Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


What You Think vs. What Others Think

heads  People pleasers often let others think for them. You may not realize you’re doing it. You might tell a friend that you want to see a certain movie and get told you won’t like it. When you hear that all your enthusiasm for seeing the movie vanishes .Or you may get dressed and put effort into it and someone tells you that you look like you’ve gained weight or your shirt isn’t a good color for you and all the confidence you felt goes down the tubes.

Often we worry more about what other people will think more than we give value to what we think of ourselves.in my DoorMat days I’d get ready for a date and like what I saw in the mirror but not feel good about my appearance until the guy told me I looked good. When you’re insecure you can make what others think much more important than what you think. But that’s not fair to you!

Self-empowerment includes giving yourself credit for having good sense and trusting you can come to your own conclusions. Often, people don’t notice what you worry about. Isabella came to me for counseling to help her make decisions She was so worried about what other people would think that she was stressed all the time. She had a very critical roommate and tried to fix what Lea told her was wrong with her.

I advised Isabella to think for herself for one day. She was very excited at our next session. On the day she chose to think for herself Lea told her to go back and change into pants as she didn’t look good in her skirt. Isabella took a deep breath and left for work in the skirt. She waited for people to criticize her but no one did. And as she was leaving, a co-worker she barely knew told her she liked her skirt!

Ethel Barrett said,  “We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.”

Most people aren’t out to judge you. Isabella was amazed that no one said something negative about her skirt. She told Lea to please stop her criticism as she would no longer listen to it. From then on Isabella began to trust what she thought.

What you think is most important for you! Once you accept that it’s easier to put what you think out to others. As Isabella gave her thoughts more value, she began to share them , which she was always scared to do before, since she thought people would judge her poorly. She gave her boss more input, which she’d never have done when she worried about what people would think. It led to her getting a promotion because her boss liked her opinions.

Speaking up can be hard but when you accept what you think it helps you do so. That gives you a great sense of self-empowerment!
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