Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Perfect Procrastination

I often procrastinate when it comes to certain things I must do. I get distracted by doing other things, when I know the actual task I should be doing. It’s a very selective process and often related to finishing something I’m writing. Friends have called it writer’s block but I knew it wasn’t. The thoughts I write about come easily to me. I couldn’t figure it out until a very wise person pointed out that because I’m such a perfectionist about my writing, I procrastinate on finishing certain things I’m writing due to my concern about not being perfect.

That got me thinking. I’ve seen it in clients, friends and in myself. Procrastination is often caused by feeling like you can’t do something perfectly, so you put it off.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how many other areas I’ve procrastinated in because subconsciously I was concerned about not doing it perfectly. I’ve put off phone calls because I wasn’t sure I had the right words. I’ve procrastinated on finishing a book proposal because this is what gets me the deal and I needed it to be perfect. The more I think about it, the more I realize how tied to perfection a lot of my procrastination has been over the years.

Recognizing that you’re procrastinating because you’re scared of not being perfect can help you find ways around it.

Once I understood the root of my procrastination, I felt more empowered. It’s allowed me to take a lot more control of it. I used to wonder what was wrong with me when I just couldn’t do what I knew I should or had to do. Knowing that my desire to do certain things in the most perfect way possible made me realize that I wasn’t a slacker or an unmotivated person. It allowed me to focus on what more I could do to make progress instead of just putting things off and getting disgusted with myself.

Next time you procrastinate, do a check and see what might really be at the root of it. Ask, “Am I scared of not doing it well enough or getting it perfect so I just don’t do it at all?”

This awakening has helped me to get a lot more things done. Striving for that elusive perfection went to doing the best that I can I a reasonable about of time. While I still want to write as well as it can be written or say the most perfect words, I now weigh reaching that perfection against not getting it done. If I want to keep writing books, I must finish my proposals. If I want sponsorship, I must make the calls. This has changed my mindset and allowed me to limit procrastination dramatically.

It’s okay to procrastinate sometimes; we all need to do it. But usually the things that you want done perfectly are what’s most important to get done.

As you recognize that you’re putting off doing stuff because you’re scared you won’t do it perfectly, take control by analyzing what you can do to help the process. Get advice from someone you trust. Run it by a few people. Take a real break with the intention of coming back to it fresh. Accept that you can only do your best, and then do your best! No matter what, make sure you forgive yourself for procrastinating. It’s a very normal human thing to do.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Law of Attraction in Action: Emotions

This is post 72 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I want to share with you what I consider THE most important component I learned for using the Law of Attraction successfully. It was missing from The Secret DVD, which bothered me when I watched it. I did learn a lot from watching it, but I was already knowledgeable. People who watch it need to know that making the LOA work for you isn’t as simple as wishing for something. Manifesting what you want needs fuel.

Positive emotions provide the fuel for your intentions. They send a vibration to the Universe that attracts—what you want or what you don’t want.

You may think you’re putting your intentions out well by saying them over and over. But if you’re not feeling them, they may not materialize. For example, if you interview for a new job and keep saying, “I have the job, I have the job,” but inside you’re trying to quell doubt or fear about not getting it, the emotion you feel is doubt or fear. The Universe picks up on that and you probably won’t attract the job.

When people tell me they kept putting out intentions of what they want but didn’t get it, I ask, “How “were you feeling while stating them?”

• Were you feeling doubt or fear?
• Was your intention heartfelt or just lip service without really believing it would happen?
• Did you state it by rote without feeling the impact of your words?
• Or, were you enthusiastic and excited about getting what you were trying to manifest?

The real “secret” to manifesting is to truly feel your words. The Universe picks up on the vibration behind your words and thoughts. That’s why negative ones can manifest more easily. Fear, doubt, feeling doomed for failure, play out through your body without even trying. Negative emotions stick easier and stay with you longer than positive ones. You may be very excited to get that great job interview and state that you intend to get it. But that joyous excitement can be stifled when the negative thoughts come:

• What if I screw up the interview?
• There will probably be people who are more qualified than me applying.
• Am I really good enough to do this job?

Those kinds of thoughts can override all the positive ones you had when you first got the interview. And they’ll stay with you for a long time, even way past the interview, if you don’t manage them by consciously stirring positive emotions. They can follow you to other interviews, building each time you feel let down. Negative emotions are so sticky they can be hard to get rid of. Joy and excitement can be fleeting when negative emotions settle into your thoughts and dominate the emotion behind your intentions.

So while your words state what you want, the vibration of your body’s emotions negate the words.

Understanding this is the key to manifesting positive goodies. Learning this brought my manifest to an amazing level. I am on the alert for negative emotions that can sabotage my desires. They come but I do what I can to get rid of them by saying positive affirmations to drown them out. I also ask for spiritual support in quelling the negative emotions so I can generate the positive ones needed.

When you want something, become your own cheerleader to get yourself excited about getting what you want—even if the doubts or fear are there.

Cheerleaders have to get their team revved even more when they’re losing. Getting the fans excited enough to believe the losing team can make a glorious comeback takes strong positive emotions. It’s the same with summoning positive emotions to cheer yourself to victory. Be the cheerleader needed to get excited enough to manifest.

You can override the negative emotions by generating positive emotions that can help you attract what you want.

Dig deep if necessary. Id necessary, first ask for help with quelling the negatives you feel. Talk to a friend or even a therapist. I work with people who have problem getting past the negatives to stir excitement. It’s not hopeless if you can’t do it on your own! Get a spiritual buddy and cheer each other. It’s up to you to channel or create the positive vibrations needed to manifest what you want. If you’re going after something you want bad enough, dig deep and be the cheerleader you need to be.

Write down all the positive things that will come from manifesting what you want.
Read it a lot, aloud when you can, with feeling.
Talk to yourself in the mirror. “I intend to make this a reality!!!”
Affirm over and over that you’re getting it. As you affirm, get yourself excited by looking at the list of the positives you’ll get.
Say “thank you,” with all the enthusiasm you can muster, to the Universe—many times a day, as if you have it already. You do if you’re putting the emotions out!

The more you say things with feeling, even if it’s forced at first, the more you’ll begin to believe it. The more you believe, the more positive emotions you’ll feel. When you try this, start with something small. As you manifest, your confidence in the Law of Attraction working will grow, enabling the positive emotions to come easier.

While my faith is strong, I used to get nervous whenever my agent embarked on getting me a deal for my next book. Even with my history of successful books, getting the next deal can be tough. I learned about the importance of emotions as my agent was getting started on a new title. I asked God for help with quelling my anxiety. Then I began to generate my excitement about getting the best deal for the highest good of my book. It took a little time but I began to really feel it.

All day long, every day, I said, no screamed, “I have a fabulous deal for my book!!!”

In the past, rejection letters, which are part of the process, would get me down. This time, when I got one I said, “It doesn’t matter because I already have the perfect deal!!” the more I said it aloud with enthusiasm, the more excited I got and the more I believed. I got 2 offers but hated the terms and told my agent NO! She warned I might have to take one if nothing else came in but I kept enthusiastically saying, “I have a fabulous deal for my book!!!”

Since you can’t think 2 thoughts clearly at the same time, saying that kind of positive affirmation can drown out doubts and fears.

The last publisher to decide on the book was a good one. I held out with faith and affirmations that made me excited as my agent
pushed me to consider the other offers. I refused and staunchly declared I’d get the deal I wanted. And I did! That took me to another level of understanding how to use my spiritual power to the max. Ever since I begin my manifesting by generating the emotional excitement needed. It can take some time to get into the emotional spirit this but you CAN do it!

Once you try it and it works, you’ll get even more excited, knowing you have the key to manifesting your dreams!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;

Stoking Pride

I haven’t been able to run much lately. First we had a blizzard that made Central Park a slippery place to exercise. At first just walking through the streets meant wearing boots or heavy shoes, not sneakers. Just as the snow melted enough for me to get to the park, we had an intense cold spell, with gusty winds and temps in the teens and twenties. I’ve learned the hard way that if it goes much below 40, running is out. My lungs can’t handle all that deep breathing when it’s so cold.

Over the last few weeks I’ve done more power walking, despite the weather. But I missed my running, so I was delighted when I finally returned to the park recently when the temps went into the 40’s. I almost didn’t go as it had been a long day and I was tired. But, I knew it would rain the next day and then the weather would get much colder. As I entered the park I felt my legs protesting, since I hadn’t run in weeks. I began rationalizing that it would be okay to stop sooner but I kept going.

I also noticed I was going slower than usual as I got my running legs back, since I time myself and know where I am normally at different landmarks. As I said in my post, Everyone Passes Me When I Run, I go slower because I take smaller steps in ways that aren’t as hard on my knees. But on this run, I was even slower since I was out of practice. It made me a bit frustrated at first. But then I reminded myself that I just began running 4 years ago, when going 30 seconds without stopping was an accomplishment. Now I ran long stretches.

As I finished, slower than usual and slower than the other runners, I glowed with pride! I mean glowed!

I know that other people in my sneakers would be beating themselves up for not going faster. But I’m evolved enough to know that pride means feeling good about myself. And I did. My pride has NOTHING to do with anyone else’s accomplishments. It’s common to compare yourself to others and judge yourself by the light of what they do or have. That’s a good way to keep your self-esteem lower than necessary. Even though I was probably the slowest runner in Central Park that night, in my own mind I was awesome!

Pride at each baby step you take builds your confidence and stokes you to do more things to be proud of.

I could have lamented about how slow I was going as I ran and not seen the accomplishment of pushing myself to just finish. My brain argued with itself. With each hill I rationalized that it was okay if I wanted to cut the run short since it was my first time in a while. I was tired faster. And hungry. But I kept going, albeit slowly, with pride in persevering. It didn’t matter if I went slower than usual, I went!

Accomplishments are individual to you. What someone else does should not dampen pride in what you do.

I hear people downplaying things they did since someone they know did it better or more. Your promotion is something to be proud of, even if your sister got a bigger one! Your 5 pounds lost is a great accomplishment, even if your friend lost 10, or you want to lose 15 more. What matters is what YOU do now and the pride you feel about it. Not you being better than someone else! YOUR pride.

Pride is a wonderful motivator!

Thursday night it was 39 degrees when I finally came up for air from my computer at 5:30 and remembered I hoped to run. I listened to the weather forecast, which warned the temps would be dropping quickly as the wind picked up. That didn’t help motivate me to go to Central Park. I had a good excuse to skip the run, but, the weather forecast also said it would only be in the mid twenties for the next days and then only in the low to mid thirties. So if I didn’t go, it would be over a week till I could go again.

Remembering the pride I’d felt a few days earlier motivated me to go, despite the cold.

And I did! It was cold at first since I only wear a cotton tee and a fleece to run. It pushed me to go faster and I quickly warmed up. I gave myself permission to do a shorter run. But remembering this was the last time for a while AND the pride of finishing, pushed me to do a full one. As I ran the last leg out of Central Park, I had a huge smile from the pride I felt. This time I didn’t notice people passing me as I ran slower. There were very few runners braving the cold so that in itself made me proud. Thinking about it still makes me feel good!

Own whatever small accomplishment you have with pride—not because you surpassed someone else—just for having done something.

If you deny yourself pride, you also deny your self-esteem. As a DoorMat, I downplayed everything I did. Now I look for things to appreciate about me. Pride is definitely an important component for improving your self-esteem. That doesn’t mean bragging. Just own your good stuff! Create a pride list. Look for things you can feel proud of. Write them down and read them regularly to remind yourself of how wonderful you are.

DoorMats don’t allow themselves to appreciate their good qualities and accomplishments. But YOU can. Then you’ll reap the rewards of feeling good about you. Living outside of Doormatville is a wonderful place to be! Pride can help you get there.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;

Law of Attraction in Action: Acceptance

This is post 71 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I hear it all the time—“I said what I wanted and things didn’t work out that way. The Law of Attraction doesn’t work for me!” I used to say that myself when I didn’t have strong faith. I remember when I decided to move into Manhattan, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to live or how I’d earn a living. It was before I began to write books. So I decided to get an apartment share instead of my own place. It would give me the fluidity of being able to move when I figured out what I wanted to do.

The apartment I ended up in was in midtown on the east side, a far cry from the areas I thought were best for me. I didn’t know this neighborhood but needed a place and it was in my price range. Plus, I had a wonderful view of the Chrysler building (my favorite!) from my bedroom window. I had a phone line put in and settled down in what I realized was a fabulous apartment in a very convenient location. A month later, I told a friend how blessed I was to be so happy there.

That night my roommate said he had financial problems and had to move in 2 months. It felt like the bottom fell out of my world.

I thought I’d jinxed myself by sayin I was happy! I could either take over the lease and get a new roommate, or move. The first option meant giving up my freedom and also dealing with the hassle of finding a roommate. But I’d just gotten new business cards and paid for the phone line so I didn’t want to have to find another place. For weeks I walked around saying that the Universe didn’t want me to be happy. Other things began to go wrong.

That reinforced that I was doomed to be unhappy.

After wallowing in self-pity for a month, I caught myself and remembered that I’d used my spiritual power successfully before and could do it again. I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason and asked the Universe to show it to me. Right after, someone commented about how lucky I was to get the lease on a rent-stabilized apartment in my building at a good rent. Then I found the perfect roommate at the perfect time.

John Wooden said, “Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

When you can accept that everything happens for a reason, you can wait for the reason and be certain it will be okay. The more accepting I became, the more I realized how much I love my apartment and it was VERY true that I was lucky to have the lease for a fabulous NYC apartment. Now I know that my neighborhood is the best one for me and I’m still in that apartment. The more I accepted how life unfolded, the more I knew I was led to it and my career took off. When my roommate moved, I didn’t replace her. Had my original roommate not moved when he did, I wouldn’t be living here on my own.

Acceptance of how your circumstances turn out illustrates trust that everything will be in your highest good.

It can take a while to find the good but you will if you EXPECT it, instead of lamenting about things going badly. It felt like everything I wanted turned to crap the first month after my roommate announced he was leaving. I attracted it by feeling like the Universe hated me. The more I began to accept whatever came my way, the less I’d get stressed. Eventually, I’d find good reasons for things not going as I wanted. The reason may take days or weeks or even years to materialize. But it always does.

When you put yourself into God/the Universe’s hands, you’re safe!

I was recently put to the test. I’ve been working on a project since the summer. It’s been a lot of work yet I was excited to be involved in it. There were many aspects I liked but the project stressed me out a lot. It was the first time I didn’t enjoy writing but I was determined to see it through. Then came an unexpected call that the project had been stopped. Thinking about losing the money I could have gotten gave me a sinking feeling—at first. Then I remembered how important it is to accept what happens.

Accepting circumstances you’re presented with and moving forward with a positive attitude attracts good stuff, including feeling happy instead of down or stressed.

When I hung up, I allowed myself to process what had happened. It was terrible on the one hand so I decided to come up with 5 good things from having the project dropped. 1. The stress that had been like a cloud over me for months lifted. 2. I no longer had to write in a way that wasn’t my style. 3. I have another project because someone from this one recommended me, and it’s one I love. 4. I’ll have time to write the book I’ve been wanting to write but didn’t have time for.

5. I’m free! I had meetings scheduled around the project and felt tied down to stay in NY when I want to take a trip. Now I can!

I made the best of losing the project within minutes of getting the news. Those 5 reasons I wrote down got me excited. And happy. I KNEW it was for my highest good and was ready to move on in acceptance and faith that something better would take its place. I truly believe that God knew I wasn’t happy doing the project and orchestrated the reasons for it being canceled. When I opened my emails right after there was an insight waiting for me by Frances Willard:

The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum.

Negativity about my situation would have created that friction. Acceptance set me free to feel happy about it. We all have choices: 1) let something that falls through or doesn’t go how you want or doesn’t materialize at all, create negative emotions that don’t feel good and send a negative message that the Law of Attraction will pick up on.

OR, 2) move on and find the positives.

Finding the positives feels so much better and attracts good energy. Dwelling on why you’re hurt or angry or sad or depressed attracts more of those emotions. When you accept your outcomes and move forward with positive anticipation to find the reasons, you’ll attract something good from the situation since you expect to.

I didn’t tell anyone what happened since the likely reaction would be commiseration, which I don’t need. Most people wouldn’t get that but by the end of the day I was celebrating my 5 reasons. It felt like a big weight had lifted. Of course there are things that I don’t like about what happened but I don’t dwell on them since it’s over and I don’t want to think about anything negative!

Next time something doesn’t work out as hoped for or it goes wrong, write down 5 good things that could come of it so the Law of Attraction can help in a positive way.

Adversity can teach you if you don’t let it get you down. I’m still rejoicing over the turn in my circumstances and looking forward to finding a happy ne
w direction. Close one door and another one (or 2 or 3 open)! I’m awaiting them with joyous anticipation!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.