Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Clarity

This is post 36 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

The Law of Attraction reflects what you put out. But often we’re too vague about what we say we want. Clients have said they want more of everything. I ask what everything is. They can’t quite clarify it. They say they know what they want but think in generalities instead of specifics. You can’t get exactly what you want if you’re vague about what it is.

To get the best results from the Law of Attraction, you must be VERY clear about what you want.

If you leave it up to the Universe or God to figure it out, you might not get what you really want. You may think you know what you want but don’t really. Wanting to be out of a current situation into something better isn’t clear. Knowing what you don’t want doesn’t attract the opposite. Thinking about what you don’t want can actually reinforce your continuing to have that.

When you’re clear about what you want, the Universe responds to your clarity. That’s when you get the most good stuff!

Think about how you put out what you want. If it’s not clear, make an effort to be specific. Besides your words, make sure that your actions also support your desires and intentions. If you say you want something but your behavior is counterproductive to getting it, it’s hard for the Universe to figure out your true intention. Some of the most common things people say they want in unclear ways are:

* “I want more money.” If I give you a penny, you have more money than you just did and your wish is fulfilled! But I don’t think that’s what people mean. How much more money? I prefer to put it out that I want abundance, in all areas of my life including financially. Or be specific and put it out that you want to double your income or have enough money to buy a house or whatever else you want money for. I leave it in God’s hands to decide where it will come from. But if you say you intend to have lots of money but refuse to buy something you’d like because you’re scared to spend money or you refer to yourself as poor, the message gets muddied. I don’t go crazy but spend with faith that I’ll always have what I need. And I ALWAYS do!

* “I want someone good in my life.” You may mean a romantic partner but may attract more time with your mom, who is a good person. Be clear about what you’re looking for. “I want to meet a romantic partner who makes me very happy and treats me well.” Or make a list of all the qualities you want in one. The more specific you are, the more likely you’ll be to attract what you want. But if you continue to take back the person who treats you poorly or avoid meeting people, the message you send is confusing.

* “I want a better job.” What does a better job mean to you? More money? A higher or more interesting position? Be clear about exactly what you want in your next job. Polish up your resume with clarity about your goals. Complaining about your job while sitting still in it shows you’re okay there. Do things to prepare yourself for the job you say you want so the Universe is clear about what it is. If you’re not clear yourself, figure it out because the Law of Attraction won’t. It will just keep you stuck!

* “I want to be happy.” What does happy mean to you? Being happy means something different to everyone. You have to be specific about WHAT would make you happy. Figuring that out can be the hardest part. Make a list: “I would be happy if….” Include everything you can think of. It’s better to have being happy as an umbrella goal and seek to receive the specific things on your list.

* “I want to lose weight.” Would you be okay with losing just an ounce? Probably not. Think about what losing weight means to you. Losing at least 10 pounds or a pound a week for months? Fitting into a smaller size. Shrinking your belly? Focus on the specific aspect you want instead of the general statement. And, do at least something to change your eating and exercise habits. Otherwise, your actions show you want to remain the same.

For many years when I lived in DoorMatville I longed for all sorts of good things. But, I treated myself poorly, which contradicted my wishes. It killed my faith, since I didn’t understand that I sent a message that I didn’t love myself and couldn’t help myself, which the Law of Attraction picked up on and kept me in that place. Now when I expect good things, my words and actions are specific about my being ready to receive them. I get goodies and miracles regularly.

The clearer you are about your desires and goals, the more likely you are to achieve them. It gives the Law of Attraction fuel to make them a reality!

There’s an old saying about being careful what you wish for because it might come true. THINK about what you want, be SPECIFIC about what it is, ACT like you expect to get it, and enjoy the results! That’s the best way to attract the most. I do all the time and it reinforces why DoorMatville is a place I’ll never choose to return to.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Recognizing Miracles

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I’ve been a bit MIA from the blog this week. Someone close to me had major surgery and I was at the hospital a lot. He had cancer in the nerves on one side of his face. The docs hoped it hadn’t spread through all of them but it after 7 hours, he came out to say that they were almost to his skull and were skill finding cancer cells in what they removed. Only a teeny piece more and they’d have to stop.

We’d been praying for miracles and it felt like God had ignored us.
The doc said if they’d been able to find a cancer-free section they could transplant nerves into his face and give him a chance to have them regenerate and allow him to use that side of his face. But, there wasn’t much of a chance at finding clean tissue in the small piece of nerve they had yet to test. I went out for a walk. Like the others, my first thought was to question why my strong expectation for a miracle wasn’t answered. Then I remembered, it wasn’t over until the final small piece had been tested. So I had a long chat with God.

I said I was still expecting a miracle. I didn’t care how unlikely it was to find the rest of the nerve to be cancer-free. It had to be okay! After all, isn’t that what miracles are for??

I kept repeating this thought as I walked. I explained to God that my faith was still strong and the situation was in His hands. I repeated it over and over. A few hours later, we got the news that the last section was cancer-free and they were able to replace his nerves. I jumped up and down thanking God. Yet most people just focus on is the awful surgery (14+ hours) and the cancer being so extensive. I focus on the miracle of finding the cancer-free section before it reached his skull. The docs didn’t expect it but bless their hearts, they tried and then made the nerve transplant happen fast. It also means there’s a better chance the cancer didn’t spread to his brain.

I admit that having all the nerves on one side of the face removed is awful. But while the glass may seem almost empty to most people, I’m grateful for the sweetest drop in it—the last bit of nerves that were cancer free!

The nerves may not grow back or ever work. But I’m expecting them too with every ounce of me! And I’m celebrating the miracle that happened. Too often we don’t recognize miracles if we’re overwhelmed with negatives. It’s so easy to succumb to grief. But you miss out on blessings if you do. There are usually blessings in a storm when you pay attention. I try to.

Next time you feel life isn’t going as you’d like, find the blessing in the otherwise negative situation. It’s usually there if you look.

Learning to appreciate whatever you can find feels better and attracts more blessings. As a DoorMat, what I didn’t have or what went wrong was all I saw. It contributed to the cement that kept me stuck in a bad place. Recognizing the good puts you into a better frame of mind and helps you recognize more. Sometimes you have to be a bit creative to find the blessing. They’re there if you want to find them!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: CHOOSE, Don’t Wait To Be Chosen

This is post 35 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

The other day there was a discussion on a writers’ board I participate in about getting a literary agent. The person had interest from one who reps her friend. She was surprised since this agent doesn’t usually rep her type of book. Yet she was willing to give her the exclusive for several weeks to read her book proposal and felt guilty about letting other agents see it until agent #1 decided if she wanted to represent her. She gave this agent the power to rep the book if she wanted it, though she’d never even met her or knew if she was the right one for her book. She asked if she should send the proposal to other agents or wait for agent #1′s answer. My reply was:

CHOOSE. Don’t wait to be chosen!

Settling for what you can get instead of waiting for or going after the best possibility rarely helps you. Too often we put our fate and choices into someone else’s hands, without even thinking about it. It was automatic for me when I lived in DoorMatville. I settled for whatever I got. I continued being a teacher, which I never wanted to do in the first place but it gave me a job so I stayed. Yet I felt unfulfilled and longed for a creative career that felt satisfying. When I became single, I settled for the men who liked me and stayed, instead of begin selective. Back then I felt lost without a man. So I settled for whoever I could keep.

But I learned that when you settle, you give up your power to choose. You take what’s offered, or easily gotten, or handy, instead of waiting for the best choice.

Many of us learn to settle growing up. We settle for the help that’s offered, because it’s there, instead of seeking out the best assistance. We settle for a job because it’s offered and stay because it’s easier. Many people settle for a romantic partner when they feel desperate for one, or at least overly anxious to partner up. Women who believe they need a man to complete them often stick with a guy who isn’t a good fit or is abusive, just to have someone. Low self-esteem can make you take what you get instead of having the confidence to choose what you’d actually like.

CHOOSE. Don’t wait to be chosen! Settling tells the Universe that you’ll take what you get and not try for more. The Law of Attraction will support that by not attracting more opportunities.

Settling usually leaves you unfulfilled. At first it feels secure. But at some point the dissatisfaction will hit you hard. I’ve settled for agents who did nothing for me and for boyfriends who took without giving much. Settling leads to looking back with regret. Unfortunately, the more you settle, the more chance it will reinforce this as your usual behavior, so you’ll continue to settle. The Law of Attraction listens to this message. Remember, you get back what you put out.

CHOOSE. Don’t wait to be chosen! Maureen Dowd said, “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

As I write this, I realized that I’ve stayed signed to someone at a speaker’s bureau who does nothing for me. It took me time to find her and I’ve stayed with her because it’s such a pain to shop for one. But now I realize that I’ll never have the representation I need if I stay with her. So, this week I shall end our liaison. Close one door and another 2 open! I’ll make sure the Universe hears me loud and clear so the Law of Attraction can work with me to attract the RIGHT speaking agent!

Don’t automatically say yes to opportunities. Think about if they’re right for you. Ask yourself:

* “Do I want to be with this person or would I rather have someone with more qualities that I value?” The truth will eventually get to you. Whether it’s friendship or romance, it’s better to end it now, before you’re in deeper and have more invested in the person.

* “Is this person the right one to represent me in my career or for a legal issue or to handle my PR or speak on my behalf in a business situation?” Just having someone to rep you for your business situation is far from a guarantee that he or she will do a good job. If you gut says it’s not right, listen!

* “Did I agree to hire someone because I assumed I should or I’m too scared to wait for someone better?” Settling isn’t the antidote to fear or insecurity. It’s taking the path of least resistance. But it also gets you the least in terms of attracting the results you’d really like.

CHOOSE, Don’t wait to be chosen! Settling isn’t making a choice. It’s having the choice made for you. It says you don’t think you can do better, so the Law of Attraction doesn’t bring you better.

When you close a door, it leaves room for another one, or more, to open. Value yourself enough to know you should allow yourself to have choices. Choose the best people for your world. Close the doors to settling so the Law of Attraction can open more to choose from.

CHOOSE, Don’t wait to be chosen!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Chillin’ Without Guilt


I’ve been exhausted and stressed lately. I wrote a book with someone who was very difficult to deal with, yet I was responsible for making the deadline. He’s a good guy but not a writer and clueless about many of the things I asked of him. I often got crazy. Meanwhile, I have another book due in July and many more things on my plate. My sister’s husband has cancer that’s grown around the nerves in one side of his face. He’s having surgery next Wednesday and then a long recovery. I’m trying to make myself available to support them in the midst of all the other things.

All prayers are welcome! ☺

So for the last 2 months I haven’t been sleeping well and feel like I’ve been working non-stop. That’s part of why I haven’t been able to post as much on this blog. The book got turned in the end of last week. Once I turned it in, I began to sleep better but I had so much rest to catch up on that I woke up looking forward to nighttime when I could return to sleep. It was hard to do anything. I also haven’t had time to promote my new books and am trying to catch up on that.

On that note, I’d like to announce the video for my first rap record, Girls Can Do. Please check it out and forward it to friends.

I was the first white female rapper on a dare from students in a class I was teaching in junior high school years go. It led me to become the first woman that I know of to start an independent record label, which I ran for 5 years. So in honor of my 2 new books, Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill) and the third edition of my bestselling Start & Run Your Own Record Label, I filmed a video for Girls Can Do. Now I finally have time to get the word out!

But, as I try to catch up and decompress from the last 2 months, I’m also allowing for plenty of “me” time.

Many of us feel guilty about allowing ourselves some “me” time. I used to ruin any pleasure in having time to relax and enjoy by thinking I should be doing something more productive. Guilt tainted all the joy. I thought I should be working or helping someone. That was the DoorMat’s version. Now I understand that everyone is entitled to down time. While I can’t just fritter away my time, I’ve been working very hard and need some R & R, despite having a lot to take care of.

J. Lubbock said, “Rest is not idleness, and to lie on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

Doing things that make you happy is never a waste of time! It’s important to balance work and play. I have a work relate event to attend this evening so I took advantage of the gorgeous weather by going for a run in Central Park earlier, during work time. I finally recognize that treating myself with love and doing things to stay healthy are just as important as doing my work. So is relaxation, doing nothing at all, playing a computer game and other things with no outcomes except to make me feel good.

As long as you’re not being totally lazy for a prolonged period of time, cut yourself slack on taking R & R. You deserve it, guilt-free!

Now I think I’ll relax a little more. It does feel good. Try it!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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