Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Many of us dwell in the past, letting old memories affect our present life. Or we look to the future with expectations that can be positive or negative. Doing so is usually reflected in to your level of happiness. If you’re haunted by criticism from when you were younger, you allow what’s over to stay alive and hurt you. If you’re waiting till the day you lose enough weight or make enough money to be happy or if you worry about losing your job next year, you’re postponing being happy until future circumstances work out. Letting the past or future influence your current state of mind keeps you from living in the present moment.

But, how you feel and what’s going on right now is all that matters. That’s your reality.

What happened in the past is over. What you want or worry will happen in the future is not occurring in this moment, and may never come to pass. Yet we often give those things so much importance. If someone said that you didn’t have the ability to get ahead in a field that interests you, it’s your choice to continue to believe it and live according to that belief, or prove them wrong. Worrying about what may never happen in the future is wasted energy. Waiting for circumstance to happen before you can be happy keeps you living in discontentment.

I wasted many years living in DoorMatville believing that I wasn’t good enough to put my needs first because when I was young I felt too big to be worthy. As a child people warned me to not get too fat and one person told me I needed to lose weight to be attractive. So when I didn’t lose weight, my mindset was unattractive. I carried that with me well into adulthood. The past ruled my present in many ways, and I looked to the future for a miracle to change me.

Blessedly, I discovered my true beauty and worth and realized that the only time that matters is today. So much can happen that prevents both the good and bad things you think about for the future. It’s not worth it to worry unnecessarily or to hurt myself buying into past beliefs. I prefer to appreciate who I am now than to wait until I improve in the future. I did that for too many years and the only place it got me was unhappy.

American Cartoonist Bil Keane said, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

I just love that quote because today is truly a gift! Look at it that way. Count the blessings you have right now. Appreciate life as it is. Yesterday is over and tomorrow hasn’t come yet. I live one day, often one hour at a time now. I no longer look ahead or behind to define me or to base my happiness on. Sometimes things may not look good for the future but I remind myself that it doesn’t matter because right now I’m fine.

“Right now is all that matters and right now all is well!”

Focusing only on right now keeps stress and anxiety from building, which helps you to be stronger if tomorrow does bring a negative circumstance. One of my clients had a mother with weak health. She worried about losing her every day for 12 years! Her mother passed quickly at the end yet Blair’s worry kept her from fully enjoying 11+ years she had with her mother and made her physically ill. She wasted all that time, energy and happiness projecting future outcomes that didn’t occur for 12 years! And it hurt her relationship with her mother, who hated seeing her worrying so much.

Deal with circumstances as they happen, not as you consider what might occur in the future. That keeps you in a more positive mindset, which attracts more positives as tomorrow becomes today.

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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