Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Whether it’s a workshop I’m attending or one I’m speaking at, I notice a dynamic in where people sit. I can often tell many things about people from their choice. It can reflect your view of yourself, your level of confidence, and how serious you are about the workshop you attend. When I come to hear a speaker or panel and it’s to something that interests me strongly, I sit near the front. When it’s not of great interest, I’ll sit further back and on the end so I can leave early if I don’t like it.

When you sit near the front, you make your presence more known, if only in your mind.

Many people say they prefer to sit in the back to be more invisible, even if the event is important to them. They don’t want to be noticed. Nor are they likely to ask questions. Talking to them, it’s obvious they don’t have good self-esteem. They’re at the event and that’s enough. But walk to the front and maybe do something that gets them attention, no way!

When you don’t feel good about yourself or your confidence is low, you’re more like to stay in the back of the room, and in life.

I can get a little crazy when I’m about to speak and people are sitting all the way in the back when there are many seats still open in the front. I often joke that I don’t bite or have bad breath and encourage them to move forward. Many do, almost like they needed permission to come closer. When I was a DoorMat, I always sat in the back. I was scared of the unknown and couldn’t pinpoint what made me so uncomfortable about sitting closer to the speaker. Maybe I’d cough and people would look? Or they’d point me out or ask me to come up to demonstrate something. Goodness knows why! I just believed I had to fade into the background.

Sitting in the back at an event that’s meaningful to you can reinforce how you see your place in the world.

Not all events are meaningful. Sometimes I attend industry panels more for the networking. I sit near the back so I can more easily slip away to get more food or drink.? But if you do go to learn, consider where you situate yourself. It’s not necessary to sit in the first row, but try to be in one of the first few if you can get a seat. There are advantages in doing so:

• You’ll connect better with the speaker when you can look into his/her eyes and feel their energy.

• Even if the person has a microphone, you’ll hear them better watching them speak up close. Their presence gets the message across better.

• You’re forced to pay better attention when you sit close. This is why some people prefer the back. If this is you, ask why you’re there in the first place if you don’t want to get the most you can out of the talk.

• You’ll feel more confident having done that. Sitting up close makes you feel more a part of the presentation than straining to hear or see from the back.

• If you do have a question, it’s more comfortable to raise your hand and ask when you sit close and can see the speaker well.

Even for meetings at work, it’s good to sit somewhere that you can make direct eye contact with the person leading a meeting or discussion. Speakers like seeing people nod their head in agreement when they say something or have a reaction of some sort. That increases the connection between you. And at work, it can make a good impression when you confidently take a seat near the boss (as long as there’s no protocol for where to sit).

If you tend to sit in the back or the furthest seat from the person running a meeting, ask yourself why.

Do a mental check up and see if you can figure out the reason. What are you afraid of if you sit closer? Or do you feel you’re not worthy of sitting up front? Is it a habit created by older insecurities? Sometimes we begin doing it in school and the habit carries into adulthood without realizing it. Maybe you want to dissolve into the room because you don’t care about what’s being said. But if you do, try sitting a little closer next time and get more comfortable with moving up.

I used to sit in the back when I was a DoorMat to be invisible. I’m not even sure what worried me but it was automatic to enter a room full of people and look for a seat in the back to melt into. I felt so lousy about me that I assumed I should keep a distance from the speakers. Now I sit in one of the first few rows and get soooo much more out of hearing a talk or panel discussion than I did straining to see what was going on from the back of the room.

Think before you sit at an event where you can sit anywhere!

When I give a talk I always connect more with the people sitting closer to me. I remember years ago when I was speaking, a guy walked in late. There were seats in the back but he unabashedly walked to the front and sat in the empty seat in the first row. His confidence radiated to everyone as he owned his right to sit in the front. People flocked to him in the break. This guy went on to develop a great career. I figured he would! Even if your confidence is low, fake it as you take your seat.

Moving up to the front of the room can filter into other avenues of your life.

When I sat a few rows closer than usual I felt good to break out of my back of the room hideout. As I moved closer to the front for each event I attended, I realized how much more I enjoyed presentations when I could see the person clearly and feel his or her energy. Next time you go to hear someone speak, be a bit brazen and sit right up front. Pack a smile and you’ll find that it can be empowering!

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This is post 81 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

In my last post, Joy in Time for YOU, I talked about the benefits of giving yourself some time off. That helps you do more on in the following days. Another important reason for making time for YOU is that it sends a powerful message to the Law of Attraction—that you are worthy of being rested and having positive well-being.

When you don’t value your time and recognize that making quality time for YOU supports your well-being, it sends a message that it’s okay for you to not feel good. Guess what you get?

It’s NEVER okay to not feel good. Sometimes stuff happens and you have no choice but to get through a super busy time. I get those too often. But these days, even at my crazy busiest, I look down the road of life to make plans for time off. This doesn’t mean you have to go somewhere or do something special. Last weekend I just stayed in bed for hours, watching mindless reruns of reality TV and doing word puzzles or playing a video game as I watched.

It doesn’t matter how you decompress and refresh as long as you do it!

When I lived in DoorMatville,, my time was something I gave away freely. Anyone who needed a piece only had to ask. Because I gave it no value, I continued attracting things that drained my time and wondered why I was always so unhappy. I’d heard you’re supposed to find joy in giving to others. Why didn’t that happen for me? Because I gave without valuing my time and didn’t include me in the giving of my time.

Carl Sandburg said, “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful, lest you let other people spend it for you.”

Your time truly is as valuable as your money and should be doled out carefully. We make budgets for our bank accounts and should do the same with the hours we have each day. You know I don’t advise going from one extreme to the other—stop giving time to others and keeping it all for yourself. I still like helping others when I can. The “when I can” is the key. Some weeks I can do more than others. During others, when work is intensive, I must save any spare time for my own activities.

The more you use time for your own needs and well-being, the more you often can give to others.

I’m not commitment-phobic with men but I am commitment-phobic with my time these days. I hesitate to make plans that will occupy a whole day or take me out of town or that I must be somewhere on the same day weekly, which is why I’ve turned down offers to teach a 15-week college course. When I commit to something that can’t be changed, it means I’m not free to take advantage of an opportunity that could crop up at the last minute.

The more I value my time, the more benefits I attract from time spent on me.

I was often tired as a DoorMat but plodded on. Now I stop to smell the roses as the saying goes. Life feels better when I take care of me. Budgeting enough time for you tells the Universe you value your time, and yourself. Your intention is to do things that make you feel good, and you attract more ways to feel good! Self-value is a crucial message to send out to the Universe. It creates a strong magnetic draw for improving your well-being.

Be flexible in setting a time budget. Make plans with and for others, while blocking out some to just be. Do WHATEVER you’d like to do, guilt-free!

I love an occasionally day of not getting dressed since I won’t be going out. Pick your own pleasure and indulge, not matter what other might think. Respect how important and valuable your time is so you don’t fritter it away on autopilot. Stop to smell your own roses, or play with your kids or take a walk or visit loved ones or vege out all morning or a gazillion other things that might make you feel good. The important thing is to do something.

Making time for you is another one of what I call gifts to yourself.

If you need motivation, remind yourself that you can’t get any time back after it’s passed. I look at each day as a gift now. You can too, if you create the consciousness to do so. Every day is a new beginning that you can choose to waste, give away, or make the most of. I like the last option. Making the most of a day is individual to each person. It’s your choice to spend your time wisely, in ways that feel satisfying on a personal level and increase your happiness!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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I haven’t posted for days. I had to help someone out and had no time to get to my computer to write. The rest of the time I was exhausted and decided I needed time to just chill. And I did, wonderfully! Today I feel so much more refreshed!

It’s important to honor your needs and sometimes cancel plans or allow yourself to skip things you “should do” in order to take care of YOU.

Sometimes we have to work extra hard or help someone we care about, and that’s okay. But there comes a time that running on fumes doesn’t work. Feeling exhausted and drained shouldn’t be a way of life, or even go on for more than a few days. I know my limits and while I must go beyond at times, I try not to do it too often. And, when I’m done with obligations, I take some time to get my energy back.

Taking a break can put you back in the game to be a lot more productive than running on empty and hurting your health.

Be vigilant about pushing yourself too hard and for too long. It’s hard to function at full capacity when you’re burnt out. Taking a day or two can revitalize you and help you feel better. That allows you to get a lot more done. Yesterday I was dragging all day and found it hard to enjoy the glorious weather. Today I’m energized and catching up on a lot of things. Cleaned a bit this morning. I’m writing this outdoors to really enjoy the day. I even plan to run tonight.

A day to chill is a joyous gift to you and an essential component of having good health and high energy.

Enjoy your day! Cut yourself slack in doing chores or meeting obligations. When I was a DoorMat, everyone else mattered more than me. Now I matter most to me—not at the expense of others but in a loving way that allows me to do more for them in the long run. When you’re healthy and whole you have more to give. Be kind to yourself. Every day for at least a few minutes and for a large chunk of of a day regularly.

Being rested allows you to get a lot more done.

I wish those of you who are celebrating Easter or Passover a blessed holiday! When you can, give yourself the blessing of some time for YOU.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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This is post 80 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve encountered many people who I consider bouncers. Every time they speak they’re on to a new project or interest. The one from the time before has been put aside for the newest goal. The trouble is, they often don’t achieve many goals because they jump from one to another without giving any one the proper time and attention to reach them. I used to be a bouncer. I’d get an idea and get very excited. Then I’d tentatively make mental plans to get them done. It was fun until I had to actually do the work. Then things would come up and I’d jump to a new idea and leave the others behind undone.

Bouncing from one idea to another without committing to finishing one is just another version of dreaming. You’ve gotta get out of bed to wake up and commit to the work.

It’s so easy to dream, talk about it and imagine how happy you’ll be with the results. I used to love doing that until the reality hit that I wasn’t making progress because I didn’t dig in and focus on making it happen. The fun can be more in the visualizing an idea and thinking about its rewards. Committing to accomplish it can be the part you try to avoid because it seems too hard. Making phone calls can seem unpleasant, asking can seem scary, staying on top of people can seem tedious. The Universe picks up on this and returns those things.

When it’s not fun anymore, many people move on to the next dream. Then they wonder why nothing ever manifests for them.

A lack of commitment to what you want tells the Universe you’re not serious about getting it. You’d be serious about a wish fairy putting it into your lap. But you’re not willing to do whatever it takes to commit to see something you say you want through. Talking about the good points of it happening helps create the necessary emotion. But commitment is another necessary component to manifesting.

If your actions demonstrate that your commitment to a goal isn’t strong, it’s harder to attract what you want.

I began to write books many years before I was published. At one time I was writing at least 8 different books. I’d work on one for a while, then jump to another. Getting an agent seemed scary. Actually, the real scary part was having my ability as a writer judged. My confidence wasn’t strong like it is now. Since I love writing, it was fun to work on my books. For years I ignored the endgame—getting published—and almost played at being an author. I jumped between all the books until I had to make a big decision.

Do you want to keep being a bouncer and never achieve a goal, or do you want to commit to achieving one?

I finally committed to choose one book to focus on developing enough to get a deal for it. It actually was much easier than I’d imagined when I avoided it. After I got my first book deal, it was easier to do more. Fear can magnify the potential negatives of the process. If you bounce from project to project or goal to goal without bringing any to fruition, ask yourself why. I mean really ask. I was scared that my writing would be rejected. I finally accepted that if I didn’t submit it, I was rejecting it. So I could only get something better if I tried to get a deal!

Pick ONE goal and commit to doing each step to reach it. Force yourself to get past self-inflicted roadblocks created by fears or lack of confidence.

Fears are overcome by doing. Confidence is built by doing. The Law of Attraction responds best when you’re doing the work. It doesn’t matter how many teensy steps are needed to do it. You can do it with a strong commitment and faith that it will attract what’s needed. A lack of commitment foils that kind of attraction.

Les Brown said, “You need to make a commitment, and once you make it, then life will give you some answers.”

If you know what you want, commit to doing things to make it happen. Begin by putting it out to the Universe in your thoughts and then doing whatever work is necessary to make it happen. Your thoughts and actions should demonstrate you’re committed to manifesting what you want. The more commitment you show, the more support you attract. Then you’ll stop bouncing between goals as you reach one at a time, which will motivate you to do a lot more!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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