Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Generating Emotions that Manifest

This is post 77 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I wrote my post on Emotions for this series to help you understand the importance of having positive emotional vibrations that accompany your intentions to manifest something. I discussed how feeling the excitement about what you seek to manifest is the fuel needed to make your dreams a reality. Generating that emotion can be the hardest part of manifesting, especially if you’re in a bad place or can’t quite wrap your mind around believing that what you want will happen. Saying “empty” affirmations is better than nothing but don’t work as well.

It’s easy to know that you need to affirm your intentions with feeling, but how do you generate the necessary emotions?

I’ve struggled with this many times. Sometimes I could feel little doubts in the back of my head, diffusing the positive vibrations necessary to attract what I wanted, especially in situations that didn’t work out in the past. Old memories would come into my head to remind me that it might not happen and dampen my attempts to generate strong positive emotions. Then frustration set in as I couldn’t do stimulate the vibrations of feelings I knew were needed.

I believe that creating the necessary emotions begins with convincing yourself that you deserve what you’re trying to manifest, and that you’re perfectly capable of getting it.

If you don’t believe you deserve something, that’s the emotion that goes out to the Universe. You may want a promotion really bad but if you worry, even subconsciously, that you won’t be able to do the job, your doubt may be stronger than positive emotions you try to stir. Fear sends out a stronger message too! But even with those feelings you can get to a positive emotional place! I’ve learned to do that and it manifests so much more.

Accept that generating positive emotions can be hard for many of us humans, especially if you’ve experienced many disappointments.

I went for years trying to generate emotions for manifesting, repeating affirmations over and over trying to attract what I wanted. I never noticed that I got more when I really felt the excitement and got little when I didn’t. It didn’t make sense why some things came while others fizzled. Learning about the importance of the vibration sent out was the piece I needed, but it still was hard to manifest excitement over things I doubted or was scared of.

The biggest factor for me has been my strong faith in getting God’s support. That can override almost everything else.

Instead of fighting negative feelings, I began by asking for support in diminishing the thoughts that kept the positive emotions at bay. That made me feel better. Knowing that God was with me enabled me to take more risks. Things would happen that gave me more hope and confidence. That got me excited! The more my faith was reinforced, the more I got excited. The more I got excited, the more I manifested.

You can create a lovely cycle between building faith and manifesting. One can feed the other.

If you’re serious about generating the emotions to manifest, focus on the results, not the process or journey, and the emotions you’ll have when you get there. For example, if you want to have a lot more money, write down all the things you’ll do with it. Picture yourself in situations where the money is yours. Smile at your vision. Feel how good it will be when you get it. Ease yourself into the emotion:

Start by saying something about getting what you want in the future: “I will love having more money!” That’s something you can generate good feelings about since you’re not committing to a belief yet. You would love having more money in the future if it happened. Practice and feel the positive emotions that come with how you’d feel if you had what you want.

Bring it a little more to having it by just identifying the feelings of having it: “Having more money rocks!” It does, doesn’t it. You’re not committing to believing you have it but you’re generating good emotions about it.

Own it: “I have lots of money coming to me!” Bring the emotions from the last 2 into this more concrete statement. Keep affirming this with feeling until you don’t have to force real feelings of excitement.

Own it more by holding onto the emotions you’ve already generated in the other steps: “I have lots more money. Bring it on!” Now you’re talking like it’s a done deal. You may not see it for a while but once you put the emotion out, affirming what you have, the process is in motion. You do have it, and it will show itself at the right time.

Make the affirmation your own. When you have to keep looking at the paper you wrote one on, you’re not feeling it. The best affirmations for creating emotions are in your own words, from your heart. Even if one you see online sounds terrific, Say it the way you’d say anything else.

Just recently I took it to another level, thanks to Angela Artemis, who writes the terrific blog, Mystic Musings and Meditations. I told her about a physical problem I’ve had for years, which both doctors and alternative practitioners hadn’t been able to help me with. It’s not debilitating or harmful, but is very annoying and often interferes with my sleep. Angela is a practitioner of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and offered me a treatment. EFT uses some major acupressure points along with strong positive statements about healing. She said it’s helped many people who found no relief with other methods.

Being open, I got the treatment and lessons so I could do it to myself. I did some verbal exercises with Angela as I tapped different points on my head and body. At the end, she helped me come up with the affirmation to use when doing it myself: “I am grateful to be ____free forever!!!” I did it later in the evening and noticed that beginning with “I am grateful__” helped stir my emotions. I can really generate excitement by beginning an affirmation with “I am grateful for___.”

Gratitude is such a strong tool for manifesting, which is why I continue with my Conscious Gratitude list on Yahoo.

I’ve done affirmations to help my issue for years but haven’t had a lot of success. I probably deep down thought it wouldn’t help and my positive emotions weren’t strong after so long with no success. Gratitude gave me fuel for my emotions. If I say, “I have a fantastic new book deal!” when I’m nervous about getting one, it can take time to generate emotions and my subconscious concerns can seep in.
But when I say, “I am grateful” before I affirm what I intend to get, those three words always generate sincere, deep emotion, since I consciously practice gratitude. It’s been astounding for me.

“I am sooooooo grateful” for____. Yeah! Gratitude can truly stir emotions needed to manifest.

Bring gratitude into your intentions! Think about how grateful you are and will be to manifest more. Feel it. Give thanks for it. I even say thanks for getting what I know is coming as if it’s already here since I do understand it IS here—the process of it coming has started and it will show itself at the right time. Trust and be grateful. Let those feelings flow into your affirmations about what you intend to have. As the manifesting begins, the emotions will come easier.

I am so grateful that GREATER success than ever before is coming to me! YEAH!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Saints Don’t Live Life!

Have you ever been called a saint after doing a HUGE favor for someone. It feels good to be recognized for what you do, as well you should! But often striving for sainthood comes at the expense of your own happiness, time and pleasure. Helping others is NOT your obligation. It’s a choice you make.

It’s important to give the boot to going above and beyond when it’s not good for you!

I’m a good person. I try to help people when I can and feel super good when I give back for all my blessings. BUT, and it’s a BIG BUT, I refuse to be Saint Daylle anymore. Saint Daylle was always there for people. She filled in for canceled babysitters (while canceling her own plans to do so), was late for appointments in order to give someone a lift in the opposite direction of where she was going, spent less on herself to fund others, etc. Most of the time I had little energy left for ME. Saint Daylle was also Ms. DoorMat.

Being a saint about helping others can leave you wounded and unhappy.

I know people like that. They brag about all they do for others, as they deal with their own unhappiness. This post was triggered by a woman who told me she offered to stay with a friend’s elderly mother, while her elderly husband was in the hospital. It was that or the woman would be put in a facilituy until he came home. Being a kind soul, Louisa (not her real name) offered to go to her small town for a week and keep the mom company. It turned out to be a tough time that lasted 3 weeks. From there, Louisa went to her sister’s for a week to help with babysitting. She is drained.

Helping others, except for supporting family and close friends’ circumstances that are critical, should not leave you in need of healing.

Louisa missed her regular exercise and routines. She felt like her friend hijacked her time by putting her on the spot to stay longer. She stayed at the expense of her well being. Helping others is a blessing. Sacrificing your own well being to improve someone else’s well being isn’t one. It’s trying to live like a saint, instead of a human being who needs to limit what isn’t good for them. Louisa had been okay with just the one week. But her friends took advantage.

It’s important to turn requests down when it’s something you dread or feel will make you unhappy.

People can spot saints and ask them for favors often. At first you might feel good accommodating them. But too much accommodating leads to anger, frustration, resentment, and in general, an unhappy feeling. This can really take its toll on your health too! Louisa didn’t feel well after and had to get her mojo back. We all need boundaries on how much to help others vs. how much we help ourselves.

Helping others should be just as much as you can comfortably give, not a sacrifice.

When I was a DoorMat, I was afraid people would disappear if I stopped being nice. I thought I was soooooo nice, Ms. Saint. But I was really Ms. Wimp, Ms. Victim. I complained to everyone that people I catered to didn’t reciprocate my kindness. So, I wasn’t really nice. I was an oxymoron—calling myself nice, yet whining to anyone who’d listen about how people weren’t nice to me. I never considered that I should be nice to me.

There’s nothing nice about being unhappy, no matter how many are happy as a result of your sacrifice.

Real saints don’t live human lives on earth. And I do believe that we’re meant to be loving and kind to ourselves first. Focus on your own bliss! I do try to help others when I can in better ways than I could as a saint. But I know the limits for which I can stretch and bend and give up time I need for me. When you take care of yourself first you become happier and stronger. The happier and stronger you become, the better the quality of what you can give to others.

The more you give yourself, the more you have to give on a healthy level.

DoorMat saints are unhappy. Self-empowered nice people who set boundaries on what they do for others are happy. Giving with limits gives you power over your life. Sainthood doesn’t. People may praise you for being a saint if they get what they need from you. But it’s not nice if it leaves you wanting. Does giving and giving and giving make you happy or frustrated? Satisfied or drained? Grateful or resentful?

If you feel any negative emotions from giving, it’s time to reevaluate what you do.

I must confess. I get a giddy feeling at times when I tell someone I can’t do something that I don’t want to do. I love having free time because I said no. Plus, after so many years of always going along with what others wanted from me, feeling in control of my life is awesome! That control is reinforced with the boundaries I set. You must protect your time, because it’s very valuable! Kick out any situations that drain you, unless it’s special circumstances for a family member or loyal friend.

When you let go of feeling obligated to be a saint for everyone and become an angel for yourself, life improves on a beautiful level!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Pleasure

This is post 76 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Are you enjoying your life, thoroughly and completely wherever you are, every day? Most people I speak with don’t seem to. It’s so easy to get caught up in doing what you’re supposed to do—working, doing chores at home, obligatory visits to family, trying to keep up with email, etc. The pursuit of happiness can become just an effort to get through the day and get as much done as possible. Eventually you fall into habits that are practical but don’t make you feel good.

Pleasure can take a back seat to getting it all done. Yet it’s pleasure that attracts the best kind of life!

I realized lately that I’ve been forgetting to make room for lots of pleasure in my life—every day. I have fun sometimes, but have been so immersed in my writing that I’m alone more than I used to be. I do enjoy being solo and get a lot of pleasure from having time to write for many uninterrupted hours. But, I realized recently that I need more balance. I haven’t been attracting as many new and pleasurable opportunities because I’m not seeking the kind of pleasure into my life that I used to have.

Getting into too many daily routines puts your life on autopilot. Like me, you can forget to do what it takes to make doing everything pleasurable.

I realized I needed to recapture my pleasure in daily life! People are surprised to hear this since I say how much I love my life. This is very true! I’m blessed beyond measure. But I’ve also gotten into some ruts that need to be fixed. You know what ruts in the road can do to your car if you keep driving over them. Life ruts can do something similar to the path you’re trying to follow.

Getting into ruts diverts your attention and energy from what you’d like to be your life’s purpose and from having the most pleasure you can.

I want LOTS of pleasure in my life! As I took stock of why I’m not getting enough, I decided to take a huge step. I recently mentioned that I registered for the Mastery program at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. Her program focuses on having as much pleasure as is possible. Happy and satisfied people attract a lot more happiness and satisfaction. I want more pleasure! I deserve more pleasure! And I intend to attract it!

When you fall into ruts, it’s important to do what you can to bring more pleasure into your life!

I’ve always been the kind of person who has fun doing whatever I’m involved in. Having a smile and cheerful attitude makes for more pleasurable interactions in my travels. When I had a day job, I loved to joke and bring goodies in to share with colleagues. I play music and dance while cleaning in my apartment. Music is a great way to bring in more pleasure! But my rut left me wanting more. Mama Gena’s Mastery program seemed like the best way for me to shake things up in my life. I’ve wanted to take the Mastery for years, but didn’t because it’s expensive, even with my deeep discount for registering early.

But, as Mama Gena points out, what better investment can you make than one in yourself!?!

So I dove in and registered. The Mastery encourages pleasure and allowing yourself pleasure, which tells the Universe you want pleasurable circumstance. Mama Gena’s concept of pleasure extends to attracting good health and great income earning situations. The underlying component for attracting everything you want is mastering the art of giving yourself as much pleasure as possible. This is how I want to live. I see things on the program that are way out of my comfort zone (in the rut I live in) but I’m determined to conquer it all!

How often do you refer to your life as pleasurable??

Mine is happy and I’m content. But, I haven’t been consciously looking for ways to make everything more pleasurable. Doing so will attract more pleasure. When you focus on pleasure you get more! Pleasure puts you into a mindset to attract more goodies. When you’re feeling happy, there are less negative thoughts to impede your desires. Putting out your intentions with a smile is so much more effective than forcing them out as you fight negatives. I encourage you to be VERY conscious as you go about each day. Look for ways to give yourself more. Be creative about looking for ways to bring more pleasure into your life. What small things can you add to attract more pleasure?

• Go out for lunch with a friend instead of eating a sandwich at your desk at work.

• Take a dancercize type of class at the gym instead of always doing a monotonous machine.

• Talk to the ingredients about what a nice day it is when you’re cooking. :)

• Say positive affirmations about what a pleasurable life you have?

• Get out more where you can meet new people, like volunteering, going to networking events, or whatever rocks your pleasure.

• Have a few rounds on a swing in the playground without a child on your lap.

• Smile at everyone you can. Flirt when you can!

• Put your foot down on working too much overtime and use the extra time for your joy.

Find your pleasure points—anything that feels good or brings a smile to your face—and work them! I start Mama Gena’s Mastery program the weekend of March 20th and will share some of my experiences here. Meanwhile I ‘m reading her book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts : Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World. The more pleasure you allow into your life, the more you’ll attract. Have a good time living your life! Smiles beget more smiles and makes life a joy to experience. No more just passing time everyone! That’s what I did as a DoorMat and I felt comatose from lack of pleasure. Now I’m going to indulge. Will keep you posted on what happen!

Join me! Look for every way you can to bring more pleasure into your life. That how we empowered people should live!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!



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Backlash

Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no to or who I stopped allowing to walk all over me.

Selfish and bitch/bastard are commonly used to manipulate people into retuning to their more giving ways.

Depending on their situations, people have varied perspectives about situations, and words. I’ve been called a bitch for taking care of myself so many times that my first workshop was called, Be a Better Bitch/Bastard. A better bitch/bastard gets called a bitch/bastard by someone who is frustrated about not getting their way or you speak up for yourself or set any other boundaries for what you give or do for others (NOTE: I’m wearing my Better Bitch and Proud of it t-shirt in the pic. I have a few left for $15, shipping included in the US).

Name-calling is often used as a weapon to get you to give in or as an outlet for disagreement.

I subscribe to the sticks & stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me—unless I let them mentality. Words can sting or hurt you a lot if you accept them as your truth. I wasn’t a bitch when I was accused of being one. Nor was I selfish for wanting my desires filled too instead of just always going along with where others wanted to eat, what they wanted to do, etc.

As long as you KNOW you’re NOT what a person accuses you of being in words, you’re not. Names only have validity if you agree.

This blog is about my experiences and what worked for me and my clients. I KNOW that I’m not sneaky and vindictive as Anon called me. Of course he or she is entitled to personal opinions. I respect that not everyone will like or agree with me. But it isn’t my truth. Anon gave examples of why I am those words. I’m pretty sure I know which ones they are. This is how I see it.

* In my post called Miserably Skinny I wrote that I told someone to shut up when she asked challenged my food choice. This person was always critical of my body and picked on me for ordering a burger and fries, I told her not to tell me how to eat. But when the food came, she began a lecture that in the past ruined my pleasure (and I rarely have a burger and fries and wanted to enjoy it fully!). So I told her to shut up. I’d warned her several times to keep her criticism to herself. I didn’t need advice from someone who was skinny but miserable. And despite what Anon thinks, I’d do it again to someone who doesn’t stop her verbal jabs after being told more than once that it’s unacceptable and she had no right to speak to me like that.

* The other example was from my post on Grudges. Anon said I got a kick out of something bad happening to the worker in my building who began loudly stripping floors in the apartment bedroom right above me before 8AM on a Saturday, which by the way is illegal in NY. I could have reported him to the building manager or filed a complaint with the city, which would have created trouble for him with his job. Instead I released any recourse to the Universe and let God take care of it. Right after that, our building manager denied him the time off he wanted during the holidays.

I’d much rather let God sort it out instead of me looking to hurt someone.

I didn’t get a kick out of something bad happening to him or wish him evil. But I did get a kick out of the Law of Attraction returning it to him. And I did say I got a kick out of him thinking that I was giving him a holiday gift when it was an envelope with a note explaining (nicely!) how I was leaving it to God to deal with it. He’d done other inconsiderate things but this was intolerable. I didn’t detail it in my post but he knew I was getting physically ill from all the construction noise that began before 7 AM every weekday morning. Some of you may remember that I live facing the building that had the awful crane accident 2 years ago.

This guy and I discussed how unnerving it was. He had a problem just working with constant drilling and banging and knew how much I valued being able to catch up on sleep on weekends. My doorman said he warned the guy not to work so early but he had plans for the day and only cared about finishing early. So I thought he got an appropriate result of his actions!

Leaving grudges in God’s hands is the best recourse against someone who does you wrong.

Anon said the energy radiating from my words is ugly. Oh well. Anon has chosen to unsubscribe and that’s his/her choice. I wish him/her a blessed life. I have no idea of what caused his/her perspective and it doesn’t matter. I know who I am, which really is what matters. Be careful about letting word jabs hurt you or your joy. Always remember that names can never hurt you unless you let them. I no longer let them. I know if I do wrong or put out bad energy, it will surely come back to me. Meanwhile, my life continues to grow with delight!

When you own your right to not adopt what someone else thinks of you as true, you can guide your life down a path of YOUR choice!

Do your best to do the right thing and also understand that you and people around you may see things differently and that’s okay. Don’t let others rattle your path. Everyone has issues that push their buttons when they see or hear or read certain things. I still do. It’s important to remember that their issues aren’t yours. So I’ll continue to write my blog as I choose and people can read or not read it as they choose. Getting upset about someone else’s name calling ain’t worth the bad energy attached to it. Bless them with a good spirit and move on!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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