Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Make a “Not To Do” List

I make a lot of “To Do” lists. They help to keep me on track for doing what I need to do. But recently, I thought about all the things that I did in my DoorMat days that I didn’t want to do. But because I was compelled to please everyone, I did them anyway. As I began to feel more empowered, I found that writing things down made them stick more. So I began to also make a “Not to Do” list—all the things I didn’t want to do any more.

A “Not to Do” list is a little different from a “To Do” list. The latter is usually specific things you need to remember or make time to do, like people to call, things to send by email, and other chores to take care of. A “Not to Do” list is a reminder to empower yourself so that you don’t get sucked into doing things that you don’t want to do or that meant you had to neglect yourself in order to make someone else happy—at your expense.

A “Not to Do” list can be very flexible. Some days you might be willing to do more than on others. This list is written proof that you’ve chosen not to do certain things. For example:

•    I won’t say “yes” to my neighbor asking me to drop her off and pick her up at the train when I’m busy since she’s capable of walking.
•    I will not change my plans to do favors for others, unless it’s someone I care about a lot.
•    I will not feel guilty about not calling my mother as often as she’d like as she expects too much from me.
•    I will not let my friend always pick the movie we go to see.
•    I won’t allow myself to be treated like a DoorMat!
•    I won’t loan people money anymore!

Keep your “Not to Do” list where you can see it every day. Read it and remind yourself about the things you’re giving up doing. Let it empower you to stop doing what doesn’t serve you well. Making a list like this can help you break people pleasing habits. Your “Not to Do” list is better than just vowing not to do something again and then weakening. Declaring it in writing helps it stick.

Every time you don’t do one of the things, put a check next to it. At the end of the week or month, see how many checks you have. You can have lots next to one thing. Of course there may be exceptions, like your sister is in a bind and needs a short term loan and you trust her or your neighbor breaks her leg and you feel sorry for her. But otherwise, do your best to stick to your “Not to Do” list until you get used to not doing those things. Keep making new lists as things come up. This can be a very empowering tool for you!
***************

Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



Previous Posts

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely
Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP! I’d g

posted 12:01:09pm Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A Wake Up Call
Can you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced classes, workshops and seminars on Access Consciousness® and a

posted 12:01:58pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst
This is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To
We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not

posted 12:01:08pm Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Are You a Needy People Magnet?
Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did when I was a DoorMat. These needy folks would bring me down with their dem

posted 12:01:49pm Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.