Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Ditch the Victim Mentality

victimA common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make you one. You volunteer.

Do you speak in a “ woe is me” tone? Do you blames everyone for being unhappy? Build some exuberance for life so you can get rid of feeling like a victiom. Being happy can temper feeling like a victim! Pay attention to your thoughts and making happier friends, I’m slowly climbing out of the black hole I’ve been in. As I accept that playing victim is my choice and take charge of my life, the sun shines on me more. There are symptoms of bring a victim you can watch out for:

•    People Pleasers suffer like pros and complain about who did them wrong. But you get no points for suffering. None! Nada! Listen carefully. It’s YOUR choice to accept behavior, or change it. If you’re taught that confronting its source isn’t nice, you suffer. This is poison! You deserve happiness! Asking “why me?” when life isn’t good reinforces victimhood. Focus your energy on how to change situations.
When you’ve been through some really tough life experiences, don’t give up. Trust that you’ll find other solutions! Don’t b eafraid of not knowing how to find out. There is something good in everything.Look for the good! Try to
•    List what makes you valuable. You have great qualities! Identify them.
•    Do you accept suffering as punishment for not “being good enough?” That destroys self-esteem! In my DoorMat days, I nurtured suffering as a lifestyle. Now it’s banned! Choose—adopt a victim mentality or change your response. My clientMadison believed she deserved to suffer for being overweight. Feeling like a loser, she blamed it for all problems. After several sessions, she smiled more:

•    Victimhood is programmed. Madison’s mom called he rfat. When she actually thought about why she felt like a victim, it was a no-brainer that she didn’t have to be one. She slowly did consciousness exercises to appreciate hery good attributes and affirmations about not being a victim. She haen’t completely stopped but she’s happilyon her way!

•   Victims give others power over them. “He makes me feel unattractive.” It’s your choice to feel unattractive! Your response determines whether you’re a victim of hurtful words or a powerful person I know it’s hard to begin. But deciding to ditch the victim role and stand up for YOU attracts better treatment and increases self-respect.

My client Lacy did more work than anyone in her office but earned less. She handled everyone’s problems while they got the credit and more money. She liked my job and kept quiet. A new manager noticed how hard sheworked, asked why she hadn’t been promoted and encouraged me to recognize her worth. I told her to list everything she did, and nicely, with confidence, told her boss, that she deserved a promotion. After reading her lists over and over, she felt it! He agreed. Now I’m office manager. No more victim!

•    People can’t consistently do negative things unless you let them.   Relinquish self-pity and change your situation! Why stay a victim? Taking a stand makes people less likely to take advantage. YOU control how folks treat you and she sdtopped it. Complaining is a cop-out. Nobody uses someone who won’t allow it.
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.



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