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Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Nice People CAN Finish First Archives

Ditch the Victim Mentality

A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill […]

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Standing Up for Yourself

You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop […]

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Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers

George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser who catered to others, with little reciprocation. […]

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Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”

This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in […]

Get Heard!


We’re often so proud of ourselves for making the effort to communicate that we don’t pay attention to our approach. Becoming aware of how we present our thoughts and ideas can get them across more clearly. Simply paying more attention […]

Get Good Customer Service

Do you complain about customer service people? If you were brought up to avoid causing problems, you may keep your mouth shut about bad service or defective products, and complain to friends. Reaching a person instead of an automated voice […]

Coping with Criticism

Criicism seems to be a natural part of life. There are many people who think they’re helping you by poining out that you’ve gained a few pounds, or you’re not doing a good job ast something, or your clohing doesn’t […]

You Can’t Buy Love

Love isn’t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I […]

Teaching People How to Treat You

I’m often asked why someone treats another friend with courtesy yet the same person treats him or her disrespectfully. Why? The other person’s behavior says they expect courtesy but their behavior allows disrespect. When you don’t stop someone from hurting […]

Autonomy vs. Dependency

Today I’m thrilled to have my friend Dr. Tina Tessina back as my guest. She’s  the author of 13 books including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page); How to Be a Couple and Still […]

Speak Up and Save Money

I recently went to find new sandals online. I know the brand I love and did a search for them. I found a site that gave me a window of a variety of shoes for the brand I wanted. At […]

What Does Your Face Tell Others?

Today my guest is Adam J. Scheiner, M.D., ian international Oculoplastic surgeon. Dr. Scheiner is world-renowned in laser eyelid and facial plastic surgery for his groundbreaking treatment for Festoons. He wrote the medical text on the condition and treated two complex […]

What You Think vs. What Others Think

  People pleasers often let others think for them. You may not realize you’re doing it. You might tell a friend that you want to see a certain movie and get told you won’t like it. When you hear that […]

Do You Refuse to See Your Truth?

Years ago I had a friend who had HUGE issues, but to him, everything was fine. His friends had given up on getting him into therapy. He insisted he could handle stuff himself. And he did, with lots of alcohol, […]

Say a Prayer on Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. It’s a day to remember who lost their lives while serving in the U.S. Armed Forces. I think it’s important to honor the memories of those brave folks who gave their lives to […]

Façades

I’ve learned that many people put on facades, when he/she is overcompensating for insecurity. Since I work with a lot of people, I get to see what’s behind the facades and how what they project isn’t who they are. People […]

Standing Tall for Confidence

In my recent post, Stand Tall, I talked about how confident I feel when I focus on having good posture. By standing straight, arching my shoulders and holding my head high, people have a very positive impression of me. Your […]

Get Rid of Your “Not Good Enoughs”

When I was a DoorMat, I let people walk all over me. I jumped to do favors for everyone. I agreed to do what other people wanted to do. Other people ran my life for me. All because I believed […]

Is It Time to Put Meat Back on the Menu?

Eating meat has gotten a bad rap in the past years. Yet then we hear about its benefits. It can get very confusing. That’s why I’m thrilled to have Michael Fenster, M.D., F.A.C.C., FSCA&I, PEMBA, as my guest today. He’s […]

9 Reasons Why Its’ Nice to Say “NO!”

Many people are scared to say “no because they were taught to be nice sand think it’s not nice to turn people down. Both women and men say they feel obligated to agree to requests. Yet they don’t like feeling […]

Do You Lie to Yourself?

You know it’s not good to lie yet often we lie to ourselves. That might sound ridiculous but we do. Some people may see it as deluding yourself but when you tell yourself something that you know isn’t true, it’s […]

Courage to Be You

I grew up hearing about what females are “supposed to do.” My friends and I pretended we were brides when I was young. It was a goal we all aspired to achieve. We played with our dolls to practice being […]

Stand Tall

I believe in the importance of having good posture. The good thing is it’s easy to fake! Standing up straight and tall is a good habit to create for many reasons. One is that it helps you to feel better […]

Question: Why Do Friends Judge What Makes Me Happy?

A reader, who I’ll call Sandy, wrote to say she was making progress with doing what she wanted but her friends and family continued too judge her choices. Sandy pared down her lifestyle so she could quit her good job […]

Keeping Your Emotions Out of your Finances

I talk a lot about how your emotions affect what you manifest. They can also affect how you handle your money. My guest today is Matthew T. Shafer, author of The Future of Your Wealth.  He’s a graduate of American […]

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely

Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. […]

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To

We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not doing something. Your words can keep you […]

Are You a Needy People Magnet?

Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did […]

Carry Self-Praise in Your Wallet

As you try to build self-love, you can forget how terrific you are. You are terrific! It can be helpful to carry a list of some of your assets around with you in your wallet, like you carry pictures of […]

Give Yourself Permission to Express Yourself

I encounter many people who share that they’re scared to express how they feel to friends, family, work colleagues, etc. Some don’t know why they’re scared. Not knowing what the results might be can cause the greatest fear. Fear of […]

Be the Boss of Your Own Life

Today my guest is, Lynda Chervil author of “Fool’s Return,”  a new novel that incorporates valuable life lessons in a page-turning tale that touches on technology, the green movement, and other aspects of contemporary society. She graduated from New York […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Trusting the Process

This is post 278 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

10 Tips for Getting Comfortable with Saying “NO!”

I was recently at a motivational event. The speaker asked people in the audience to share something special they’d done. One woman said she began to say “no” occasionally. Everyone applauded this feat. Women are known for being overly agreeable. […]

Imperfectly Pleasing

DoorMats go out of their way to please everyone, trying to be a perfect people pleaser. That’s what I did when I lived in DoorMatville. I was always trying to be the perfect little pleaser to insure that everyone would […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Have to Take the Good With the Bad.”

This is post 277 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Getting Heard

We’re often so proud of ourselves for making the effort to communicate that we don’t pay attention to our approach. Becoming aware of how you present your thoughts and ideas can get them across more clearly. Simply paying more attention […]

Who Have You Made God?

A woman recently told me with pride how after reading my book, All Men Are Jerks until Proven Otherwise, she was able to leave Jack, her boyfriend who she had put up on a pedestal as imperative to be with. […]

Do You Need Everyone to Like You?

I grew up believing it was important for everyone to like me. So did my friends. Did you? It’s a common belief, especially for girls. And wanting this is what turns us into DoorMats/people pleasers. When I was on Oprah, […]

Taking care of #1

When I was a DoorMat I eventually got tired of feeling like I was last in line to get my needs met so I ben to put my own needs first when people asked for favors.  Needless to say, it […]

“Could” vs. “Should”

Recently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.  At first she was excited but then she said she “should” stay […]

The Power of Silence

Do you feel uncomfortable  when you’re with someone and there’s silence? Many of us feel a need to fill the void that it seems like silence creates I used to be like that. When I was a DoorMat, before I […]

Keeping an Eye on Yourself

Self-awareness I crucial for making changes that can empower you. If you’re not aware of habits that hold you back, they’ll continue to hold you back. When you want to make changes, you need to assess what to change. That […]

Soothing Yourself

What do you do when you get anxious? Do you work yourself up and make yourself feel worse? Or are you loving to you? My guest today has a technique you can try. Tina Gilbertson is a psychotherapist in Portland, […]

Stopping Your Saboteurs

You try to improve your life and are determined to stick to your diet, exercise regularly, get your spending under control, stop smoking or break another habit. You get your act together and your determination is strong. Everything is going […]

People Pleasing Anger

DoorMats/people pleasers often have a lot of reasons to be that way, most based on circumstances they bring on themselves. Pleasing everyone is a choice, not an obligation. But it’s common to get angry about the repercussions from it , […]

Law of Attraction in Action: THE REASON for Good in Your Life

This is post 270 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  […]

31 Days of Self-Love 2014

Self-Love Month is over  but the love shouldn’t be!  it’s important to not forget the importance of giving yourself love as much as you can. If you haven’t already done do, I highly recommend you read my free book, How […]

Dreams Do Come True!: New Self-Love Video

It’s fun to dream, but not when you never see any results. It can get frustrating to want something you dream about and feel like it’s out of your reach. I’ve had many dreams that never materialized. Years ago, after […]

Do Unto Yourself as You Do for Others

Today is Day 28 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Most of us know the Golden Rule about how to treat others—Do unto […]

A True Self-Love Story

Today is Day 30 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I got this inspiring anecdote from Colleen Sheehy Orme, a freelance journalist.  I […]

Write a Best Friend Manifesto

Today is Day 25 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. It’s often advised that you should be your own best friend. It’s a […]

“I Love Me” Tip: Finish One Thing

Today is Day 18 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. We often have little chores that we put off doing and not doing […]

Making Peace with YOU

Today is Day 17 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. We hear about too many successful people who are dying from a drug […]

Is Falling in Love Always Good?

Today is Day 12 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Most people look forward to falling in love. But there are times when […]

“I Love Me” Tip: Say Kind, Reassuring Words to Yourself

Today is Day 8 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. It’s so easy to put ourselves down, I talked about in my post […]

Are You a Bully—to Yourself?

Today is Day 6 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. If anyone ever accused me of being a bully I’d immediately refute it. […]

“I Love Me” Tip: Use Heat or Cold to Soothe Yourself

Today is Day 3 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. You can feel better by changing the temperature of things you use. In […]

From Thinking I Was a Piece of Crap to Loving Me

Today is Day 2 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™ Someone had to drag me to a mirror and make me really look […]

Turn Regrets into Gratitude

Every decision you have made, for better or worse, has led to who you are today, hopefully a person who is wiser, stronger and more evolved than yesterday. ??It’s easy to feel ashamed of things you did years ago. We […]

Trade Resolutions for a Commitment to Yourself

Soon New Years’ resolutions will begin to be made. It can be fun to declare all of your wishes for the New Year. I used to enjoy the thrill of making make New Years resolutions every December. It was fun […]

Healing After Abuse

Sadly, there are many victims of abuse. And even if it stops, they’re is still victims unless they find a way to heal, which can be hard. Many of my clients who come to me for help in learning to […]

Giving Presents vs. Presence

This is a time of gift giving. I hear people stressing out over what to get for special people in their lives. And many end up working extra hours or a second job to make more money while their loved […]

9 Ways to Jumpstart Your Life

People seem to think that New Year can automatically bring change. We make resolutions like wishes with hope that the New Year wish fairy will make it happen. But then the year progresses and you’re disappointed that nothing good has […]

Be Nice Without Being a Pushover

I’ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue’s books for a while. That’s why I’m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:  How To Be Loving Instead of “Too Nice”, ( Hay House), available at […]

Deflecting Word Darts

Some folks can be mean, especially if they think you’re an easy target. People may say things to make you feel bad when they’re angry, or don’t like you, or are jealous, or, aren’t happy with their own lives. Their […]

Why Self-Absorption Isn’t Loving or Empowering

There’s a fine line between self-love/wanting to be an empowered person and self-absorption. It’s easy to get lost in new-found self-awareness and overcompensate with too much self-indulgence or act like no one else matters, which is unhealthy for friendship, whether […]

Why Anger Can Be Like as Teakettle

When the water in as teakettle boils, it whistles to let the steam out. When anger boils up in you, how does it get out? Often we hold anger inside, especially if we’re DoorMats and don’t want to start trouble. […]

Pride vs. Being Full of Yourself

Self-appreciation is a good quality.  It helps you build pride in yourself. I often recommend writing a list of all your good qualities and owning them to help build self-love. But self-appreciation and having strong pride doesn’t mean being full […]

Calming Those Feelings of Being Overwhelmed

We all go through those periods where it feels like life is dumping on you too much and you feel as if you’re drowning in things you need to do. It might even be good things, opportunities to advance your […]

Spend a Day Focused on Positives

How often do you complain about something or get a negative thought or get annoyed at something. Those can be like poison to your soul. Most people experience this every day, without realizing it. Yet subconsciously they bring you down. […]

Emotional Bondage

Some people thrive on drama. It almost feels like they create situations that feed negative emotions. I used to look for reasons to feel taken for granted or used when I was a DoorMat. For some reason I needed to […]

Start 2014 with a Commitment to YOU

Soon 2014 will be here. January can be a dreary month, depending on where you live. Yet most of us like the idea of starting the year on a positive note. That can be hard if your resolutions seem daunting […]

Describe Yourself

How would you describe yourself? Are you positive? Apologetic? Defensive about who you are? How you speak of yourself reflects self-image. If you speak in a less than positive manner, it’s harder to feel totally positive. Change your life by […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Faith vs. Hope

This is post 259 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in […]

Watching Out for Psychological Abuse

I had a client who was both physically and mentally abused. She was beaten from childhood by her father and then by her first husband, throughout her marriage. Her second husband verbally abused her for a few years but she […]

The 4 levels of DoorMat Emotions

Being a DoorMat is a conscious effort to gain approval or security. But unfortunately many of us don’t get those results when we do our best to please everyone. That’s why so many DoorMats are unhappy.  I was rarely happy […]

Affirming Boundaries

I know how hard it can be to say ‘No” after you’ve been a people pleaser for years and people expect an automatic “Yes” to favors from you. But it’s also exhilarating to say it and know that you’re off […]

“I Choose”

How many times have you said you wanted to do something but just didn’t do it. Maybe you really want to go to the gym a few times a week but never even get your sneakers out. Or you want […]

Breaking Procrastination Patterns

Procrastination is a habit that many of us have. I definitely do it! Yet it holds you back when you allow it to control what you do, or don’t do. I saw this video of Vik Nithy speaking at TEDxYouth  […]

Controlling Your Response

Often we respond to situations automatically and aren’t aware of things we do that might be unhealthy, especially with people you’re close to like a romantic partner, your mom, a best friend, close work colleague, etc.  After years of being […]

What Direction Does Your Give & Take Go In?

I’ve never liked one-way streets. When I’m trying to get somewhere, especially in an area I’m not familiar with, it’s frustrating to try to navigate streets that aren’t going in the direction I want to go in.. Anything going just […]

Prayers for the 9/11 Victims

I got up and as usual went to the kitchen to get some water. I flipped on the radio to get a weather forecast and someone was shouting that he just saw a plane go into the World Trade Center.  […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Don’t Need Anything”

This is post 250 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Spiritual vs. People Pleaser

Were you brought up with strong religious/ or spiritual values or developed some in more recent years. If you believe that it’s spiritual to try to be kind to everyone you can get baffled about how to handle feeling used […]

Retail Therapy = Emotional Shopping

Retail Therapy has become a popular term lately. It’s often said in a joking way that someone is going for retail therapy because they have a problem. But, shopping to make yourself feel better usually doesn’t make you feel better […]

Relying on Others

Some people interpret self-empowerment to mean being totally independent by taking care of yourself and your needs on your own—not relying on anyone; doing everything for yourself. When I first declared my independence from depending on people for my happiness, […]

Setting Priorities

My plate often feels overfilled. I hear this from many people. But I learned the hard way that trying to do it all leads to stress, low energy, other health issues and, you often get nothing done properly. Self-empowerment includes […]

Interview with Tao Porchon-Lynch—94 & Still Teaching Yoga!

As someone who believes that good role models can help us to improve our lives, when I learned about Tao Porchon-Lynch ™, who is a Master Yoga teacher, I had to interview her. That in itself might not sound inspirational […]

Can You? Will You?

Often we do believe that we can do something but do nothing. When my confidence was low, people encouraged me to do things but I didn’t. I knew I was capable but something held me back. Often fear keeps us […]

Needing to Do Everything Yourself

I’ve always been a multi-tasker. It was necessary years ago when I took on way too much because I had to do everything myself. DoorMats aren’t good at asking for help and I was totally uncomfortable with asking for anything. […]

Taming Your Inner Nasty

If you read my columns regularly, you know I encourage building self-love. Yet so many people who think they’re being loving to themselves still allow their inner critic to come out regularly. I still remember the days—painfully—when I found more […]

Stop Playing Small!

Do you play things smaller than you’re capable of to avoid making someone jealous or intimidated or any other reason? This means trying to minimize your accomplishments when you share what you’ve done.  We often do that to please other […]

I Do, Therefore I Am

Many times over the years I’ve heard, “You are what you eat.” It’s used in commercials for healthy eating and to discourage people from overeating fattening foods. And I often use Decartes quote, “I think, therefore I am” to encourage […]

Do You Want to Be Creative?

How creative are you? How creative would you like to be? Sometimes there’s a gap between the two.  In my post, You CAN Do What You Couldn’t, I tell how my kindergarten teacher made fun of my paintings and told […]

Is the Grass Really Greener Where You’re Not?

Do you look at people with envy? Do you think that others have it better than you? I feel like I hear people say all the time that they’re sure other people have better lives, better relationships, better jobs, etc. […]

How to Heal a Broken Heart and Let Love In

Have you ever had a broken heart? I have. And it doesn’t feel good. The energy from it can create a block that keeps you from loving finding more love. So I’m happy to have Bradley Nelson, D.C., one of […]

Getting Up After Being Knocked Down

It’s not uncommon to have life circumstances knock you down. So much is out of your control. The people who ran in the Boston Marathon, or came to watch it, didn’t expect a bomb to go off. People get knocked […]

Question: What Can I Do with a Friend Who’s Nice and Hurtful

A reader who I’ll refer to as P. wrote to ask why people think they can treat you nice one minute and then become hurtful. Her friend picks on her unfairly, calling her stupid and other names. She hurls insults […]

17 Ways to Empower Yourself

No one is born feeling self-empowered. Confidence is learned. EVERYONE has fears and insecurities. But, some create a confident façade. Attractive people at the top of their game share fears and self-loathing at my workshops or during counseling. Nobody feels […]

When You’re Not Sorry

I’ve had clients ask me if it’s okay to not say, “I’m sorry” when they’re not sorry, even if it’s expected. Perhaps you tell someone you can’t volunteer for something they want you for and the truth is you’re happy […]

Giving Yourself Space

Many of us think that not having activity going on around us is uncomfortable. We don’t know how to handle silence or having a little time with nothing specific to do. When I was a DoorMat, I couldn’t handle what […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Expecting Money

This is post 236 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Standing Up to Aggressive Types

Some people are used to bullying. And it’s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared […]

QUESTION: How Do I Set Boundaries with My Boss?

Shana wrote to ask me how to tell her boss not to call her regularly at night and on weekends. She said he can never find things and hounds her with questions that aren’t urgent. She’s tired of feeling like […]

Handling Someone Who Takes All the Credit

Whether at work or play, there are people who step up to the plate when praise is given, even if you were the key part of it and they rode your coattails. That can create bad felings if it’s done […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Determination

This is post 233 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Weeding Out People Who Don’t Earn Your Trust

I don’t take friendship lightly. I know lots of people, but choose to have few real friends. That’s because my high values for a true friend limit who I completely trust. Most people don’t qualify and that’s okay, because the […]

Are You A Doormat? Take the People Pleaser Quiz

Are you confused about whether or not you’re so much of a people pleaser that you’ve reached DoorMat level, or you’ve convinced yourself you’re just a nice person? Below is a quiz listing things you may do but don’t feel […]

Freeing Your Inner “No”

Most of us have a hard time saying “no”, at least sometimes.  Since most of want to seem like being a “nice” person, it’s often assumed that saying “no” to someone who needs you isn’t “nice.” But that’s not true! […]

Question: Why Don’t People Keep Their Word?

I hear it all the time. It’s a common complaint on a variety of levels. “Why can’t people keep their word?” People are stymied, frustrated, alarmed, disgusted, and generating many other negative emotions because someone they believed didn’t follow through […]

Removing The Rose Colored Glasses

How nice are you? Are you so nice that you have negative emotions toward people who don’t appreciate you the way you feel you should be appreciated? Do you really think that it’s nice to feel that way for being […]

Taking Charge of Your Wellness

I often say that taking good care of your health is a great act of self-love. That’s why I’m thrilled to have Dr. Fabrizio Mancini, an internationally acclaimed wellness leader, educator, bilingual speaker and authority on self-healing as my guest […]

Thoughts on Happiness

Yesterday I had a guest post from Marilyn Tam called Are You Truly Happy and Free?  Happiness is so important to strive for. We all want it but it can seem elusive. So today I have a video that I […]

Have You Chosen to Be Happy?

Most people would ideally like to be happy. Yet achieving it can seem elusive. Having been an unhappy DoorMat for many years I can attest to how wonderful it is to actually be consistently happy. That’s why I’m delighted to […]

Question: How Can I Ask for a Promotion at Work?

Question: Marissa wrote to say that she worked in a large company for a long time and sees the men advancing while she’s passed over for higher positions and more money. She’s very frustrated, and angry about it. She almost […]

Connecting with People Who Passed Away

I’ve always been fascinated by people who can see things in the future and communicate with people who’ve passed away. I admit to having some proven psychic abilities, though I don’t use them like I should. I was very skeptical […]

Be YOU

It might sound funny to say “Be you,” but, many people try to be someone they’re really not. Your parent may push you in a direction you don’t like but you want to be obedient so you go. The media […]

Self-Defense and Self-Love

Finding ways to protect yourself is an act of self love. Many years ago I took a series of self-defense classes and still remember the main moved I learned. It has truly help me feel more powerful. That’s why I’m […]

Remove Your Excuse Blinders

Many people live with blinders on to shut out any realities they don’t want to acknowledge. When you feel insecure, seeing people and situations for what they really are might force you to take action you don’t want to take. […]

When Knowledge is Power

I love the term, “Knowledge is power” and often use it in my music business books when I encourage musicians to learn as much as they can about  how the industry works. But there’s a caveat. If you have lots […]

“I’m Sorry”

I’ve often written about breaking the habit of saying ”I’m sorry” on autopilot. I used to say it whenever anything went wrong, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. I’d actually say “I’m sorry!” if someone bumped into me, […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Neediness

This is post 222 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Can You Forgive Your Body for Being Imperfect?

A big block to building self-love is being unhappy with your body. Too many people tell me they’ll work on self-love when they lose weight, buff up more, etc. But self-love includes loving your body exactly as it is. That […]

Empower Yourself

While Self-Love Month is over, I hope that you’ll continue to seek ways to love yourself. Self-love is the fuel for many positive things in your life. It fortifies you to build a happy life and to stand up to […]

Keep Self-Love Going Through 2013

Today is Day 31 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Today is the last day of Self-Love Month but it’s also the first […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Finding Fault with Others

Today is Day 29 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. This is post 221 in my series on the Law of Attraction in […]

Who Is Stopping You from the Life You Want?

Today is Day 28 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. In my workshops and with clients, I often ask, “Who is stopping you […]

The Illusion of Perfection

Today is Day 25 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Many of us strive to be perfect because we compare yourselves to others. […]

“I Love Me” Tip: Take Yourself Out for Some Quiet Time

Today is Day 23 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Life can get hectic. Stress triggers are everywhere. A great way to say, […]

Do You Feel Defective?

Today is Day 20 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I’m delighted to have Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, M.Ed., as my guest today. […]

Why Self-Love Rules!

Today is Day 13 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I’m happy to have self-love ambassador Dina L Wilcox as my guest today. […]

“I Love Me!” Tip: Call a Friend Who Makes You Feel Good

Today is Day 12 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Some people can increase our angst. Others can soothe it. In this world […]

Putting Yourself into Your Schedule

Today is Day 12 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I’m happy to have self-love ambassador Caren Schmidt, a Holistic Health Coach, New […]

Self-Love in Action

Today is Day 10 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Today I have a special guest. Self-love ambassador Brenda Lidwell wrote to me […]

“I Can’t Do It”

Today is Day 7 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. A great way to show yourself love is to get comfortable saying those […]

Why Guilt Can Be the Best Revenge

Revenge is usually considered a negative quality. Getting even often hurts you because what goes around, comes back to you. Plus, it keeps you immersed in the negative energy of what the person did. Depending on the circumstances, the best […]

Turn Confrontation into Communication

When you get angry enough, it’s common to consider having a confrontation with the person who annoys you. It’s natural to want to tell the other person off, or emotionally blurt out how they made you feel. Don’t! Often when […]

How My Self-Love Began at a Mary Kay Cosmetics Party

Often we need a catalyst to wake up to feeling at least a teeny bit worthy of loving ourselves. When I was a DoorMat, my first shred of self-worth began when my neighbor had a Mary Kay cosmetics party. I […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Loneliness During the Holidays

This is post 216 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Being Nice vs. Being a Victim

People who consider themselves nice moan, “Why do people use me?” And groan, “Why me?” And whine, “I’ll never get what I want because_____.”  Fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” But this isn’t […]

Question: How Do I Handle My Boss’s Jealousy?

Jenna wrote: My boss recently got burned by her boyfriend and is very bitter toward men. I’m married to a wonderful guy and she knows it. She constantly snipes at me with comments that include a reference to my “perfect […]

Guidance vs. Trying to Control

Many people like to consider themselves helpful, and that can be a good thing. It feels good to help others when you can. But sometimes people mistake trying to control what someone else does as guidance, which it’s not. It’s […]

One–way Takers

Some folks have a distorted sense of entitlement. They might expect help to get a job in your company or your field and push you for contacts. Or they might feel entitled to get free services from your professional skills. […]

Stop Playing Defense with People

When I began to say “no” to people or changed my habits in my DoorMat days, I found myself having defend what I did. People were used to me one way—always agreeable—and some didn’t like the new more empowered Daylle. […]

Hope After Hurricane Sandy

I’m still reeling from hurricane Sandy. I live in NYC and could have never imagined something so catastrophic hitting my city and the areas around me. But it did! We don’t get hurricanes often in the NY area. And when […]

Find Your Own Voice

I encounter many people in a relationship who when asked, “What do you think about…?” use “we” instead of “I” in their answer. “We like this politician.” “We agree that taxes should be raised.” Often the “we” opinion belongs to […]

“Is That the Best You Can Do?”

I regularly find myself negotiating a money issue. As a freelancer, I negotiate what I’ll be paid to write an article or book. People have said they never have anything to negotiate, since they have a job with a fixed […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Hate

This is post 209 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Question: How Can I Stop My Manager’s Nastiness?

A reader I’ll call Rose wrote that her office manager, Ms. Nasty, doesn’t treat her with respect and sometimes gets downright nasty, making sarcastic personal comments about her appearance, calling her nicknames that are disrespectful and withholding info that she […]

Fixing Other People

Years ago I was teaching a workshop on building self-esteem and a woman kept interrupting me to ask about how to help her husband build his. I explained that since that’s an inside job, he’d have to do it himself. […]

Making a Commitment to Grow

When I was a DoorMat, I went in circles around what I wanted to do. Of course I wanted to leave DoorMatville, and vowed often to do it, but I stayed for years after. Every time someone pushed me too […]

Take Down Your Barriers

I often hear from people who come to me for counseling, and also from people in my travels, who are frustrated at not being able to do something they want. They usually have what they consider good reasons for why […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “It Doesn’t Matter How Bad It Looks!”

This is post 206 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. I hear […]

QUESTION: How Do I Stop Unwanted Advice?

Leila asked: “My cousin is always giving me advice that I disagree with, which feels more like telling me what I should do. It feels condescending in that she says it, like I’m doing something wrong and she needs to […]

Yes I Can!

Have you ever been asked if you can do something that you’d love to do, but, you don’t feel ready or aren’t sure how you’d accomplish it? Or it’s the last minute and you don’t feel you have enough time […]

Creating a Life that Flourishes

Do you feel blocked from achieving your full potential? Are you tired of not being able to break through from a trauma that happened earlier in your life? Samuel P. “Pat” Black III (Pat Black), founder of visionary businesses and […]

Where Do You Belong?

People tend to fall into patterns and make life decisions based on what they’ve been guided to do. Sometimes they were kind of programmed to go in a certain direction. Many women are taught young that their biggest goal as […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Don’t Know If I Can Do It”

I’m thrilled and proud to announce that this is post number 200 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. I never thought this series would go so far! It’s a joy to show how you CAN use […]

Productive Envy

Envy is considered a negative quality. It can be accompanied by thoughts of wishing someone would fall down or make you not like the person, even if it’s a friend or family member. It can also trigger negative “compliments” such […]

The Healing Power of Forgiving

There’s a lot said about forgiving others when they do something you don’t like, or that hurts you or that’s downright wrong. Yet it’s still so hard for people to forgive someone who did them wrong. What’s hard to understand […]

Owning Your Greatness

I’m delighted to have Brad Yates as my guest today. I’ve posted several of his Tapping (EFT—Emotional Freedom Technique) videos that he has on YouTube. While we’ve never met, I feel like he’s my friend as I watch his videos […]

Question: Should I Loan My Best Friend Money?

Today I’ll answer a question sent in by Joan, a reader: Joan’s best friend’s husband lost his job and they’re struggling. She asked Joan for a loan to help them out. It’s a lot of money for Joan to lend. […]

Learn More from Olympians

Last week I had a post called Lessons from the US Olympics Gymnastics Team, with how each of the Fab 5’s behavior taught something special. But there was an overall message among many Olympic athletes that can make a big […]

Can You Marry Yourself?

As a big proponent of building self-love, I was fascinated by Sara Sharpe, who married herself. At first I thought it was weird but now I understand it was a pledge to love and honor herself. She explains it in […]

“Do You Have Minute?”

I just got a call from someone at a charity I’ve donated to in the past. I was working. Busy. Not happy to be interrupted. Grrr…. She asked, “Do you have a minute.” I wanted to get sarcastic and say […]

Question: How Do I Set Boundaries on Buying What My Neighbor Sells?

Isabel wrote that she had a dilemma. Her neighbor seemed to always be selling something. She has four kids and it often feels like at least one is selling candy or cookies to raise money for school projects or the […]

Stop Expecting the Worst

We all do it at least sometimes—going to a negative place while waiting for something you want to happen if you don’t get good news immediately. You may be waiting for a call from a friend who you just reconnected […]

Rewriting Trauma

Many of us have trauma in our history. It can be hard to overcome if whatever caused it went on for a long time. But it can be dealt with, and healed if your recognize it and choose to move […]

Let your Passions Take Gymnastics

How rigid are you? I have a friend who has what I call a cookie cutter life. Karen was raised to be a traditional sort of woman and became teacher because she was told it’s a good profession for women. […]

You Can Always Get Up

I’ve seen Nick Vujicic on TV and heard his story but it never ceases to astound me how a man born with no arms or legs can be an inspiration for people who feel they can’t go on. Nick is […]

Make Friends with YOU

How would you feel if a friend called you fat for having ice cream? It would ruin your pleasure. What if she called you stupid for making a mistake? You’d feel angry and hurt and think she should be kinder. […]

Get Serious Enough to Get Results

I just bumped into a neighbor who is always complaining she can’t walk far because her knees get stiff. About two months ago she told me how miserable she was having to limit her mobility. I felt so sorry for […]

The Benefits of Being Happy

People tend to look for ways to feel happy, but they’re often fleeting. Often we’re so busy trying find happiness we don’t recognize it when you have it. Happiness isn’t something you build by buying stuff or adding more bells […]

10 Erroneous Beliefs About Being a Nice Person

A desire to be nice drives many of us to be people pleasers. It can be hard to know where true nice ends and being a DoorMat begins. Many people have great misconceptions of what nice behavior is or they […]

Getting Past Negative Experiences

We all have setbacks and disappointments and even traumatic experiences—your promotion at work may be stalled or your job is eliminated, your relationship ends, someone close to you passes away, you have an accident, your child gets into trouble, etc. […]

Celebrate Other People

I often encourage you to celebrate yourself and all you do. But it’s also nice to celebrate the people in your life that you care about. Most people are insecure in some way, no matter how confident they come across. […]

Don’t Give Up Your Power for Anger

I was in a good mood when my friend called to tell me she couldn’t make it to a concert we were supposed to attend that night. Her excuse wasn’t good in my book—a guy she liked asked her to […]

Law of Attraction in Action: No Matter What

This is post 183 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Minimizing Actions of Unimportant People

Have you ever had a waiter who was impossible to deal with, but you had to? Maybe he got your order wrong and had a snotty attitude. Someone like that can trigger you to leave the restaurant in a bad […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Start Your Day with Positive Intentions

This is post 181 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Being in the Vortex

This is post 180 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Get an Attitude of Happiness

I’m a happy person—a very happy person! People say they envy me as they try to figure out what I have that they don’t so maybe they can buy it too! Happiness is one of those feelings that’s hard to […]

Stop Living on the Defensive

Do you fight urges to snack or overeat? Do you get crazy when things go wrong that you weren’t expecting? Then you’re on the defensive, trying to fight urges or shore up problems. I’ve found that the best way to […]

Staying Grounded in Your Awesomeness

I’m happy to have Beauty Activist and Celebrity Red Carpet Makeup Artist Kenetia Lee as my guest today She is a leading authority on beauty empowerment. Her goal is to inspire women everywhere to express themselves authentically without fear. Are […]

Question: How Do I Protect My Time

A reader, who I’ll call Mary, wrote asking how to handle a situation with the mom of her son’s 6-year old friend, who I’ll call Beth, Beth doesn’t understand and respect that working from home still means working. She expects […]

“Why Do People Do This or That?”

Have you ever asked something like, “How could she behave like that?” Or “Why would he do that to me?” We often question behavior that we deem as unacceptable, often something that hurts us. But people don’t just decide to […]

Can You Give Thanks for a Whole Day?

A while ago I read about someone who consciously said “thanks” for everything he experienced for an entire day. I thought that was a great idea and decided to do it. I didn’t remember my goal for a few hours […]

Question: How Can I Stop Lending Money?

A reader asked how she can stop loaning money to family. They rarely pay her back and always have a rationale about why she needs to help them out. They don’t help her. Yet they act like it’s her responsibility […]

31 Days of Self-Love 2012

Self-Love Month is over but the love shouldn’t be!  it’s important to not forget the importance of giving yourself love as much as you can. If you haven’t already done do, I highly recommend you read my free book, How […]

Favor vs. Obligation

Today is Day 16 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love. We often confuse doing someone a favor with feeling an obligation to do something for someone. DoorMats see […]

“I Love Me” Tip: Do Something Useless But Fun

Today is Day 7 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love. We can get very practical in our decisions when we’re busy and these days who isn’t busy? In […]

Changing Your Thoughts to Build Self-Love

Today is Day 6 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love. I’ve said before that my whole life changed when I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise […]

Giving and Taking

Joe Scott, and entrepreneur who started with a truck and a tool box to become a successful contractor and real estate developer. He believes that life would be a lot easier if people recognized there are really only three kinds […]

Thank You Notes

I met a young woman at an event recenly. We chatted for a little while. I told her some of how I managed to reinvent myself and listened to her story about how she’s trying to find her way. I […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Louise Hay and Manifesting

This is post 162 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in […]

Richard Simmons & the Power of Self-Love—Part 1

Recently I saw Richard Simmons on several TV talk shows. I’ve always thought of him as a fun guy with lots of hair in little shorts and HUGE enthusiasm about leading and encouraging people to exercise and live a healthy […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Don’t Ask for What You Want

This is post 160 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in […]

Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

Most people want to be safe and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, when you box yourself and  your life in too tight, you lose out on the best fun, opportunities, and other stuff that adds delicious spice to life […]

How Sound Affects Your Life

I’m delighted to have Don Campbell, bestselling author of The Mozart Effect®, and Alex Doman, an expert in the practical application of sound and listening as my guests today. Their new book, Healing at the Speed of Sound: How What […]

Putting Criticism into Perspective

No matter what you do, it seems like there’s always someone ready to find fault. Whether it’s a colleague, parent, friend, romantic partner, neighbor or boss, it’s not unusual to experience someone who thinks you could have: •    Done it […]

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »

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