what great shape I’m in, so I’m OK about it! I could have gone to “why me?” or thought about what could have happened without the doorman’s quick thinking. Had he not gone up fast, the fire would have spread down the shaft of the elevator and it could have been a tragedy. But it wasn’t and I won’t go there. My life is good and I choose to keep it that way by watching how I view it.

Here’s an exercise. At the top of a paper or document in your computer, write “My life is:” Think about words that describe your life. Be honest! Write down everything you think of. What comes to mind first? Are there any negatives? How can you find the blessings and make them more positive? If you think your life sucks, it will continue to. If you accept that stuff happens but overall your life is a blessing, you’ll continue to be blessed like I am.

Make your perception of the overall picture of your life a positive one and enjoy a positive life, despite the glitches! Then the Law of Attraction will bless you with more positive adjective for your life.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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I Disagree, So Now I’m Fat???

I’ve noticed a pattern in women that I don’t like. Okay, some men do this too, but it’s mainly women. I hear one get angry with someone and instead of addressing the issue, or challenging their point of view, they regress to schoolgirl tactics and call them names. Usually it’s an attack on some aspects of their looks. It’s a fact:

For most women, a big Achilles heel is our looks, especially our bodies.

Meghan McCain, daughter of senator John McCain, recently launched a political discussion that Laura Ingraham disagreed with and her jab was to comment on her plus size. I heard Meghan ask with frustration why people are so obsessed with our weight and said that no woman should be criticizing another woman’s weight. I totally agree! she discussed it on her blog on The Daily Beast. People need to get off of these nasty attacks on those of us who aren’t perfect.

Who is perfect? NOBODY!

And what does my body have to do with my politics? Yes, I get it too! Earlier in the week someone blogged about the music industry in relation to my new Start & Run Your Own Record Label book. It was a civilized discussion, until someone who disagreed with a quote from the book launched an attack on me in the comments. This was a discussion about the music industry, yet part of her diatribe about why I wasn’t qualified to write the book had comments on my looks, including saying I had large breasts, like there’s something wrong with that.

What on earth do my breasts have to do with my ability to write a book???

This person is bitter. No idea why. It was all so irrational. But while other women who’d been attacked like that might have been very hurt reading it, I just laughed at the absurdity. I don’t know if it was a man or woman but assume it was a woman. I can’t believe that a guy discussing the music industry would pick on my breasts. Maybe lust after them. ? But not refer to them in the context of my not being qualified. It’s irrational but not uncommon.

Men get picked on for what they say, women get jabs about their appearance. And people wonder why so many of us are people pleasers. I pleased everyone for so many years to compensate for the fact that I wasn’t perfectly thin. The jabs got to me back then. Any fat comments hurt like heck! I’d wince and then I’d try harder to please. Living in DoorMatville was more about avoiding than living.

Now I don’t let those comments get to me. Instead, I think the person can’t find anything really wrong so she picks on my body.

Well I have news for the blog jabber. I love my breasts, and the rest of my body. I appreciate knowing that you had to sink low to find something to say about me to vent your negativity. My intelligence and skills couldn’t motivate something specific to put down, since I know I’m good and my book is excellent. So you pick on my breasts, which happen to be very nice.

There are a lot of angry and frustrated people in the world who lash out to hurt others when they’re hurting. Like the Dalai Lama, I have compassion for them as they must be hurting themselves. If someone does that to you, know it comes form a place of unhappiness and let it go. No one can make me feel fat or unattractive but me. You can blame others, but it’s YOU who buys into what they say.

No more I say! I had enough of that as a DoorMat. When you’re happy, you can cut others slack as they try to be nasty in an attempt to soothe themselves. My lovely breasts and I are content. Those words can’t hurt me and the girls. Don’t let words hurt you. Choose your own positive perception. It makes life a lot sweeter!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Worrying

This is post 30 in my series on the Law of Attraction. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Most of us worry sometimes. It’s almost a knee-jerk reaction when things don’t go well or there’s something you really want but aren’t sure of. But it’s definitely a habit that’s worth breaking. I used to worry about everything. Am I good enough today? Will he call? Can I support myself? What if I’m really sick? Will she come through surgery OK? Worrying is usually based on projection about the worst case scenario that can happen. People often make themselves ill from worry, which brings more reasons to worry.

The Law of Attraction reads worry as a lack of faith and a belief that the thing you’re worrying about will come true. So you attract what you worry about!

When your thoughts linger on what you worry about, you reinforce that lack of faith. It becomes a vicious cycle. You worry, the Universe hears the thoughts, and brings you what you worry about or intensifies your worries. So you worry more and it continues to bring you negative feelings or results. Why hurt yourself like that?! Most of what we worry about is unnecessary.

The more you tell the Law of Attraction that you don’t have faith in a good outcome, you more you get a bad one.

Are you concerned about things that may happen in the future? Do you waste time worrying over things that don’t happen? Worry is fear in action. You’re scared, dwell on it and can’t move. You want to make that call but worry that you won’t sound right. The antidote to worrying is to stay living in right NOW. The future will come soon enough but right now those problems you see potential for don’t exist.”

Worrying creates doubt that chisels at your faith. It’s hard to feel supported spiritually when you’re expecting bad things to happen.

I used to worry about everything that wasn’t right in front of me. Anything that hadn’t happened yet had a potential for problems. Now I understand that I got problems by worrying so much. As my faith got stronger, so did my awareness of how worrying sent the wrong message. The stronger my faith became, the less I worried. The less I worried, the more things worked out for my highest good. The synergy is fantastic!

When you’re worried about something, reassure yourself by saying, “Everything will work out fine. Whatever is meant to be will be.” It really does when you control the urge to worry!

I look back when things don’t go my way to find a reason. There always is one. Sometimes it can take some time to find it. But if you expect to, and watch for it, the reason will appear. This takes patience and faith. I was a skeptic when I first read about this. But the more I found the reasons for why things I wanted didn’t go my way, the more I knew that something better for my highest good would come. When you look for them, the reasons become apparent. That increases my faith and helps me to curb worrying. I don’t need to worry! I just need to find reasons!

An unknown author said, “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well.”

When I’m worried and push through the doubts, I look back from the other side of what worried me. That helps me to see that my worry was unfounded. I reassure myself instead of fueling the fears that worrying creates.

Life happens. Worrying doesn’t change things for the better but it can make life worse when it keeps you from doing things and weakens your faith. Use affirmations to overcome those worried thoughts. It’s hard to think two different things at the same time. Say whatever feels right to you, over and over until you drown the thought that feeds worrying. Overcome concerns with positive thoughts and let life happen to the best of your ability!

Each time I feel worry coming on, I consciously release the situation into God’s hands. It always works out.

Releasing your concerns to God can be scary since you let go of control. And I like feeling in control now! But, the truth is, trusting God enough to let Him handle your situation is the ultimate of taking control. It’s guiding your faith in a positive direction and allowing the Law of Attraction to do its work. Having faith is the best kind of control over your life and attracts less to worry about! Now I tell the Universe to bring it on, since I know I’ll be fine, instead of looking for negative possibilities.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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The Recovering DoorMat Celebrates 2 New Books!

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out! It’s a book. MY book!
Good progress is usually slow. I advocate taking baby steps in order to have the best chance to succeed at what you want or to break old habits. One of the downsides of baby stepping is that the bits of progress can be minimal each day so it’s not obvious. Someone you see every day, like yourself, ? might not notice that you’re losing a half pound a week on your diet since each bit you lose doesn’t make a discernible difference in your body.

But someone who hasn’t seen you in 4 months will see the results of losing 8 pounds while you still wonder why your clothes feel loser since you didn’t notice a weight loss.

It’s important to be conscious, and grateful, for all the small steps we take. But of course we often don’t. While I’m probably more conscious than most, things get by me. I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve barely had time to breathe. I’m writing 2 new books as my latest titles are released. So much on my plate made me eat without tasting. That’s why Tuesday night—my double book release party—was so special, and eye-opening to me. It was at Bamboo 52, a fabulous sushi lounge on West 52nd Street in NYC. My guests indulged in their yummy sushi, washed down with sake and champagne in the friendly atmosphere the staff creates. They LOVED it! I’m so grateful that I was able to have my party there! That’s me above with super chick, Zanade Mann at my party!

After over an hour of greeting the crowds of people that attended, everything felt surreal. It was hard to process they were there for ME! Then I stood up to address the crowd. I was on a padded bench looking out over the sea of people and it hit me—they WERE there for ME!! There were family, friends, colleagues and fans. Pamela and Xavier Davis actually flew in from Minneapolis. Another fan called to apologize that she was sick and had to cancel in from Detroit. For me! ?

As I prepared to speak, I thought about where I started—the sad DoorMat, bored and hating herself. Tonight was different! I loved how I looked in my black ruffled dress and felt good. I felt liked and appreciated. When I lived in DoorMatville I thought I had to please people to be liked but I knew I wasn’t liked. I just wanted to not be alone so I did my best to please everyone, everyone but ME! I thought is was worth the price of having people around.

But I learned that you can be lonely in a crowd if you don’t think people like you for you and are just there for the favors.

Tuesday night I was SO FAR from lonely. A big crowd of people were there to celebrate my accomplishments! I sort of was aware of the baby steps I’ve taken toward success. I get many fan letters every day. But as I immerse myself in work, my bits of success don’t always process. As I wrote my 2 new books simultaneously, I was excited. It meant a lot to me to be able to have them published. While they’re my ninth and tenth books, it doesn’t get old. But as I prepared to talk to the crowd on Tuesday, it hit me.

This DoorMat is living out her dreams! I have come full circle!

My music biz books have become some of the most popular in the world. My third edition of Start & Run Your Own Record Label (Billboard/Random House) is out! When I was the first white female rapper, and one of the first women to start a record label, I was teased and not taken seriously. My inner self-empowerment kicked in and I learned how handle myself in ways that earn respect and allow me to still be nice—what I call a Nice Girl on Top. I’ve been writing my other new book and preparing for it release but now I need to scream:

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out! It’s a book. MY book!

It reflects my journey from being a DoorMat to becoming an empowered chick, with many techniques I’ve used for getting taken seriously without raising my voice or losing my kind nature. This book is my heart and soul! I LOVED writing and hope it helps many women find the kind of peace, freedom from anger and satisfaction that I have by using the tools in the book. A few men who’ve read it said it helped them too.

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out! Okay, I’m excited. Pardon me for shouting it a few times! ?And here’s some of the testimonials for the book:
Never underestimate the power of a woman – especially
a nice one. This book is a must read for today’s world where, thankfully, nice is finally getting the respect it deserves. Mean is so last millennium. Nice Girls Can Finish First offers brilliant tools and savvy advice for making ‘nice’ work for you in business and in life. Nice girls do finish first and this is their ‘how-to’ manual.
~~Linda Kaplan Thaler, CEO of The Kaplan Thaler Group and bestselling author of The Power of Nice

In Nice Girls Can Finish First, Daylle Deanna Schwartz proves that women who are basically good-hearted can still be taken seriously in both their business and personal lives. In fact, when used properly, kindness and consideration can go further than selfishness and bitchiness. Good lessons to learn and live by. Daylle proves that we don’t have to be a bitch to be taken seriously in the world: in business and in our personal lives. The more we read books like this, the more it will sink into our brains that have been programmed to please. ~~Nina Disesa, chairman of McCann Erickson New York and author of Seducing the Boys Club


Anybody can be a bitch. And effective as that might be in the short run, in the long run (and it is a long run) it’ll bring you down. It takes a woman who’s smart, strong and confident to assume the best from people and motivate them to deliver it. Daylle Schwartz shows you how to finish first – every time. ~~Gail Blanke, Author, Throw Out Fifty Things, Clear the Clutter Find Your Life, life coach and motivator

Daylle Deanna Schwartz provides many constructive techniques for being soft-spoken, friendly and considerate to others in ways that get satisfying results. This book is for women who are fundamentally nice, want to stay true to that and who also want to be taken seriously, earn respect and get their needs met. Terrie M. Williams, author of The Personal Touch: What You Really Need To Succeed in Today’s Fast-Paced Business World

How blessed am I????? Years ago I rarely heard a kind word about me. Now I have testimonials from these awesome women. So as I come down from the rush this week brought me, I’m vowing to make a bigger effort to pay attention to and appreciate the results of all my little steps as I have bits of progress. I want to taste more along the way. Tuesday night brought it all together. I had tears hearing everyone cheer for me. I cheered for me! ?While women are encouraged to be modest, I will own all the accolades since I KNOW I deserve them! ? I’ve worked hard and know how many folks my books have helped.

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out!

Okay, that’s the last time I’ll shout it. ? I’m SOOOO excited! I’m still a nice girl but now I’m on top of my world and get respect and satisfaction. Check out my book and you’ll learn lots of ways to take more satisfying control of your world. And, go celebrate yourself!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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