Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Where Do You Belong?

People tend to fall into patterns and make life decisions based on what they’ve been guided to do. Sometimes they were kind of programmed to go in a certain direction. Many women are taught young that their biggest goal as adults should be to find a husband, get married and have kids. A job is like an extra component. If everyone in your family is in a medical field, chances are you’ll be expected to follow suit.

We’re often guided or gently nudged into a direction by parents, teachers, and even the media about where we should belong and carry what they teach us around like baggage.


Sometimes it’s so subtle you don’t even realize it till you find yourself unhappy and feeling helpless about how to switch your course. I began adulthood as a DoorMat and did what I was told. After being with the same guy through college, our parents joined forces to convince us we should get married. I was just twenty years old and felt like I hadn’t lived as an adult yet. I wanted to explore life on my terms and see what I wanted to do for a career. But since I hadn’t found my voice yet, I succumbed to pressure, got married, and became a teacher like my husband, which I never wanted to be.

Trapped! That’s how I saw myself back then. Since I’d always been told what I was supposed to do, I didn’t know how to find a path I’d be happy on. So I stayed a teacher and housewife for years, worrying about everyone’s needs but my own. A friend suggested I try to figure out what I wanted out of life but I had no idea where to look or how to know what to do that would feel good. It was scary to think about going against the grain. What would people think?


A big question we often have is: Where do I belong??

When you don’t think for, or about yourself, it’s hard to know where you belong. When I was a DoorMat, my whole life was about who I was to others. I felt like I only belonged where others put me, helping them out and being there for them. I had no “Daylle place.” I never had ME time. That wasn’t on my agenda when I lived to please others. So I felt lost most of the time. People pleasers often feel lost when they don’t feel like they fit into themselves.

Now that I love myself completely, I belong to me and my place on this earth is of my choosing—whatever makes me happy. Until you belong to yourself, and love yourself enough to own that honor, it’s hard to find where you belong in the world. When you belong to you, you make decisions based on what you’d like, not what others would like from you. So when you choose to belong in a direction that’s satisfying to YOU, not to people you please, you’ll find out where you belong.


I belong where my heart feels good. You belong where you feel good. I remember loving the line from the old Metallica song, “Where I lay my head is home.” I equate feeling like I’m home to being where I belong. I belong behind a computer, writing. I belong in the park, running. I belong in any place that makes me happy, any place that feels peaceful and satisfying. I no longer belong in DoorMatville! That need is way over! Pack up the old baggage of where others think you belong and get rid of it so you can find out where home is to you!

So, where do you belong? Please share in the comment section below.

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE.

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  • Vanessa Sibley

    Wow! Very appropriate for me and enlightening.

  • Sarah

    !!! I Sarah Post This Testimony Coz My Husband Is Back Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

    My name is Sarah am from Texas, am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for a good Samaritan who can help,doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 26hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text,the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can’t afford to loose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also ok with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cluaralle. Since then I was confuse don’t no what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this email ( that I should tell her all my problem that she can help that was how i contacted her and I do as instructed. After 3days and I have done what she ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle she also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted her am now 3months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man, if you are any kind of problem you can contact him here on his email ( website address:,.

  • Alex

    Well my main problem is that, yea i sometimes think about myself but i cant figure out where i should belong! It’s not that easy.Even when i meet my new made friends i feel like i’m stranger and it’s not the place where i should be, it’s like they can’t understand me at all.Maybe the problem is in me but i really don’t know… Sometimes i feel like i lost connecting with everyone, even with my closest friends.It makes me feel frustrated for some reason.

    Since then i’m trying to find a proper place for myself. I’m trying to apply to International Universities and study abroad, see the world and perhaps to find out who i really am.

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