Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Stuff happens. Life can be going well and then boof! A glitch appears. It could be something simple like getting a run in your stocking at work or hearing a weird noise from your car. It’s common to go to refrains of “Why me? Why now?” I used to let anything that went wrong or that didn’t go the way I’d planned to get me down. The feelings weighed on me like lead. It was hard to recognize that my response made everything worse.

In my DoorMat days feeling down seemed normal–what I deserved!. I didn’t seek to bring myself up the way I do now. When you’re not happy with your life and you don’t love yourself, it’s easier to sink into a negative place when something doesn’t go right. Building strong self-love gave me more armor to fight off the down moods. I realized how lousy it felt and preferred to feel good. Even when things go wrong, you can stay in a positive place.

Do you like to feel down? I sure don’t and I imagine you don’t either. Yet we CHOOSE to take ourselves to a place of feeling down when things go wrong.

Now that I love me, I watch out for triggers that bring me down and try to catch them before they do damage. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control. An accident can happen ahead of you on the highway and make you late for something important. Someone who’s supposed to help you with a project that’s important to you gets sick. I used to go to “Why me??!” and feel self-pity. Now I just say “Oh well” and let life flow.

But often things that get you down can happen over and over and you ALLOW them to hurt your mood. For example, when my hair gets all messed up because it’s humid, I can feel less attractive, hence less happy. But now I have things I can do to it—quick—so it looks better. Or I’ll put on something I love. No longer does a bad hair day make my day bad! A friend may often go hot, then cold on a whim which drives you crazy but you allow it when you keep making plans. Mom’s nagging may always bring down your mood to negative.

What brings you down? Pay attention and have options ready to diffuse it. You may have a friend who often lets you down and then you feel down after. Be more careful about counting on them in the first place. I have a good friend who often has things come up. He doesn’t mean to upset me but it used to get me down when he’d cancel plans as I was walking out the door or I waited for him on the street for an hour and we missed the movie. I finally—nicely—told him I wouldn’t make plans to do something that required being somewhere at a certain time. And he’d have to meet me at my place. He understood and no more downs!

It’s not worth it to feel down when someone lets you down or you’re disappointed when something you looked forward to doesn’t happen or something negative happens. Life is too short! When something begins to make you feel bad, affirm, “My life is great anyway!” or “I’m moving forward and staying happy! Or both. Or whatever makes you feel better. Watch for patterns that bring you down and find ways to short circuit them. No one or no circumstance can bring you down if YOU don’t allow it to. Love yourself enough to stay positive!

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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