Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

This is post 68 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Happy New Year to you all! I hope 2010 began on a very positive note for all of you. Today I want to encourage you to do some gardening for your life to up your chances for career opportunities, love, attracting good people, and other goodies to bloom in profusion this year.

I think of my life as a garden. It needs weeding, seeds planted, watering, and fertilizer to help it bloom in ways that I want. When you don’t tend your garden it gets out of control. When you don’t tend your thoughts and the seeds you plant, YOU feel out of control of your life. But you are–you’re attracting the negative thought. When you do plant seeds for healthy blossoms and take care of them, your life blooms in a profusion of attracting many blessings.

It’s important to be careful not to allow weeds to grow in your garden of self: criticism, pessimism, negative thoughts, disrespect, doubt, guilt, bad habits, etc.

I don’t like to have weeds in my garden! When I lived in a house, I HATED weeding but knew it was necessary to keep my garden healthy. I’d go out with my tool for pulling them out and use weed killer where possible. For all the years I lived in my house, I’d grit my teeth and go to war on the weeds. I knew if I didn’t stay on top of them, they’d eventually take over my beautiful garden. Yet back then I was a DoorMat and allowed my garden of self to be overrun with mental weeds. Insecurity and low self-esteem does that. They multiplied and kept my garden from blooming. And they kept me very unhappy.

Mental weeds get out of control if they’re allowed to stay in your garden but you can stop them. Then it’s YOUR choice to keep them alive or cut them loose.

Some weeds are pretty on the surface and may actually have flowers, which makes it harder to feel a need to get rid of them. Dandelions are pretty yet they can take over a garden very fast and are hard to get rid of once their roots go deep in the soil. In life, people may sweet talk you, act sweet and innocent but not do you right. You may think you need a romantic partner even though you get hurt regularly–but he or she knows what to say or do to keep you hanging in. You may think you must stay in your job, even if your boss is disrespectful and takes advantage of making you work overtime for no extra money.

When you reach your limit with someone’s bad behavior and they throw you a bone to make you stay, they’re still weeds. You have to decide if you want weeds in your garden.

No matter how nice someone can be to you at times, it doesn’t compensate for them hurting you or taking advantage of your kindness or messing with your head. When you let weeds stay and spread, they overpower everything. Mental weeds do that too. The longer you let them fester in your thoughts, the deeper their roots on your psyche and the stronger their hold on you. Each time you criticize yourself feeds self-criticism and starves self-esteem.

Negative thoughts and habits that you allow to prosper in your thoughts tell the Universe to help you support their affect on your outlook and what you receive.

Weed your garden so your own beauty can bloom! Awareness is a great weed controller. It helps you spot weeds (people who criticize you, bad habits, old messages, etc.) fast and eliminate them before they damage the blossoms of good self-esteem. Replace weeds with seeds of better habits and a happier outlook. Whether you want to improve your work or play life, plant whatever seeds you can to add to your life.

Seeds are doing something that could potentially create an opportunity.

Every time you send in your resume or make a call about something you’d like or network or take a class to improve a skill or get knowledge you can put to use after or make a new friend or let people know what you need, you create a potential opportunity. I send press releases when I have a new book, to many journalists. Each one is a seed I send out. Think about how seeds spread in the wind to gardens. It’s common for people to get a beautiful flower in their garden that they didn’t plant. The wind carries seeds from one garden to another. It’s the same with action seeds.

Every time you do something to advance or connect or let the world know what you’re doing or need, you give yourself another chance to bear the fruit of each seed.

The more seeds you plant, the more chances one will sprout. I sent Oprah a press kit a year before they called me to do the show. A producer held onto it and got it out when they were doing a show on people pleasing. The key to manifesting it to not get discouraged when seeds don’t sprout right away, which tells the Universe you don’t trust and puts a negative vibe on your seeds.

Expecting to see some blossoms gives you a better chance of something you need taking root.

Some seeds sprout quickly. Some need replanting if they don’t take at first. They need care, fertilizer (patience) and watering (love). Gardens require maintenance. Sometimes others try planting in my garden. These days I quickly identify the weeds quickly—those who bring me negative energy—and stay away from them. Those who care about me add colorful blooms – compliments, love, encouragement, positive ideas.

I have a wonderful resource you can take advantage of to learn tools for achieving much greater SUCCESS.

Darren Hardy, publisher of SUCCESS magazine, is offering a SUCCESS underwritten program called Designing the Best 10 Years of Your Life–Your Strategic Plan for Achieving Lifelong Goals. The gift? It’s free! If you sign up for his blog email updates, over 8 weeks he’ll guide you through the development of a comprehensive life plan complete with all of his proprietary documents, worksheets, video and audio material–everything provided in his previous $1,500 single-day workshop. The program and complete system with all the support materials will be given away for free.

I keep repeating this–it’s FREE!

The program kicks off on Tuesday, January 5th, but anyone can join at any time. It’s a great blessing when such a smart, powerful man offers to give back. Check out his site and listen to the video he made that explains what he’s doing. I don’t usually promote stuff here but he offered it to my readers for free so I wanted to let you know about it.

So step out and tend your own garden. Use whatever tools you can to help it bloom.

I am the flower of my life. I clear weeds by letting go of old habits that keep me doing what I’d prefer not to, old messages that tell me I’m not good enough, old insecurit
ies, and people who don’t make me feel good.. Then the best, most satisfying parts of me have more room to bloom. You can be a good little gardener and control the weeds of your garden and plant new seeds. You don’t need a green thumb! Loving yourself is the best tool! Plant as many seeds for what you want as possible. Then EXPECT them to grow so the Law of Attraction can add the fertilizer! ?

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As the year ends, I look back and consider 2009 a successful year for me. The last bunch of years have been. Others might disagree and not recognize what I do as success. I didn’t become rich—yet! The love of my life still hasn’t met me—but I know he’s coming! None of my books are on The New York Times bestseller list—yet! I can still stand to lose little more weight—but I think I’m hot now! Yet I’ve made a lot of progress, which for me is success. I’ve overcome roadblocks—a HUGE success.

Progress—even if you’re not where you want to be yet—is success when you’re smart enough to recognize it.

People tend to focus on what they haven’t done or gotten yet instead of what they’ve done or have. As you say goodbye to 2009, make a bigger effort than usual to count the blessings you’ve had this year. For me, being happy is one of my greatest successes. People with a LOT MORE money than I have aren’t nearly as happy as I am. That—for me—is success. Money is a side dish. Happiness in myself is the main course. Navigating life with joy and moving forward made 2009 a successful year.

John Foster Dulles said, “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.”

Like I said in my last post on New Years Resolutions, we often resolve to get over humps to conquer roadblocks, our weight, etc., and end up in the same place, wishing for the same things, year after year. Often you might have made progress but don’t feel it if you want to lose 30 pounds and “only” lost seven. Seven is excellent but if 30 is what you want, you might push the 7 pounds aside and feel like a failure.

Do you complain about the same lack or problems, year after year? Are you still waiting to feel successful?

I used to whine about the same things, over and over, like a broken record. I’m blessed that my friends didn’t give up on me! I finally learned that complaining changes nothing and alienates friends. Complaining without taking action to remedy what you complain about keeps you from progressing. Taking even one step forward is success if you perceive it that way.

Are you still trying to lose 30 pounds or make more money or create a new circle of friends or other things you resolved to fix in 2009? Did you want this in years before? Often the solution seems too hard or uncomfortable. Then the problem becomes your inability to take action, which feels even worse, since you’re not getting what you want AND you feel bad about your inability to do something. Often people I know complain about the same romantic partner or friend.

The lament is always the same yet they stay with the person they rant about.

One of my counseling clients has been having problems with his wife since his son from his first marriage came to live with them several years ago. She misses it being just the 2 of them and has been lashing out at the son. Just when Ben (not his real name) considers leaving, his wife apologizes and is sweet for a bunch of weeks, especially when the son has a long visit with his mom. After one of her outbursts, Ben is raging, and says he’ll have to take his son and leave. But she always wins him over by being sweet and then when I ask if he’s leaving, he just says everything is fine. But it isn’t!

Situations don’t usually change permanently for the best if you don’t do something different.

I finally got through to Ben after another outburst last week. Unpleasant as it was, he asked his wife to leave. When she wouldn’t, he got another apartment. He still hopes one day they’ll get back together. But moving out told her more than all the times he said her behavior wasn’t okay. When Ben looked back on last year and realized the problem had been there for over a year, he knew he had to take action. Now he feels more positive entering a new year because he stopped an ongoing problem.

Actions solve problems and make changes in your life. If you want success, you have to prepare to do something different.

Even if you don’t get the whole enchilada, get into the habit of taking at least ONE step, and appreciate taking it as a small success. Sometimes when the weather is lousy and I can’t get out to run, I look for other ways to burn calories. I live on the 10th floor so I’ll start walking up from the lobby. I’m not always up for 10 flights if I have packages but I’ll go as many floors as I can and then take the elevator the rest of the way. Instead of lamenting not walking up all the stairs, I’m happy with the 5 or 7 I do.

Resolve to have many little successes in 2010!

I’m almost finished with my cleaning and consider it success that I actually have empty shelf space and part of a drawer is empty. That’s a first for me and I’m proud! Look for your own small successes in the New Year. They add up. Then next December you might find that you accomplished much of what you hoped for. Focus on keeping your thoughts clear about what you want so you can attract the resources to receive.

I wish you all a VERY BLESSED NEW YEAR! Here’s to fabulous days ahead. It’s my intention and I WILL make it my reality!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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This is post 67 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Ahhh… It’s New Years resolution time! The time when everyone writes down or declares all the things they want to do or have in 2010. People do this every year, like it’s some magical formula for attracting what they want. I know they want the resolutions to come true and find the new year a good time to declare their intentions. They can run the gamet:

• “This year I’ll lose 20 pounds.”
• “I’ll go to the gym more.”
• “I’ll find the man/woman of my dreams.”
• “I’ll get a job that pays a lot more money.”
• “My life will get better.”

It all sounds so good when you say it before the new year begins, especially on New Years eve after you’ve been drinking and are in a party spirit. But, resolutions are commonly more wishful thinking than serious intentions that bring results form the Law of Attraction. You may say them forcefully on New Years Eve and wish, hope and pray for them to come true. But, those feelings can dissipate quickly as you get back into old routines when the holiday is over.

Making declarations on one night, or for a few days, doesn’t show you’re serious if your actions show otherwise.

Intentions must be maintained to attract what you want and your actions must support them. Declaring you’ll lose weight or go to the gym more or meet the right romantic partner, or get a better job, etc. won’t make that happen if you don’t go to the gym or change your eating habits or work on making yourself the kind of person who attracts a healthy partner or prepare yourself for a better job. Your life won’t get better if you don’t do something to make it better.

Resolutions don’t work unless YOU DO the work!

Resolutions can actually hurt you if you look back with frustration on the ones you don’t keep. That can make you feel like a failure and cause you to focus on what you don’t want or didn’t do, which attracts more of what you don’t want. And, knowing your resolutions didn’t work can make what you want seem even more unattainable, so attracting them becomes harder. Resolutions don’t magically take hold because you say them and it’s a new year.

They manifest when you continue to affirm them and take steps toward making them happen.

Do you make your declarations and then WAIT for them to materialize? When they don’t, do you declare that resolutions don’t work? That tells the Universe they won’t, and they don’t. The cycle can take on a new life each year, and then bum you out as you look back and see nothing changes. As you get older, you may not even bother to make resolutions since they don’t work. But they do, if you make a conscious effort to manifest what you resolve to have.

New Years’ resolutions are like all intentions—they must be consistently reinforced with your thoughts and action.

New Years resolutions are not special intentions to be said and then ignored. Often your intention to make them can give you an excuse to postpone doing what’s necessary. You want to lose weight in November but choose to wait until the new year. But then the new year comes and your resolve is weaker from waiting. The best time to make a resolution is when the desire hits you. And then do the work instead of waiting for the new year.

Og Mandino says, “If you resolve, beginning today, to put out more on your job than you’re getting paid to do, miracles will begin happening in your life.”

For whatever area of your life that you want to change or improve, resolve to do the work! Don’t just resolve that something will happen. Resolve to MAKE IT HAPPEN—to do the work necessary. If you want to make more money, resolve to work harder at your job and also to explore other options. It’s so much fun to dream by resolving to get or do all sorts of good stuff. Actually doing the work usually isn’t. Fear, or lack of direction can make it seem unpleasant or hard to take action. I used to enjoy making resolutions and then feel SOOOO let down as the year began and I did nothing. Until I asked God for help.

Start by resolving to ask for spiritual guidance. Ask for suggestions or a direction if you don’t know where to begin. Resolve to listen to the guidance you get.

When you’re intentions are strong, you will get help! Show that they are by starting right now to do something in the direction of your resolution. If you want to lose weight, begin to watch your eating NOW! You might resolve to put more effort in after the holidays but at least try to curb your eating a little and get some exercise. If you want a better job, register a class and learn a new skill. Polish up you resume—get professional help if possible. If you want someone to love you, do more loving things for yourself.

You must show with your actions that the intentions in your resolutions are serious! That’s the key to attracting positive results from your New Year’s resolutions.

All talk and no action attracts all talk and no action! Just like all intentions, resolutions require fuel from you. I’ve been doing my cleaning all week and affirming that I’m making room for more of what I want. I’m listening to spiritual CDs as I clean and declaring my intentions, with enthusiasm, over and over. I know what I want and intend to receive.

What do you want? Write it down and begin to do something to attain it. Ask for guidance and really pay attention.

Guidance can come through experiences, something you see on TV, reading an article, or a gazillion other things. Everything does happen for a reason, so pay attention if something relates to your goal. I just got an announcement about an unexpected workshop given by a guy I’ve wanted to learn more from. He told me 2 weeks ago he wouldn’t have anything in NY for a few months. But demand was so high there will be one in mid January. I know this is for me and will be there. A friend I told this too laughed, and said it was a coincidence. I believe we attract coincidences. I do it all the time.

Resolve to do more general lifestyle changes than specifics of money you’ll make or pounds you’ll lose. That way, any progress is success. Vowing to lose 30 pounds often means you won’t appreciate it when you lose 5 pounds. But you should! Try more things like:

• I will try to eat healthier.
• I will watch my thoughts more to make sure they’re positive so I can attract what I want.
• I will do my best to nurture my spiritual power and seek more help from my higher being by putting my situations into his hands.

Get your thoughts in order and prepare for 2010 to be the year you make your resolutions real! You CAN! This DoorMat has been doing it for years now and it’s a lovely place to be. JOIN ME!

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I was at several holiday parties recently. The next 2 weeks have many opportunities for eating decadently. For many people, Christmas means pigging out at a big, yummy holiday dinner. Yet a holiday dinner is accompanied by some side dishes that can dampen your pleasure:

* Guilt. Weight s a big issue for many of us. Believing you shouldn’t have dessert or potatoes or more than one piece of pie—or believing that you should just stick to meat without gravy and veggies—can make you feel guilty if you indulge. That ruins each bite and tempers your pleasure.

* Disgust. When guilt gets strong, disgust with yourself for indulging can set in. I’ve heard people lament every bite of a delicious, high calorie dinner. “I’m so bad for eating this.” When you do that, you get the extra calories but you don’t enjoy eating them.

* Deprivation. If you choose to “be good,” you’ll feel bad about not having what everyone else does. You may resist temptation but long for the goodies you watch others eat. It stirs cravings that you can feel long after the dinner and eventually may lead you to a pig-out that isn’t as satisfying as the parts of the dinner you choose not to eat.

Why do that to yourself! It can ruin your meal, and your day! I’ve stopped the shoulds and shouldn’ts and give myself permission to do what makes me feel good, not bad. Knowing that I’ll be eating more on the holiday, I’ll go for a run before and then try for one after too. I tried to do this for Thanksgiving. But as I began to put on my running clothes, the sky got very overcast and I lost my desire to run. At first I pushed myself with reminders of all the eating I’d already done and what was coming up. I SHOULD got burn some calories!

But I didn’t. I chose to honor my feelings that were concerned about getting caught in a rain storm and ignored the SHOULD.

The sun returned later and improved my mood. A few hours after pigging out, I had a desire for exercise and went to burn off some calories. This time I was in the mood and enjoyed my run, instead of forcing myself out. I didn’t know I’d go later when I passed in the morning. But if I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have felt guilty, or worse about my eating. There’s always tomorrow!

You have ONE life. Don’t ruin it by inflicting rigid standards on your pleasure.

Yes, it’s important to eat healthy and exercise—MOST of the time! I don’t make rich foods and sugary treats a habit. But once in a while won’t ruin you! I’m trying to get a bit more exercise before the upcoming holiday dinners this weekend to compensate. But we had a blizzard and snow is on the ground so I won’t beat myself up if I can’t get out to exercise. I’ll do my weight training in the gym. But I won’t eat less if I can’t run.

Erma Bombeck said, “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

Seize the day and enjoy the holiday food! Indulge without guilt. You don’t have to pig out to enjoy it. Instead, plan a little so you have some control over what you eat while still enjoying the goodies. Rather that withholding all the richer foods:

* Check out all the food before taking large heaps of the first few, especially if the food is served buffet style. When I see a dish I love, I take a lot. Then I realize there are 4 others yummy ones I want to partake of and then I take too much food. So I try to take a small scope of everything first and when it’s finished, decide if I need more.

* Make trade-offs. If your concern is just one big dinner, just relax and let yourself go a bit. But, if you’re away from home for many meals, you can create some restraint that doesn’t deprive you. When I travel and eat many meals out, or I’m at someone’s house for several days in holiday mode, I assess what I want beforehand and choose which goodies to skip or just have a taste of and which I’d like a real portion of. If I want dessert, I skip bread and only have a small portion of potatoes. Think about what you’d normally have in the situation, and decide what you can skip. Trade one goodie for another.

* Leave the gobbling to turkeys. Eat slowly. Chewing food more carefully improves digestion. The longer it takes you to eat, the fuller and more satisfied you feel. Have smaller bites instead of shoveling food into your mouth. Even if you’ve always been a fast shoveler, you can practice and get used to a slower pace. I savor each bite and can eat less by doing so.

* Take smaller portions. Take just a little of each dish instead of piling your plate high. Get small portions of seconds if you want it. You’ll still eat less this way and not feel deprived.

The holidays are for celebrating and enjoying fun times with family and friends. Cut yourself some slack and enjoy them! I wish you all a blessed holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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