Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Find Your Mountain

I always encourage taking baby steps. Goals can seem daunting otherwise, which can make you give up before you get started. Pursuing most dreams intimidated me back in my active DoorMat days. I’d want something, think about how hard it would be and move on.

I learned a lot about the POWER of taking baby steps when I climbed my first mountain.
I’ve always loved hiking but don’t get much opportunity to do it living in NYC. I had decent stamina but had never done an almost straight up steep climb. I was in a national park out west. My friend, who climbed regularly, told me I could do it. As I looked at the switchback trail that zigzagged across the steep mountain, I had my doubts. I’m used to hikes that go up and down, more like a rolling climb than straight up. Intimidation began to overwhelm me, along with what ifs—what if I disappointed my friend by stopping near the bottom?? What if I couldn’t get down because I was too tired??

But I wanted to climb that mountain very much and reminded myself of the importance of taking baby steps.

A mountain can’t be climbed without taking the first step. Then you can take the second one. Looking up seemed daunting, but each step took me closer. That day when I climbed my first mountain, going even halfway up seemed impossible. But each step led to another. Reaching each ridge motivated me to take more steps. I stopped looking up to the top and kept my eyes glued to the step in front of me. Looking up made it seem too far and too hard. Looking just ahead kept me focused.

Confucius said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Whether it’s climbing a mountain or achieving a goal, take the first step! Then another. Do small things differently or do one thing that’s necessary to get further. It may feel wobbly but you can learn to find your balance. I stretched a lot to keep my body in good shape for the climb. Take practice steps to give you the strength to keep going. When I was halfway up the mountain, I stood there, looking out at the panoramic view around me. That made me want to go higher and see more!

Taking baby steps motivates taking more!

When I consciously take each step to try something new or to overcome a fear I can still get scared. But, exhilaration takes over as I got small results. If one thing doesn’t work, I try again. Each step increases empowerment. Even stopping progress without backsliding is a power move. Sometimes when I’m controlling my eating and go to a party, I pig out. But, I get right back to healthy eating and feel revved if I don’t gain weight or I can quickly lose the pounds from overindulging. That’s success too!

When there are setbacks, how you handle them determines whether you progress or quit. When I got tired climbing, instead of giving up on getting to the top, I stopped and took a break. Then I’d look down and realize how high I’d climbed. That motivated to take more steps!

Fight excuses to postpone action and prompt yourself to continue to take baby steps.

Climbing that first mountain taught me how far baby steps could take me. When I succeed at one step, I feed on the satisfaction of progress. Like building something, you need a foundation. Baby steps create one for a happier self. I hold onto the experience of climbing that mountain in my heart. When something seems hard, I remind myself that if I could climb a mountain, I can achieve other things with baby steps.

Find your own mountain—any accomplishment that seemed too hard, or impossible, until you took the first steps.

Climbing a mountain can be real like it was for me, or an analogy for overcoming obstacles. Conquering a fear or limitation or belief that something can’t be done or someone saying that you can’t do something shows what you can do. Whatever it is, that’s the mountain you climbed. The good feelings can motivate you in the future. When I did my first firewalk, the leader had us write on an index card, “I walked on fire and learned I can do anything I choose.”

Successes show you how much you’re capable of. Think about something that represents your own mountain—a fear you overcame, a task that took time but you persevered to figure out, an adventure you never thought you could do but did, a limitation you conquered, something hard that you learned to do.

Write on an index card or paper, “I_________, I can do anything I choose!” Put it somewhere prominent. Mine is still on my bedroom mirror so I can see it every day.

Empower yourself by finding your own mountain experience that you used baby steps to conquer. Read that paper over and over when you get scared or want to back out. Hold onto the good feelings you had when you baby stepped to conquer your mountain. You really can do anything you CHOOSE. It begins with that first baby step.

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She Was Late and I Left!

I was just thinking about my trip upstate to do an event this weekend and felt a little pang of guilt over something I did that seemed small compared to the rest of my activities that lovely day. Liz, a woman I know lives near the location of my talk. When I told her I’d be coming up there, we made plans to have lunch before my talk. My talk was at 2 PM. I told her I’d get there close to noon and would call when I was at the exit so she could head out to meet me.

I called when I was about 5 miles from the exit to give her some warning. Liz suggested a nice restaurant. I asked if I should meet her in the shopping center by my event or was there somewhere more convenient. She directed me to a spot along the road into town with some dirt parking. She said she’d be there in 10 minutes, adding she’d just had a shower and had to get ready. Hmm, I said I’d be there around noon and she wasn’t ready. She assured me it wouldn’t take long when I said I didn’t have a lot to time.

But it did! But the time we hung up, I was at the exit and the place to meet at was right there. It was a parking area with rocks and mud. I was dying to get out of the car after my long ride but it was unappealing. I sat there for 20 minutes, on the side of the road, surrounded by overgrown weeds, big puddles and dirt. I didn’t get up early and allow time to drive up to have a relaxing lunch to sit in this ugly place, bored. I tried to call Liz at home but no answer. Her cell phone wasn’t on.

So I did what I teach other Nice Girls on Top to do—I left, drove to the shopping center and went to a restaurant solo. I felt empowered!

Liz called twenty minutes later. She yelled at me. “Where are you? I was there! At 12:20.” But she wasn’t since I was there past 12:30. I told her she should have been ready and I couldn’t reach her by phone. I didn’t want to waste more time in that awful spot. She denied being so late and scolded me for not leaving her a message at home since she’d forgotten to bring my cell number with her. I told her, calmly, that none of it was my fault and refused to apologize for any of it.

Then I said I had to hang up as I wanted to enjoy my lunch. She blustered but said goodbye.

Ten minutes later Liz called back. She’d calmed down, must have accepted she was wrong, and asked if she could join me for lunch. I nicely agreed and she came over. This time she apologized, acknowledged she tends to be late for everything and that she shouldn’t have told me to meet her in that desolate spot. I agreed with her but said no more and was friendly. There was no point in being mad or scolding her. She knew.

Never once did I say I was sorry since I wasn’t!

The rest of our time together was pleasant. My nice demeanor seemed to feed her guilt. She hung around when I did my event and occasionally brought up what she did with apologies. Yelling at someone who does something wrong puts them on the defensive. Annoyance at your tone can supercede them from taking responsibility for what they did wrong. It’s important to keep your cool when addressing inappropriate behavior so your point gets across without emotion.

Addressing the issue in a calm, amicable way gives the person who did wrong the most guilt and the most chance for them to take more responsibility for their behavior. Scolding makes them turn on you.

I found it funny when I felt a little guilt about leaving on Saturday. But it passed very fast. A little of my old DoorMat tendencies came out but I saw and conquered them! It’s important not to hurt others but even more important not to hurt yourself. I gave Liz over 20 minutes. I had no reason to feel guilty. So the feeling passed quickly! I didn’t go up there for her and I was entitled to have the relaxing lunch I came for.

Many of us were brought up thinking that it’s polite to wait for people who keep us waiting. It’s not. They’re the rude ones!

Now I understand it’s my choice to wait or do what I have to do and leave the person who’s late in the dust. I understand that things happen that are beyond someone’s control. But Liz just wasn’t ready when I said I’d be there. Not my problem and I wasn’t waiting longer. I took responsibility for agreeing to meet her in that spot instead of going directly to the restaurant. But I had to leave when I realized she wasn’t respecting my limited time.

Don’t feel obligated to buy into other people’s bad habits. If waiting doesn’t inconvenience you too much, wait a while. But we don’t have to wait indefinitely for someone who doesn’t call and does what they please. It’s your time so why waste it?? When you deal with people’s lateness, they often learn. Otherwise, it’s your choice to make plans with them.

I have NO regrets for leaving, except that I didn’t leave sooner. ?

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More Murphy’s Law

My last post addressed how the Law of Attraction fuels Murphy’s Law when you allow yourself to be immersed in things going wrong and your thoughts expect more things to go wrong. It’s funny because writing that post, made me realize that lately I’ve been on edge waiting for more negative stuff to hit.

I have a book due in July that needs my attention. I have an article to write that’s due next week for a magazine I’ve always wanted to write for. My first assignment for them! But I can’t get to it! With 2 new books, promotion opportunities can be draining. Everyone needs something from me! I haven’t had time to write this blog. Emails from people who’ve read my book pile up in my inbox. Just when I think I can do some writing, I get requests for more things that are needed immediately.

A lot of my time is drained trying to support my family through health issues. My brother-in-law is going through a major fight against cancer. This week my daughter had a last minute surgery. She’s fine now but I had to help her out. My allergies kicked in on Monday. I haven’t been sleeping well since I’ve been so stressed about not having time for what I need to do. I got sick last weekend.

Yada Yada Yada! After writing my post, I heard myself talking to someone about it all and hated how I sounded. I was bringing it on with my thoughts!

And so I followed the suggestions I wrote about. I became aware and decided to stop the pattern. Last Wednesday, I affirmed that this is the first minute of the rest of my life and I CHOOSE to have everyone in my family, myself included have positive health and healing.

No more health issues that aren’t going well!

I also affirmed that my schedule is lightening and I’ll get everything done that I need to. So I’m finding time to write this post and will do my best to continue. My primary focus is the book I’m writing. Will spend most of my time on that today. But I’m focused on attracting good news and good actions. No more Murphy’s Law in my own life! After I affirmed this, I began to feel better and sleep better. My daughter’s surgery went well and she came right home.

Yesterday I had to to speak upstate and drove up in a car I borrowed. I love to drive. Living in Manhattan I don’t need a car so this was a treat! Driving gives me a chance to get my thoughts together. It relaxes me. Afterward I took advantage of shopping opportunities. We don’t have Walmart, Target and many other chain stores that people assume are everywhere. They were all within half a mile of each other so I had a shopping frenzy. Got a lot of things I wanted from these stores.

Manhattan may have lots of designer shops, Macy’s, Bloomingdales, Lord and Taylor, etc., but there aren’t places to get some of the basics easily, like thread or potting soil.

Having a car allowed me to get things I can’t bring home when I visit a friend who lives out of the city and we shop. Even though I was tired on the way home, I even stopped in IKEA to get a chair I’ve been wanting. When I returned to the city, I used affirmations to attract a good parking spot by my apartment. It’s hard to find one on a Saturday evening but I expected one and there it was, first time around the block. Just found out that my brother-in-law doesn’t start the next phase of his cancer treatment till June so I’ll have three weeks of calm on that front to focus on my writing.

My post on Murphy’s Law reminded me to follow my own lessons. It opened my eyes that I needed to change my thoughts, and I did!

People often think I know it all and follow all the lessons religiously. But if that were true, I wouldn’t call myself a recovering DoorMat, I’d be a former one. Anyone can backslide when things get tough. It’s easy to hurt yourself without realizing it if you’re wallowing in self pity or feeling completely overwhelmed like I’ve been. I’m grateful that I woke up and even more grateful to be consciously connecting to God very strongly again. I’ve been too tired to think about it. Unlike the old DoorMat, even when I fall back into old patterns, my self-love is strong and helps me recover fast.

Today really is the first minute of the rest of my life and I CHOOSE to have only positive experiences and health for both me and my family!

Since I declared this on Wednesday, I did a corporate talk that went over super well (I’m still hearing from the attendees!), my daughter is fine, I feel healthier, I just got booked to speak on a big national radio show, and I came home yesterday more relaxed than in ages. Watch your thoughts and if they aren’t positive, take charge and change them! You really do control your own destiny and how many goodies you receive. I’m in oink mode now–wanting as much as I can possibly manifest–and working on my thoughts to manifest with a vengeance. You can too! ? Join me!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Stopping Murphy’s Law in Its Tracks

This is post 38 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

How many times has something gone wrong, and then something else goes wrong? I’ve had times when it seems nothing goes right. I used to say that I was having a Murphy’s Law day—where it seemed like anything that could go wrong did. Back then I didn’t realize that my thoughts fueled Murphy’s Law.

When you see things going wrong and expect the next shoe to drop, it probably will. The Universe hears your expectation loud and clear and the Law of Attraction supports it.

People refer to Murphy’s Law as a belief that if anything can go wrong, it will? go wrong. If you drop 3 pieces of buttered bread, all 3 will always land on the buttered side. I’ve also referred to Murphy’s Law as going from one bad luck situation to another. I get out late, then my elevator is slow, so I miss my train and my client falls through. That kind of chain of events is common. But it happens much more often when the first negative puts the expectation of more negatives into your thoughts.

When you let one negative experience create expectations of more things going wrong, you tell the Law of Attraction to bring on what you don’t want.

It’s so easy to succumb to the frustration of having things go wrong. It seems like our learned instincts is to let those kind of things bring us down. Even with all I know, I still go there sometimes. Feeling down from something not working out puts me in a bad mood, if I let it. Then my bad mood darkens my thoughts and expectations. “Well if this could go wrong, this and that will probably tank too!” Then when it does, it’s Murphy’s Law sabotaging me. But it’s not!

Expecting Murphy’s Law (the worst case scenario) to occur is YOU sabotaging YOU!

I get it now and try to stop the patterns when I see them happening. It’s not good to create negatives! I had a friend who I silently called Murphy. She was a lovely woman but her thoughts consistently made her life difficult. One day she told me:

“Everything keeps going wrong in my life. It began with my boyfriend deciding he had enough of New York. He moved far away to begin a new life without me. I cried for weeks and still feel like life hates me. I don’t seem to deserve happiness. After Bill left, I wondered what would go wrong next. Right after, my company relocated to a place I didn’t want to live in. So now I’m out of a job. What next? That same week my rent got raised so high that I have to move. This morning my toaster caught fire and is ruined and I broke the glass carafe for my coffeemaker. And my sister is sick and needs me to take care of her in my spare time.

I keep wondering what will go wrong next. Why do I have such bad luck?

Hello! I tried to tell her it was her thoughts giving her that bad luck but she kept defending them and putting out more negative expectations. No matter what I said, she whined and moaned about how everything bad always happens to her. Loud and clear to the Universe. And the Law of Attraction brought her the bad luck she was expecting.

Murphy’s Law is no more than your negative thoughts coming to fruition.

If you watch the bread fall and think “I bet all the slices will land on the buttered side, they will.” When I drop my bread, I repeat “buttered side up” as they fall, and they always land that way. On Sunday I was riding home from a day out with family in New Jersey. The driver turned on the radio and heard about very long backups at the bridge we were heading to. He said, “It never fails. No matter what time I go home, the bridge is backed up.”

I cut him off and asked him to think happy thoughts since I expected smooth traffic all the way home.

Whenever he expressed concern, I stopped him with a positive expectation. He promised to work with me and was shocked but happy to find no major traffic by the time we got to the bridge. It was what I expected and I kept his thoughts from sabotaging that. Next time you’re having a Murphy’s Law moment:

* Recognize it. Awareness is key to preventing the negatives.

* Choose to stop it. Your thoughts are YOUR choice. Only you can change the course of Murphy’s Law. Make sure you see the bread falling butter side up.

* Do positive affirmations. Since it’s hard to think 2 thoughts at one time, affirmations can take the place of negative expectations. “Good things are happening for me.” “I have very good luck.”

* Break a Murphy’s Law chain with a declaration. When one thing after another goes wrong for me, I take the energy from my anger and frustration and with emotion, declare, “That’s it! No more negatives! This is the first minute of the rest of my life and I CHOOSE to have things go very positively from here on.” It always breaks the cycle. Always! I say it with the fury I feel and the strong desire to change the pattern.

You have the power to have a Murphy’s Law free life, or at least to curtail any patterns that begin. When something goes wrong, instead of letting the negatives create your thoughts, allow positive expectations to heal your situation. Nip negatives in the bud right away so they don’t pervade your life.

I love having the power to turn my life around. You do too. Use it can create a life that attracts lots of things to feel joyous about!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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