Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Self-Love from A-Z

I’m delighted to have Dani from Positively Present. She created it after she lived with a negative attitude for twenty-five years and decided to turn her life around and start focusing on the positive. Today she shares 26 tips, from A-Z, for loving yourself more.

The ABCs of Self-Love?
By: Dani of Positively Present

Back in 2009 I wrote a post called The ABCs of Loving Yourself and it was one of the most popular posts I’ve written. This leads me to believe that people really do want to love themselves and they may not be sure how to go about doing it. Most people are very aware of the fact that self-love can be a challenge. Faced with all sorts of external influences and internal pressures, its all too easy not to love ourselves. But, deep down, most of us really want to. We want to believe that we are worthwhile, that our lives have value, and that we are deserving of our own love. But that’s much easier said than done.
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Today I’m republishing those ABCs of loving yourself (with a few updates and modifications) with the hope that someone (or many someones!) will read these words and realize that s/he truly is deserving of his/her own love. I hope people will read these and recognize that the path to self-love is not an easy one — but there are so many ways to get started down that road right now. Here are 26 ideas to help you get started:

Accept your body. Sure, there are things you can change about your body, but, for the most part, you’ve got to work with what you’ve got. Remember: you are who you are. You should love yourself no matter what shape or size you are. You are awesome. You are beautiful. You are YOU. Don’t ever forget that!

??Be who you are. You are not your body. The essence of you comes from within — from your mind, your personality, your heart. I often find it hard to remember that I am not what I look like, but, when I remind myself of this, I realize there is so much more to me than appearance.

??Cultivate a healthy environment. Put yourself in a healthier place. Keeping fresh fruits and veggies around, eating healthy, and exercising are great ways to love your body (and yourself!). And don’t forget to take care of your mental health. Consider meditation to get your mind in a calmer, happier place. ? ?

Dive into self love. Okay, so you’re having trouble loving yourself. You look in the mirror and think, “YUCK!” Try looking into self-help books or blogs that encourage positive thinking about life and, more specifically, about body image. Sometimes reading up on loving yourself can really help you put it into action.?  ?Embrace your abilities. Think about what you do well . Your body is only a part of who you are. You might be a great writer, a great athlete, an amazing parent. No matter what you are, there is more to you than your appearance.

Embrace what you’re good at and spend more time indulging in these activities. Think about what you do well. Your body is only a part of who you are. You might be a great writer, a great athlete, an amazing parent. No matter what you are, there is more to you than your appearance. Embrace what you’re good at and spend more time indulging in these activities.?

Forget about comparisons. Stop comparing yourself to others. No matter what you do, you probably will not ever look like Heidi Klum or Brad Pitt. But that’s okay! You are beautiful in your own way and you will always and forever be you. Accept yourself, love yourself, and stop looking to others to see what you “should” look like.?  ?

Get moving! I don’t know about you, but when I get in a not-loving-myself funk, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to lay around and think about how pathetic it is that I’m not doing anything by laying around. Break the cycle. Get off the couch and use that awesome bod!

Have hope. Even if you’re struggling with self-love, don’t give up hope. It might be hard right now, but the more effort and time you put into it, the more you will learn to love yourself. Hope is crucial when it comes to learning to love yourself. Believe in your own ability to achieve self-love. 
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?Indulge in what you love. Every so often let yourself eat or do whatever you wouldn’t normally. I’m sure you’ve read this a million times, but if you completely cut yourself off from something, you’re more likely to go nuts the next time it comes along so let yourself indulge every once and awhile.?  ?Join something fun.

Joining a group (or even starting a blog, which feels like joining something) can really help you with your image of yourself. Meet new people. Try new things. Being happy  in general can make you happier with how you look so check out some groups you can join.?  ?

Keep thinking positively. Ah, my favorite! Keep thinking positively — no matter what. So you gained 5 pounds. So you got an terrible haircut. So what. Keep thinking positively! No matter how bad you feel about yourself, there is always something good. Focus on the good, the positive, and push the negative from your mind.? 

?Let go of your past. You were a size two in high school. Sure, that’s super, but you’re not in high school anymore. Remind yourself that this is where you are now. You may have been something else in the past — thinner, prettier, more muscular — but here you are now. In the present. Love who you are right now.?  ?

Motivate yourself. You are the best motivational tool you have. Other people might encourage you, but only YOU can really motivate yourself. Do whatever you have to to remind yourself how great you are. Read books. Get off the couch. Talk to friends. Do whatever you have to to motivate your inner desire for self love.?  ?

Never say never.  You’re looking in the mirror moaning, “I will never lose this weight.” You know what? You’re right. With that attitude, you won’t make any changes at all. You’ll settle, thinking there’s no hope, and you’ll be unhappy. If you believe you can change something, you can. Never say never.? 

?Open up to new ideas. Try something different. If you’re not in love with your look
, try something new. New clothes. New makeup. New workout routine. Experimenting with new things isn’t going to solve your body image issues (that comes from within), but you can give yourself a little boost by trying out something new.?  ?

Put on your best outfit. For those of you who read the post ”rainy days and Mondays…” you know that sometimes just a change of clothes can change your perspective. Don’t stay in sweatpants all day. Don’t settle for average or blah or you will feel average and blah. Dress up. Put in the effort and you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.? 

?Question your perception.  You look in the mirror. You see ugly, fat, tired. But is that what’s really there? As I talked about in my last post, your mind can really distort your thoughts. Sometimes what we see isn’t what’s really there. Keep the positive thoughts in the forefront. Avoid looking for the bad and try to keep a positive outlook.?  ?

Remember what you love. You hate your stomach, but your love your eyes. You hate your arms, but you love your thighs. Focus on the good parts of you. We often spend so much time obsessing about what we don’t like about ourselves that we forget to spend time thinking about what we do love. Make a list of your favorite parts of you (including those that aren’t physical!).?

?Stop judging. You are your worst critic. You are judging yourself much, much more harshly than anyone around you is. Stop it. Stop it right now. There is absolutely no good reason to critique yourself in a harsh or demeaning manner. Love yourself first and the world will love you too.? ?

Take time for you. Your body is the only one you have. Take time to pamper yourself. Do whatever you have to do to get some quality alone time. Take a bath. Take a walk. Take a vacation. Whatever you do, take some time to be alone with yourself, to rejuvenate your body and your mind.? ?

Understand your needs. What do you really need? What makes your body happy? When you exercise and eat healthy foods, does your body feel better? When you get plenty of rest, do you wake up refreshed? Think about what your body asks for and give it what it needs. The better your body feels, the better you will feel about it.?

?Vacate your mind. As Chania Girl mentioned in the comments section of the post “13 ways you distort your thoughts,” sometimes we become prisoners in our own minds. Sometimes we obsess about our looks and our appearance to the point that it’s unhealthy. If you’re doing this, stop. Get out of your mind and free yourself.? ?

Watch what you say. Are you always saying to your friends, “Ugh, I look terrible.” or “This make me look fat?”? If so, think about what you’re saying. The more negative things you say about yourself, the more you will start to really believe what you’re saying (and others might too). Try, just once, saying, “Wow, I look great!”?

?X-ray your desires. Think about — I mean, really think about — why you want that piece of chocolate cake or that new handbag. Will external things make you feel better? You bet! But the feel-good feelings are only temporary. Lasting happiness comes from within so give some thought to what you really want.?? ?

Yank yourself out of a routine. Routines can be deadly. They set us in patterns that feel old and tired, that make us feel as if we are old and tired. Some routines are good and necessary, but what routines do you have in your life that aren’t good? What can you do to change them, to make them more positive experiences??

 ?Zap any negative thoughts. Last but certainly not least! Getting rid of negative thoughts about yourself and your body is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Whatever you need to do to do this, do it. Read books. Go on a retreat. Get rid of negative people in your life. Whatever you do, be positive about you!? ?

As so many of us know, self-love is a hard thing to master. Too often, we have issues about our appearance and body that hinder us from thinking positively about ourselves. It is essential that we rid our lives of negative self-talk and, instead, focus on what is wonderful about the people we are. If you aren’t doing so right now, start loving yourself. It is the first and most important step to living a positive, present life.
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In 2009, Dani launched Positively Present, a blog focused on living positively in the present moment and since then her personal development site as grown and it continues to touch people around the world. Working hard to embrace the idea of “living happily ever after now,” Dani uses Positively Present to focus on the positive in her life — and, while doing that, she shares her experiences with you.
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



  • mm

    Hello, as always thanks for all your words, I remeber not always been a doormat so I have a question: How and When did we lose our self love? The negative people in our life? Our bad experiences? Bad luck? The media with their false images of perfection? Was it in an isolated event? Was it a process? Was it in our childhood or later? Is the same for everyone? Thank you!!!

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    This is the best website i’ve ever read!
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  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Everyone is different mm. All of those things contribute and the more you believe it, the more it chips away at self-love. I shall write a post about this!
    Thanks for your kind words dj!

  • http://www.positivelypresent.com Positively Present

    Thank you so much for featuring this article here. I’m glad I was able to share some information about self-love. Thanks for the comments and feedback!

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    I was delighted to have you Dani! Thanks for sharing!

  • http://hubpages.com/profile/Tiago+Marcelo Tiago

    I agree that feeling self-love for your body is one of the essential things. I used to break my body just by thinking negative thoughts(no that is not a joke, yes you can influence your body with your thoughts and your emotions… especially your emotions. Terrible and dark emotions will destroy your body faster than any cancer can).
    I’ve written about some self love techniques if anyone’s interested.
    Also, you’re not a doormat.

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