Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Dreen Virtue coverI’ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue’s books for a while. That’s why I’m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:  How To Be Loving Instead of “Too Nice”, ( Hay House), available at bookstores or online at

How to Be Nice and Loving,Without Being a Pushover
reprinted with permission
by Doreen Virtue

Earth Angels are nice because they’re very sensitive to how energies affect other people. They treat others as they’d wish to be treated, very much living by the Golden Rule.

Earth Angels see the best in others and expect the best in return. Oh, if only the world really worked that way!

The three-dimensional physical world is a product of the ego, so the ego prevails for the majority of people, who aren’t aware of the path of true happiness from living in the higher self.
Now, this doesn’t mean that Earth Angels need to lower their standards and try to fit into the lowest common denominator of rude or ego-based behavior. But it does require Earth Angels to be aware of ego energy when it shows up.

If you have been taken advantage of repeatedly for being a nice person, then please pay extra attention to this chapter.

The ego energy is all about “me” and “I”: What is in it for me? and What can I get out of this?
That’s why self-centered people are called egocentric or egotistical.

Therefore it’s important to take some time when you’re with someone to be very aware of how your body feels in that person’s presence. Your body is one of the most accurate divination tools on this physical planet. Your body is a crystal that resonates with energy vibrations.
So when you meet someone, rather than worrying, Does she like me? Am I good enough? and these sort of self-doubting questions, instead listen to what your body says. Notice:

*    Do I feel drained of energy when I’m around this person?
*    Does my stomach tighten with defensiveness, bracing myself against some danger?
*   Do I feel myself backing away from this person or wanting to leave her presence?
*    Is there a sense that I’m the only one giving in this relationship?
*    Does it feel like the other person is all about taking?
*    Does the other person joke or brag about how much she gets away with or takes advantage of others?
*    After being with this person, do I feel tired or depressed or anxious?

So when you encounter a person who’s ego-centered, you’ll feel a draining sensation in your body, because your energy is literally being drained. You’re also being scanned energetically by the egocentric person, who’s assessing what she can take from you.

What egocentric people want to take from you can vary. They may want simple things such as a listening ear or kind words. Most Earth Angels don’t feel taken advantage of for giving these things, unless it becomes a one-sided relationship where you’re the only one giving the compliments and doing the listening, and the other person never says anything nice to you, nor do they care enough to listen to you.

To find a person who isn’t egocentric, you’ll need to hold the intention of meeting other Earth Angels and givers . . . or those who have been working to develop self-awareness, and who have come to the realization that the path to true happiness is through balancing giving and receiving.
Relationships are synergistic. You can be as nice as an angel in heaven, but unless you’re with someone who honors and respects your niceness, you’ll tend to be taken advantage of by those who are egocentric.
If someone’s egocentric, don’t worry whether or not he or she likes you. Egocentric people are incapable of liking anyone, because their hearts are closed. They don’t even like themselves.
When you get a sense that someone’s a “taker,” pull back your energy and don’t try so hard. He or she is not worth your time as your friend, and you’ll end up “breaking up” anyway when you get tired of being taken advantage of. You have a limited amount of time here on Earth, and it’s best to spend it on someone who’ll appreciate being helped.

Egocentric people see help from others as threatening to their egos, because it means they’re “weak” if they accept it. They also see receiving help as “winning” in their endless game of taking as much as they can without giving anything in return.

When dealing with an egocentric person, it’s not about getting their approval through being nice. It’s impossible to get the approval of those who are only concerned about themselves. Instead, focus on being loving and respecting yourself.

With all assertive encounters, your goal isn’t to change the other person. Your intention is to be honest and authentic, and take good care of yourself and treat other people with respect.
Check out Doreen Virtue’s new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:  How To Be Loving Instead of “Too Nice”.

Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the first 31 days of 2014.” and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.


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