Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Surrender What You Want

This is post 59 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve been going through some rough spots lately. There’s been pressure tied to a big project. I’ve also been having problems getting enough sleep. When I’m tired, it’s hard to function properly. Sometimes when I’m tired I forget the power I can tap into. I finally decided it was time to feel better. As I pondered what thoughts I could have to feel better, I realized that my higher power is there for me.

So I surrendered what was going on with my health to God. Then I looked for signs and boy did I find them!

I remembered that last fall I went through something similar. The change of seasons can affect our health. And on exactly the same October weekend a year ago as the one that just past, I also surrendered things bothering me to God and had an incredible transition. So I decided it would happen again on that weekend. I’d have my breakthrough and thanked God for it. Surrendering yourself to God, or the Universe, sends out a message of faith, which attracts the support you need.

Then I watched for God to speak to me with guidance.

Several people recommended that I check out the Sacred Center on 86th Street and West End Avenue in Manhattan. I realized that God was telling me to go check it out. When I got someone’s newsletter and the link was in it, I looked up and clicked. I figured Sunday was the best day to go since it was the weekend one year after my breakthrough last year. I knew it was no accident that I found it. So I decided to go to their service. It was at 2PM, which is better for me.

The church had a class after the service called Breakthrough, which I was expecting to have! Again, I knew this was God sending me there and I signed up.

Releasing my health into God’s hands led me to resources that helped me to help myself! Sunday I woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in weeks. While changing the TV channels to find a weather forecast, I passed Joel Osteen’s half hour show. I occasionally stop to listen to him for a few minutes but usually get distracted. This time I turned it on just as he began. And he spoke to me. I believe that I attracted Osteen’s message with my thoughts. He advised reaching your hand up and saying something like:

“As an act of faith, I’m reaching out my hand to receive healing.”

I did it with enthusiasm and felt psyched! I saw it as God reinforcing that He was with me on healing the health I surrendered to him. Other people might insist it was just a coincidence, like finding the Sacred Center. I choose to believe it was God encouraging me. Believing that makes me feel good and keeps my intentions on God’s loving support. It helps me to feel like I’m taking back control of my life, as I discusses in my earlier post on Control.

Feeling in control sends a strong message of intention to the Universe. Surrendering your outcome to your higher power begins the process.

The service and class at the Sacred Center was truly inspiring. The energy in the church was so pure and hopeful and I joyously sang along with their choir. The speakers blew me away. The reverend, August Gold, is very motivational and she also led the Breakthrough class. Besides all of that, I got some other signs. One that brought me to tears was the song the choir ended with—U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” After reinventing myself, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. I keep my options open. I’ve considered that my theme song ever since.

Keeping your options open is surrendering your path to God.

I watch for opportunities and follow the lead I’m given. That song reminds me that I’ll always keep my options open. After I find something I’ve wanted, there are always new dreams and goals, and unknown opportunities. So I’ll never find what I’m looking for because I actually don’t look for anything. I surrender what’s coming and find it when the signs are there.

When you live with the faith that you’re taken care of, you’re taken care of. There’s great elation in accepting that’s how the Law of Attraction works!

I left the church feeling a lot better. My project got done and my sleep improved. I feel more hopeful about some things than I have in a while. And I continue to reach my hand up to God and say, “As an act of faith, I’m reaching out my hand to receive healing.” Next time you’re struggling with something, whether it’s your health or making a decision or you need help with your career, or romance or anything at all, try to find enough faith to put the situation into the hands of your higher being. Then try your best to relax in the knowing that it will all work out for your highest good.

I know it’s hard when you’re scared. But, as you try it and get what you need, it gets easier. Whenever I surrender what I need to God, He comes through. If you’re doubtful, acknowledge it and then ask for Him to take care of it anyway. You’ll feel the most power on your side than you can even imagine as this trust returns to you with good results.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter';

Downtime

You may have noticed my lack of posts this week. I was out of town on several days, some of it unexpected but necessary. As I began to load my laptop into my backpack to get some writing in on the train ride on Tuesday, I felt stressed. The thought of lugging a computer around with me all day as I ran around to several meetings seemed awful compared to maybe an hour of writing that I could get done in transit. So I chose to leave it home.

Then I made a bigger choice—to give myself a break from writing my next blog post until I had time. I have a project on my plate taking up a lot more time than I imagined it would but it must get done. As emails piled up I thought I wouldn’t find time to sleep. So I cut myself slack and allowed myself to wait for the weekend to resume my posts and answer any unessential emails. I apologize to those of you who wondered what happened to me.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a break—from pressure, from rushing, from living up to what others want from you, etc.

In my DoorMat days I’d have just sacrificed my own needs to accommodate others. I’d have worn myself out schlepping my laptop around with me to take advantage of any small window of time. Now I prefer to take care of me. It’s very important to honor me and my needs, just as you should honor yours. I do my best to honor my professional deadlines but also know my limits.

I recently learned that as many as 90% of visits to doctors are for stress-related symptoms. 90%!

That means we mainly make ourselves ill. That’s a very lousy thought! But on the flip side, it means we have the power to avoid many health problems. Taking downtime is crucial for good health. You may not be able to let go of everything but t least postpone something, to take the pressure or stress off of your life.

Sometimes you even have to let someone down by canceling plans if it means your improved mental health! I do that if I must for my health.

Yesterday I turned the next round of my project in. I’ve already been given more that needs to be done. But, I decided I’m entitled to take the weekend off. So I’m not thinking about it right now and will do some of the other things I’ve put off. And, for my efforts on the project, I got word today that I’m getting a bonus! It was my priority and I finished it.

Downtime is essential for everyone! You must allow“me” time, specifically to do things for you.

That doesn’t just mean just catching up on chores. You have to relax—have some fun—spend time with people you care about—JUST BE! I love to just be. No agenda or commitments. I can go for a run, or not. Chill with a book in bed. Vege and watch movies. Or write my blog. I actually just got back from a fabulous massage, which I really needed. Now it’s raining and I’m staying in. I love to go to the Halloween parade here in NYC but not tonight. Rest is more important.

Today was mine and so it tonight and tomorrow. You must sometimes take your days too!

Pay attention to your stress level. What can you let go of, or at least postpone? Your health and sanity are worth it! I was always on edge when I lived in DoorMatville, juggling everyone else’s balls while I had none of my own to attend to my needs. Now I greatly appreciate loving myself enough to make ME a priority. It’s a loving place to be and keeps me from going to the doctor with stress related symptoms. Reduce your own stress if you feel it affecting your mood and your body. You’re worth it!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

<a href="http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php" onclick="addthis_url AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter';

Be YOU


I recently went to a school reunion and it showed me how far I’ve come. Everyone remembered me for the shy, quiet girl I was. There were people who I’d known all the way through college and beyond that I eventually lost touch with. It was a weird experience for me. I spent some time with people who were good friends when I was young and most hadn’t changed much.

You can get stuck in old habits and never grow as a person. These people has just gotten older.

From junior high school through college I had a friend name Shari. Toward the end of our school years she became fixated on status. She didn’t date Bob. She dated a dentist. Her whole identity was wrapped around WHAT she was and WHAT she dated and then married. I had a hard time with it, even when I had low self-esteem. We eventually lost touch. When I bumped into her a few years later, I asked how she was. “I’m a doctor’s wife!” she exclaimed. I asked if he had a name and if she had any sense of self left. She gave me a dazed look and I knew why we weren’t friends anymore.

Insecurity leads us to see ourselves by our relation to other people or what we do or what we think others want us to be.

I got married at 20. I didn’t think I should but we’d been together for 3 years and our parents pushed us to commit so marriage become my life track. I became a teacher because I was told that’s a good profession for a woman, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. My parents were proud of me for following what they saw as the norm for women.

DoorMats can’t say “no” or think for themselves and we can lose ourselves by being what others want!

I lost myself. I was someone else’s wife, daughter and teacher but had no idea who Daylle was. It was a sad time for me, beyond just being a DoorMat. The lifestyle I’d created had me living for everyone else. My whole identity revolved around what I did, not who I was. Being a Doormat, my need to please kept me stuck in that mode for years. As more time passed, I became more scared to find out who I was or to create an identity based on just me.

When your sense of self is dependent on who you are to others, you have no sense of self at all!

It felt like it was too late to try. I was resigned to be stuck in that mode. But after a series of events that made me feel less worthless and undeserving of a real life, I slowly dipped my toe into the water of exploration. The more I appreciated myself, the more I looked to find me. Unlike Shari, who’d looked for WHAT she could glom onto, I wasn’t seeking someone or a role. I just did what I was told. Finding me turned into a delightful adventure.

Coco Chanel said, “How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.

Do you call yourself a business person or a great person? A writer or a happy being? A [whatever you do for a living] or a good soul? A wife or a smart chick? A CEO or passionate guy? Of course I’m a writer too, but it’s not my identity, just a piece. My primary WHO is a spiritual woman who is passion driven in many areas, and a happy, talented chick.

Being a WHAT comes with pressure to fulfill a role. Being YOU means the sky is the limit for being happy and fulfilled. Coco Chanel walked to the beat of her own drum. By doing so, she created an empire inspired by her passion. Now that I know who Daylle is, I’m delighted with the knowledge. It gives me the power to create my own world, instead of living in the shadow of someone else’s.

When I saw Shari at the reunion, she was unhappy and bitter about her life. She’d spent all her energy getting a doctor to marry her and then years trying to make the marriage work. When she finally had what she thought she wanted, she faced the realization that her husband was a controlling, cold man. A doctor, yes. A good, loving husband, no. Far from it! At that point she was unprepared for what to do. Her whole goal in life—to be a doctor’s wife—crumbled into unhappiness.

When you lose yourself in being some else’s someone, you can lose touch with how to be happy.

Pay attention to WHO you are. Is it who you want to be or are you living for someone else. Are you doing what you do to please your mom or spouse, to impress friends or another superficial reason? Too much happiness is lost in trying too hard to be something, instead of someone you like and feel good being. When I left DoorMatville, I also shed the layers of my old identities and became a person in my own right. The happiness I feel is indescribable. If you can’t define WHO you are without a WHAT or someone else, work on it!

Being yourself is a great gift for YOU!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter';

Law of Attraction in Action: Being Flexible

This is post 58 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.



It’s important to put out what you want to the Universe, and be clear about it. I’ve emphasized that in previous posts. But it’s also important to flexible about what you receive. If you’re focused on one very specific objective, you can miss out on some wonderful opportunities or situations that you couldn’t have imagined by thinking just one-way.


Being locked into something rigid leaves no room for the Universe to send you what’s for your highest good.


For example, if you decide that you want to work for a specific kind of company or only work in one area or for only a certain amount of money, the career opportunity of a lifetime may miss the Law of Attraction’s radar screen based on what message you send out. While it’s important to know what you want, it’s just as important to leave wiggle room for options you may not see when you try to manifest.



Leaving yourself open to what’s best for your highest good leads you to the best manifestations.



I lived in the suburbs before moving into Manhattan. When I decided to get an apartment here, I was sure I wanted to live on the upper Westside. It’s a cool neighborhood and I love going up there. I had over 2 months to find a place and went from one to another but nothing worked out. Apartments I wanted fell through. Mostly I found something wrong with every one I looked at. But I was fixated on a specific part of the upper Westside.


A guy at a service I was registered at suggested I open myself up to other areas. I refused and continued looking in my chosen neighborhood, wondering why no apartment felt right. But I kept trying. It got discouraging. And frustrating as the day I HAD TO move got closer. Then I realized that maybe I wasn’t meant to live where I was determined to and asked to be guided to the place that would be perfect for me. I got a call from a guy about an apartment in a neighborhood I’d never spent any time in and knew little about.


To show I was open to the best apartment for me, I went to look at it.


It was perfect! I never thought I could be so happy living in a big city since I’m really a country girl. But my spacious, bright apartment has made me happy I was flexible for many years! I’m in the heart of midtown, right by the subway that goes both to the east side and the west. Everyone is friendly. Had I stuck to my belief that I had to live on the upper Westside, I can’t imagine being as happy.



Flexibility tells the Universe that you trust it to send you what you need, and at the right time.



When you hold fast to exactly how you want something to manifest, it says that you trust your judgment more than God’s. Of course you should be clear about what you want. But it’s also good to add, “or whatever is best for my highest good.” My faith is so strong that I completely trust that the Universe will send the best possible situation and my thoughts allow it to happen.



Being rigid about what you want can attract what really might not be good for you or you may not get something you didn’t know you could have but would love.

Beth complained to me for a long time that she hated her job because of the people she worked with. There was a lot of tension between staff and she wasn’t treated with the respect she deserved. Each week left her more fed up and it began to take its toll on her health. I told her to get another job. She had been in the same place for so long she didn’t know where to go. She looked to transfer to another department but there were no openings. Then she heard about something a little different, and was told when it was available, she’d be strongly considered for the position.

Beth felt excited for the first time in ages and became set on this potential opportunity. Months passed and it still wasn’t available. She lamented to me when I suggested looking elsewhere that this position seemed perfect for her and it was a miracle she even found out about it. But waiting indefinitely was taking its toll on her so I suggested she consider that maybe God had sent her the potential opportunity to show there were better jobs than she could envision on her own. I pushed her to start searching for them and put it into God’s hands!

“Please help me find the job that will give me the most satisfaction and contentment.”

She listened and ended up turning down the one she’d waited for when it did open up because an even better one manifested. Beth is still in awe that after so many years of being unhappy in her career, she’d found a way to put her skills to good use in a way that made her love going to work. If she hadn’t allowed herself to be flexible about what she attracted, she’d never have known about what she could do to earn a living.

Often you may not get what you thought you wanted and you do get what you didn’t ask for and later discover the wisdom of what the Universe helped you manifest—that you did get the best thing for you!

Set your intentions with an open mind. Be clear about what you want—a job you love, a romantic partner who makes you happy, the perfect place to live, all the abundance you need, etc. But don’t insist on the job being only in one place, the person having blue eyes or other speific features, the living space with a set floor plan, or the exact dollar amount. Let the Universe help you find what’s right for you.

Giving the Universe responsibility for attracting what is for your highest good brings you the best rewards. To this day, I’m still completely grateful for being led to the apartment I’m in now. When you really trust, you attract the fruits of that trust!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series.


If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

<a href="http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php" onclick="addthis_url AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter';

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.