Lessons from a Recovering Doormat



A woman recently told me with pride how after reading my book, All Men Are Jerks until Proven Otherwise, she was able to leave Jack, her boyfriend who she had put up on a pedestal as imperative to be with. She explained with embarrassment that she treated him like the God of her life. His desires ruled her and he dictated her behavior for a year. Zoë didn’t think she could live without Jack and worshipped him like a God. Meanwhile Jack walked all over her, taking advantage of being her God.

Jack thought it was OK to pick Zoë’s appearance apart. She’d jump and try to change whatever he didn’t like. Each critique tore her self-esteem down a notch or two. Once Zoë left the relationship she was relieved to be free of Jack as her God and turned to the real God for spiritual guidance. She vowed not to make anyone else that important and began too build herself back up with self-love.

When I was a DoorMat I made certain people in my life VERY important to my happiness. Hearing Zoë made me realize that I gave them God-like power over me. I was scared of losing them and I jumped to do their bidding, since my need for their approval and presence in my life was crucial to me.  This is common for people pleasers. Often you might make a romantic partner your God, who you look to for what to do, how to look and to behave. Or it could be your boss who you hold in God-like regard, like they know more than you or seem omnipotent because of the job they do.

Or an older relative may be someone whose love you think you need and you’ve seen him or her in a God-like aura since childhood. Or you may have a friend who has the qualities you yearn for and you need to spend time with him/her, so they become anointed as God. Of course none of this is healthy for your soul. While I do believe that God is in all of us, don’t worship anyone in your life as a God. That reinforces your being a DoorMat to them.

In my DoorMat days I had one of the kinds of friends who make you wonder “Why would someone like her wantt o friends with someone like me.” Lana was beautiful and came from a rich family. She wore gorgeous clothes and people flocked to her which I enjoyed being part of. I looked to her like a Goddess and worshipped her, doing everything I could to keep her happy. When she moved away I realized what a burden her friendship had been.

Make yourself the most important person in your life. Since God is in you, you can have Him with you all the time. When you look to someone as your God you give them power over your life that hurts you. Look inside yourself and find God. As your faith gets stronger and you begin to love yourself, you’ll be less likely to turn someone into a God who dominates your life.

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

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