Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Spiritual vs. People Pleaser

skyWere you brought up with strong religious/ or spiritual values or developed some in more recent years. If you believe that it’s spiritual to try to be kind to everyone you can get baffled about how to handle feeling used when it seems like people take advantage of your pleasing ways. I have a strong spiritual core and believed that God wanted me to please everyone. People often say they show God’s love by helping others. But, what about being good to you? Kind people need boundaries. When people say they like to be kind to everyone, they forget about themselves. Remember that YOU are part of everyone.


When religion teaches you to help others, it’s confusing if it hurts or you feel like being nice doesn’t make you feel good. Faithful people should help others AND themselves. You can only do your best and are entitled to take care of you! Helping others should feel good. But it doesn’t when you give and give and give and nobody reciprocates and you feel like you don’t get your needs met. You can be a good person and not help everyone who wants something from you. God wants YOU to be happy too and if too much giving thwarts that, then you need to curtail it.

Please absorb this: Spiritual does NOT mean being a DoorMat or sacrificing for everyone who wants something.  

People come to my workshops or for counseling and when I advise putting themselves first in their lives they argue that we’re supposed to be nice to everyone. I agree. It’s true we should be nice to everyone, but YOU are part of everyone! I try my best to treat others as I believe God wants me to, but keep ME in the picture. You’re entitled to protect yourself and be kind to you. Taking care of you first leaves more energy for others. Anger at people who don’t return kindness isn’t spiritual. Spiritual also isn’t being a charity for everyone.


I know that God wants ME included in being good to others. Don’t stop helping people! Find a balance for giving and for getting your needs met too. Now I LOVE to help when possible to be kind, not to score points or have it returned, but I’m nice to me too!

Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.
Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

  • Stephanie Sterner

    So true, Daylle! I’ve also found that being nice to people isn’t always the most spiritual choice. Letting people use you doesn’t help anyone to grow; sometimes a little “tough love” is needed.

    I’ve found that being respectful works better than being “kind” or “polite.” I believe that giving respect, and expecting to receive it in return, is not only the most spiritual choice, but the best foundation for our relationships.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    So true Stephanie!

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