Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

doormatWhen I was a DoorMat I eventually got tired of feeling like I was last in line to get my needs met so I ben to put my own needs first when people asked for favors.  Needless to say, it wasn’t well received, and I got accused of having PMS, and being a b*tch, jerk, selfish, among others.  But I knew I was none of those names and kept on going!  I began setting my own standards of what was acceptable and unacceptable.

We must be conscious not to go in the other direction. Sometimes when we finally decide to stop being a DoorMat, our anger at the way we’ve been treated in the past makes us actually act like real b*tches and jerks. I went that route for a while, not being nice to anyone I got more but people didn’t like me. More importantly, I didn’t like me. So I learned methods for being nice while still taking care of me. Save your energy for positives.

You can still be nice and get your needs met.  I’m very nice, but only to those who deserve it. I treat everyone with respect, but only people who earn my favors get them. Be selective when responding to each person individually. When asked for something, I ask myself:

•    “Is this right /convenient for me?
•    Does she deserve it?
•    Do I want to go out of my way fort him?
•    Do I want togive up my time?

If the answer is “no,” choose not to do it.  You owe nobody explanations. A simple “it’s not convenient for me,” or “I can’t do it” is sufficient. But be flexible when it’s not inconvenient.  If you’re going out and asked for a lift, if it’s on your way there’s no harm in saying, “yes.”  But drop them along your route instead of at their precise destination.

Be positive in your approach to life.  I truly believe with all my heart that we attract what we give out.  A negative attitude will attract negative people. Avoid being with negative people.  Positive vibes fulfill our joys so much more.

The way you treat yourself reflects on the way others see and treat you.  People treat you as you allow them to.  If you act like a DoorMat, people will treat you as one.  By respecting yourself and expecting to be treated well, people will see it in your attitude.  Be good to yourself and others will follow your lead! Set boundaries and folks will stop turning to you for their needs and the invisible ”Welcome” on your forehead goes away!
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

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