Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

LOVE MESometimes you have to make a choice between what’s best for someone else and what’s best for you. You may want to do what you see as ”the right” thing for someone even if it goes against what you’d like. People pleasers have an easier time putting themselves last, which hurts your self-love and happiness. When I was a DoorMat everyone came before me. I was determined to fulfill whatever someone needed, even if doing so wasn’t what I needed. But when you decide to let self-love rule your choices, you can allow yourself to come first in your choices. That will bring you so much more joy.

One of my clients, who I’ll call Denise, worked with Lena, a very kind older woman who had a lot of struggles in her life. Denise felt sorry for her and loaned her a spiritual book. Lena was helped by it and kept thanking Denise for loaning it to her. Denise told her she could keep it. Year later Lena passed away and her daughter stopped by her office. She said Lena had asked her to return the book. Denise cried as she thumbed through it and saw Lena’s notes on some of the pages. She felt so good knowing how much Lena got from the book. Having Len’s notes was special to her—a wonderful memory of someone she liked and missed.

As Denise shared her joy in having the book, she confessed that she was going to give it to Lena’s daughter. I asked why? She thought she might appreciate having it. I immediately countered that it might not mean much to the daughter but it meant a lot to Denise. Why choose the daughter over herself. Denise lit up, like I’d given her permission to keep the book. She agreed to do so. She learned a lesson that day—to choose herself in most cases.

It’s important to not go overboard about making others happy. I used to lend people books and other things and never get them back, even when I asked for them. Now I don’t jump to loan things and if I do, I write down the date and who I’m loaning it to. I ask when it will be returned and make it clear I’ll expect it back. Some people borrow and forget where they got it from. I had a book I loved and could never remember what happened to it. I felt bad because I wanted to read it again. Years later a friend who lives out of town emailed to ask if I wanted the book back. She’d had it for maybe 10 years. I said yes and she mailed it back. I refrained from asking why she thought it was OK to keep it for so long.

Now I make me happy. I still like making others happy. That’s good! But not at your expense. Think before you take action on a decision that’s not in your favor. Some people deserve it, some don’t. Make sure you feel good about what you do, and that it doesn’t come with a negative for you.

Always remember—you deserve your best!

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.


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