Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Self-Acceptance

This is post 63 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I got a huge response to my recent posting in this series about Perfection. Many people emailed me directly, or Twittered the post. It emphasized how many people struggle with their desire to get over their need to be perfect. So now I’ll address the importance of accepting yourself in your own imperfect yet wonderful skin.

I said that focusing on your imperfections is the opposite of having gratitude. It also makes it hard to love yourself. How can you even like yourself if you’re making a big deal out of what’s wrong with you!?! Not loving yourself keeps you from attracting love. It also impedes self-acceptance.

A lack of self-acceptance attracts all sorts of things that you don’t want and feeds low self-esteem.

Not loving yourself sends a message that you don’t deserve or aren’t worthy of attracting good things. Loving yourself as you are sets a positive tone for receiving. Striving to be perfect puts the focus on what you don’t have instead of what you do have. It makes your thoughts negative.

And where your focus goes, the Law of Attraction goes.

So you often don’t manifest what you want, and wonder why the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for you. But it does. Your negative view of yourself for not being perfect attracts more negatives. Several people wrote asking for help with letting go of a need for perfection. Some said their obsession with perfection alienated loved ones, ruined relationships, annoyed co-workers, etc. There’s no short answer for changing the perfection mindset but I’ll give some suggestions. I want to learn to love yourself so you can attract a happier life.

You can’t just “let go of” a need to be perfect. Your perfection habits may have been with you for your whole life. So, it will take time to undo them.

When I was a DoorMat, I thought too little of myself to think I could look perfect but I sure tried to please everyone perfectly. My need for perfection was related to others. DoorMats go above and beyond to do what others need from them, sometimes to the point of annoying people with their efforts. I actually had to cool it with a friend who went so over the top to please me that it drove me crazy. Nothing I said could make her stop. We’re still friendly but I avoid making plans with her.

Attempts to be perfect can actually do damage to you and those around you. It can push people away and wound your spirit.

When someone asked me for help in my DoorMat days, I didn’t just help, I HELPED. Could I babysit? Sure, and I’ll also cook your kids a meal and drive them home. Can I loan money? Sure, and pay me back when it’s convenient, which often ended up as never, but I’d still lend more. I wanted to be the perfect friend. But the more perfect I was for others, the more I hurt me. As my self-esteem increased, I knew I had to stop trying to be such a perfect friend. So I set about to break the perfection habit. You can break yours too! To break your perfection habit:

* Pay attention to your expectations. What are you beating yourself up over? What are you trying to improve? Why is it so important? Being aware can help you realize you can live as an imperfect human being.

*Ask yourself how it makes you feel to pursue perfection? If it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t good! Period! You want thoughts and intentions that attract happy circumstances, not make you feel bad or inadequate.

* ACCEPT that nobody can be perfect, including you. You don’t have to like that but it’s the truth. With acceptance, change can come. This step can take a long time. Even if you can’t process it into your behavior yet, ACCEPT that this is true.

* Ask, “Am I willing to try to let go of the need to be perfect?” WILLING is key. It can take years and may be hard, but are you WILLING to TRY? Once you’re willing to try, you’ll be more open to doing it, in as many steps as it takes.

* Ask, “Am I willing to try to accept myself as I am?” Self-acceptance is the antidote to needing to be perfect. The more I accepted me, the more I was able to ease up on perfectly pleasing others.

* Become determined to win the battle that may ensue in your head as you try to convince yourself to stop striving to be perfect. Prepare to win! Use affirmations to quiet the voices that push you to go for perfection.

* Say, “I love and accept myself as I am,” over and over to strengthen your resolve. Say it in the mirror. Say it aloud when you’re alone. You might not like and accept yourself but saying it over and over, preferably with conviction even if it’s faked, sends a message to the Universe that will return to support you. When I began saying it I didn’t like me. But as I continued to say it, something in me clicked. I realized I deserve love and my own acceptance.

* List your good qualities. We all have them. When you look for things you like about yourself, you’ll find them. Focus on your assets instead of what you don’t have. It feels a lot better.

* Give yourself lots of LOVE! Doing loving things for yourself will stoke self-love, which helps you to truly accept yourself. Treat yourself regularly! Be kinder when it comes to you. As it makes you feel good, love is easier to attract.

* Have patience. There can be a big distance between point A—believing that only perfection will make you happy—and point B—accepting your imperfect self as you are. Don’t try to rush getting there. Little teeny baby steps can eventually get you to point B. It took me years to get to a place of total self-acceptance. I’d still like a better body but I love what I have, flab and all. Each bit of progress nurtures self-love and helps you let go of the perfection myth.

Nobody is perfect. Some people just hide their flaws better than others.

The biggest antidote to seeking perfection is self-acceptance. And I’ll tell you a secret—the more you accept yourself in your current skin, the more confident you’ll feel. It shows in how you carry yourself and when you have it, i
t masks a lot of imperfections that you may see that others won’t. When I hated myself for not being thin, I felt fat and attracted less guys. No that I see myself as hot and curvy, I attract a lot more.

Confidence is appealing in romance, at work and in life in general. Self-acceptance stimulates that!

So tell the Universe you’re good enough now. You can still seek to improve yourself. I do. But I no longer have perfection as my brass ring. If I can get my body healthier, I’m happy. Losing weight is a side effect. I no longer try to be like women I see on TV. Nor do I envy them. Do your best at work; be a friend without sacrificing yourself; paint or do music or another art activity for enjoyment, not to push yourself harder than necessary. You lose the joy when you do.

It’s YOUR CHOICE—keep rejecting your imperfect but wonderful self or CHOOSE to live in a more joyful state of self-acceptance.

When you can relax and love yourself in your current package, you’ll attract so many wonderful emotions, and more love. It sends a wonderful vibe and message to the Universe that gets returned with things you deserve. Positive thoughts attract positive situations. Happiness really rocks more than anything else you can attract. You absolutely can develop self-acceptance if you are willing to.

I truly love myself deeply now. I do loving things for me every day. It still blows me away that after hating myself for so many years I can love myself this much! I want to be happy and relaxed. Striving for perfection will prevent that. If you saw me you’d know I’m not perfect. I have extra pounds and cellulite. I can be lazy when I need to work, sloppy when I get lazy, I’m getting older so my skin have more imperfections and I can annoy people when I talk too much. But that’s ME, and I accept it all. I don’t love my flab or annoying habits but they’re not who I am. I really truly love me! YEAH! Join me in this love fest!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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I am thankful for….

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I count my blessings every day on my


My wonderful, supportive friends and family.

My brother in law had a clear PET scan after going through heavy treatment for cancer.

That I developed the guts to reinvent myself after being an unhappy schoolteacher to becoming a successful author, speaker, self-empowerment counselor and music industry consultant.

Having a career that fulfills me that I LOVE.

Sticking to my vows to live a passion driven life.

Being able to touch the lives of people from around the world with my writing.

Having exceptionally good health.

Loving the apartment I live in—heart of midtown Manhattan eastside, overlooking trees, lot of light and space, peaceful.

Always having enough money for what I want.

Feeling very positive about my life.

Being able to do what I want, how I want, when I want.

Getting to travel.

Being content with who I am and getting older because I know I keep getting better!

All of you who support my blog.

Writing this from the Berkshire Mountains in CT where my sister has a house and my whole family is here.

My BIGGEST, BIGGEST, BIGGEST, blessing is my total faith in God! It sustains me and allows me to manifest whatever I need.

And, not being a DoorMat anymore.

Please share your blessings in the comments section right below!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all and may you recognize MANY blessings!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Eating

This is post 62 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

As the holiday season approaches, I thought eating was a good topic, since many of us will do a lot of it. ? We try not to. Resolve to be strong. But then the temptation and scents of yummies weaken us. So we indulge. And indulge. And then often lament and come down on ourselves hard after. It’s better to put eating into perspective so you can enjoy it more. Food is to be enjoyed.

You can ruin a good pig-out with regret and self-scolding.

Eating is normal. We all need to do it. Of course eating to excess, like I’ll probably do on Thursday, isn’t something to do regularly, but splurges are fun on holidays! Guilt isn’t. Yet so I see or hear from so many people who afflict self-wounds by denying themselves the pleasure of good eating or by eat the fattening goodies and then berating themselves so much that all pleasure is squashed.

The Law of Attraction hears you put yourself down for indulging in yummy excess or lamenting about how fat you are so you must be good.

All this attracts unhappiness for sure. And, it says you expect to get fat from one meal or that a splurge will ruin your body, both of which aren’t true unless you make it so. The Law of Attraction takes those thoughts and supports them coming true. When I had those kind of fat thoughts, I did gain weight more easily and then things prevented me from taking the weight off.

Hello! If you EXPECT to gain weight and EXPECT to feel fat, you probably will!

As I relaxed about my body and eating, a funny thing happened. I gained less during pig-outs and it came off easier. When I was a DoorMat, I hated my body and saw myself as fat. I swear, if I ate a piece of pie I could see it in my stomach area right after so all the joy of a special dinner would go right out the window. The more I’d lament that I was a big fat pig, the more weight I gained. Now I know I was affirming it.

Today I enjoy my food thoroughly and tell the Universe I’m not worried about gaining weight, at least not permanently. And I don’t!

If you approach a holiday meal with thoughts of “I’m so fat,” “What a pig I am,” “I hate myself for eating well at the dinner,” “I’m bad for wanting another piece of cake,” you send a message of self-loathing. You also say you EXPECT to gain weight, instead of believing, like I do, that a splurge can come off fast with some exercise and healthier eating after. And it does for me!

When you love yourself and accept your body with love, weight comes off. I put it out that I EXPECT my body to be the same a few days after holiday eating, and it is.

Self-loathing attracts more to loath. It puts out fat expectations that come to pass. Self-love somehow helps the body to relax and attract easier weight loss. Body loathing attracts weight gain. Of course I try to eat in moderation after pigging out and I also do more exercise if I can. But I no longer worry about it.

Worrying tells the Universe you don’t trust that your body will survive holiday eating.

Self-loathing attracts more self-loathing. Self-love attracts more self-love and sets up a vibration for you to survive holiday eating and still feel good about yourself. Of course you don’t want to totally lose control. That’s just common sense. I leave on Wednesday to spend 4 days at my sister’s house in the Berkshire Mountains of Connecticut. My sister loves to entertain and is a fabulous cook. So I know I’ll have to exert some constraint. But I also know I’ll be pigging out a lot too! I’m bringing my sneakers and will do some power-walking and running to burn off some calories. And if necessary, I’ll be more vigilant about my eating for a while when I return.

Pigging out for days does bring weight gain, no matter how vigilant you are. I don’t expect the Universe to completely pardon me if I over-indulge for 4 days.

So I’ll do what I can to prepare for it in advance. While I will eat the fattening foods I love, I’ll do what I can to stay in some loose control of my eating. This is more because I love myself enough to want to remain healthy. Eating an overabundance of fat and sugar isn’t good for me and I’ll respect that. Plus, after days of that I don’t feel well and I like to feel well! Turkey day will be forgiving and I’ll eat what I want. Then I’ll set some boundaries, while still enjoying the good food.

My message to the Universe: I deserve to enjoy a pig-out without hurting my body but I also love myself enough to take care of me.

Everything in moderation after the big dinner shows that intention. But it’s done out of self-love, not self-loathing or hating my body. I just began adding chia seeds to my diet. They’re known as the super food of the Amazon for their dense nutritional value. They also make me feel fuller so I don’t want to eat as much. I’ll have them with me to try to keep my pig-outs in control. With it all, I EXPECT to keep my weight stable, and attract things to help me balance the eating. I’m lucky that I burn more calories in the thinner mountain air.

Relax and enjoy a good meal when the opportunity arises. Don’t taint it with guilt or anger about it. That’s an act of self-love, which attract good things.

Then take better care to eat more healthy and exercise to burn some of it off. You only live once. Show the Universe you love yourself enough to splurge and enjoy and enough to then take control. I already know that by the end of next week, my scale will be where it was this morning. When you relax and EXPECT to not have long-term weight gain, it’s easier to enjoy the holidays, and to keep your weight in check.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Everyone Passes Me When I Run!

I’ve always been running in Central Park for just a few years. I’ve always been a power walker but stepped it up a notch when my metabolism began to slow down. I enjoy it a lot. When I began, it was just running a few yards to add some juice to my walks. That was all I could do. A whole minute running was a success 4 years ago. I challenged myself to run a little further each time and my legs got stronger. I admit that I get jazzed knowing I run most of the time now.

While exercise is important, it’s just as important to respect and care for your body.

Many people injure their knees from running and I’ve been warned about it. So when I run, I try to be careful. My tendons behind the knee get tight. Stopping to stretch a few times helps that. I take glucosamine and chondroitin to keep them lubricated and to maintain the cartilage. I’m also conscious of my technique as I run. I began watching the other runners and noticed that most took long strides. I tried that too, since otherwise they all ran past me. But I noticed my knee tendons got tighter as I did.

I decided that my body health was more important than what others thought!

Then I read an article about ChiRunning , a technique that allows you to run in a way that eases the impact on the body. Instead of taking long strides, I take shorter steps and keep my feet just above the ground, kind of rolling from foot to foot. So I go slower and other runners whiz by me. In my insecure days, that would have bothered me. I always worried about what people thought. Now my well-being comes first!

Most strangers don’t give a hoot about what you’re doing, as long as it doesn’t affect them.

The insecure Daylle would have pushed herself to speed up to maintain an image. But this secure one knows that what’s best for my body is the significant issue. I don’t have to make a good impression on people in the park I don’t know. What’s most important is that I am running! People have told me they failed to do something innocuous because they were in public and didn’t want to do it in front of others, like reading a trashy novel, eating something fattening on the train, even smiling! So they deprive themselves to avoid possible scorn by strangers who don’t care.

Even if people notice something you’re doing, you’ll be history in their memory seconds after you’re not around.

As I run, EVERYONE passes me now. There’s rarely someone I can keep up with in terms of going fast. But, I realized that I take a lot more steps than most people and am sort of going faster on some levels. I’m just taking shorter steps, so I don’t seem to go as fast. Others extend their legs, or are much taller than me so they make more progress because each step they take is longer. It feels great to be secure enough to not care that I’m probably the slowest runner in Central Park. Their knees will probably give out faster than mine!

Insecure people always worry that someone will notice them. Secure people don’t care!

Next time you’re worrying about being judged by someone in the line at a store, when you’re at the gym, or anywhere else that makes you self-conscious, remember that the most important thing is to be true to your own needs and what’s best for you. I could run faster but instead put my well-being first and focus on the joy of knowing that I am running. Period. DoorMats try to mimic what they think is the “right way.” Or they give up on an activity that they don’t do as well as others. Years ago, I’d have been too self-conscious to run since I couldn’t have handled being slower. Now I run with pride that I’m doing it.

Making what you do more important than what a stranger might think of you gives you more freedom to be YOU. That’s a priceless gift to self!

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