Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Perspective

This is post 60 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Some people see the glass half empty and others, like me, see it as half full. Yet it’s the same glass! People who see it as half empty wonder why I attract more. They think I must be lucky. But I know it has nothing to do with luck. It’s all about the perspective you put on a circumstances. Your view of situations puts a positive or negative spin on it, hence half empty or half full. It’s YOUR choice. A positive spin is a much better one!

Your perspective on a situation sends a strong message to the Law of Attraction.

You can have a perspective about something that’s happening or a roadblock you see coming or disappointments or anything else can has 2 sides. You may not see 2 sides if you’re negative about it. Many people look at the gloomier one. That sets your expectations to gloomy. For example, if the sun isn’t shining brightly, some people call it a nasty day. I call it nice. It would be nicer to have more sunshine but it’s still nice.

A positive perspective puts you into a better mood.

Yet it seems easier to many people to assume the worst or take a negative perspective in any situation that isn’t perfect. Many things can be right but they focus on what’s wrong. That’s why so many women with decent bodies lament to confused friends and romantic partners that they’re fat. Each time they reinforce the negatives of being fat as their loved ones scratch their heads, trying to figure out what she sees, since she’s not fat; she just not perfectly thin. When I was a DoorMat, all I saw was my cellulite when I looked in the mirror. Even with my clothes on, I had x-ray vision and saw it through my clothes. It blinded me to all my good features. I was fat and that was it. It also said I was no good, and attracted negative situaitons.

Fat blindness is a common perspective that blinds some of us to our good qualities.

When the temperature dropped sharply in NY, it was still sunny. Someone called and asked if I was going out in the miserable weather. Miserable? I looked outside again since this person lived near me. I thought maybe a freak dark cloud had messed up the day. But there it was—the sun shining brightly. I asked how she could call this day with bright, clear blue skies miserable? Her response was, “It’s too cold.” Yes it was cold, near freezing, but it was such a pretty day otherwise.

People let one piece of a situation set their perspective on everything.

My friend doesn’t like cold weather. Calling the day miserable made her miserable. She felt down. I asked if she liked the sun. Yes, she did. I suggested she edit her perspective. It was a gorgeous day but the temperature was lower than she liked. Appreciate the sunshine and wish for higher temps. It lightened her mood! She’d been so focused on the cold that she ignored the beautiful day. Her negative attitude had attracted more negatives. All of a sudden, acknowledging the sunshine put her in a better mood!

Dag Hammerskjold said, “Never measure the height of a mountain, until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was.

I’ve actually climbed mountains that seemed impossible for me but let go of that perspective by focusing on taking one step at a time. It’s okay to acknowledge that something looks hard. But to pointedly assess it with a hardcore negative attracts more negativity and makes you unlikely to have an open-minded perspective. My friend began to appreciate the sunshine though she still hated the cold. The day wasn’t miserable anymore—just too cold.

Often situations look much worse before they happen. Making a point of looking for something positive about it.

We hold ourselves back by jumping to a negative perspective and attracting the results of our thoughts. I talked to someone who told me that some negative things happened to her in a row. Her perspective? “I’m jinxed!” I told her not to keep saying that but her perspective was fixed on that. No matter how hard I tried to convince her to let go of that thought, she was more convinced it was true.

When I saw her a few weeks later, she gloated that she’d been proven right—her company was moving far away and she was out of a job. Now she had to move because her landlord raised her rent higher than she expected and yada, yada. “So I am jinxed” she “triumphantly” told me. Is being jinxed something to be happy about? Yet her joy was in proving her perspective correct. I told her her determination to remain jinxed attracted more things going wrong. the Law of Attraction sends you what your thoughts expect.

Being right about a negative is wrong! Why gloat over attracting bad circumstances!?

Instead, try climbing the mountain. See it as hard but not impossible. Catch yourself when you have negative thoughts or negative statements about something and try to edit your perspective a bit. I had a string of negatives happen but instead of succumbing to them, I affirmed that today is the first day of my life and I choose to have things go well from hereon in. And they did!

The more negative your perspective, the more negative your circumstances will be.

Do you have a stuffed nose and keep saying that you’re sick? I stop people from doing that often. When I have a stuffy nose, even if it makes me feel miserable, I say I just have a stuffed nosed. People have told me I must be sick. I deny it! Saying you’re sick attracts more illness. I recover fast when my perspective is healthy with a stuffed nose or some other thing that isn’t feeling right. Have you stopped at someone’s house and think it looks nice as she utters, “My place is a mess!” Something is out of place yet it’s a mess now. It’s unfair to you when you say these kinds of things and it makes you unhappy and it attracts more negatives to that situation.

Be more vigilant of your perspective and you can prevent yourself from manifesting what you don’t want more of.

It also keeps you in a better mood. Look for the silver lining when you don’t like what’s going on or what you anticipate. When we recently had a string of nasty weather, I didn’t like it. I began to feel lousy with the weather. Then I decided it gave me an excuse to do things I was putting off indoors to be outdoors. When I lamented about not being able to go running, I decided that my knees could use a break and this forced me to have one. They felt better when the weather cleared and I ran again, so it was a good thing to give them a break. As my perspective brightened, so did my circumstance. You can do this too by being conscious. It’s nicer to be happy EVERY day, not just when everything is perfect!

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Lessons from the NYC Marathon

On Sunday I watched the NYC Marathon on TV. The route goes near where I live and I enjoy watching the runners going up First Avenue where I often walk. I found some valuable lessons in the behavior of the runners.

Lesson #1: Pace yourself so you finish smarter. When running in a marathon, you need to stay focused on your pace to not burn out before the finish line. Some runners immediately get out ahead of the main pack of runners. You can see the glee on their faces to know that everyone sees them in the lead. Some make fewer detours to the water stations to keep that lead. But, in most cases, the person who runs ahead in the beginning doesn’t win the race and the one who skips water loses steam early. Smart runners let one person set the pace and stick close in the group, saving energy for the sprints closer to the end.

It’s the same in life. It’s important to think before acting.

Making moves to get attention doesn’t necessarily get you what you want in the long run. Bragging may momentarily make people listen but it can turn them off too. Not setting goals for yourself can leave you unprepared for what steps you should take and when. That said, you need to be prepared to alter your moves if something unexpected happens. When Meb Keflezighi took the lead ahead of Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot, he passed the water station but chose not to drink at that point. Instead, he carried it until Cheruiyot, who he’d just passed, slowed down a touch. Then he got hydrated. That helped him to keep the lead and win the race.

Lesson #2: Don’t lose your sense of caring for others in your attempt to win. In your quest to succeed, don’t forget to be considerate of others when possible. Paula Radcliffe was the favorite by far to win the women’s race. She’s won 4 NYC races and is idolized by many of the racers. There was an air of respect for her among them.But you could see she was struggling. She stayed in front for many miles since the other women knew what she’s capable of and didn’t want to pass her early on. But then she began to drop back.

As they rounded the turn onto First Avenue, Derartu Tulu of Ethiopia must have noticed Radcliffe struggling. I’m sure Tulu wanted to win. Seconds can count in marathons. Yet she pulled alongside of Radcliffe and seemed to ask if she was okay and gave her an encouraging look as the other women just pushed to take the lead. I was very touched by that show of concern. I’m sure many would think it was a waste of time she should have used to focus on her run. I sat there rooting for her.

With it all, Tulu came in first. And in the midst of her victory, she went to give Radcliffe a hug when she limped across the finish line. That’s the kind of winner we should strive to be!

Helping co-workers sends out positive energy. Looking at them as competition you need to beat doesn’t. You’ve heard that winning isn’t everything and it’s true! In my book, Tulu won when she displayed humanity during the race. Years ago, I was at a conference and met someone who’d written a book on the same topic as one I’d written that had just come out. I introduced myself with an outstretched hand to a fellow writer. He glared at me and practically barked, “You’re my competition.”

We’re all human beings and a nasty attitude toward colleagues will not serve you well.

I just told this guy that there was room for both of our books and I’d be happy to support him if I could. He continued snarling at me. My books continue to sell well while he hasn’t had a new one in years. A bad attitude toward others can shoot you in your own foot. It attracts more bad energy. Tulu on the other hand, won the race despite taking time to show compassion.

Lesson #3: Don’t listen to what other people expect, or don’t expect of you. For many miles, the 2 runners from Kenya were in front of the men’s pack. US runner Meb Keflezighi was fourth. The commentators discussed how it could be first and second place for Kenya. Keflezighi had almost quit running not that long ago after an injury. Some said he was too old. He’d never won a NYC marathon. They hoped he could at least get third place. There were many American men in the top 10 and Keflezighi wasn’t their first choice to have a chance to win.

If you believe the hype, you can sabotage your chance to win from the starting line.

Keflezighi didn’t. He got into the zone and kept running smart, like a winner. This guy and his family exemplify the American dream. His father worked hard to bring his family here from the African nation of Eritrea. All 11 children have done well. Keflezighi is a proud American and wore his shirt that said USA with pride. You could see the determination in his face. As they discussed how Cheruiyot, had the ability to pass Keflezighi, he increased his lead.

Despite all the other picks for the winner, Keflezighi won, with a big lead!

Have you been told that you can’t do something and let that affect your willingness to try anyway? There are many naysayers waiting to sink your boat if you let them. Opinions don’t hold you back. YOU hold you back if you believe the opinions and stop expecting to win because of them. Some of us are still held back by limits given as kids. People tell me they can’t do something because they’re too old, not thin enough, not smart enough, etc.

When someone tells me I can’t, it motivates me to prove them wrong.

It’s hard enough to win without being burdened by what others think. If Meb Keflezighi had listened to the doubt about his winning, he may not have had his full focus on winning. But he knew it was possible and went for it. It was felt that Derartu Tulu was too old to win at 37. But she did! People buck the system and ignore what others say all the time. I do! And I win when I do. So the next time you’re trying to succeed at something, block out doubts with “I can do anything I choose to do!”

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Law of Attraction in Action: Surrender What You Want

This is post 59 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve been going through some rough spots lately. There’s been pressure tied to a big project. I’ve also been having problems getting enough sleep. When I’m tired, it’s hard to function properly. Sometimes when I’m tired I forget the power I can tap into. I finally decided it was time to feel better. As I pondered what thoughts I could have to feel better, I realized that my higher power is there for me.

So I surrendered what was going on with my health to God. Then I looked for signs and boy did I find them!

I remembered that last fall I went through something similar. The change of seasons can affect our health. And on exactly the same October weekend a year ago as the one that just past, I also surrendered things bothering me to God and had an incredible transition. So I decided it would happen again on that weekend. I’d have my breakthrough and thanked God for it. Surrendering yourself to God, or the Universe, sends out a message of faith, which attracts the support you need.

Then I watched for God to speak to me with guidance.

Several people recommended that I check out the Sacred Center on 86th Street and West End Avenue in Manhattan. I realized that God was telling me to go check it out. When I got someone’s newsletter and the link was in it, I looked up and clicked. I figured Sunday was the best day to go since it was the weekend one year after my breakthrough last year. I knew it was no accident that I found it. So I decided to go to their service. It was at 2PM, which is better for me.

The church had a class after the service called Breakthrough, which I was expecting to have! Again, I knew this was God sending me there and I signed up.

Releasing my health into God’s hands led me to resources that helped me to help myself! Sunday I woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in weeks. While changing the TV channels to find a weather forecast, I passed Joel Osteen’s half hour show. I occasionally stop to listen to him for a few minutes but usually get distracted. This time I turned it on just as he began. And he spoke to me. I believe that I attracted Osteen’s message with my thoughts. He advised reaching your hand up and saying something like:

“As an act of faith, I’m reaching out my hand to receive healing.”

I did it with enthusiasm and felt psyched! I saw it as God reinforcing that He was with me on healing the health I surrendered to him. Other people might insist it was just a coincidence, like finding the Sacred Center. I choose to believe it was God encouraging me. Believing that makes me feel good and keeps my intentions on God’s loving support. It helps me to feel like I’m taking back control of my life, as I discusses in my earlier post on Control.

Feeling in control sends a strong message of intention to the Universe. Surrendering your outcome to your higher power begins the process.

The service and class at the Sacred Center was truly inspiring. The energy in the church was so pure and hopeful and I joyously sang along with their choir. The speakers blew me away. The reverend, August Gold, is very motivational and she also led the Breakthrough class. Besides all of that, I got some other signs. One that brought me to tears was the song the choir ended with—U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” After reinventing myself, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. I keep my options open. I’ve considered that my theme song ever since.

Keeping your options open is surrendering your path to God.

I watch for opportunities and follow the lead I’m given. That song reminds me that I’ll always keep my options open. After I find something I’ve wanted, there are always new dreams and goals, and unknown opportunities. So I’ll never find what I’m looking for because I actually don’t look for anything. I surrender what’s coming and find it when the signs are there.

When you live with the faith that you’re taken care of, you’re taken care of. There’s great elation in accepting that’s how the Law of Attraction works!

I left the church feeling a lot better. My project got done and my sleep improved. I feel more hopeful about some things than I have in a while. And I continue to reach my hand up to God and say, “As an act of faith, I’m reaching out my hand to receive healing.” Next time you’re struggling with something, whether it’s your health or making a decision or you need help with your career, or romance or anything at all, try to find enough faith to put the situation into the hands of your higher being. Then try your best to relax in the knowing that it will all work out for your highest good.

I know it’s hard when you’re scared. But, as you try it and get what you need, it gets easier. Whenever I surrender what I need to God, He comes through. If you’re doubtful, acknowledge it and then ask for Him to take care of it anyway. You’ll feel the most power on your side than you can even imagine as this trust returns to you with good results.

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You may have noticed my lack of posts this week. I was out of town on several days, some of it unexpected but necessary. As I began to load my laptop into my backpack to get some writing in on the train ride on Tuesday, I felt stressed. The thought of lugging a computer around with me all day as I ran around to several meetings seemed awful compared to maybe an hour of writing that I could get done in transit. So I chose to leave it home.

Then I made a bigger choice—to give myself a break from writing my next blog post until I had time. I have a project on my plate taking up a lot more time than I imagined it would but it must get done. As emails piled up I thought I wouldn’t find time to sleep. So I cut myself slack and allowed myself to wait for the weekend to resume my posts and answer any unessential emails. I apologize to those of you who wondered what happened to me.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a break—from pressure, from rushing, from living up to what others want from you, etc.

In my DoorMat days I’d have just sacrificed my own needs to accommodate others. I’d have worn myself out schlepping my laptop around with me to take advantage of any small window of time. Now I prefer to take care of me. It’s very important to honor me and my needs, just as you should honor yours. I do my best to honor my professional deadlines but also know my limits.

I recently learned that as many as 90% of visits to doctors are for stress-related symptoms. 90%!

That means we mainly make ourselves ill. That’s a very lousy thought! But on the flip side, it means we have the power to avoid many health problems. Taking downtime is crucial for good health. You may not be able to let go of everything but t least postpone something, to take the pressure or stress off of your life.

Sometimes you even have to let someone down by canceling plans if it means your improved mental health! I do that if I must for my health.

Yesterday I turned the next round of my project in. I’ve already been given more that needs to be done. But, I decided I’m entitled to take the weekend off. So I’m not thinking about it right now and will do some of the other things I’ve put off. And, for my efforts on the project, I got word today that I’m getting a bonus! It was my priority and I finished it.

Downtime is essential for everyone! You must allow“me” time, specifically to do things for you.

That doesn’t just mean just catching up on chores. You have to relax—have some fun—spend time with people you care about—JUST BE! I love to just be. No agenda or commitments. I can go for a run, or not. Chill with a book in bed. Vege and watch movies. Or write my blog. I actually just got back from a fabulous massage, which I really needed. Now it’s raining and I’m staying in. I love to go to the Halloween parade here in NYC but not tonight. Rest is more important.

Today was mine and so it tonight and tomorrow. You must sometimes take your days too!

Pay attention to your stress level. What can you let go of, or at least postpone? Your health and sanity are worth it! I was always on edge when I lived in DoorMatville, juggling everyone else’s balls while I had none of my own to attend to my needs. Now I greatly appreciate loving myself enough to make ME a priority. It’s a loving place to be and keeps me from going to the doctor with stress related symptoms. Reduce your own stress if you feel it affecting your mood and your body. You’re worth it!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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