Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Getting Past Negative Experiences

We all have setbacks and disappointments and even traumatic experiences—your promotion at work may be stalled or your job is eliminated, your relationship ends, someone close to you passes away, you have an accident, your child gets into trouble, etc. These kinds of situations can make you feel depressed, angry, sad, hopeless and other negative emotions. At times I’ve felt like I was punched in the stomach and could barely breathe when something awful occurred in my life.


I used to let the negatives take over my mood, which took over my life. “Woe is me” was often my mantra in my DoorMat days. And I hear that from clients and friends. It’s common to go to a place of self-pity when you think that life has done you wrong, but it isn’t a good thing to do. Then you let your emotions control your mood, decisions, and outlook, which doesn’t feel good. When you take control of those emotions, you can create a more positive mindset, which allows more happiness into your world.

As I began to feel more empowered and loved me more, I got tired of feeling down a lot. I recognized that letting the negatives rule me didn’t do any good and kept me from moving on and getting better things. Most of those negatives are out of your control. Feeling bad won’t change your situation! Why not use the energy to move on? If you  just push your emotions over what happened out of your thoughts, they stick with you as an underlying barrier to happiness. Instead, be proactive and heal them! Here are some tips to do so:


•    Acknowledge your pain. Feel it and have a good cry if necessary. Those kinds of things hurt. It’s okay, and healthy to experience negative emotions–for a reasonable amount of time.

•    Talk to people you trust. Share your feelings and receive some sympathy and words of encouragement. Choose those you share with carefully so you only get positive reinforcement. People who will stoke your pain should be off limits!

•    Write down your feelings. Say everything you’re going though on paper. Read it out loud. When you’re ready, burn the paper so you can move on.

•    Accept that things happen for a reason. You may not know why but if you can accept that in a positive mindset, you can also believe that healing and better days are coming for you.


•    Also accept you’re not being punished. Things happen that we don’t like. You didn’t do anything wrong to attract them. Don’t look for reasons why it’s happening to you or you will attract more negatives. The only one punishing you is you if you believe you deserve bad things.

•    Affirm that things will get better. Look forward, not back. “Life continues to improve.” “Positive experiences are coming!”

•    Bless the situation. No matter how bad it feels, bless it with love. The more you do, the more healing comes.

Stuff happens. It’s YOUR choice to let it affect you negatively. Do you let it control you or do you take control? The latter choice feels better in the long run. Next time you hit a pothole and life doesn’t feel good, feel the pain, grieve, and do the things above. That helps you heal much quicker and keeps happiness closer to your heart. Doing so is a great act of self-love!


Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Fatima

    Daylle, another wonderful post…just when my day had started to get really crummy, this post shows up…good to know that there are ways to shift your energy when feeling down.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    You got what you needed Fatima and I’m glad I was able to help you.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Priscilla

    Nicely written! You are right, life’s too short to dwell in self pity. Accept and move on! Thanks Daylle for inspiring us :)

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks Priscilla!

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