Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

This is post 47 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

People now see me as someone who makes her dreams come true. We all have dreams. Our minds can take us far. But I’ve found that people fall into several general categories. Yes, they may overlap at times. But in general, you’ll probably recognize yourself most in one. You might not want to recognize yourself correctly. But when you do, you can use the Law of Attraction too help you get what you think you want. Which one are you?

* Fantasy Dreamer: People imagine scenarios that are either so far from their lives to consider happening or that are over the top for someone or that they really wouldn’t want to come true. These dreams are often too general to attract spiritual support, like being rich and famous or having men or women fawning all over you to get your attention. These kinds of dreams usually stay in the person’s bed. We often retreat to these dreams when we’re down or feeling helpless to improve life.

I had fantasy dreams often as a DoorMat. I’d imagine myself doing all sorts of incredible things or being with handsome actors or becoming a different person. They’d make me feel better for a while and help me pass time. But then I’d get sad KNOWING they wouldn’t come true. My putting it out to the Law of Attraction that I KNEW it wouldn’t happen ensured it wouldn’t happen. Fantasies CAN become reality IF you believe they can, but most fantasy dreamers don’t.

* Envious Dreamer: Envy can make you dream about having something that someone else has. You might not have wanted it on your own but seeing someone else with it can start you dreaming about having it too. You might want the expensive car your wealthier neighbor has or the prefect body you see on someone else, even though your frame is different.

In my DoorMat day, I envied many people and dreamed of having what they had—the hot boyfriend, the killer body, the lavish lifestyle and anything else I saw that seemed good. I just assumed the people with them were happy, which I wasn’t. So I dreamed about having it all, as I sadly believed I’d always have to live vicariously through others since I’d never have any of it. Envious dreamers tend to focus on their envy rather than trying to get what they dreamed about. They believe it’s always other people who get those things.

* Hopeless Dreamer: These dreamers really want to manifest and may take a few steps to do it. But, one setback or perceived obstacle can keep them dreaming forever. You may want to start a business, take a trip around the world, buy a house, become the president of your company or the US! But if you wait for a miracle before taking some steps forward, you’ll probably live in hopelessness. I felt hopeless about many things, especially getting out of DoorMatville. Compliments and words of encouragement were deflected by my low self-image, which said I couldn’t do much.

Many people sort of believe in the possibility of their dreams coming true but succumb to roadblocks, the biggest being in their heads. When things don’t go smoothly or come easily, it’s interpreted as too hard or not doable. That tells the Law of Attraction that you don’t expect it to happen. And guess what? It doesn’t! Then you may wallow in your being right instead of looking for another way to make it work.

* Intentional Dreamer: This is where I am now—a dream realizer! I won’t dream it if I don’t intend to seek it. People call me lucky. I don’t believe there’s any such thing. You get what people call luck by setting your sites on what you want with a belief that you will get it, and put that out strongly to the Law of Attraction. That’s truly what luck is—intentions manifested. Sometimes I hated others for being so lucky, not recognizing that I always had the power of the Law of Attraction to help me manifest real dreams. Lucky people are careful about their thoughts and attract more, so the other kind of dreamers call it luck. But it really is letting your thoughts work with the Law of Attraction.

Hopeless dreamers are good at making excuses for why they can’t make their dreams come true. They’re just copouts for not doing what it takes in most cases! You can find a million reasons for waiting to pursue your dreams. And waiting. And waiting. Each time you wait gets you a little more stuck in moving forward and it often becomes even harder to go for your dreams.

The best way to realize your dreams is to begin to live them.

Take a step forward to bring the dream out of wishful thinking and make it part of your life. If you make progress and then hit a step backwards, you can’t let it stop you—IF you truly want what you dream about. As a DoorMat, I dreamed in the black and white visions of what I wanted, shrouded in doubts about why it couldn’t happen. Now I dream in reality Technicolor. I decide what I want, do what I can to make it happen, and then trust that what I need will be there.

When intentions are clear and faith is strong, the Law of Attraction facilitates them.

I’m going to share one of my dreams. I’ve told a few people but they laugh. Does it faze me? Nope! I just know they’ll have a harder time manifesting their own dreams if they don’t understand the faithful intentions I have. I intend to win the Mega Millions lottery! There, I’ve said it in public! I want to use the money to do good for others. I KNOW with all my heart this will happen when the time is right. I have a budget for where the money will go. Mostly charities. I’ll keep just enough to live on so I can administer the money to do the most good.

I don’t buy tickets every week. The jackpot must be well over 100 million for it to suit my intentions. ?

When it gets there, then I buy. If I forget, it’s okay since it will be higher the following week or someone else will win. In the latter case, I wouldn’t want to win that time and split the money. Meanwhile, I keep visualizing the win coming and make concrete plans for the money, which can change each time the jackpot goes up. I’ll take 26 payments so it must be enough to give me substantial money each year. I’m still not sure of some details of how to accomplish what I intend, since when I ask an accountant, etc, I get strange looks, not answers.

I truly KNOW with all my heart it’s coming—next week or in 10 years—whenever the right time is.

So now you have one of my more secret dreams, though I have many more! Join me! Be spontaneous, with some planning of course. Move forward in making your dreams come true. Take one step today. Learn something you need on the Internet. Write a plan. List your goals. Make a call. Ask for advice. Read a book about it. Things work out when you LET them. So LET them! Set your intentions, do what’s necessary, and let the Law of Attraction do its part. Take your dreams out of bed and begin the steps to seeing them to reality!

See al
l the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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You might have noticed I’ve been MIA for over a week. No posts. I felt guilty the first few days but couldn’t find the time. My next book was due yesterday, and I had to get it done properly. Every day I tried to make time to write a post or do some of the other things I had no time for but time kept running out. While I want to do it all and the ads say women can do it all, often we can’t. And it’s okay.

The old DoorMat in me tried to do everything at the expense of sleep and herself. Now I know it’s okay to prioritize and do what’s best for my well being.

People pleasers often take on too much. Often nothing gets done as well as possible. After a few days of trying, I gave myself permission to take time off from writing my blog and other things I’d normally do. My book came first, along with paying my bills on time. I also factored in time for loved ones and exercise. But that was about it. It was actually empowering to skip things I normally wouldn’t in order to take the pressure off of my time.

Trying to do too much or stressing out about not doing all you think you should can hurt your health.

Now I love myself enough to be kind to me and not push myself too hard. It feels great! I finished my book on time and have put some work into my next one, which will now be my priority. I have more leeway on time for a while. I’m chilling out more this weekend to decompress form the last few weeks, before I get back on the fast track again. The nice thing is I no longer feel guilty about putting things off!

We’re entitled—yes, entitled—to prioritize what we do in ways that feel best to us.

In my DoorMat days, even if I’d put something off, guilt would have offset the benefits. I didn’t feel right not doing everything I was “supposed to.” But what does “supposed to” mean? Going beyond your time? Draining all your energy? Putting too much stress on you? None of that makes sense to me anymore. What does make sense is doing everything I can to insure my good health and keep stress down.

If something is on your plate that’s stressing you out, find a way to put it away for a while or get it done fast.

I had some important calls to make and other things that needed to be done. So one morning I forced myself to sit down and make them all. When they were done, the big sense of relief felt great! I also determined what could wait. While I love writing my blog, it wasn’t essential to write posts. I found a bunch of others things that I also deemed postponable. Once I did that it was such a relief!

Things won’t fall apart because they’ve been postponed but you might fall apart if you try to do too much.

I’m writing this in the park around the corner from my apartment in midtown. It’s my oasis, with gorgeous trees and flowers and a big waterfall. That’s me in the pic. I took it with my laptop! I’m writing but not under pressure. It feels so good to relax and write at my leisure. The more I’ve grown to love myself, the more I strive to slow myself down and keep my plate at a reasonable level of full. I love what I do so most of it is sheer pleasure. If I could create some 48-hour days, I’d be a happier camper.

For now, I’ll try hard to keep time in my 24-hour days reasonably accounted for.

I apologize to those of you who missed my posts and I’ll try to do much better this week. I won’t always be able to write consistently, but I’ve moved these posts up in priority now that my book is done. Make sure you prioritize your time too. If you bite off more that you can handle, or should chew, spit some out or freeze it for another day! ?

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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This is post 46 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I have a friend who always says he can’t fix anything and hires people to do them. He’s sure he’ll break the wall if he tries to put a hook in it. I’ve tried to show him how to do simple things but he continues to sabotage his efforts by saying over and over that he’ll mess it up. Guess what happens? Yep, he messes it up, by attracting what he expected.

Believing that you can’t do something reinforces your inability to do it. The Law of Attraction supports you in screwing it up.

Most of us grew up with at least some limitations on what we can or can’t do. You may be too big to model, not smart enough to get a top job, not talented enough to do art, no handy enough to fix things. That mentality carries into other areas of your life and can make you feel somewhat out of control. Worst of all, it keeps you from trying to do those things without the mental restrictions.

If your parent or teacher or friend or the media told you what you can’t do, you carry that belief into adulthood.

My advisor in high school told me I was best suited to be someone’s wife and discredited my lofty dreams. She said I couldn’t do business or have a real career. The DoorMat in me believed her and studied Liberal Arts, which prepared me for nothing I wanted to do. But I couldn’t have a business career because my advisor said that.

It’s YOUR choice to make your thoughts positive or self-defeating.

Even if you were never able to do something before, trying it with expectations of success can make it happen! You can get someone to show you how, take a class, or just use determination, and your thoughts, to conquer it. Whatever you think becomes your reality.

* If you think you can’t, you can’t. Saying this takes away the option of learning to do something or overcoming a handicap. Thinking you can’t closes the door to overcoming what kept you from doing it before. It keeps you stuck in victim mode and dependent on others, like my friend who pays people to do what he could do himself.

* If you think you can, you can. That doesn’t mean you will. But it opens the door to possibilities. Thinking you can makes it possible. It says you’re willing to try your best and there’s a decent chance that you’ll succeed. “I can” can get you to “I will.”

* If you know you will, you will! There are 2 key words here—KNOW and WILL. Knowing is stringing than thinking, which still has doubt. WILL is the most definite. You can think you can do something but it doesn’t mean you will. It may happen but also may not. WILL sets your intention to it happening. It has no doubt.

WILL tells the Law of Attraction to bring it on!

The remote control for my VCR hasn’t worked well in a while. I finally went to Radio Shack and bought a universal one. The guy in the store wasn’t sure how to work it. The instructions weren’t clear and he said I’d have to try to figure it out on my own, or return it. I had no choice. The instructions were useless. At first I thought it wouldn’t do what I needed. Programming the remote was confusing. But I needed it to work and decided I’d figure out how to do it.

I said in a very determined voice, “I WILL make this work for me!”

A friend called during this and said, “Oh, I couldn’t program that remote.” There you go! Say you can’t and you can’t. I knew she couldn’t do it but also knew that I WOULD! I brought all my logic together, played with the buttons, said positive affirmations, “I WILL program this sucker,” and a few minutes later, it was programmed. I was proud of myself and immediately looked up and said thanks. It seemed impossible at first. I’m not tech inclined. But when I decided I WOULD program it, something in me changed.

I almost felt the invisible force of the Law of Attraction working with me! Knowing I have that support for my thoughts gave me the confidence to make it happen.

Catch yourself when you say you can’t do something that you actually would like to do. Ask yourself why not? See if you can change the possibility to “maybe I can.” Then take a leap and affirm “I WILL.” YOU determine whether you can or can’t do by your thoughts. Why not use them to help you!? ?

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Do you judge yourself by how you compare to others? Many of us do. That’s a set-up for low self-esteem. There will always be someone thinner, or richer, or more musculare or taller, or who attracts more dates, or who seems to have it better than you. I consider myself beyond compare! After all, how can you compare a unique individual, which we all are? Obsessing over comparisons to others can deflate you.

Comparisons bring out negative qualities and emotions.

Vanity comes into play when comparisons are about your body, clothing, hair, and other appearance related qualities. It pushes you to look better in a private competition with everyone you perceive to have a better visual quality. That’s why we’ve become a society of botox and sucking fat out and sculpting bodies to look like someone else. It’s become more about whose breasts, or chin, or butt or hair do you want? That mentality keeps plastic surgeons in fancy homes since often, the new look doesn’t bring happiness and leads to more comparisons.

Bitterness develops when you see people who have things that you can’t, or think you can’t have. Maybe you can’t afford the Botox or surgery. Or you have traits that can’t be altered. A short guy can’t pay to be taller. A large boned woman can’t become petite. This kind of bitterness creates another trait that can hurt you.

Jealousy. Emotions created when comparisons make you feel inferior are like cancer in your soul. Jealousy makes you angry that you don’t have what others do. It creates dislike for people with qualities you wish you had. And it can lead to feeling another cancerous emotion if you’re not careful.

Hatred. I hear women using hate when they give compliments. “I hate you for having such gorgeous hair. Ha ha.” Except it’s not really a joke. What they often mean is, “I hate myself for not having the kind of hair you do.” Comparisons can nurture self-loathing. Many of us hate ourselves for not being able to do or be or have what we see in others.

When I was a DoorMat I was only as good as how I compared to others. Vanity was out of my reach since I had a low self-image. So I felt bitter about my perception of not looking as good as others. Smaller women made me feel HUGE. How I felt about me was dependent on who I was with, which is a ridiculous waste of energy. Now I can laugh at how silly it was. But when I consistently sold me short in comparison to almost everyone, I was in pain most of the time.

Self-appreciation is the antidote to unhealthy comparisons.

Working on my inner self-appreciation helped me recognize how special I am—without my evaluation being dependent on others. It’s about me, and how I feel about me, not how looking at someone else makes me feel about me. That’s not real, just self-loathing! We’re all unique. Everyone has pluses and minuses.

There will always someone who seems more attractive or physically fit or smarter or more successful if you look.

But they have nothing to do with you, unless you choose to judge yourself by them. Having worked with people for years, I can assure that that few people couldn’t find qualities in themselves that they feel insecure about. I’ve heard Nicole Kidman rattle off reasons about how she’s not as good as many other women. Hello!!

Who you are in your own right has nothing to do with what others do or don’t have.

It’s YOUR choice to let comparisons make you feel less than or better than someone. We’re often our own worst critics. People who you perceive as having more or better than you don’t make you feel less attractive or successful. YOU make yourself feel that way. Comparisons are dangerous self-esteem busters. Don’t make someone’s accomplishments or attributes a reflection of your failure or limit you.

I’ve been there an know that pain. There will always be someone with something you see as better, just as other people will envy you for something. Dub thyself incomparable—because you are!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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