Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

skyEvery decision you have made, for better or worse, has led to who you are today, hopefully a person who is wiser, stronger and more evolved than yesterday. ??It’s easy to feel ashamed of things you did years ago. We all make mistakes and foolish choices. Or we hurt folks with our actions, even if we don’t mean to. Then we wallow in regret, guilt, shame, or carry anger at ourselves for things we wish we hadn’t done or that we didn’t do, poor choices or mistakes. It’s important to be grateful for what they taught you and let the regrets go.

For example, Kim came to me full of regrets about breaking up with her fiancé. She had liked that he treated her so well after being with several jerks. She enjoyed being loved by a good man yett eventually found herself bored with him. But after dating s lot of guys who didn’t treat her well, she regretted not staying with one who did.

As Kim lamented about what she let go of, I asked her to tell me what the relationship taught her about what she wanted in a man for a long term relationship. She immediately said she wanted someone who treated her well like the fiancé she left. And what else? As she looked back on why she ended the engagement, Kim reognizd she also wanted a guy who simulated her intellectually.

Kim was also able to identify more clearly what she didn’t want that attracted her to men who didn’t treat her well. She was grateful for that awareness when she met Brad, who she might not have had a first date with because his shyness put her off. Since she had been thinking about the qualities that were important to her, she recognized his kindness and when they went out loved their conversations. She married him!

Be grateful for all your experiences. Things that we regret guide us to where we want to be. ??Your regrets taught you and helped you get to your current situations. When I look back there are many things I wish I hadn’t done and things I regret not doing. But I can see how they shaped me into who I am today. I try to be a better person because of my regrets, or they’ve become blessings.

Look for the good in your regrets. What did they teach you? What do you do in better ways because of them? Holding on to regrets hurts you.  Finding reasons to be grateful for what happened takes the sting out of them. And gratitude feels so much better than regret.
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Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the first 31 days of 2014.” and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.

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