Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Exorcising Mental Demons

This is post 57 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

We know the importance of putting out clear intentions about what you want or need. But, it’s not always as easy as knowing. Yes, you can give lip service about what you want but that doesn’t do the job if your conscious, or even your subconscious is screaming with doubts. People have told me they can’t manifest when they can’t get over their fear or uncertainty. But you can!

Even when your thoughts aren’t aligned for manifesting, you can ask for help and get what you need.

I understand that manifesting isn’t easy. While I write about it and use it a lot, I still encounter blocks of my own doing. Everyone does. There have been times that I was waiting for important career news and was scared it wouldn’t go my way. I’d be worried about getting it and even more worried that I was worried which would therefore keep me from attracting what I wanted.

Sometimes when it’s very important to get what you need, fear of something bad happening or not getting the essential outcome can cloud your intentions and send the wrong message.

For example, you may be waiting to hear back about if you got the umpteenth job you interviewed for. You need this one. It’s been hard not getting all the others. You have bills to pay and money is fading. So you HAVE TO get this job. But, the pressure takes your thoughts to a place of panic or assuming you won’t get this one either since all the others fell through. You may assume that this will deflect the Law of Attraction in the wrong direction and make you feel like it’s hopeless to manifest the job if you can get those demons out of your head. WRONG!

Instead of asking for the job or whatever else you need, ask for help getting over the negative feelings first.

In the past I’d get the negative feelings and succumb to acceptance that I probably wouldn’t get what I wanted, since things had fallen through before. It became my pattern, just as it can if you’re trying to get a job you desperately need. It can seem super hard to pull out of that mindset. It did for me until I learned to deal with what was happening in the moment—negative thoughts about what I hoped to manifest.

Now I apologize to God for doubting His support, explain that I do trust but am just scared since what I need is important, and ask for support in getting beyond those doubts.

I’ve had real conversations out loud, explaining that my faith is strong but I’m scared because____, don’t want to feel that way, do want to move past the doubts, so please help me manifest. Acknowledging it out loud helps put it into perspective and I begin to feel more empowered quickly. Then I keep saying thanks for understanding that even though I may sound a bit unsure, I truly believe I should get what my intention put out.

I often get signs that God is listening. Unexpected good things happen. You must be vigilant and open to accepting little things as signs.

Last week I had a setback with a book I’m writing. A bit of fear hit me as I worried the deal would fall through. I asked God for a sign that He heard me. When I got my mail later, there was a check for $300 from my insurance company, saying their expenses were lower than expected so here’s some money back! Hello! When does a profit making company send money back???

I still don’t understand why I got it, except that God orchestrated a mini-miracle to answer me.

When I tell people that, they laugh and tell me it’s my imagination. Maybe it is but when I prefer to see these kind of instances as God talking to me, my mental demons start to fade and my thoughts become more positive as I exalt in feeling God’s support. Imagination or not, it helps me get into a more manifesting frame of mind, so bring on the imagination incidents! They do the job! [FYI: No joke, as I wrote this, my lamp next to me went off for no reason but turned right back on. Hmmmm....]

Illness is a situation that can be especially scary and make it hard to manifest.

Someone close to me has—NO, had—cancer. He endured major surgery and then 4 weeks of chemo and radiation. It’s scary. We can’t lose him. Period! But yesterday I talked to his wife. Soon he’ll be getting a PET scan to see if they got it all. She’s nervous, which can’t be avoided. This is a life I’m talking about, not finding a job or romance. It’s hard not to get scared about losing your life partner.

But it’s okay to be scared. Actually, it’s normal. But you can still acknowledge it and ask for support in getting through the fear.

His wife wakes up during the night with thoughts about his cancer recurring. I told her to immediately say thanks for his good health. The demons can haunt her. I advised her to keep the word cancer out of her thoughts altogether. In a recent post called Positive Words I explained how you shouldn’t use negative words in your intentions. So instead of avowing that her husband is cancer-free, I advised she just affirm that his health gets better every day. Whenever the demons get into her head, ask for the strength to get past them and for support despite them.

As I keep putting out my intentions and acknowledging my fear, the more empowered I feel.

Next time you feel nervous about something you want, acknowledge that you can’t help feeling nervous, that you truly want to believe and do in most ways, and why you need what you’re asking for. Then ask for support in getting it, even with the doubts. As this begins to work, you’ll have less and less doubts to get in the way of getting what you want. Let the Law of Attraction help you exorcise your demons to get what you want.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Keeping Your Cool When You’re Heated

I’m astounded at how many times I’m out in public and hear someone yelling. Often it’s a romantic couple yelling at each other. People who have problems in a store yell at the cashier or manager. Motorists yell at other drivers. Parents yell at their children, who sometimes yell back at them. Most have something in common—frustration with something the person did or didn’t do and a need for resolution.

The trouble is, reacting with negative emotions rarely gets good resolution and can make the person less likely to play nicely with you.

Frustration leads us to behavior that can give you more reasons to be frustrated. If the super in your building doesn’t come to fix your leaky sink, it can make you angry. After all, you pay your rent and are entitled to service. You try asking again and get lip service but not actions. Each time you clean up water from your floor, you get angrier and more frustrated that you can’t get service. So you go look for the super, ready for a fight.

Letting your emotions explode into communication will get you much less than playing nicely.

Losing your cool with your super will probably just frustrate you more when you don’t get the leak fixed since your attitude annoyed him. Speaking in a rational, friendly and firm tone, indicating you may have to go higher, but don’t want to, can get him into your apartment. When I was a Doormat, I’d hold my feelings in and go along with most things, or just keep my mouth shut. But that didn’t mean it didn’t bother me. On the contrary, it bothered me on 2 levels: one that the person didn’t keep their word or acted poorly, and two, that I felt powerless to do something about it.

Feeling powerless can stoke frustration.

Eventually, my anger and frustration would reach a peak and I’d explode at someone, telling them what they’d done wrong and what I wanted. Yet that didn’t usually help. It wasn’t until I learned that addressing situations by speaking nicely, but firmly that I began to feel powerful. In my DoorMat days, my emotions controlled my responses. Now I control them, with a calm response said in a friendly but firm way.

Norman Vincent Peale said, “The cyclone derives its powers from a calm center. So does a person.

When I saw that quote, it got me thinking about hurricanes. When I pay attention to one being tracked, there’s often someone standing in a town being hit by one, yet the weather seems okay. They explain that the eye of the storm is over them, so they’re having a break. Not being science savvy, I’ve never understood how a storm packing 100 mile an hour winds and torrential rain can be calm in the middle. But it is.

In life as in weather, when we keep our inner emotions calm in the face of emotional situations, we keep our power and can control having a calm response that gets more.

I recently was waiting on line for service. The woman in front of me complained this was her third time trying to get what I was there for. She warned me I probably wouldn’t get it either. She described how she had raised her voice to them many times but they didn’t take her seriously and were uncooperative. She was there for one final confrontation. I was also frustrated by having to come in person for service but planned not to take it out on the service rep. I suggested she speak nicely but she insisted that would get her nowhere fast.

I refrained from pointing out that she had already gotten nowhere fast by raising her voice. So she she yelled at the rep again, and left in a huff of more frustration.

When I stepped up to the person who had caused this woman’s frustration, I smiled. She smiled back. I nicely explained my problem and asked how she could help me. She explained what she’d do. I firmly, but still in a friendly manner, explained why that wasn’t enough. The frustrated woman before me said she’d tried to get to a supervisor but they’d never called one.

I nicely asked to speak to someone else who could make what I was there for happen.

She asked me to wait and went to another office. When she returned, she’d spoken with a supervisor who had authorized her to give me what I wanted. I expressed my appreciation profusely. The whole encounter felt so much better than getting emotional and letting her feel my wrath like the other woman did. That makes people not want to bother going out of their way for you. She then thanked me for the way I handled it and gave me her card in case I had another problem.

It’s not easy to stay calm when you’re angry or frustrated, but it’s what you must strive to do. That’s how you get people to hear you most objectively or get their cooperation.

Whether it’s dealing with people in my personal or professional life, with service people or whoever else I might need to address a problem with, I do affirmations about getting what I need to calm me down. Then I watch WHAT I say and HOW I say it.

· Will I began with an accusation or other attack or set a friendly tone with a “hello, how are you?”

· Will I tell her how angry I am, letting the emotion come out, or just state the problem?

· Will I go on and on about how angry I am or be concise and then ask how they can resolve it?

· Am I angry, antagonist or smiling and friendly?

· Am I using nasty or insulting words or just making a point?

Controlling your response can lead to getting what you need much more often than going off on someone. Staying calm in the face of angry situations makes you a better person too. And it’s a logical choice since you get so much more. Be conscious of how you respond to frustration or anger. Keep the eye of your storm calm and you’ll get more and feel much better too!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Insight into Mindfulness Meditation

I’m very happy to have Dr. Ronald Alexander as my guest blogger. I often have a hard time sitting still and committing time to meditate. But when I do, it makes me feel so good! Below Dr. Alexander shares some basic info about mindfulness meditation, which is adapted from his new book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change (New Harbinger Publications, September 2009). If you’ve ever wanted to try this practice, you’ll get some really good tips from this article and even more from his book.

The Basics of Mindfulness Meditation

Ronald Alexander, Ph.D.

Mindfulness meditation practice is a commitment that many resist, but it requires far less time and effort than most people realize. The time of day isn’t important; the regular practice is. Ideally, it should be practiced for 20 to 30 minutes twice a day in a quiet room with a closed door with no distractions. But it’s better to start doing 10 minutes once a day than aiming for the overall goal and then feeling overwhelmed by it and falling short. Use a timer to ensure that you meditate for as long as you planned. Aim for meditating at the same time in the same quiet and serene place, such as sitting down in your office chair for the first time in the morning, or sitting in your car, getting ready to drive home from the gym after your daily workout. Again, ideally choose a time when distractions will be minimal.

How to Perform Mindfulness Meditation
Here are the six steps of mindfulness meditation:

Step 1. Get into a comfortable posture. Sit crossed legged on a meditation cushion or with your legs extended straight out with your back against a wall for support, or sit in a chair with a firm back, keeping your feet on the floor and your spine straight, and tucking in your chin slightly to keep your vertebrae aligned properly. If you have any back, pelvic, or neck pain, back support is essential. In fact, you may want to lie down, with your head propped up at a 45-degree angle. If you’re sitting up, close your eyes, but if you’re lying down, keep your eyes half open to prevent yourself from falling asleep.

Step 2: Focus your eyes. With your eyes closed, focus them on one spot, ideally toward the tip of your nose or on your “third eye” (the chakra, or energy point in the middle of the forehead). Alternatively, look straight ahead at the insides of your eyelids or allow your eyeballs to roll upward. Whichever eye position you choose, make certain it feels comfortable and that your eye muscles are relaxed. If you have heightened anxiety or fears, you may want to open your eyes halfway or even fully, looking straight ahead at a spot on the wall or out the window at a stationary object, in order to ease those feelings. Another idea is to close your eyes and imagine being in a place where you always feel relaxed, save and secure.

Step 3: Pay attention to your breathing. With your eyes closed or halfway open, fixating them on one spot, breathe in with awareness of your lungs and your diaphragm. As you inhale, say to yourself, “In.” Exhale from your lungs and then your abdomen, saying to yourself, “Out.” Do this each time you breathe. You can also use the words “rising” and “falling away,” or “comfort” and “letting go,” or “surrender” and “release.”

Step 4: Place your hands in a relaxing and energizing mudra (hand position). In Buddhism, the mudra, or position of the hands, in meditation is important, because it affects the flow of energy throughout the body. There are three traditional mudras. Probably the most popular one is to touch the thumb and first finger to each other, and then hold your palms up, with your other fingers relaxed and straight, and rest the backs of your hands on your thighs. I describe two other ones common in Zen Buddhism in my book, Wise Mind Open Mind.

Step 5: Be aware. As you breathe in and out, mentally note the thoughts, feelings, sounds, tastes, smells, and physical sensations (such as itching, temperature, pain or discomfort, or feelings of heaviness and lightness) that you experience. Don’t try to analyze any of what you’re noting. Simply be present, open, alert, and watchful as you allow the witnessing mind to emerge. Observe the quality of the sensation if it has one, and categorize it: “heaviness in shoulders,” “bitter taste,” “lawn mower outside,” “painful thought about son,” and so on. Don’t explore this thought or feeling unless it occurs more than twice, in which case, ask if you need to deal with it now or after your meditation. If it needs to be addressed right away, allow yourself to be present with that sensation, feeling, or repetitive thought without judgment as it fades away or lessens in intensity. Afterwards write about it in a mindfulness journal (described in Chapter three of Wise Mind Open Mind), contemplate it or talk to a friend or counselor about it.

Step 6: Slowly come back into ordinary consciousness. Take three long, slow, deep breaths, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Rub the palms of your hands together to generate heat, and place the palms over your eyes and face. Open your eyes and slowly lift your hands away from your face as you return to awareness. Inhale deeply and stretch your arms up over your head, with your hands interlocked. Bend slowly to the right and then to the left. Do this several times, and then bend forward toward your feet. Reflect on whether anything of importance revealed itself to you that you wish to write about in your mindfulness journal, think about, or attend to.

If you’re anticipating a stressful situation in which it will be challenging to remain nonreactive, or you’ll need to be able to access your creativity more than usual because you’re dealing with a perplexing problem, try to schedule a mindfulness meditation immediately beforehand. I’ve had clients meditate before attending a late afternoon meeting in order to refresh themselves creatively, and before a phone conversation with their ex-spouse, and they’ve reported that just five minutes spent in mindfulness practice makes a dramatic difference in their ability to remain calm, focused, and nonreactive.
Dr. Ronald Alexander, Ph.D. is the author of the just released book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change. He is the director of the OpenMind Training® Institute, practices mindfulness-based mind-body psychotherapy and leadership coaching in Santa Monica, CA, for individuals and corporate clients. He has taught personal and clinical training groups for professionals in Integral Psychotherapy, Ericksonian mind-body healing therapies, mindfulness meditation, and Buddhist psychology nationally and internationally since 1970. Check him out!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Positive Spirits & Reactions

This is post 56 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

How do you respond to annoying incidents? Do you let your job get to you and other people can feel it by your behavior? When someone makes a mistake, do you bristle and growl at them? Does your job get to you so much that it shows in how you speak to others?

An irritable reaction to circumstances can attract irritable spirits from others.

I admit that I do this. Things take their toll, especially if we’re stressed. I might be in a hurry and someone gets in my way and I want to smack them. While I don’t, I sometimes smack them with a look or sound. Then I feel irritable. And the person who got in my way may feel irritable from my nasty look or comment. Last week, 2 incidents made me more conscious of how we affect others and why it’s better to be positive about negative stuff.

Our moods can be like a virus that spreads from person to person.

Last week I called my health insurance company with a problem about billing. I’m used to a fairly low energy person answering. Instead, the woman was perky and friendly. I was actually taken aback and said responded that it was so nice to hear a cheerful person. She said that it was better to feel happy than down. Her voice was like a song compared to others I’ve spoken to. The rest of our interaction put me into a fantastic mood and I gave her back the same good energy. I was a bit tired when I called but hung up feeling better.

Positive energy attracts positive energy.

I am usually in a reasonably good mood and became more conscious of how it affects those around me. I’m always friendly to the people who work in my building and they’re very friendly and helpful to me. When I first moved in, I thought they were that way to everyone, but noticed they were more low-key with many of the tenants. One person would get a formal hello and then I’d come in behind them and say hi and get a big smile, because my energy attracts it.

Consciousness about how you treat others, and making an effort to treat them with good vibes, brings good vibes back to you.

Not long after my call to the friendly woman, I was riding on the subway with a lot of bags. When I got up to get off, a woman came toward me. I didn’t see her in time to avoid knocking my bags into her. I immediately said, “I’m sorry” in a sincere way and was delighted when she gave me a big smile and said, “no problem. It was an accident.” I’ve growled at people for doing that to me and probably put them into a bad mood. Yet this woman’s graciousness brought a smile to my face.

Being on the receiving end of good energy has shown me how important it is to be friendly and courteous to others, and keep a bad mood in check.

Graciousness can be contagious. And can spread it to others. When I give good cheer on the phone, I almost always get it back from that person, and others. If I force a good attitude when someone accidentally does something annoying, it make what happened easier to deal with and often attracts a smile from the other person. Being on the receiving end of it was a great reinforcement for treating people with a pleasant demeanor and excusing faults.

Calling a customer service person with a friendly attitude can attract a lot better service.

Any time you show friendliness makes YOU feel better. Be aware of your response. Grouchy doesn’t feel good. Growling can get growls in return. Graciousness gives you the best chance of attracting it back. It also feels better to give out. The more you consciously do it, the more it will become a natural part of your demeanor. A good demeanor towards others will truly make you feel happier. It sure has for me!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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