Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

smiles--yellow ballsI grew up believing it was important for everyone to like me. So did my friends. Did you? It’s a common belief, especially for girls. And wanting this is what turns us into DoorMats/people pleasers.

When I was on Oprah, most of her audience admitted to wanting everyone to like them. Person after stood up to admit to the lengths they went to, to be liked. They bought people expensive gifts they couldn’t afford, treated friends to dinner, jumped when asked for a favor—all in the name of needing everyone to like them. When I was a DoorMat I did that dance—trying to satisfy everyone’s needs at the sake of my own. It was exhausting and frustrating, since few reciprocated.

As I began to value myself, I recognized that I didn’t like everyone. And I didn’t want people to like me because of what I did for them, certainly not because I was their DoorMat. I was tired of having footprints on my face that represented disappointment about being let down, feeling unsupported, not getting any of my needs met, etc.

Does everyone really like YOU? When you’re a DoorMat, they like what you do for them, not you. Oprah’a audience acknowledged that being liked that way wasn’t satisfying. I was relieved when I recognized that. The idea of everyone having to like you is s myth. It’s impossible to get everyone to like you! Even good, kind people annoy someone. Accepting that helps you get a foot out of DoorMatville. Letting go of your need for everyone to like you fuels your journey to a more empowered place.

My final step was learning to love me. When you build self-love, the most important thing will be that you like you. Then you can focus on pleasing yourself, which feels so much better than trying to make folks like you for the favors and other stuff you do for them. Repeat this as a mantra:

“I don’t need everyone to like me. What’s important is that I like me!”


Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

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