Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Keeping an Eye on Yourself

eye w:tears-thumb-199x171-21949-thumb-240x240-21950.jpg eyeSelf-awareness I crucial for making changes that can empower you. If you’re not aware of habits that hold you back, they’ll continue to hold you back. When you want to make changes, you need to assess what to change. That takes self-awareness.


I call one of my techniques for self-awareness SOBO (Simulated Outer Body Observation).  This is where I ask you to sort of step outside yourself and observe as you interact with others. Very often you aren’t aware of how you come across.  If you want to change the way people treat you, you may have to change your behavior to cue them to a new attitude.  And how do you know what to work on if you ‘re not very aware of your responses to others?

SOBO involves your own consciousness raising.  It means paying attention to yourself in situations where you don’t feel you get the response you want.  Listen to yourself, and be honest about how you would respond to what you’re saying and how you’re saying it if you were the other person.  Are you complaining with a whine in your voice?  Do you have an attitude of superiority?  Are you apologetic?  Is your demeanor or tone of voice saying more than your words? See if you can spot cues in the other person which let you know at what point their attitude towards you goes in the wrong direction.
Also become aware of your body language.  Are you looking impatient, frustrated, or angry?  Are you positive or negative?  Are you coming across as confident or insecure?  These are things people pick up on and their response to you is often affected by them.


How often do you get emotional when you know you’re better off staying in control? What situations change your balance from being on top of things to letting your emotions affect your control?  Being able to pinpoint situations, etc. that set you off can help you avoid getting carried away.  When you see signs coming on, you can find alternate ways of dealing, before it’s too late.

When I used SOBO, I realized that I talked about things I didn’t like with a whine in my voice. When I first became conscious it I got nauseous.  How had I never noticed it before? I hated hearing it and knew I’d be put off if someone spoke to me like that. Since then I’ve worked on speaking up for myself in a firmer, more confident tone and what I say gets taken a lot more seriously.  You can learn a lot by observing yourself!


By becoming aware of what you do, you can see more clearly what works and what doesn’t.  We often take ourselves for granted.  We assume we’re conducting ourselves in the best way possible.  That’s not always the case.  When I first became conscious of a whine in my voice, I realized I spent much more of my efforts paying attention to what others say than to my own communication.  Remember, self-awareness is the first step towards self-improvement!

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

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