Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


“Could” vs. “Should”

roadblockRecently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.  At first she was excited but then she said she “should” stay home and get her laundry done. There it was, the pleasure-buster word—“should”—the one that cancels out the choices we want to make. I told her she “could” stay home o do the laundry or she “could” go to the show and do laundry tomorrow. I could hear her smiling on the other end as she said, “Since you put it that way, I’ll join you.”

Thinking you “should” do something is often a roadblock to doing what you’d really like to do.  Most “shoulds” are things you’d rather not do:

•    I’d love to stay home from work on the holiday but I should go in since I’d get a lot done with no one there.”
•    ”I need a day for myself but should spend it with my mother.”
•    “I want to go to the beach for my vacation but should go where my husband wants to go.”
•    “I’d love to go out on this gorg4ous day but should stay home and do chores.”

Do you recognize yourself in any of these? “Should” is a self-imposed rule that we use to guilt ourselves out of doing something we’d like. That’s not loving! My friend was so happy that she went with me to the show and her laundry eventually go one too. When you change “should to “could” you give yourself a choice:

•    I’d love to stay home from work on the holiday but I could go in since I’d get a lot done with no one there.” You could also enjoy the day of you’re entitled to have. Ask yourself, which is more important, your work or a chance to get much needed rest or some pleasure?

•    ”I need a day for myself but could spend it with my mother.” Your mother may enjoy time with you but you deserve me time. Your mother will survive if you take the day for you.
•    “I want to go to the beach for my vacation but should go where my husband wants to go.” And you could let him know you’d like your preference. You count!

•    I’d love to go out on this gorgeous day but could stay home and do chores.” Do what you’d rather do. Life is meant to be enjoyed.

Think in terms of could so you give yourself a reasonable shot at doing what you’d prefer–guilt-free. Don’t be your own self-imposed roadblock! Love yourself enough to cut yourself slack.
*************

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.



Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.