Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

It might sound funny to say “Be you,” but, many people try to be someone they’re really not. Your parent may push you in a direction you don’t like but you want to be obedient so you go. The media may tell you to not be happy until your body is perfect. A romantic partner may criticize things about you and you change to please him/her. But that’s not being authentic and usually doesn’t feel good when your persona is to please someone other than yourself.

When you try to make everyone happy, there will be at least some who aren’t pleased. YOU most likely. For many years of my early adulthood I tried to be a clone of my mom. She was a good person but very traditional and needed to please everyone. I followed in her footsteps. Her desire definitely was for me to be happy and she sincerely believed that would only be accomplished if I fit in and became a very traditional woman. I tried that route and while people were pleased with me, I wasn’t happy.

And I wanted to be happy! As I grew as a woman and began to love myself more, I let go of my DoorMat ways. Yet people tried to get me back into them. Every time I listened, I saw more and more how unhappy I was living in the shoes that others gave me. I wanted to be the ME of MY choice—not the person people pushed me to be. When my self-love became strong, I got my own pair of shoes and danced into a life I love, despite disapproval from others.

At first I felt like an intern of life since I’d never lived for myself. As my faith got as strong as my self-love, I began to try things I’d never done, without fear. I knew that God would be by my side if I asked. And ask I did! I began by becoming the first white female rapper when the kids I was teaching at the time dared me to rap. I did it just to prove they shouldn’t let stereotypes stop them but it began my journey. That led me to be one of the first women to start an independent record label. Each accomplishment motivated me to go for the next.

Yet I got a lot of slack when I started. I was a white teacher doing rap music and then running a record label. “Why can’t you just be normal Daylle?” I got asked a lot. I’d respond that this was my new normal. I got arguments, criticism, and advice I ignored. Sometimes my reply would be to ask, “Are you happy?” They’d be surprised by that and then stammer through an answer, because I doubt any were truly happy like me. It’s harder to be happy when you’re living with someone else’s expectations.

The more you’re true to yourself and your desires, the happier you are. The happier you are, the more self-love can grow. After all, isn’t it a gift for you to follow your heart instead of what people want for you? Being happy says, “I love me!” So think about who the real you is. What would you like to do differently? What are you doing for someone else or to please others? An important questions to ask yourself is:??”Do I want to be happy or to please others?”

You know the answer! Slowly make changes that please YOU.
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Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.

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