Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

You are what you think. I hear people use some awful names to refer to themselves or during self-talk. Years ago, I thought of myself as knucklehead. I’d call me knucklehead when I thought about something I’d said or done. And I’d refer to myself as a knucklehead to others. Back then I thought it was cute. Now I know I was reinforcing my low self-esteem.

Remember, you are what you think you are. This isn’t just a Law of Attraction issue. If you see yourself in certain ways, that’s how others see you. It may seem harmless to call yourself names in jest. I believed that when I called myself knucklehead. But looking back, it made me feel like one. I’d laugh, but deep down it wasn’t funny. Thinking of me as a knucklehead wasn’t nice. People laughed when I said it but were probably laughing at me as well. My laughter had an ouch attached to it.

Giving yourself a negative label undermines your confidence and self-image, which also keeps self-love from growing.

Often we don’t even think about the names we use to refer to ourselves if we’ve used them for a long time and it’s become a habit. You might not even realize you do it. But using negative words about you in what may seem like a harmless way will subconsciously keep you thinking of yourself that way. Even if you really do think of yourself as the negative label you use, you need to stop it if you want to step into being a more empowered person.

I realized I didn’t want to be a knucklehead for the rest of my life and knew I had to stop the negative labels. It took a while to do it but eventually that word faded in my memory. Become aware of any labels your give to you, including your user names for online activities. I’m always amazed to see people call themselves things like Chunky Monkey, Lonely Heart, Nerd boy, etc. That’s a constant reinforces of your low opinion of yourself!

On the converse, just because someone gives you a negative label, it doesn’t mean it’s true.

When you don’t feel good about you, it’s easier to adopt names given by others. Someone may call you a clutz because you were awkward doing certain tasks or a tech idiot if you have trouble doing things on your computer. But, that doesn’t make the label true until you adopt it as true and use it in your thoughts. It’s important to understand this. People say things to hurt or thinking they’re funny or speak without thinking. The negative words sting, but then can stay with you. Clean them out!

If you refuse to see yourself in the negative light that someone else puts on you, you aren’t that label!

When Jennifer Lopez first became popular, she was labeled as too big, and even fat. But J-Lo owned her voluptuous curves instead of succumbing to the labels. She is NOT fat. She knows she’s hot and flaunts it instead of thinking of herself as fat and losing confidence. She’s just larger than the models we usually see as role models who starve themselves and are super skinny in real life. But J-Lo sees herself as looking GOOD, and so do most people now! For decades I thought of me as fat since I was bigger than many women. But I’m not at all fat and don’t use that label anymore. Like J-Lo, my label is hot and sexy. That’s how people see me now.

The labels you give yourself tend to translate into how others see you.

Pay attention to what you use for names in social media and to refer to yourself. Clean out any ones that have a negative overtone. Chunky Monkey isn’t cute. Lonely Heart hurts and reinforces being lonely. Nerd boy won’t boost your confidence. I learned the hard way how labeling myself with things I didn’t want to be hurts me. Pay attention to the words you use about yourself. Do they make you feel good or make you wince when you actually think about them? Change user names if necessary but get rid of any labels that don’t make you feel good.

Don’t use any reminders of what you consider shortcomings. Be kinder in how you label you by using more positive words! That’s self-love!

Take the self-love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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