Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Teaching People How to Treat You

via Morguefile

via Morguefile

I’m often asked why someone treats another friend with courtesy yet the same person treats him or her disrespectfully. Why? The other person’s behavior says they expect courtesy but their behavior allows disrespect.

When you don’t stop someone from hurting you with insults or disrespectful behavior, they will keep doing it and think it’s OK. When you always agree to do what people want, you teach them to keep asking and expecting to get e=what they want.

If someone you care about doesn’t treat you properly, it’s up to you to teach him or her. You can use:

* Words: Choose a peaceful time and nicely let the person know what you expetc and refuse to tolerrate.

*Actions: Walk away or hang up the phone if the person speaks to you disrespectfully.

* Opinions: If someone tells you where you’re going to eat, express your preference up front.

* Change your normal response: If you usually laugh poor behavior off, stop doing so. Say, “Not funny.” Or “I’ve had enough.” Or give the person a look that shows displeasure. Take a stand – Let the person know firmly that his or her behavior is unacceptable and you will not accept it any more.

Unless you enjoy being treated poorly, it’s up to you to stop behavior you don’t like by teaching people the right way. If your romantic partner nags a lot, or acts controlling. Sit him or her down, and spell out that you won’t tolerate it any more. He/she may throw the blame on you, that if you didn’t_____, he/she wouldn’t_____. Find a compromise—you both stop the behavior that the other doesn’t like. But always remember, it’s up to you to teach someone how to treat you.lg People How to Treat You I’m often asked why someone treats another friend with courtesy yet the same person treats him or her disrespectfully. Why? The other person’s behavior says they expect courtesy but their behavior allows disrespect. When you don’t stop someone from hurting you with insults they will keep doing it and think it’s OK. When you always agree to do what people want you teach them to keep asking and expecting to get e=what they want. If someone you care about doesn’t treat you properly, it’s up to you to teach him or her. You can use:
* Words: choose a peaceful time and nicely let the person know what you expect.

* Actions: Walk away or hang up the phone if the person speaks to you disrespectfully.

* Opinions: If someone tells you where you’re going to eat, express your preference up front.

* Change your normal response: If you usually laugh poor behavior off, stop doing so. Say, “Not funny.” Or “I’ve had enough.” Or give the person a look that shows displeasure. Take a stand – Let the person know firmly that his or her behavior is unacceptable and you will not accept it any more.

Unless you enjoy being treated poorly, it’s up to you to stop behavior you don’t like by teaching people the right way.

If your romantic partner nags a lot, or acts controlling. Sit him or her down, and spell out that you won’t tolerate it any more. He/she may throw the blame on you, that if you didn’t_____, he/she wouldn’t_____. Find a compromise—you both stop the behavior that the other doesn’t like. But always remember, it’s up to you to teach someone how to treat you.l

Do the same kinds of things with family and friends. NO ONE has the right to treat you poorly! But it’s up to you to teach people what you consider appropriate behavior.

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  • Lisa Magoch Johnson

    What about inviting people to a party and they each come up with an excuse? Someone said I’ll attract real friends when I stop thinking poorly of myself. I spent two years thinking well of myself and didn’t relapse my thinking until I threw a party and no one wanted to both coming to it.

  • Lisa Magoch Johnson

    Irony, btw! I have my music playlist on Random. I didn’t see the footer until I was done with my comment. How funny that it’s the same song you list. :)

  • Guest

    Party Poopers: I would appreciate advice on what to do when I invite people to my party and most of them either:
    1) take forever to answer, 2) leave me hanging with a “maybe” (and not because of unpredictable work, family, or health obligations) which often isn’t clarified unless I call them back at least once, 3) say they’ll come but cancel at the last minute because of something that came up (NOT an unpredictable work, family or health situation, but another event or friend) 4) say they’ll come but are way late, and not because of work or traffic, 5) say they’ll come but just… don’t show up! 6) Come without telling me they would and bring several extra guests with no advance notice, leaving me scrambling to get enough food (this last one is the rarest).

    Often, even just before the party, I have no idea whether I’ll get X number of people, or half that many. Simply cutting them all loose right now isn’t an option because I need to get to know more people before I have that luxury.

    What is a polite, but firm, way to stand up for my right to expect them to honor their commitments they have made to me? And if they don’t change, how do I best prioritize cutting loose the worst offenders? Do I tell them I have cut them loose, or why I have? Or, is there something I need to do to make my parties more appealing?

    BTW I am in my 40s, many of the people who have come have really enjoyed my parties, they are little-or-no-alcohol events, and my party invitees have some intelligence/thoughtfulness; they are not flighty teens. So, why do some of them seem to act that way about their social commitments, at least with me?

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