Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


As the year ends, I look back and consider 2009 a successful year for me. The last bunch of years have been. Others might disagree and not recognize what I do as success. I didn’t become rich—yet! The love of my life still hasn’t met me—but I know he’s coming! None of my books are on The New York Times bestseller list—yet! I can still stand to lose little more weight—but I think I’m hot now! Yet I’ve made a lot of progress, which for me is success. I’ve overcome roadblocks—a HUGE success.

Progress—even if you’re not where you want to be yet—is success when you’re smart enough to recognize it.

People tend to focus on what they haven’t done or gotten yet instead of what they’ve done or have. As you say goodbye to 2009, make a bigger effort than usual to count the blessings you’ve had this year. For me, being happy is one of my greatest successes. People with a LOT MORE money than I have aren’t nearly as happy as I am. That—for me—is success. Money is a side dish. Happiness in myself is the main course. Navigating life with joy and moving forward made 2009 a successful year.

John Foster Dulles said, “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.”

Like I said in my last post on New Years Resolutions, we often resolve to get over humps to conquer roadblocks, our weight, etc., and end up in the same place, wishing for the same things, year after year. Often you might have made progress but don’t feel it if you want to lose 30 pounds and “only” lost seven. Seven is excellent but if 30 is what you want, you might push the 7 pounds aside and feel like a failure.

Do you complain about the same lack or problems, year after year? Are you still waiting to feel successful?

I used to whine about the same things, over and over, like a broken record. I’m blessed that my friends didn’t give up on me! I finally learned that complaining changes nothing and alienates friends. Complaining without taking action to remedy what you complain about keeps you from progressing. Taking even one step forward is success if you perceive it that way.

Are you still trying to lose 30 pounds or make more money or create a new circle of friends or other things you resolved to fix in 2009? Did you want this in years before? Often the solution seems too hard or uncomfortable. Then the problem becomes your inability to take action, which feels even worse, since you’re not getting what you want AND you feel bad about your inability to do something. Often people I know complain about the same romantic partner or friend.

The lament is always the same yet they stay with the person they rant about.

One of my counseling clients has been having problems with his wife since his son from his first marriage came to live with them several years ago. She misses it being just the 2 of them and has been lashing out at the son. Just when Ben (not his real name) considers leaving, his wife apologizes and is sweet for a bunch of weeks, especially when the son has a long visit with his mom. After one of her outbursts, Ben is raging, and says he’ll have to take his son and leave. But she always wins him over by being sweet and then when I ask if he’s leaving, he just says everything is fine. But it isn’t!

Situations don’t usually change permanently for the best if you don’t do something different.

I finally got through to Ben after another outburst last week. Unpleasant as it was, he asked his wife to leave. When she wouldn’t, he got another apartment. He still hopes one day they’ll get back together. But moving out told her more than all the times he said her behavior wasn’t okay. When Ben looked back on last year and realized the problem had been there for over a year, he knew he had to take action. Now he feels more positive entering a new year because he stopped an ongoing problem.

Actions solve problems and make changes in your life. If you want success, you have to prepare to do something different.

Even if you don’t get the whole enchilada, get into the habit of taking at least ONE step, and appreciate taking it as a small success. Sometimes when the weather is lousy and I can’t get out to run, I look for other ways to burn calories. I live on the 10th floor so I’ll start walking up from the lobby. I’m not always up for 10 flights if I have packages but I’ll go as many floors as I can and then take the elevator the rest of the way. Instead of lamenting not walking up all the stairs, I’m happy with the 5 or 7 I do.

Resolve to have many little successes in 2010!

I’m almost finished with my cleaning and consider it success that I actually have empty shelf space and part of a drawer is empty. That’s a first for me and I’m proud! Look for your own small successes in the New Year. They add up. Then next December you might find that you accomplished much of what you hoped for. Focus on keeping your thoughts clear about what you want so you can attract the resources to receive.

I wish you all a VERY BLESSED NEW YEAR! Here’s to fabulous days ahead. It’s my intention and I WILL make it my reality!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: New Years Resolutions

This is post 67 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Ahhh… It’s New Years resolution time! The time when everyone writes down or declares all the things they want to do or have in 2010. People do this every year, like it’s some magical formula for attracting what they want. I know they want the resolutions to come true and find the new year a good time to declare their intentions. They can run the gamet:

• “This year I’ll lose 20 pounds.”
• “I’ll go to the gym more.”
• “I’ll find the man/woman of my dreams.”
• “I’ll get a job that pays a lot more money.”
• “My life will get better.”

It all sounds so good when you say it before the new year begins, especially on New Years eve after you’ve been drinking and are in a party spirit. But, resolutions are commonly more wishful thinking than serious intentions that bring results form the Law of Attraction. You may say them forcefully on New Years Eve and wish, hope and pray for them to come true. But, those feelings can dissipate quickly as you get back into old routines when the holiday is over.

Making declarations on one night, or for a few days, doesn’t show you’re serious if your actions show otherwise.

Intentions must be maintained to attract what you want and your actions must support them. Declaring you’ll lose weight or go to the gym more or meet the right romantic partner, or get a better job, etc. won’t make that happen if you don’t go to the gym or change your eating habits or work on making yourself the kind of person who attracts a healthy partner or prepare yourself for a better job. Your life won’t get better if you don’t do something to make it better.

Resolutions don’t work unless YOU DO the work!

Resolutions can actually hurt you if you look back with frustration on the ones you don’t keep. That can make you feel like a failure and cause you to focus on what you don’t want or didn’t do, which attracts more of what you don’t want. And, knowing your resolutions didn’t work can make what you want seem even more unattainable, so attracting them becomes harder. Resolutions don’t magically take hold because you say them and it’s a new year.

They manifest when you continue to affirm them and take steps toward making them happen.

Do you make your declarations and then WAIT for them to materialize? When they don’t, do you declare that resolutions don’t work? That tells the Universe they won’t, and they don’t. The cycle can take on a new life each year, and then bum you out as you look back and see nothing changes. As you get older, you may not even bother to make resolutions since they don’t work. But they do, if you make a conscious effort to manifest what you resolve to have.

New Years’ resolutions are like all intentions—they must be consistently reinforced with your thoughts and action.

New Years resolutions are not special intentions to be said and then ignored. Often your intention to make them can give you an excuse to postpone doing what’s necessary. You want to lose weight in November but choose to wait until the new year. But then the new year comes and your resolve is weaker from waiting. The best time to make a resolution is when the desire hits you. And then do the work instead of waiting for the new year.

Og Mandino says, “If you resolve, beginning today, to put out more on your job than you’re getting paid to do, miracles will begin happening in your life.”

For whatever area of your life that you want to change or improve, resolve to do the work! Don’t just resolve that something will happen. Resolve to MAKE IT HAPPEN—to do the work necessary. If you want to make more money, resolve to work harder at your job and also to explore other options. It’s so much fun to dream by resolving to get or do all sorts of good stuff. Actually doing the work usually isn’t. Fear, or lack of direction can make it seem unpleasant or hard to take action. I used to enjoy making resolutions and then feel SOOOO let down as the year began and I did nothing. Until I asked God for help.

Start by resolving to ask for spiritual guidance. Ask for suggestions or a direction if you don’t know where to begin. Resolve to listen to the guidance you get.

When you’re intentions are strong, you will get help! Show that they are by starting right now to do something in the direction of your resolution. If you want to lose weight, begin to watch your eating NOW! You might resolve to put more effort in after the holidays but at least try to curb your eating a little and get some exercise. If you want a better job, register a class and learn a new skill. Polish up you resume—get professional help if possible. If you want someone to love you, do more loving things for yourself.

You must show with your actions that the intentions in your resolutions are serious! That’s the key to attracting positive results from your New Year’s resolutions.

All talk and no action attracts all talk and no action! Just like all intentions, resolutions require fuel from you. I’ve been doing my cleaning all week and affirming that I’m making room for more of what I want. I’m listening to spiritual CDs as I clean and declaring my intentions, with enthusiasm, over and over. I know what I want and intend to receive.

What do you want? Write it down and begin to do something to attain it. Ask for guidance and really pay attention.

Guidance can come through experiences, something you see on TV, reading an article, or a gazillion other things. Everything does happen for a reason, so pay attention if something relates to your goal. I just got an announcement about an unexpected workshop given by a guy I’ve wanted to learn more from. He told me 2 weeks ago he wouldn’t have anything in NY for a few months. But demand was so high there will be one in mid January. I know this is for me and will be there. A friend I told this too laughed, and said it was a coincidence. I believe we attract coincidences. I do it all the time.

Resolve to do more general lifestyle changes than specifics of money you’ll make or pounds you’ll lose. That way, any progress is success. Vowing to lose 30 pounds often means you won’t appreciate it when you lose 5 pounds. But you should! Try more things like:

• I will try to eat healthier.
• I will watch my thoughts more to make sure they’re positive so I can attract what I want.
• I will do my best to nurture my spiritual power and seek more help from my higher being by putting my situations into his hands.

Get your thoughts in order and prepare for 2010 to be the year you make your resolutions real! You CAN! This DoorMat has been doing it for years now and it’s a lovely place to be. JOIN ME!

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Eat with Pleasure Over the Holidays!

I was at several holiday parties recently. The next 2 weeks have many opportunities for eating decadently. For many people, Christmas means pigging out at a big, yummy holiday dinner. Yet a holiday dinner is accompanied by some side dishes that can dampen your pleasure:

* Guilt. Weight s a big issue for many of us. Believing you shouldn’t have dessert or potatoes or more than one piece of pie—or believing that you should just stick to meat without gravy and veggies—can make you feel guilty if you indulge. That ruins each bite and tempers your pleasure.

* Disgust. When guilt gets strong, disgust with yourself for indulging can set in. I’ve heard people lament every bite of a delicious, high calorie dinner. “I’m so bad for eating this.” When you do that, you get the extra calories but you don’t enjoy eating them.

* Deprivation. If you choose to “be good,” you’ll feel bad about not having what everyone else does. You may resist temptation but long for the goodies you watch others eat. It stirs cravings that you can feel long after the dinner and eventually may lead you to a pig-out that isn’t as satisfying as the parts of the dinner you choose not to eat.

Why do that to yourself! It can ruin your meal, and your day! I’ve stopped the shoulds and shouldn’ts and give myself permission to do what makes me feel good, not bad. Knowing that I’ll be eating more on the holiday, I’ll go for a run before and then try for one after too. I tried to do this for Thanksgiving. But as I began to put on my running clothes, the sky got very overcast and I lost my desire to run. At first I pushed myself with reminders of all the eating I’d already done and what was coming up. I SHOULD got burn some calories!

But I didn’t. I chose to honor my feelings that were concerned about getting caught in a rain storm and ignored the SHOULD.

The sun returned later and improved my mood. A few hours after pigging out, I had a desire for exercise and went to burn off some calories. This time I was in the mood and enjoyed my run, instead of forcing myself out. I didn’t know I’d go later when I passed in the morning. But if I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have felt guilty, or worse about my eating. There’s always tomorrow!

You have ONE life. Don’t ruin it by inflicting rigid standards on your pleasure.

Yes, it’s important to eat healthy and exercise—MOST of the time! I don’t make rich foods and sugary treats a habit. But once in a while won’t ruin you! I’m trying to get a bit more exercise before the upcoming holiday dinners this weekend to compensate. But we had a blizzard and snow is on the ground so I won’t beat myself up if I can’t get out to exercise. I’ll do my weight training in the gym. But I won’t eat less if I can’t run.

Erma Bombeck said, “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

Seize the day and enjoy the holiday food! Indulge without guilt. You don’t have to pig out to enjoy it. Instead, plan a little so you have some control over what you eat while still enjoying the goodies. Rather that withholding all the richer foods:

* Check out all the food before taking large heaps of the first few, especially if the food is served buffet style. When I see a dish I love, I take a lot. Then I realize there are 4 others yummy ones I want to partake of and then I take too much food. So I try to take a small scope of everything first and when it’s finished, decide if I need more.

* Make trade-offs. If your concern is just one big dinner, just relax and let yourself go a bit. But, if you’re away from home for many meals, you can create some restraint that doesn’t deprive you. When I travel and eat many meals out, or I’m at someone’s house for several days in holiday mode, I assess what I want beforehand and choose which goodies to skip or just have a taste of and which I’d like a real portion of. If I want dessert, I skip bread and only have a small portion of potatoes. Think about what you’d normally have in the situation, and decide what you can skip. Trade one goodie for another.

* Leave the gobbling to turkeys. Eat slowly. Chewing food more carefully improves digestion. The longer it takes you to eat, the fuller and more satisfied you feel. Have smaller bites instead of shoveling food into your mouth. Even if you’ve always been a fast shoveler, you can practice and get used to a slower pace. I savor each bite and can eat less by doing so.

* Take smaller portions. Take just a little of each dish instead of piling your plate high. Get small portions of seconds if you want it. You’ll still eat less this way and not feel deprived.

The holidays are for celebrating and enjoying fun times with family and friends. Cut yourself some slack and enjoy them! I wish you all a blessed holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Cleaning Out Old Stories

This is post 66 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

It’s that time again. The end of the year is getting closer. People are talking about beginning the New Year on a good note. That’s always nice! But often it’s just talk and you end another year wondering why it had the same things you didn’t like the year before. You can’t just wish things away! It would be nice if we could but life doesn’t work that way. Nor does the Law of Attraction.

If you want to enter 2010 on a more positive note, take action to send the Universe a message with your intentions by clearing out energy from the past.

When I was a DoorMat I lived a cluttered life. I’d lament about never being happy and that life didn’t go well for me. But, I did nothing to change it. There was never room for it all my STUFF. My closets had piles of it and my room was in disarray most of the time. People actually said they couldn’t stand coming over because of it. While I laughed it off, I felt shame.

Looking back I see that was motivated by 2 major factors—lack of self-respect and fear.

My living space reflected how I saw myself—a mess, not worth putting time into; hopelessly unattractive; sad. That was my apartment and also who I thought I was, so I didn’t respect myself or my right to live in a nice space. My messy, cluttered environment held old memories that reinforced where I was. Fear made me keep everything I ever owned. I was scared to let go of anything, lest I need it someday. Clothes, books and general stuff piled up. Reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay opened my eyes.

Cleaning is a great way to change your life!

As my spiritual faith became stronger and my self-esteem grew, I returned to the one chapter in the book that I’d ignored—the one on the importance of getting rid of clutter. Last year I discussed this in my post on Making Room for Better Things. After getting rid of half my stuff, my life opened up. Clearing things out tells the Universe you’re making room for new things, be it possessions or opportunities. After learning this, I made it my tradition to begin cleaning my apartment in the beginning of December. It escalates as it gets closer to the 31st.

Entering the New Year after clearing out as much as you can sets a tone for better things to come into your life.

After my first cleaning, I thought I was done, but every year I find MANY things to toss. My post, Clean Your Way to an Abundant New Year, gives specific tips for determining what to toss and other things that have worked for me. By the time New Year’s eve arrives, my apartment and my life will be cleared. Each year I feel like I go through another layer of my past to move forward with more ease. In recent year’s I became more aware of a greater significance of getting rid of stuff.

You don’t just throw out or give away old possession. You also get rid of their stories—old memories that hold past hurts and limitations.

Throwing out material possessions changes your energy for the better. It’s not just about clutter. The significance is in the memories behind your stuff. All our possessions have a story—where it came from, why you have it. Often it’s simply you saw a shirt you liked needed a vase and and bought it. Or you know who a gift was from. Those are stories, however mundane. I get rid of a lot of things by asking myself why I have them. If there isn’t a good answer—buh-bye!

It’s important to clean out your inner self—your soul and old baggage. Clearing out negative energy gives the Law of Attraction more to work with.

I also have things I have no use for that bring back wonderful memories and make me smile to see them. That’s good enough to keep! But things that conjure up not so happy memories should go. Over the years I’ve tossed MANY photos of people I no longer like and gifts from them. Or of people who I haven’t seen in ages or who have no meaning to me. I’m also becoming more aware of the bad energy some possessions carry and how important it is to identify it to let it go. That affected me greatly as I cleaned this week.

Sometimes we keep things with negative attached because they’re nice or we just think we should keep them.

Hmmm… I have a pendant I got for my birthday from a guy I’d been very close with, right before our relationship fell apart. I never wore it, not because of him but I have one I like better so I just left it in a drawer. Now I know it should go, and I’m trying to figure out what to do with it. It’s a good silver pendant but I don’t know anyone who’d want it. Maybe I’ll put it on Ebay! My new awareness has pushed me to make a bigger decision and I’m still trying to figure out what to do.

As you let go of the past, your spirit will get lighter. Mine is starting to float!

Another revelation this weekend: Years ago I told my aunt I loved her little antique rocking chair. It has no arms but the carving in the wood is pretty. Not long after she wanted me to have it and arranged for someone to bring it to me. I loved it! That was during an unhappy time in my life. I had a roommate, whose friends I didn’t like. One day they started tossing a football in our living room. I yelled they should stop as one ran across the room to catch it, and crashed into my chair.

They knocked the back piece of wood off and completely broke the wicker seat. Of course they saw no need to pay to fix it. Since then, I’ve kept a pillow on the seat and have the chair stuck in a corner. It doesn’t look right there but I can’t have anyone sit on it. I loved that chair so I kept it. But yesterday I asked myself why? Someone said it would cost a fortune to fix it. I have other memories from my aunt. The main memory as it is is attached to the inconsideration of the guys who broke it.

Often we don’t get rid of things because we don’t know what to do with them.

I don’t know what to do with the chair. It’s so cute, and an antique, and I hate to just throw it out. Yet it’s broken! So I’ve told the Universe that unless someone happens along to fix it by New Year’s or take it, I’ll throw it out on the 31st. If it were fixed, the memories would be good again. But looking at the damage stokes bad energy. This is a really big deal for me to give it away. I’ve had it for a long time and always hoped to find a way to fix it. But it’s time to let it go. While a piece of me is sad, a bigger piece feels empowered from this decision.

Anyone in NY who wants the chair or who can help me fix it,
please get in touch! ?

Letting go of stuff also releases their stories. Whether the story is attached to someone in your past or fear of needing it someday and not having money to replace it or a souvenir or anything else, decide if this story is one you want to keep alive with the item. Often we don’t think about why we have things and what they mean to us. Start thinking! As you close the book on old stories, you also get rid of old energy that might be subconsciously holding you back.

Start now—throw something out! Or better yet, give it to someone who can use it. Then you get a double blessing—helping someone and helping yourself have better energy to attract more positive stuff.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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