Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Are You Prepared to Walk Away from What Bothers You?

You’re dying to stand up for yourself or ask for what you know you deserve. You work harder than anyone else yet haven’t asked a raise. Your romantic partner does unacceptable things but you haven’t had the nerve to address it. You’re dying to buy your friend’s car and he’s taking advantage of knowing that by asking for more than it’s worth. Your oldest friend has been taking advantage of you to the point where you’re about to burst, yet you keep your mouth shut.

Many people don’t take a stand on what they want, or don’t want, because they’re scared of the outcome.

It makes sense. You don’t ask for the raise if you’re scared of losing your job. Even though your romantic partner drives you crazy, you love him/her and want to keep the relationship going. You want the car so badly you may just pay the inflated price. And so on. So we tiptoe around important situations instead of taking a real stand. I used to do that too, even when I left DoorMatville, until I recognized a valuable truth:

In most situations where there’s a conflict, the person willing to walk away has the most power.

When your boss sees you’re willing to get another job that pays you what you’re worth, she might relent and give you more money. If your romantic partner believes that if he/she doesn’t stop criticizing or lying, you’re prepared to end the relationship, he/she might try to treat you better. If your friend understands that you’re ready to find another car at a better price, he might just lower what he asked for. Even if you strongly want to keep your job or partner or buy the car or seal the deal with a client, if you’re prepared to walk away, you have a better chance of getting what you want.

Brian Tracy said, “Be prepared to walk away from any situation that is unacceptable to you. This is the ultimate negotiating tool.

Negotiating. Many of us are uncomfortable doing that. But you can get better at it with practice. Think about your alternatives.

•    If you won’t leave your romantic partner, you’re guaranteed to continue to get the behavior you don’t like. Walking might hurt for a while but then you can find someone who treats you well. Or your partner might come around. You have the best chance of getting good results if you seem serious about leaving and the person really loves you. If the love isn’t strong, better to leave!

•    If your client says my way or the highway, you can seal a bad deal and lose money. You’ll also set yourself up to be low-balled in the future. Or you can be okay with not sealing the deal and give yourself the best chance to get what you want. If the client really wants to deal with you, you’ll get the business.

•    If you bid on your dream house and the owner believes you have to have it, the price won’t budge. If the owner sees you’re serious about not buying the house unless the price goes down, you might get it for less than what was originally asked. If the person is anxious to sell, the price will go down.

Remember, the one most willing to walk on a deal, whether in business or pleasure, has the most power. Nothing is so important that you should be totally compromised to keep it. There’s always another house or romantic partner or client. The more you stand up to people, the more your confidence will soar and the more people will give you your way. When you accept that nothing is more important than your good health, family and  basic needs, and everything else is optional, you’ll be more able to walk away from unhealthy situations and lowball offers. That’s empowerment!
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  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Tereese C

    We all have difficult encounters & relationships, but the selfish advice of ‘if you can’t get things your way, cut the person out of your life’ is very destructive to people, families & cultures. You win the battle but loose the war. How many holidays & family gatherings have been ruined, how many years & lives are lost to this selfish intolerance to others’ faults & shortcomings? It’s one thing to walk away from an arguement or unpleasant person but quite another to cut the person out of your life totally, you end up alone on your own perfect island.

  • Vicki

    I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of walking away.
    Just wish I’d read this article years ago & acted upon the advice.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Everyone has a threshold of what’s acceptable Tereese.

    Better now than never Vicki!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Wafa

    I`m sorry you`ll lough out loud bec i thought it was you the door mat but if it was a country u stay in oops i`m sorry .Recently I do that alot any situation I find my apponant not even listing i go bk to my room and deal with friends rather than family .thanks again

  • http://DoormatCityfor14year'stochildren&grandchildren Patricia Roe

    I was a doormap for my drug up daughter, I reised her 4 children, she had 5 bit give one up for adoutson. she was the luck one!!!!
    My son married a Bitch from hell who would scream are me all the time in front of my son & husband!!! I ended up on so many Med’s that I didn’t know what day it was!! that want on for 12 year’s until I said NO MORE!! FLUSHED MED’S!!! DRYED OUT!! HAVE A WORK OUT PROGAM! NOW I AM THE MEANEST BITCH ON EARTH BECAUSE I WON’T TAKE THEIR BULLSHIT!! Patricia Roe Happy at last!!

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