Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Trust Your Gut

Have you felt that something wasn’t quite right, but ignored it? Or pushed away doubt? Intuition warns and guides you, when you let it. But you must let it! The subconscious notices what your consciousness doesn’t. If something doesn’t feel right, pay attention. You’d listen to a good feeling. But if your gut suggests letting someone go or taking a stand, you might not. But problems don’t disappear. My client Zina learned:

I used to ignore uneasy feelings. One said to look for another job but I was too scared. Shortly after, my company downsized and I was let go. Shawna promised to hook me up at her company so I waited and didn’t apply elsewhere, even with a niggling warning not to trust her. Sure enough, Shawna bailed. Yet it took years until I paid attention to my gut. Now I treat gut feelings with respect. It’s saved me a lot more grief.

Intuition is most effective when you don’t analyze. Take gut reactions at face value. If it’s obvious, go with it. If you’re unsure, leave it. I had strong intuition during college but not after, when I began to analyze everything I felt. Now I think about my initial instinct only. If it’s unclear, I let it pass. Reading into situations with wishful thinking distorts intuition. You get a feeling, think about it, and interpret it. When it doesn’t pan out, you stop trusting your gut. If a hunch is unpleasant, like one about a guy – listen anyway!

Don’t go deeper and ask friends to help you interpret what your gut is telling you or to find the answer you wish for. Intuition works best with no thinking. Either it’s there or not. Once I stopped analyzing instincts, I was guided. Sometimes we keep asking friends until one tells us an interpretation we like. like Madison did:

I’d get a feeling and look for good. When Dan smiled, I got a funny feeling and thought my gut said he liked me. Most friends were skeptical but I kept asking until Erin agreed my gut said Dan was into me and encouraged me to go for him. I made my desire feel right, even though something niggled at me that he was just sending a signal that we’re friend.  So I made a move on Dan. Guess what? He does like me but he’s gay! My gut must have forgotten to use gaydar. Now I’m more careful about analyzing gut feelings and only act when it’s clear. My gut tried to warn me while my wishful think motivated me to interpret his feelings to what I wanted. Now I try to not analyze.

Dr. Joyce Brothers said, “Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.”

Practice listening to your gut. Intuition is an advantage for us, especially for women! If your head pushes you but your gut feels apprehension, be vigilant. When I’m not sure something is right for me, it usually isn’t. If your gut screams yes, determine if it’s wishful thinking or intuition. If you really KNOW, then go with it. Intuition isn’t some magical feeling. It’s a subtle instinct. The more you love yourself, the more you’ll want to use it. The more you use it, the more you learn to discern the right path.
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