Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

handI know how hard it can be to say ‘No” after you’ve been a people pleaser for years and people expect an automatic “Yes” to favors from you. But it’s also exhilarating to say it and know that you’re off the hook for doing something you don’t want to do. Setting boundaries on how much of your time and energy you can give to others is a great way to say, “I love me.” When you agree to everyone’s requests, negative emotions may plague you.

·           Anger directed at yourself, at your inability to set boundaries and not get stuck doing things you don’t want to do

·           Resentment toward the person putting you on the spot, for expecting too much from you

·           Frustration about not having enough time for things you want to do

·           Self-loathing about feeling like a wimp for not setting boundaries

Any of the above will hurt your quality of life. That’s why it’s so important to set boundaries on what you do for others. But there is a discomfort that comes with it at the beginning and you’ll have to get past that if you want to remove the “welcome” from your forehead. The more you say “No”, the more people will get used to it. But of course that takes time. Until then, fortify yourself with affirmations that you can say to yourself to stay strong and resolute as your boundaries get set. Create your own or use one of mine:

·           “I’m entitled to say “no” when I want to.”
·           “I choose to feel uneasy for a while in order to make my life better with boundaries.”
·           “Other people say “no,” so why not me?”
·           “I deserve to choose how I help people.”
·           “People will accept my boundaries if I stay strong.”
·           “ Boundaries rock! And I’m setting some because I love myself  enough to choose MY happiness over someone else’s.”

Hang the ones that resonate or you up as a reminder that you need to do it. As you enjoy the extra time you have because you’re not running around like a favor bunny, you’ll be more motivated to reinforce your boundaries. Keep remembering that it’s okay to not be there for everyone. Are they always ther or you? As you slowly shed your people pleasing ways, you’ll begin to live as an empowered person. And I can attest that it’s a great feeling.
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Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.
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