Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Control

This is post 50 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve been going through a bit of a rough spot. I have so much on my plate but often go in circles. Perhaps it was the higher than usual heat and humidity we’ve been having. It keeps me form sleeping well, even though I have good AC. Kind of permeates me. Being more sedentary in the heat, combined with attending a few parties and more dinners out than usual made me gain 4 pounds in the last few weeks. I’d been doing fantastically well with losing weight over the last year and didn’t like seeing the scale go up.

Plus, paperwork was piling up and the general clutter around me felt bad. I didn’t like seeing so much stuff around. With all my deadlines, I’ve been dropping mail and other stuff on my dining room table. Stuff to be filed was on a chair, then on the floor as the chair couldn’t hold it all. I had a box sitting in the middle of the space I use for an office and couldn’t remember why I kept it, but it sat there screaming at me!.

Clutter, extra pounds, disorganized! Over the last few weeks I sent a message to the Universe that I was out of control since that’s how it all made me feel.

And I continued to feel out of control. Whenever I need to take control I clean. I’ve written about that BEFORE. It’s always good to clear stuff out to make room for new and better things. But while I write about this stuff and live it most of the time, I too can lose myself in the chaos of life. It’s so easy to fall back into old habits when you feel overwhelmed. That’s why I call myself a recovering DoorMat. I can still awaken the tendency to be agreeable if I’m feeling vulnerable but consciousness gets me back on track.

Last weekend I’d had enough! I needed to let the Universe know I was ready to take back control so the Law of Attraction would help me get what I needed.

First I shouted that I was ready to take back control and thought about what action I could take to show I was serious. I felt tired and knew I couldn’t do everything at once. So I thought about what bothered me the most. I didn’t like my weight going up. I was gaining from a combo of being inactive due to the weather and eating a lot of decadent food, and much too much.

Taking control of my health is my priority so I chose to eliminate most sugar habits from my diet. I did that last fall and it had a dramatic effect on my body.

I didn’t completely cut sugar. I broke my sugar habits. Since I was young, I had a Starlight mint after every meal. I love them and often had two or three. It was a habit since I was a teen. I automatically reach for one after eating. So I stopped, cold turkey on October. It was hard. I had to stop myself from reaching for one. I also cut desserts during the week but still allow myself a sweet on Saturday and Sunday afternoon.

Growing up we always had dessert after dinner. While I often had small things, I had sweets every night, again as a habit. I stopped that too. Now on the weekend I have my sweet after lunch, so I’m not doing what I used to. I LOVE sweets and it was hard to let go of them—the first time in my life I did this! During the first week I felt like I was in withdrawal. I drank a lot of water and passion iced tea to cope. And did lots of affirmations, like “I’m taking control of my eating to make my body healthier.”

Taking control felt so exhilarating that I didn’t cheat. And I lost weight just from that.

When people asked me if I was dieting, I said, “No,” I’m just breaking my sugar habits.” If I was out and everyone had dessert, I’d have some because it wasn’t a regular habit. But I limited those splurges to a few a month. I’ve slowly lost about 10 pounds since then, and kept them off till recently. While I put things aside to write and make my deadlines, I became more sedentary, left more stuff piling up, and ate more.

Taking back control feels much better!

I didn’t diet but showed the Universe I was serious about losing weight and stopped my desserts and other sweet treats. I began to lose the pounds I’d gained. I’m very serious and the more I talk about it out loud, the more I feel my body responding. Friday I began to get fabulous messages that I was being heard. First someone sent me an article out of the blue about the Law of Attraction that reminded me of things I’d stopped doing. Then I saw someone talk about the same things on TV.

It felt the Universe was sending me cheerleaders. It truly got my head into the right place.

I began cleaning and organizing with a fury. The more I put it out that I had to take back control of my life, the more things happened that encouraged me to do so. The more I took charge, the more I felt better and in control. The synergy was amazing and now I’m much more in control of my life than I was a week ago. Just looking at my clean office makes me smile. So does looking at the scale. I’m still in sugar withdrawal, but it’s getting easier. When I’m tempted to reach for a sweet, I remind myself how much healthier it is not to and that I can resist.

The more you take control of what’s happening now, the more you control what comes back to you.

I feel so much better but am always vigilant about backsliding. It’s soooooo easy to do! But it’s one step, one day at a time. If I begin to lose control, I find something I can take control of, like cleaning out a draw or my file cabinet. Taking control brings many rewards. For me it’s a cleaner living space and healthier body!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Intangible Blessings that Impact Others

I’ve talked a lot about the blessing of giving to others. That usually means you do something specific for someone or give them something they need. But I’ve been realizing that while that’s important, what we give mentally can have the biggest impact. Normally giving is seen in the physical sense. You donate money, help a friend fix something, give someone a lift, buy a gift, etc. Those are tangible blessings.

But it’s just as big a blessing, if not bigger, to do something that affects another person’s life in an intangible way.

These blessings are more subtle, since you may not know about the impact you had until way later, if at all. You impact people every day, though most of the time you may not think about it. Doing something small but positive can cause a chain reaction you never know about. You may smile at someone, put them in a good mood and then they smile at someone and so on…

It all boils down to trying to be kind and caring and positive when possible. When you live like that, you create those intangible blessings.

Many people need acknowledgement for what they do. If they’re kind to someone who doesn’t show appreciation, that’s the last time they do it. I hear people swear off friendliness when they don’t see it enough in others. If they hold a door and don’t get a “thank you,” why bother in the future?

Because—kindness is not a give and take! It’s a lifestyle, a mindset, your heart speaking.

I don’t mean you have to do favors for everyone. But being kind and friendly and helpful is based on who YOU to choose to be as a person, and should not be contingent on what other people do. It’s who you are, not what you do for reciprocation only. When I was a DoorMat, I got angry when I helped others but no one helped me. I was a people pleaser in order to be liked and also to get friendship and favors in return. But that’s not being nice! The more kindness and caring you give out because that’s who you are, not for something in return, the more impact you can have on others.

John Quincy Adams “The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality.”


Whether you know about your influence or not, when you do something that affects a person’s life, it’s a blessing that can live on and on. Think about things you’ve said or done that may have had an intangible impact. I feel blessed beyond measure every time I hear from a musician who says one of my books taught them enough to develop their career or from someone who feels more empowered from reading one of my books or this blog.


A kind word goes a long way. Good advice shared is a blessing. A smile brightens people’s day.


I recently heard from someone who said she’d just left the job she hated, with no idea of what she’d do but faith that it would be fine. She credits my writing for helping her do that. How can I put that into value? It’s priceless to know you’ve impacted someone else’s life in a positive way, whether in a big or small way. Every time I get a letter from someone who said my books or blog helped them, I know I’ve helped to make someone’s life better and appreciate that profoundly. But even when I don’t hear from anyone, I know that doing my best and being kind attracts more to me!


After doing favors to buy being liked, it’s lovely to be in a place that I know that just being me can brighten someone’s day because I usually have a smile and cheery greeting.


Pay attention to how you might make an impact on others. Would you like to be your own colleague, neighbor, friend, etc? If not, try to add some warmth and smiles to your everyday demeanor. Even if no one says anything, you can’t help but have an impact on some of the people who cross your path. There are people who live in my building that always make me happy when they get into the elevator because I’m greeted with a smile and enthusiastic “good morning,” etc. I don’t tell them how I feel but they impact me.


Those intangible blessings you give to others can make more of a difference than buying someone a gift or doing an overt favor.


As you develop an overall nature of being friendly, kind, and cheerful, KNOW that you have an impact on others. It has to happen, even if they don’t tell you. Years ago I’d stop at the same place for coffee every day. One day I was troubled about something and didn’t have my usual cheerful smile. The guy at the counter immediately asked if I was okay and was there anything he could do for me. I was stunned since I only knew him from ordering coffee. He said he looked forward to seeing me each day and thought of me as a little bit of sunshine. Yet it wasn’t till I had a bad day that I learned about my impact on him. Knowing that lightened my bad mood!


Remember that a friendly kind attitude spreads joy, even if people don’t tell you. And it also attracts some good stuff back.


Being a good person is a blessing, to others and to yourself. Every smile you give can impact on someone. Every door you hold open can help a stranger. Live as a person you’d like to encounter in your own life. When someone brightens your day in a simple way, think about how you can learn from them. As you become a conscientiously friendly, considerate and cheerful person, you’ll also become a better colleague, neighbor, parent and friend.



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Law of Attraction in Action: Living as You Want Your Life

This is post 49 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

The last few posts in the series have addressed how we block ourselves from getting what we say we want. Last week was about all the EXCUSES we make for not trying. The week before was about how we impede our dreams with our thoughts. I’m staying with this thread because I want you to go for and achieve YOUR dreams and goals. You have the power to do it. You may not think you do and if you keep thinking that you don’t, you won’t.

But if you can slowly adjust your thoughts, you can be the architect of your own life and live out your dreams.

People often say they envy me for the life I have. I wake up smiling every day. I work for myself so I have the best boss I could ask for and only do things I love! I live in a fabulous apartment in midtown Manhattan and travel when I have time. The people around me are all nice. I’ve done what many consider exciting things, like being on Oprah, working with celebrities, and having a reasonably high profile as an author and speaker. Some people think being a writer is a glamorous profession. I just feel blessed earning a living doing what I’m passionate about.

I never know what every phone call or email may bring me. Just today I was asked if I’d be interested in speaking in Jamaica! Opportunities abound in my world. I don’t know what they’ll be but I do expect them and they come. Since I put a lot into God’s hands, I look forward to receiving what he sees as best for me. I’m always delighted with the results, because I know it comes from a spiritual place that looks out for me. Not bad for a former DoorMat who settled for crumbs of joy!

I’m living the life I’ve CHOSEN—consciously—with my thoughts. Not a life that I’m SUPPOSED to have, doing what I’m SUPPOSED to do. MY life! MY choice through MY thoughts!

As I began a life outside of DoorMatville, I began to notice that when I went forward with my goals, not knowing how they’d be realized but expecting them to be, they were. I remember when I had my first opportunity to go to Europe. Money was very tight but I had to go! After tasting freedom, it was imperative to make up for lost time—all the years I did what others wanted and never once took a vacation that was MY choice. So I bought my ticket with a credit card and left without a worry in the world, KNOWING I’d have the money when the bill came.

I took several more trips after that and always had the money when the bill came!

A big eye opener for me was when my doc once advised surgery for a problem that gave me a lot of discomfort. It was optional but hampered my quality of living. I put it off for ages due to lack of funds. The cost for me was $6,000 out of pocket after what insurance would pay. As my faith got stronger I booked the surgery, and expected the money to be there when I needed to pay the bill. Just before I went to the hospital I was informed that my great aunt who’d died a few months before left all her relatives an equal amount of money since she had no children.



Do I need to tell you what I got? Exactly $6,000! I didn’t even know she had money to leave us!



This was how I was introduced to the Law of Attraction, though back then I didn’t know what that was or how it worked. I just knew that if I lived like I had what I needed, I’d have it. Simple! The more I received, the more I believed. It wasn’t until I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise M. Hay that I understood how my thoughts controlled my reality. It was then that I began to fully let my spiritual power guide my life and consciously controlled my thoughts.



Henry David Thoreau said, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”



Live as if you have what you want! I don’t mean go crazy blowing money but test the waters with faith. A few years ago, I spontaneously decided to make my dream of going to Alaska come true, though I had no budget for it. I didn’t quite have enough frequent flier miles but tried anyway and got my ticket somehow. I asked for journalist discounts from the tourist office and got them. Then paid opportunities to write about my trip materialized. I didn’t have to work hard, I just needed to live like I was going and could afford it. In the end, I barely paid for a thing with money not related to the trip! You can read my Solo Chick Alaska blog and see some of my pics of my dream coming true!



If you scrimp on things you want thinking you can’t afford them, you probably never will afford them.



While I respect money and don’t go crazy spending, I buy what I want and know the money will be there when I need it. And I know the right people will come and facilitate me moving forward with whatever I need. When my first agent told me that 20 publishers had turned down my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, and she couldn’t get a deal for it. I refused to be daunted and got a release from my contract.

The key is truly doing it in faith–not hoping while feeling nervous that it won’t happen and you’ll be screwed by not getting what you need. I TRULY believe I’ll get what I need, and do!



I continued writing my book, telling people I had a good deal for it, because I HAD to! Someone who believed in me recommended me to my current agent and she got 3 offers for the book. It was my first self-empowerment book and had been turned down by many editors yet I got a hard cover deal with a national book tour! I lived as if I had the deal already and it materialized.



The Law of Attraction read me loud and clear!



I tell you these stories to show it can work if you let it. Yes, you have the power to make it happen just as you have the power to keep it from happening! If you live the life you want with passion and expectation, you’ll eventually grow into it if you can keep your faith strong. I’ve attracted the most wonderful life I could imagine by burning my teaching license, moving into Manhattan with no job, and expecting to earn a living doing only what I love. The more baby steps you take in faith and see that they work the more confidence you’ll have about taking more.



Try it! Being the architect of your own life will bring you so much joy. You just need to guide the Law of Attraction with your thoughts and actions!



See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series.

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From Cheating to CHOOSING

I was recently on a train, happily doing a Sudoku puzzle. I do puzzles in ink and it’s a mess if I discover too far down the road that I’ve made a mistake, so I occasionally look in the back at the answers to make sure what I wrote is correct. As I opened the answer page, the guy sitting next to me (a stranger) laughed and said, “You’re cheating.” I was stunned, but remembered that in my DoorMat days, I was embarrassed for anyone to see I checked the answers as I went along.

Now I had a different perspective: Why is it cheating if it’s my CHOICE?

I got annoyed with the guy but didn’t respond at all. The look I gave him said enough (are you crazy?!). I began to think of all the things we call cheating that aren’t cheating and how it can hurt self-image. Cheating isn’t nice. It’s doing something wrong. But I’m not wrong if I want to check the answer to a puzzle that I’m doing for pleasure. I can CHOOSE to do whatever I want!

Using negative words to describe something you’ve done that isn’t bad hurts YOU!

Some synonyms for the word CHEAT are, deceive, defraud, con, take advantage of, and trick. I didn’t do any of those things when I looked at the puzzle answers. I do many kinds of word and number problems and prefer to check the answers as I go. These puzzles are for pleasure only, not to prove to the buttinski on the train that I’m smart enough to do them without help. Yet that word is also used in situations where you might feel guilty about doing something that really isn’t bad, or cheating.

I’ve heard others who also check answers while they do a puzzle say they cheat on puzzles. Yet they’re not deceiving anyone, including themselves, nor defrauding, conning, tricking or taking advantage of anyone. A big one is how many people say they “cheat” on their diets, when all they do it eat something more fattening, which isn’t a crime. But each time cheat is used, your self-esteem gets wounded.

Yet it’s not cheating! It’s CHOOSING to do something that others might disagree with, or that you’d rather not do, or doing things against the norm.

People assume you should finish a puzzle and then look up the answers. My pleasure isn’t in finishing. I love doing the puzzle. So I’d prefer to know if I make a mistake early so I don’t blow the whole puzzle. And it’s OKAY! Now I know I don’t owe any explanations or apologies. Referring to something you do as cheating makes you feel guilty. The guy who accused me of cheating on my puzzle tried to do that to me.

But since I’m empowered now, I believe HE should feel guilty about interfering with my pleasure at doing the puzzle MY way!

People call it cheating when they eat something more decadent than they think they should. Why ruin your pleasure in having a splurge by inflicting guilt? It’s not cheating—it’s your CHOICE. Someone in a relationship who sleeps with someone else is cheating. Copying someone’s answers on a test is cheating. Faking documents or deductions on your income taxes is cheating. Those are all conscious actions, knowing they were wrong or illegal.

Choosing to do something that hurts no one—but it goes against the norm or what you think you should do—is NOT cheating.

Yet so many people perceive themselves as cheaters and then torture themselves with the idea of it, ruining what should be pleasure by seeing themselves as cheaters. I used to be friendly with someone who was always on a diet. I mean ALWAYS! She was very slender and trim but terrified of gaining weight. If she had a bite of my sandwich, she lamented about cheating on her perpetual diet. If she splurged on ice cream, she’d ruin her pleasure with guilt about being a cheater.

I enjoy doing my puzzles while checking the answers and will continue to do so with pleasure. I’ll also enjoy food splurges with gusto. And I will never label myself a cheater because of it. We’re so quick to use negative words when we’re not perfect. I prefer loving ones now! The guy on the train who accused me of cheating must have his own issues if he said that to a stranger who was minding her own business.

Much of what some call cheating is actually choosing to do something that’s not what you think your SHOULD do or that you don’t see as your best or healthiest choice.

Taking a shortcut if it gets you where you want to go isn’t cheating. Nor is eating something fattening, or anything else where you bend the rules for personal satisfaction without deceiving someone else. Watch how you label! Calling yourself a negative name is a self-esteem buster, however subtle it might seem. I love myself much too much to do that now!



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