Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Oprah Winfrey’s last show aired this week. It feels like forever that Oprah has been teaching us wonderful lessons about how to live our lives fully, and paths to develop real happiness. I was honored to do a whole hour on her show about how to be a nice person who can finish first, the topic of my book, Nice Girls Can Finish First. Being in Oprah’s presence is hard to describe. Walking into the studio, the energy was off the charts. At one point she sat on a step next to my chair, talking like girlfriend to girlfriend, about the importance of adults being the kind of role model their kids will benefit from.

It’s hard for kids to learn to say “no” or not grow into a DoorMat if you’re a DoorMat who can’t say “no.”

One thing that stood out for me on her final show was when she said, “There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness.” I’ve said many times that the Law of Attraction works best when you KNOW. Thinking you deserve to be happy doesn’t mean you believe it. KNOWING shows you intend to be happy. When I ask people, “Do you deserve to be happy,” I often get a version of, “I think I do.” That’s not a positive answer! It’s more what people think they should say.

Thinking you do shows doubt. KNOWING shows you’re definite about deserving happiness.

This is not just about the Law of Attraction. The more you KNOW you deserve happiness, the more you’ll make an effort to get it and the less you’ll tolerate things that don’t make you happy. Just thinking you deserve happiness will not motivate much action to achieve it. You have to believe you’re entitled to feel happy, which YOU ARE! Oprah also said:

“Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”

You don’t have to wait to lose weight or make more money or be a better person on some level to deserve to be happy. You ARE worthy NOW! You’re a child of God and that in itself makes you worthy! For me, the take away is to make a point of reminding yourself of how worthy you are. Repeat, “I am worthy of being happy!”—-often. Write it on post-it-notes or make bigger signs and put them in places where you’ll see them often—on a mirror, the fridge, the front door, etc.

The more you remind yourself that you’re worthy of being happy NOW, the more it will sink in and the more you’ll do things to support that belief so you feel more happiness. When I was a DoorMat I didn’t KNOW I was worthy. I sort of thought I should be but my self-image was so low I didn’t really believe it. Happiness seemed like something I needed to earn but I didn’t know how. I waited to be worthy, but never felt it. Now I know that just being alive makes me worthy.

Gaining weight or making a mistake doesn’t lower my worthiness!

Build your acceptance of your right to be happy. It is your birthright as a human being! Use affirmations to help it sink in and to override thoughts of being unworthy. When you focus on being worthy and reinforce it in your mind, eventually you’ll begin to believe it. It took me a long time but now I know I’m worthy of as much happiness as I can get. You can too. It begins with making an effort to accept your right to be happy.

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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