Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Shifting from Duality to Relationship

Today I welcome Barbara Joye as a guest blogger. She’s stopping by on her virtual book tour for the title she co-authored, The Light Won: A Tutorial in Co-Creation.

Considering a Shift from Duality to Relationship
by Barbara Joye

I have often asked myself why life seems to be so difficult, so hard. In communicating with the Angelic Realm during the co-creation of the book The Light Won, I believe the Angels provided an answer that makes sense to me and to those I have shared it with thus far. The answer is that we are living life in ‘Duality’ rather than in ‘Relationship’. In fact we even live our relationships in a duality format.

Duality has been the manner in which we have lived for generations – perhaps since the beginning of time. As such, we are all well steeped in the ‘Game of Duality’ and know how to play it well. Duality says that this is right and this is wrong and gives us all the roadmap for living. Or does it?

Duality is, in fact, not an essence that our deeper persona relates to well. In the space our spirit lives, duality is an energetic drain as nothing else can be. And, if it is in the space our spirits live, perhaps it is for the human body and the human experience as well.

Perhaps it is well worth our time and effort to rethink our connection with The Game of Duality – and consider a shift to The Dance of Relationship. In the book The Light Won, comparisons between Duality and Relationship are provided in an insightful and powerful manner.

“What Duality defines as comparative, Relationship defines as connected.”
“What Duality labels as opposite, Relations characterize as balanced.”
“What Duality classifies as ‘out of sync’, Relationship expresses as expended.”

As I spent time with these concepts and began to consider how my life might change if I were to relinquish the Game of Duality in favor of the Dance of Relationship, I began to understand why this was not such a simple process – not the ‘no brainer’ one might think it would be.

For starters, who would define what is good and what is bad; what is right and what is wrong; what is appropriate and what is inappropriate? I have a hard enough time now staying in step with the culture and am known as a bit of a maverick…what would my life look like if I really took it upon myself to determine rights and wrongs; goods and bads; and, perhaps most challenging of all, appropriates and in appropriates? How out of step or out of control might my life become?

With these thoughts in mind, I awaited the next meeting with the Angelic Realm to ask a few more questions about this ‘Dance of Relationship’. I decided that a bit more insight was important to my being willing to step out on what felt like a limb and become an individual who lives life in relationship. The morning arrived for our next discussion and I opened with the questions I had pondered. The discussion what brisk and energizing and provided me with a whole new perspective of a life in relationship.

To begin with, living in relationship is about living in an understanding of your position on a topic or idea; the resulting possibilities the position you hold supports you in creating; the possibilities create perspectives and opinions; and the perspectives and opinions create the preference which determines how we relate to a specific topic or idea or action or outcome.

Position, possibilities, perspective and preference…these are the elements of relationship.

When we live in relationship, we are able to see our own positions and resulting preferences and we are able, when we have developed our relationship talents further, to see another individual’s positions and preferences, thus the ‘Dance of Relationship. For with an ability to perceive the position and preferences of another individual, we have a greater chance of meeting somewhere in the middle…on the dance floor.

And please note, living in relationship does not mean we should or would relinquish our preferences. It simply means we would understand where our preferences were formulated (that would be our positions with their resulting possibilities and perspectives) and from that vantage point determine just how clearly we are perceiving and whether or not we are willing to make any change, no matter how slight.

This ability to shift – even a miniscule amount – is one of the hallmarks of relationship.

* Relationship provides a way to navigate the differences of opinions that duality does not;
* Relationship exposes our thinking and those of the other individual or group so we may all see each other’s perspective; and
* The dance of relationship provides the music for relating and for finding the center of the issue or difference.

So, if relationship is so powerful and effective, why are we not all actively engaged in and living the possibilities inherent in the Dance of Relationship? First and foremost, because we so steeped in the Game of Duality, the Dance of Relationship has gone unnoticed until now.

Secondly, when we engage in the Dance of Relationship, we have to become responsible for our decisions as we are each determining our action based upon our own position, possibilities, perspectives, and preferences. The one perceived benefit of the Game of Duality is that life is ‘black and white’ and we do not really have to make very many decisions on our own. The societal customs and norms are well established. And whether they are positive or not, they at least exist.

And finally, the Dance of Relationship takes time and effort. With our busy lives, we decide that it is simply too much work. Or is it?

I would ask each individual to consider what their life might look like if lived in the relationship format. How might you life be more dynamic? What might the benefit be to move into a knowing of your position and preferences on just a few topics in your life? Who might benefit if you were to interface in the relationships in your life from a relationship perspective? What do you put at risk by simply considering the possibilities – and what makes sense, engage in and what does not make sense, leave until later.

The Dance of Relationship awaits each of us with its promise of more music and rhythm to life…what do we have to
lose?
————–
Check out Barbara Joye’s book, The Light Won: A Tutorial in Co-Creation.

If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Aging

This is post 53 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.



My birthday is this Saturday, September 19th. I’m looking forward to it with the joy of a little kid! Yet I hear over and over, people talking about their birthdays as one step closer to the end of their lives. They avoid telling their ages, even in their twenties. And they EXPECT to begin to get physical ailments as they approach their 40’s and beyond.

Hello! That screams to the Law of Attraction to make their aging process unpleasant. It usually works!


Each birthday is NOT a notch in your death sentence! It’s an opportunity to celebrate another glorious year on this earth. That’s what I do. My message to the Universe is that I intend to make the most of every day that I’m here. And my life keeps getting better. I attract better!


Getting old isn’t just in your head. Our bodies change. But you can adapt to the changes and find ways to keep up a positive attitude.


I admit, I get tired more easily these days. I hear it from others too. But creating a “woe is me” kind of message about getting more tired or your body aching a bit more as you get older and do activities attract more woe to you! The Law of Attraction brings you what expect. If you expect woe, you’ll get it! If you accept the changes with joy, knowing that the rest of your life is good, you’ll enjoy life a lot more.


Find ways around some of the glitches of getting older by taking better care of yourself, and you can offset it.


I’m still running several times a week. People even younger than me say they’re sure they can’t do that anymore since they’re getting older and their knees will give them problems. Bah! When I began to run 4 years ago, I also began to take Glucosamine with Chondroitin and MSM. I knew it helps joints build more cartilage. When my mom (may she rest in peace) had a lot of pain during her power walks, her doc insisted she needed both knees replaced. I got her on the supplement and a few months later she was power walking pain free. Her doc was shocked that she no longer needed surgery.


So I take a smaller dose to protect my healthy knees, knowing I’m getting older and running can hurt my joints. And I take smaller (but more) strides than most runners, keeping my feet low to the ground to minimize impact. People laugh at me for all the supplements I take each day and the acupuncture I get regularly. But heck, I look much younger than my years and still do things that people much younger can’t keep up with.


Making some small conscious changes to protect your body, including your skin and hair, tells the Law of Attraction you intend to stay healthy as you age, and look better!



Friends I’ve known for years won’t tell me their ages, even though I know they’re younger than me and they know mine. Years ago I interviewed a famous singer, who was no more than 40 and told me she couldn’t get the number out of her mouth. It was too painful. What does that tell the Law of Attraction?—that aging is painful!


I acknowledge that there’s a lot of ageism out there, especially for women. I’ve been asked my age too many times before going on a TV show. It’s discriminatory and insulting! But that’s the way life is. I admit—I’ve lied to producers to get on the show and it’s never an issue after that. They call me back on. But age could get in my way of getting my foot into the youth conscious door.


Nonetheless, your age can’t be changed so you might as well make the best of your life instead of putting a damper on it by telling the Universe your age hurts you.


Find ways around any health issues that may come and don’t let them stop or depress you. Succumbing to fear of aging keeps you from living every day you have to the fullest. Happiness at any age is VERY possible. It’s up to you. Tell the Universe that aging makes you less of a worthy person or less healthy or less of anything and you’ll reap what you sow. Why ruin your joy!



Or, join me in celebrating every year of your life, without letting age get in your way. It’s YOUR choice how you perceive it.



I’ll begin my birthday celebration on Friday night and then celebrate all day on Saturday. Maybe Sunday too! But honestly, I try to celebrate every day as a new one. Saturday is the first day in the next year of my wonderful life. Not the beginning of another year closer to the end. It’s so much nicer to live in joy than fear or depression that you bring on yourself by expecting negatives.



I’m the same person no matter what my age. Universe—I’m ready for the next great year of my life! Bring it on!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Keep Going!

Every time I run I want to stop. Going up hills motivates me even more to begin to create excuses for why I should cut myself some slack. I play this game in my head almost every time I do it. Sometimes the tendon behind my knee begins to hurt a little. I’m used to it and it always stops as I continue. I know it’s just a stiff muscle but when it hurts, I want to stop.

But I’ve learned that when I push through the pain I get to the other side and am always glad I did.

Living means encountering some pain. It can be the pain of exercise or the mental pain of being in a relationship that has problems or going after something that isn’t working yet or a number of other things. Mental pain can be worse than physical. There’s a whole lot of things that can hurt.

Lance Armstrong said, “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

If you quit, it’s over, but so are the possibilities that come after the pain. Running keeps me fit. I don’t feel like quitting the whole time—just when pain either starts in my tendons or I feel tired and spent going up a hill. I do some loving self-talk. Knowing that without running, I’d probably gain weight, I lovingly call myself tubby and add a pep talk about how I need the exercise and must push through the pain.

I always make sure to be conscious when my run is over and say congrats to me for finishing!

There are times I almost give up. Times I’m so hungry I just want to run to McDonald’s and pig out. But I know that if I cut myself slack that once and shorten how much I do, or give in to the excuses and short term pain, I’ve lost. I remind myself of that whenever quitting thoughts go through my head. How can one time mean I’ve lost?

Giving in once means I’ll do it again.

You can always find excuses to quit. And if they work once, they’ll work again, which is why I can’t go there. Just as I said in my post Just This Once—Not!, I know that once you cut yourself slack, it’s so much easier to do it again in the future. So I push myself to be strong and push through any pain I’m experiencing. It’s also painful for me to make the calls and send emails to media people or others for my career. Not getting anywhere is downright mentally painful!! But this is the career path I’ve chosen and it has to be done to stay a freelance writer.

While the idea of experiencing pain isn’t pleasant, the rewards can be sweeter than you’d expect.

I’d never joined a gym or worked out with weights until 2001, when I decided my concern about how I’d learn to lift weights needed to be overcome in order to stay in good shape and keep my bones strong. I’d heard about slow motion weight training, where you lift heavy weights very slowly and when your body feels like it will die from the pain, you hold it for another count of 10 seconds.

Sound painful? It hurt more than anything I’ve ever done.

It sounded good before I began. The routine only take a half hour or less once a week, since you can’t do more than a few reps of each and it takes a week to recuperate. The science behind it is to quickly push your muscles to intense failure. That builds muscles faster than any other workout you can do. The workout is done with a trainer, who guides, pushes and insists you do what’s necessary. Most weeks I’d leave swearing that was the last time. And as I’d push through the pain of doing the reps, I’d think, “I have to quit!”

But I didn’t! Each week I returned for more torture, as I thought of it.

I did this program almost every week for a year. Had I skipped or shortened a session, I would have quit completely. I got into the habit of congratulating myself on the way home each week. I was truly proud of me. And that was a big factor in the rise of my self-esteem. It was tough but I pushed through! I didn’t let the pain make me quit. That motivated me to go back.

Pushing though pain is winning! The confidence it gives you to take more risks or do things that seem hard is priceless. I switched to a trainer in a regular gym after a year. By then, I’d learned many valuable lessons:

1) I can use my breathing along with my mind to lift the weights by concentrating hard and breathing into the lift.
2) Lifting in slow motion is a great way to learn perfect form for weight lifting.
3) I can do whatever I set my mind to!

After that year my body was much more toned and I had unusually strong muscles for only working out once a week for a year. My new trainer says I bench press heavier dumbbells than any woman he’s ever worked with, with perfect form! I’m up to 2 at 40 pounds each! When I’m stumbling with something, I remember how I felt when I left a slow motion session—proud beyond words. Even when my dentist had to do painful work on my tooth, I took deep breaths and told him to just keep going so it would be done faster instead of taking many breaks and dragging it out.

Self-love is a big motivator to push through pain. Doing so made my body healthier, which is important to me. Love yourself enough to drive through pain in situations that you know can have a reward at the other end. Stay on the treadmill a minute longer. Ride out the pain of breaking up with a romantic partner who isn’t good for you instead of going back for another sweet session ending in more pain.

Allow yourself to endure a painful treatment that can heal you.

Lance Armstrong hung in with his cancer treatments and he continued to hang in to win the Tour de France many times. You can win too if you love yourself enough to persevere to the other side of pain that can have a happy ending, like a fit and healthy body or freedom to find healthy love. You’re worth it! ?

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Recognizing Signs

This is post 52 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.



Summer is officially over, even though the calendar says differently. Outdoor pools are closing, even though it’s still warm, most people are done with vacations, shorter workdays are over and traffic in NYC has gone from minimal to bumper to bumper. I went on my run in Central Park this morning, lamenting about how quiet it was Monday and how crowded it is today.



Last week I talked about how September brings new beginnings for me. That seems to get into gear right after Labor Day. I’ve been saying spiritual affirmations all weekend, preparing to get into gear. I have a lot on my plate and needed to get busier. I tend to slow down in the summer. So I put myself into God’s hands and watched for the signs from Him with expectation. I said I was ready to break out and move forward.


People complain that they ask for things or put out expectations but get nothing. I ask if they’re watching for signs that their message is being heard.


They act like I’m crazy. What kind of signs?? Why aren’t they getting what they want?! Not recognizing the signs we get can make them think they’re not being heard and they give up. That tells the Law of Attraction that they’ve given up and no longer expect what they want. So they don’t get it.


Many people continue to try manifesting and end up empty-handed and disillusioned because they have blinders on.


Your higher spiritual power hears you and sends signals that you’re being heard, especially when you ask for them. It usually comes through experiences. But you have to watch for them and have enough faith to recognize them. Something can happen that you didn’t expect or small things can happen like all the traffic lights turn green when they never do. These signals are usually small, unless you ask for some bigger ones. When I’ve been scared or down about my career, I get quadruple the number of fan letters I normally get about my books. Whenever I recognize a sign, I look up and say thanks! Then I get more.


I call these God’s version of being my cheerleader, as they are reminders that God is here for me. They say, “You go Daylle!” They always spur me on!


As I ran yesterday AM, I asked for unexpected miracles, right here and right now. And I asked for signs that God was hearing me, as I needed a good spiritual kick!


When I got home, things started to go right. The elevator was waiting for me (one side has been out of service and it can take ages for it to come). I had an answer to an email that I needed. Then there were some odd signs that most people would laugh at but I’m enlightened enough to recognize them. For example, I love to play the video game Bejeweled 2 with my coffee as it helps make me alert for the day. This morning I hit one of my highest scores on the first try as I asked God for more signs. As I talked to Him while playing, much more bells and whistles than I usually see went off. Coincidence say the skeptics? I don’t care.


I KNOW it was God letting me know he was with me as everything on the board fell into place in ways it rarely does. I got excited, with my expectations going up a notch.


Later in the day I was doing some chores and threw the TV on. Deal or No Deal was on. They choose contestants by spinning a roulette wheel with 25 numbers. As it went round and round, I saw my lucky number 4 go by over and over and spontaneously asked God to let me know He was supporting me in what I needed by having the 4 chosen. The wheel spun a few more times and landed on 4! Even I was blown away by that! Coincidence? When they did it on the next show to choose the next contestant, 4 was chosen again! I got more revved and kept expecting more.


Messages from the Universe come through experiences and it’s up to you to recognize them.


The more things you recognize, the more you’ll look for and find them. Maybe it’s all in my head as some skeptics say, but my head is where all manifesting begins! Maybe it’s wishful thinking. But, I keep manifesting when it happens so it works!


There are signs big and small. They all speak to you if you listen! I’m so motivated, feeling God on my shoulder in many ways. When you need support, ask for experiences that you can’t miss to show you’re being heard. Then watch for them and be open-minded to how they come. They will if you EXPECT and recognize them as such. I WANT you to experience your own miracles, so please try this!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series.


If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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