Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

I was at several holiday parties recently. The next 2 weeks have many opportunities for eating decadently. For many people, Christmas means pigging out at a big, yummy holiday dinner. Yet a holiday dinner is accompanied by some side dishes that can dampen your pleasure:

* Guilt. Weight s a big issue for many of us. Believing you shouldn’t have dessert or potatoes or more than one piece of pie—or believing that you should just stick to meat without gravy and veggies—can make you feel guilty if you indulge. That ruins each bite and tempers your pleasure.

* Disgust. When guilt gets strong, disgust with yourself for indulging can set in. I’ve heard people lament every bite of a delicious, high calorie dinner. “I’m so bad for eating this.” When you do that, you get the extra calories but you don’t enjoy eating them.

* Deprivation. If you choose to “be good,” you’ll feel bad about not having what everyone else does. You may resist temptation but long for the goodies you watch others eat. It stirs cravings that you can feel long after the dinner and eventually may lead you to a pig-out that isn’t as satisfying as the parts of the dinner you choose not to eat.

Why do that to yourself! It can ruin your meal, and your day! I’ve stopped the shoulds and shouldn’ts and give myself permission to do what makes me feel good, not bad. Knowing that I’ll be eating more on the holiday, I’ll go for a run before and then try for one after too. I tried to do this for Thanksgiving. But as I began to put on my running clothes, the sky got very overcast and I lost my desire to run. At first I pushed myself with reminders of all the eating I’d already done and what was coming up. I SHOULD got burn some calories!

But I didn’t. I chose to honor my feelings that were concerned about getting caught in a rain storm and ignored the SHOULD.

The sun returned later and improved my mood. A few hours after pigging out, I had a desire for exercise and went to burn off some calories. This time I was in the mood and enjoyed my run, instead of forcing myself out. I didn’t know I’d go later when I passed in the morning. But if I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have felt guilty, or worse about my eating. There’s always tomorrow!

You have ONE life. Don’t ruin it by inflicting rigid standards on your pleasure.

Yes, it’s important to eat healthy and exercise—MOST of the time! I don’t make rich foods and sugary treats a habit. But once in a while won’t ruin you! I’m trying to get a bit more exercise before the upcoming holiday dinners this weekend to compensate. But we had a blizzard and snow is on the ground so I won’t beat myself up if I can’t get out to exercise. I’ll do my weight training in the gym. But I won’t eat less if I can’t run.

Erma Bombeck said, “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

Seize the day and enjoy the holiday food! Indulge without guilt. You don’t have to pig out to enjoy it. Instead, plan a little so you have some control over what you eat while still enjoying the goodies. Rather that withholding all the richer foods:

* Check out all the food before taking large heaps of the first few, especially if the food is served buffet style. When I see a dish I love, I take a lot. Then I realize there are 4 others yummy ones I want to partake of and then I take too much food. So I try to take a small scope of everything first and when it’s finished, decide if I need more.

* Make trade-offs. If your concern is just one big dinner, just relax and let yourself go a bit. But, if you’re away from home for many meals, you can create some restraint that doesn’t deprive you. When I travel and eat many meals out, or I’m at someone’s house for several days in holiday mode, I assess what I want beforehand and choose which goodies to skip or just have a taste of and which I’d like a real portion of. If I want dessert, I skip bread and only have a small portion of potatoes. Think about what you’d normally have in the situation, and decide what you can skip. Trade one goodie for another.

* Leave the gobbling to turkeys. Eat slowly. Chewing food more carefully improves digestion. The longer it takes you to eat, the fuller and more satisfied you feel. Have smaller bites instead of shoveling food into your mouth. Even if you’ve always been a fast shoveler, you can practice and get used to a slower pace. I savor each bite and can eat less by doing so.

* Take smaller portions. Take just a little of each dish instead of piling your plate high. Get small portions of seconds if you want it. You’ll still eat less this way and not feel deprived.

The holidays are for celebrating and enjoying fun times with family and friends. Cut yourself some slack and enjoy them! I wish you all a blessed holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

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This is post 66 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

It’s that time again. The end of the year is getting closer. People are talking about beginning the New Year on a good note. That’s always nice! But often it’s just talk and you end another year wondering why it had the same things you didn’t like the year before. You can’t just wish things away! It would be nice if we could but life doesn’t work that way. Nor does the Law of Attraction.

If you want to enter 2010 on a more positive note, take action to send the Universe a message with your intentions by clearing out energy from the past.

When I was a DoorMat I lived a cluttered life. I’d lament about never being happy and that life didn’t go well for me. But, I did nothing to change it. There was never room for it all my STUFF. My closets had piles of it and my room was in disarray most of the time. People actually said they couldn’t stand coming over because of it. While I laughed it off, I felt shame.

Looking back I see that was motivated by 2 major factors—lack of self-respect and fear.

My living space reflected how I saw myself—a mess, not worth putting time into; hopelessly unattractive; sad. That was my apartment and also who I thought I was, so I didn’t respect myself or my right to live in a nice space. My messy, cluttered environment held old memories that reinforced where I was. Fear made me keep everything I ever owned. I was scared to let go of anything, lest I need it someday. Clothes, books and general stuff piled up. Reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay opened my eyes.

Cleaning is a great way to change your life!

As my spiritual faith became stronger and my self-esteem grew, I returned to the one chapter in the book that I’d ignored—the one on the importance of getting rid of clutter. Last year I discussed this in my post on Making Room for Better Things. After getting rid of half my stuff, my life opened up. Clearing things out tells the Universe you’re making room for new things, be it possessions or opportunities. After learning this, I made it my tradition to begin cleaning my apartment in the beginning of December. It escalates as it gets closer to the 31st.

Entering the New Year after clearing out as much as you can sets a tone for better things to come into your life.

After my first cleaning, I thought I was done, but every year I find MANY things to toss. My post, Clean Your Way to an Abundant New Year, gives specific tips for determining what to toss and other things that have worked for me. By the time New Year’s eve arrives, my apartment and my life will be cleared. Each year I feel like I go through another layer of my past to move forward with more ease. In recent year’s I became more aware of a greater significance of getting rid of stuff.

You don’t just throw out or give away old possession. You also get rid of their stories—old memories that hold past hurts and limitations.

Throwing out material possessions changes your energy for the better. It’s not just about clutter. The significance is in the memories behind your stuff. All our possessions have a story—where it came from, why you have it. Often it’s simply you saw a shirt you liked needed a vase and and bought it. Or you know who a gift was from. Those are stories, however mundane. I get rid of a lot of things by asking myself why I have them. If there isn’t a good answer—buh-bye!

It’s important to clean out your inner self—your soul and old baggage. Clearing out negative energy gives the Law of Attraction more to work with.

I also have things I have no use for that bring back wonderful memories and make me smile to see them. That’s good enough to keep! But things that conjure up not so happy memories should go. Over the years I’ve tossed MANY photos of people I no longer like and gifts from them. Or of people who I haven’t seen in ages or who have no meaning to me. I’m also becoming more aware of the bad energy some possessions carry and how important it is to identify it to let it go. That affected me greatly as I cleaned this week.

Sometimes we keep things with negative attached because they’re nice or we just think we should keep them.

Hmmm… I have a pendant I got for my birthday from a guy I’d been very close with, right before our relationship fell apart. I never wore it, not because of him but I have one I like better so I just left it in a drawer. Now I know it should go, and I’m trying to figure out what to do with it. It’s a good silver pendant but I don’t know anyone who’d want it. Maybe I’ll put it on Ebay! My new awareness has pushed me to make a bigger decision and I’m still trying to figure out what to do.

As you let go of the past, your spirit will get lighter. Mine is starting to float!

Another revelation this weekend: Years ago I told my aunt I loved her little antique rocking chair. It has no arms but the carving in the wood is pretty. Not long after she wanted me to have it and arranged for someone to bring it to me. I loved it! That was during an unhappy time in my life. I had a roommate, whose friends I didn’t like. One day they started tossing a football in our living room. I yelled they should stop as one ran across the room to catch it, and crashed into my chair.

They knocked the back piece of wood off and completely broke the wicker seat. Of course they saw no need to pay to fix it. Since then, I’ve kept a pillow on the seat and have the chair stuck in a corner. It doesn’t look right there but I can’t have anyone sit on it. I loved that chair so I kept it. But yesterday I asked myself why? Someone said it would cost a fortune to fix it. I have other memories from my aunt. The main memory as it is is attached to the inconsideration of the guys who broke it.

Often we don’t get rid of things because we don’t know what to do with them.

I don’t know what to do with the chair. It’s so cute, and an antique, and I hate to just throw it out. Yet it’s broken! So I’ve told the Universe that unless someone happens along to fix it by New Year’s or take it, I’ll throw it out on the 31st. If it were fixed, the memories would be good again. But looking at the damage stokes bad energy. This is a really big deal for me to give it away. I’ve had it for a long time and always hoped to find a way to fix it. But it’s time to let it go. While a piece of me is sad, a bigger piece feels empowered from this decision.

Anyone in NY who wants the chair or who can help me fix it,
please get in touch! ?

Letting go of stuff also releases their stories. Whether the story is attached to someone in your past or fear of needing it someday and not having money to replace it or a souvenir or anything else, decide if this story is one you want to keep alive with the item. Often we don’t think about why we have things and what they mean to us. Start thinking! As you close the book on old stories, you also get rid of old energy that might be subconsciously holding you back.

Start now—throw something out! Or better yet, give it to someone who can use it. Then you get a double blessing—helping someone and helping yourself have better energy to attract more positive stuff.

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Frank McKinney, NY Times best-selling author, was inspired by the biblical passage, “from those to whom much is entrusted, much will be expected” when he wrote The Tap (Health Communications, Inc.). He’s a businessman who believes heart and soul that we’re judged not on what we accumulate or achieve through life but more on our spirit of generosity towards others. In his inspirational book, he shares how God’s great ‘tap’ moments in life prove that compassionate capitalism and spiritual stewardship can co-exist.

Frank McKinney is a successful
real estate entrepreneur. He generously donates significant amounts of money to his non-profit, Caring House Project Foundation (CHPF) that provides a self-sustaining existence for desperately poor and homeless families around the world. He credits his astronomical success to his deep faith and accompanying spiritual principles. He believes that God ‘taps’ each and every one of us many times in life, answering prayers and presenting life-changing opportunities.

I got chills listening to Frank speak and feel so much more aware of my need to give back more for all my blessings. I know I was ‘tapped’ to start my Project Self-Empowerment. Frank takes what I wrote in my last post, Law of Attraction in Action: Charity to a much higher level. He truly believes that our blessings are to be shared with others and that in turn attracts many more blessings. The synergy is bountiful when you use it with compassion for others and take action instead of just talking about it. Here’s what he had to say:

What gave you the balls to leave home with $50 and no higher education? Ignorance. I was heading down a path that only a juvenile delinquent can forge at 18. I felt a need for a change of venue from Indianapolis in 1982. What better place to land than West Palm Beach in south Florida? I began to seek my professional highest calling.

How did you get into real estate? In1986, I was earning a 6-figure income teaching tennis, but there was a limit to how many hours I could bake out in the sun. I saved up my money and bought my first piece of property—a $35,000 fixer upper in a bad part of town. When I sold it I made $7,000. It could have been Monopoly money. I proved that my concept worked—buying an undervalued property and adding value to it like nobody else and marketing it like nobody else.

From my professional highest calling standpoint, that was an epiphanous moment—knowing I could do it. While I’ve added zeroes to it now, I still do what I did 25 years ago. After 5 years I finally got the courage to move to the ocean front and start building beautiful homes with a lot more zeroes. That was a quantum leap but the application wasn’t too different from that first fixer upper.

How have you been able to do so much? I am a simpleton—a very linear thinker. This year I wrote 3 books and released them at the same time. I break things down into very simple compartments and don’t overcomplicate things or do a lot of research online, rationalize or over plan it. We as a species inherently, in the information age we live in today, over-research, over-Google, to the point that subconsciously we’re looking for a reason to say no to things. I’m a do-er, not a talker. Action cures fear. Lack of action feeds fear. The fear tends to subside when we take action.

What helped you to continue taking risks? I have a life mantra that’s also a chapter title in The Tap: Exercise your risk threshold like a muscle and eventually it becomes stronger and is able to withstand greater pressure. I got to where I am today—taking big risks that make people ask how I sleep—by exercising my tolerance for risk at a young age and building up that fear muscle. I’m afraid every day of my life but don’t let it stop me. I embrace and enjoy it. It’s a part of my DNA now. It makes me feel very alive when I’m doing something that causes fear.

How would you rate the importance of doing things to give back in the big picture of doing business? The Tap is all about this concept. Most of us pursue this professional highest calling our entire lives, to the detriment of pursuing our spiritual highest calling and sharing our blessings with those who are less fortunate. My mentors are some of the most successful people in the world. They understand that God rewards responsible stewards. When we realize it’s incumbent on us to share time, talent and treasure, we realize that the territory becomes larger.

What’s the concept behind your book The Tap? I hope to teach people how to sensitize themselves to what I refer to as life’s great tap moments. A lot of people don’t know how to recognize God tapping you on the shoulder and when they do, they see it as an annoyance. Then you’ve got to take action. That’s the message I want to get through. Let’s learn how to sensitize ourselves to life’s great tap moments and then how to take action on them!

Compassion with action is a waste of emotions. You can feel very good about doing something nice for people but if you don’t act on it, success in the business we’re all in—the business of life—will be ever elusive. That’s why I rate the concept behind the tap as the primary contributor to my success.

How does this work with the Law of Attraction? You benefit when you’ve been tapped and understand why you need to manifest these things, and it’s not for you. It’s for others. Then and only then do you have a chance for that BMW to fall down your chimney. That’s how I see The Secret. It’s not about the material things. When you dovetail your professional highest calling with your spiritual highest calling—oh boy!

Why did you create the Caring House Project Foundation? It started by saying yes to my first little tap of going to serve meals to the homeless, one night a week. Then I began fixing up houses and rented them out for a dollar a month to elderly homeless people instead of selling them. Then we went to Haiti, the poorest country in the western hemisphere and started building little houses. The average life expectancy there is 47 years and there’s a 22% chance that a 5-year old will not see their fifth birthday. I’m in the housing business so I thought I should provide housing for those who don’t have it and that’s what I did.

We started building self-sufficient villages. The deeper I understood the concept behind the tap, the larger the Caring House Project Foundation grew. Now every book I write, all the royalties I receive, all the appearance fees I get and a good portion of profits when I sell a house goes to funding these 14 villages that combine a school, clinic, community center, homes, clean drinking water, and renewable food, all in a campus-like setting. Start with something small. Visit a children’s hospital. My tap moment began with something small and look how it’s grown!

In The Tap there are 7 stages to feeling the tap. I want to maintain myself at that seventh stage. It’s part of my business plan. I build the big houses so I can build a lot of small houses in Haiti. There’s purpose in my life every day. It’s just part of my spiritual higher calling.

Why did you write The Tap? Each of you has been blessed with the ability to succeed at some level. It’s important for you to realize that those successes were not meant for your sole benefit. They were meant to also benefit those less fortunate. People have those self-defeating thoughts, like, “I am not worthy.” But you are and you have been blessed with the ability to succeed at some level. You have to realize that those blessings weren’t just meant for you. They were meant to be shared with those less fortunate. Once you get that, it’s amazing how things will just explode for you.


Check out Frank McKinney‘s book The Tap to further understand that rewards will come with astonishing speed and size to those who act on the greater responsibility that comes with greater blessings. See why this world would be a much better place if everyone read his compelling message and became a “tapped” person as a result of it! Listening to and acting on my taps has brought me abundance that’s priceless.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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This is post 65 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

During this holiday season, there’s lots of joy in the air. People tend to be more caring. On the streets of NYC, I see many people putting dollars into the collection boxes for the Salvation Army and other charities. There’s a glut of people volunteering to help out at soup kitchens on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year day. They seem to get a good, warm feeling from helping out.

But what about the rest of the year!?!

Of course it’s normal to give when you can. But we shouldn’t need the holiday spirit to spark us to help those less fortunate. Research shows that people derive great happiness from doing things that help others, whether it be regular volunteer work, donating money, organizing a drive to help a charity, etc.

Making others happy with charitable actions attracts more happiness for you!

Knowing you’ve helped someone feels good. It’s a reward unto itself—priceless—since how can you put a price tag on the value of knowing someone had a good meal or can get medical care or has a decent place to live, etc., because of your effort. Charity doesn’t have to be a big act or more than you can afford. When you give what you can from your heart, it can be something very simple.

Often what might seem like very little to you can be a blessing to someone in need.

If you’ve ever ridden the subways of NY, you probably know that many people come on trying to get money from the riders. Some sell things, some entertain and some just make an impassioned plea for something to eat or money to buy food. If you ride the same line enough, you may see the same people. One day an amicable guy who’d lost his job got on. He sang for money, saying he wanted to at least give something—entertainment—to people who might help him out. He’d been unemployed for a while. Like a few others, I gave him a dollar.

A few weeks later, he got on my subway care again. This time he had a bad runny nose and was stuffed up when he announced that he had a bad cold but rather than just beg, he’d sing for money and do his best, despite how stuffed he was. He sounded awful. Kind of croaking. But he finished the song. I know how awful it feels to be that stuffed and not have medicine for it. So when he got to me with his hat, I put in the sheet of Sudafed I had with me. I always keep some in my purse in case I need them. The smile I got from him, and the appreciative thanks, was as heartfelt as if I’d given him a lot of money.

When you have nothing, something can mean the world. And the Law of Attraction reciprocates with other kinds of blessings.

For me, the biggest blessing is the good feeling I get when I help someone. Even if I don’t know who’s getting my help, like when I donate to a charity, I know I’ve done good, and that feels good! Sometimes people say they wish they could help a charity but their financial situation doesn’t allow it. That doesn’t have to be true!

Honestly, when you give to others, the Law of Attraction returns it to you. Money tends to come from a variety of sources.

Even when I don’t have an income earning project I’ll give money to people on the street who need to eat. I’ve even bought food for people during times I had to cut out my own eating out. Yet I always have enough! It’s lovely how the Law of Attraction reciprocates a charitable spirit.

The act of giving attracts getting.

I’ve mentioned that my company is called Project Self-Empowerment and one of my goals is to raise the money to give my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways away for free in colleges, shelters, etc. I want others to learn the tools for loving themselves like I do. When my mother passed away, I’d just given the proposal for the book to my agent and got a message that I need to give it away in order to reach the people who might benefit the most from learning how to love themselves and in doing so, improve their self-esteem.

So I took it back from my agent with the intention of self-publishing it, selling it and using any money from sales to give them away to college students, people in shelters and others who could benefit. I’ve put it out to God that I’m expecting to connect with either a corporate sponsor or a benefactor who would finance it and know that when the time is right it will be there. Meanwhile, I’ve finished writing it. People think I’m crazy because I could make money selling the book.

But, I’ve never felt more satisfaction from my writing as I do at the thought of giving the book to people it will help.

My next post will be an interview with Frank McKinney, a NY Time bestselling author who used his success in real estate to build homes for poor people. He will talk about the blessing of being charitable toward others. When you do, it truly increases your abundance in many ways, besides making more money. The kind of abundance it brings makes life more rewarding.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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