Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Romantic Love

This is post 73 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Sunday is the “big” day for love—Valentine’s Day. I talked about it in my post last year on V. Day but it needs to be discussed each year. This one day can generate great joy or great sorrow, depending on whether you’re in a good relationship. The hype can make almost any single person lament not having a special someone. It used to do that to me. It was weird but even when I was seeing someone, something would happen just before February 14th and either end the relationship or the guy had to leave for a while. I used to think I was love jinxed. Now I think I just made that one day too important in the scheme of a relationship.

Making V. Day THE day for love and for all romance your partner can muster can also attract a lack of romance and feeling loved on a regular basis throughout the year.

Many women put pressure on their guys to make the day special. People go to overcrowded restaurants, often with jacked up prices on their menus, to celebrate their love. Many men feel forced to ante up on the romance. They often don’t feel the vibe of what they do or give but the pressure makes them do it. But V Day isn’t joyous for everyone. It often evokes:

* Pain for people with no one special.
* Disappointment if your guy doesn’t give you a ring or you don’t get what the hype promises.
* Frustration if you get something less romantic and more practical.
* Let down later if your life goes back to the way it was.

Unrealistic expectations of this ONE day tells the Universe you don’t see every day as a wonderfully loving one that brings you love and romance.

Years ago, I spent Valentine’s Day with a friend for several years in a row. We’d do a long walk downtown, moaning every time we’d see a guy or delivery person go by with flowers. No flowers for us! We mourned not having a special guy over drinks and dinner. Though we’d always go home depressed, we repeated this for several years. As I became more empowered, I realized that I was making having romance on V. Day much too important. I had a great life, good friends, and I had me, who I finally learned to love.

The next V. Day I bought myself a rose!

I went out and shopped for one perfect rose and bought it for the one I love most—ME! It made me so happy, not just to have a rose I loved, but because I knew how far I’d come. Now I buy myself flowers every week. Why not? I don’t buy them on Valentine’s Day since they’re usually more expensive. I’ll get mine earlier in the week. But I love flowers so why not have them all year round?

No one day—no matter what it’s called—should be designated in your thoughts as THE day for love. Every day is a love day for me now!

Focusing on love for this one day can tell the Universe that you expect the special love stuff on February 14th, which can make it harder to attract the romance on other days. I just heard someone say that his wife had banned V. Day in their house. She didn’t want to delegate this one day for love and preferred to show it every day. I agree! There’s nothing wrong with having fun with your mate on this day, but recognize the value of showing love and romantic gestures regularly. That helps the connection of a good relationship sustain better that putting all your hearts into one basket on one day.

Honor your love every day, whether if it’s for your partner or yourself. I consciously give myself love and the Law of Attraction responds with more joy in myself and

I don’t have a special guy this year. I haven’t had much time or met someone worth giving some up to go on a date. It’s MY choice, not my bad luck on V Day. I’m deliriously happy with my life, despite many women thinking I’m nuts to turn down opportunities to go on a date because I’d rather write or run or a million other things. When the time is right, I’ll enjoy a V. Day with a special guy. For now, Sunday will still be a special day because I’ve discovered the joy of loving myself. After many DoorMat years of being desperate to find a guy to complete me, I celebrate that I now complete myself.

Show YOU love this weekend, along with other loved ones.

Even if you’re in a good relationship, do something special for YOU! It will help you attract more love and happiness. And if you’re single, loving yourself gives you more of a chance to attract a healthy relationship. You’ve heard it before but it’s so true—you can’t find healthy love from others until you love yourself. That shows you’re worthy of being loved and the Law of Attraction will bring it back to you!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Making Life Changes

It seems like if there was really a wish fairy, everyone would have something they’d like to change. Whether it’s something big, like getting a huge income increase, or something personal, like losing weight, or a gazillion other types of things, most people would love something different if they didn’t have to work for it. The trouble is, life isn’t a fairy tale and there is no wish fairy, so many of those wishes for change don’t come true. When I was a DoorMat, I prayed for the wish fairy to take pity on me and help me change my people pleasing ways but never got a response.

I finally accepted that change comes from within and then you do what’s necessary to achieve it.

It took time for me to change, since I operated in fear back then. Plus, I had no skills or resources to use to become a more empowered woman. My change began with discovering faith. I was just beginning to recognize that maybe there was a spiritual power I could tap into. So I stopped praying for a wish fairy and instead prayed for an epiphany or something to help me get started. Right after, 2 real friends (who didn’t know each other) lectured me a few days apart about how it bothered them to see how I let people treat me.

They told me I DESERVED a lot better and needed to stop giving all my energy to others and start doing more for me. I listened. It actually felt eerie to hear this from 2 different people at 2 different times for no apparent reason. Now I know that it was my prayers being answered. “Coincidentally,” a few days later I went to visit my parents for a week. After being nurtured and loved, I returned home with determination to change.

Ask for a sign to get started. It will most likely come through experiences like it did for me.

Pay attention and learn from the signs, unless you really want to stay in the place you’d prefer were different. If the idea of change unnerves you or seems overwhelming, try to focus on the benefits of handling situations in more satisfying ways, one step at a time. It’s much better than complaining without results. I know, because I was the Queen of Complainers. I may have been a DoorMat but I sure complained all the time to anyone who’d listen, except of course to people who were the source of what I complained about. Speaking up to people who hurt or angered me wasn’t an option back then.

One constructive baby step at a time makes changing easier. Instead of seeing changing your ways as major overhauls, perceive change as an accumulation of small lessons used effectively to break old habits—not who you are. Do it slowly but do it! I learned to initiate change with these steps:

* Acknowledge you need to change. The hardest step may be ending the delusion that helping others compensates for your dissatisfaction or that your weight makes you unhappy and holds you back or that you won’t be happy until you break an old habit, like procrastinating or talking too much.

* Decide you want to change: Make a conscious decision to seek more effective ways to handle irritating situations. You have to want it enough to do something more than just pray for the wish fairy.

* Pinpoint what to change: Pay attention to your habits. Assess which need breaking. Poor eating habits? Making excuses instead of exercising? Getting caught up in trivial activities that keep you from tackling important things? Interrupting people and not listening? Saying “yes” to things you don’t want?

* Decide what to change first: Pick one person or situation to start with. Make one small change. Eat a healthier meal one time. Say “no” to one person. Concentrate on finishing one task. As you change one habit, you’ll enjoy feeling in control over it. Then tackle another.

* Try different techniques: Like shopping, try on different suits until one fits properly. See which demeanor you’re comfortable with to express yourself more or turn down requests. You may need different attitudes with different people or different strategies in a variety of situations. Eating home more may help you get started on controlling your eating. Some people need a gym or personal trainer to exercise. Some find a walking buddy. See what feels best for you.

* Motivate yourself. Let painful memories inspire handling yourself differently. Usually we want to change things we don’t like. Think about why and write it down. Affirm the reasons you want to handle situations differently.

* Consciously applaud progress. Don’t wait for major breakthroughs. Celebrate each baby step as an accomplishment, even if it seems insignificant. Saying “no” to a cookie is an accomplishment for someone who normally can’t resist. I know because I love sweets and must resist the urge to pig out too often. So when I limit myself, I’m jazzed!

* Be patient. Empowerment won’t develop overnight. It takes time to get comfortable with a new approach. If you can recognize every teeny baby step as progress on your road to what you want, you can wait for the bigger stuff to come.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Change begins with that first step. Take a little one and then another. You may wake up one day and noticed you’ve broken an old habit and replaced it with one that helps you become the person you want to be as a series of baby steps adds up. I still remember when I looked in the mirror and realized how empowered I’d become. So Sweet!

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Perfect Procrastination

I often procrastinate when it comes to certain things I must do. I get distracted by doing other things, when I know the actual task I should be doing. It’s a very selective process and often related to finishing something I’m writing. Friends have called it writer’s block but I knew it wasn’t. The thoughts I write about come easily to me. I couldn’t figure it out until a very wise person pointed out that because I’m such a perfectionist about my writing, I procrastinate on finishing certain things I’m writing due to my concern about not being perfect.

That got me thinking. I’ve seen it in clients, friends and in myself. Procrastination is often caused by feeling like you can’t do something perfectly, so you put it off.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how many other areas I’ve procrastinated in because subconsciously I was concerned about not doing it perfectly. I’ve put off phone calls because I wasn’t sure I had the right words. I’ve procrastinated on finishing a book proposal because this is what gets me the deal and I needed it to be perfect. The more I think about it, the more I realize how tied to perfection a lot of my procrastination has been over the years.

Recognizing that you’re procrastinating because you’re scared of not being perfect can help you find ways around it.

Once I understood the root of my procrastination, I felt more empowered. It’s allowed me to take a lot more control of it. I used to wonder what was wrong with me when I just couldn’t do what I knew I should or had to do. Knowing that my desire to do certain things in the most perfect way possible made me realize that I wasn’t a slacker or an unmotivated person. It allowed me to focus on what more I could do to make progress instead of just putting things off and getting disgusted with myself.

Next time you procrastinate, do a check and see what might really be at the root of it. Ask, “Am I scared of not doing it well enough or getting it perfect so I just don’t do it at all?”

This awakening has helped me to get a lot more things done. Striving for that elusive perfection went to doing the best that I can I a reasonable about of time. While I still want to write as well as it can be written or say the most perfect words, I now weigh reaching that perfection against not getting it done. If I want to keep writing books, I must finish my proposals. If I want sponsorship, I must make the calls. This has changed my mindset and allowed me to limit procrastination dramatically.

It’s okay to procrastinate sometimes; we all need to do it. But usually the things that you want done perfectly are what’s most important to get done.

As you recognize that you’re putting off doing stuff because you’re scared you won’t do it perfectly, take control by analyzing what you can do to help the process. Get advice from someone you trust. Run it by a few people. Take a real break with the intention of coming back to it fresh. Accept that you can only do your best, and then do your best! No matter what, make sure you forgive yourself for procrastinating. It’s a very normal human thing to do.

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Law of Attraction in Action: Emotions

This is post 72 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I want to share with you what I consider THE most important component I learned for using the Law of Attraction successfully. It was missing from The Secret DVD, which bothered me when I watched it. I did learn a lot from watching it, but I was already knowledgeable. People who watch it need to know that making the LOA work for you isn’t as simple as wishing for something. Manifesting what you want needs fuel.

Positive emotions provide the fuel for your intentions. They send a vibration to the Universe that attracts—what you want or what you don’t want.

You may think you’re putting your intentions out well by saying them over and over. But if you’re not feeling them, they may not materialize. For example, if you interview for a new job and keep saying, “I have the job, I have the job,” but inside you’re trying to quell doubt or fear about not getting it, the emotion you feel is doubt or fear. The Universe picks up on that and you probably won’t attract the job.

When people tell me they kept putting out intentions of what they want but didn’t get it, I ask, “How “were you feeling while stating them?”

• Were you feeling doubt or fear?
• Was your intention heartfelt or just lip service without really believing it would happen?
• Did you state it by rote without feeling the impact of your words?
• Or, were you enthusiastic and excited about getting what you were trying to manifest?

The real “secret” to manifesting is to truly feel your words. The Universe picks up on the vibration behind your words and thoughts. That’s why negative ones can manifest more easily. Fear, doubt, feeling doomed for failure, play out through your body without even trying. Negative emotions stick easier and stay with you longer than positive ones. You may be very excited to get that great job interview and state that you intend to get it. But that joyous excitement can be stifled when the negative thoughts come:

• What if I screw up the interview?
• There will probably be people who are more qualified than me applying.
• Am I really good enough to do this job?

Those kinds of thoughts can override all the positive ones you had when you first got the interview. And they’ll stay with you for a long time, even way past the interview, if you don’t manage them by consciously stirring positive emotions. They can follow you to other interviews, building each time you feel let down. Negative emotions are so sticky they can be hard to get rid of. Joy and excitement can be fleeting when negative emotions settle into your thoughts and dominate the emotion behind your intentions.

So while your words state what you want, the vibration of your body’s emotions negate the words.

Understanding this is the key to manifesting positive goodies. Learning this brought my manifest to an amazing level. I am on the alert for negative emotions that can sabotage my desires. They come but I do what I can to get rid of them by saying positive affirmations to drown them out. I also ask for spiritual support in quelling the negative emotions so I can generate the positive ones needed.

When you want something, become your own cheerleader to get yourself excited about getting what you want—even if the doubts or fear are there.

Cheerleaders have to get their team revved even more when they’re losing. Getting the fans excited enough to believe the losing team can make a glorious comeback takes strong positive emotions. It’s the same with summoning positive emotions to cheer yourself to victory. Be the cheerleader needed to get excited enough to manifest.

You can override the negative emotions by generating positive emotions that can help you attract what you want.

Dig deep if necessary. Id necessary, first ask for help with quelling the negatives you feel. Talk to a friend or even a therapist. I work with people who have problem getting past the negatives to stir excitement. It’s not hopeless if you can’t do it on your own! Get a spiritual buddy and cheer each other. It’s up to you to channel or create the positive vibrations needed to manifest what you want. If you’re going after something you want bad enough, dig deep and be the cheerleader you need to be.

Write down all the positive things that will come from manifesting what you want.
Read it a lot, aloud when you can, with feeling.
Talk to yourself in the mirror. “I intend to make this a reality!!!”
Affirm over and over that you’re getting it. As you affirm, get yourself excited by looking at the list of the positives you’ll get.
Say “thank you,” with all the enthusiasm you can muster, to the Universe—many times a day, as if you have it already. You do if you’re putting the emotions out!

The more you say things with feeling, even if it’s forced at first, the more you’ll begin to believe it. The more you believe, the more positive emotions you’ll feel. When you try this, start with something small. As you manifest, your confidence in the Law of Attraction working will grow, enabling the positive emotions to come easier.

While my faith is strong, I used to get nervous whenever my agent embarked on getting me a deal for my next book. Even with my history of successful books, getting the next deal can be tough. I learned about the importance of emotions as my agent was getting started on a new title. I asked God for help with quelling my anxiety. Then I began to generate my excitement about getting the best deal for the highest good of my book. It took a little time but I began to really feel it.

All day long, every day, I said, no screamed, “I have a fabulous deal for my book!!!”

In the past, rejection letters, which are part of the process, would get me down. This time, when I got one I said, “It doesn’t matter because I already have the perfect deal!!” the more I said it aloud with enthusiasm, the more excited I got and the more I believed. I got 2 offers but hated the terms and told my agent NO! She warned I might have to take one if nothing else came in but I kept enthusiastically saying, “I have a fabulous deal for my book!!!”

Since you can’t think 2 thoughts clearly at the same time, saying that kind of positive affirmation can drown out doubts and fears.

The last publisher to decide on the book was a good one. I held out with faith and affirmations that made me excited as my agent
pushed me to consider the other offers. I refused and staunchly declared I’d get the deal I wanted. And I did! That took me to another level of understanding how to use my spiritual power to the max. Ever since I begin my manifesting by generating the emotional excitement needed. It can take some time to get into the emotional spirit this but you CAN do it!

Once you try it and it works, you’ll get even more excited, knowing you have the key to manifesting your dreams!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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