Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

mouthtalkingDo you want to have a positive persona and to feel positive? Listen to yourself. What attitude do you walk around with? It’s harder for people who often seem angry or who have a negative outlook to feel positive about themselves. Consciously listen to your words. Do you complain a lot? Expect the worst? We get back what we give out. Living on a negative tip—allowing people to bother you, hanging onto anger and being overly sensitive about what people say or do—keeps the better goodies from reaching us.

Pessimism dampens your spirit. I’ve made positive statements to encourage someone such as “I know you’ll be OK;” “You’ll pass the test;” “Everything will work out fine,” and gotten a wishy washy response such as “I guess so,” or “maybe.” It’s usually said with doubt that reflects in their demeanor. On a spiritual level, it says your faith isn’t strong. Try some optimistic words. Just say, “Thanks for your encouragement,” if that’s all you can muster.

Insecurity dilutes intentions if you use cop-outs like “I might” – “I’ll try” – “If I can” – “I hope to.” When I give a pep talk to someone who wants something badly, and enthusiastically say they’ll get it, these kinds of  words express doubt and fear, which undermines confidence. We get back what we put out. If you reflect doubt or fear, your chances of accomplishment get more doubtful. Saying, “I hope so,” indicates you’re thinking about potential failure.

We attract what we give out!!! Prepare for failure and receive! Or break old habits. Practice using “I can” or “I will” to state what you want. Over and over, even if you don’t quite believe it. It WILL get easier as you change your attitude and receive more. “I can” and “I will” set a positive expectation. Using them give you more control over outcomes. Saying them feels better than a doubtful, “I hope to” or “I should.” “Can” and will” show commitment. Confident words instill a stronger, clearer determination to succeed than words expressing wishful thinking. They rev you up and put you into a better mindset to reach goals. Replace all iffy, hopeful words with resolute ones! I hope my words have gotten through because this is a power tool.

Saying, “I’m sorry” infers doing something wrong, but it’s often used casually. Break that habit! Apologizing carte blanche is a subtle self-esteem buster that feeds guilt. Why say, “I’m sorry” if you did nothing wrong? I’ve banged people accidentally and they say, “I’m sorry” before I can. It’s an automatic response. But saying “I’m sorry” sends a subtle message of blame, which isn’t necessary makes you feel bad. Be selective and only apologize if you legitimately were wrong. Use other words for when you don’t. If you were right but feel bad, say a version of, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings but I had to do it.” Apologize for how your actions affected someone without acting like you did something wrong—an unnecessary way to bring yourself down.

Watch the attitude that your words convey. They set a tone for how people view you and affects your mood and demeanor. Cleaning up your words can make s big difference in how empowered you feel.
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