Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for HowDoILoveMeCover.jpgToday is Day 28 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love.

When I see a friend I haven’t seen in a while, she often asks, “How’s your love life?” What she means is do I have a special guy in my life. We normally associate love life with romance. I did too until I got a fortune cookie that changed my perspective. Mind you, I normally don’t put much validity into the fortune inside a cookie after a meal in a Chinese restaurant. I read them out of habit and most of the time am disappointed to find a common saying instead of predictions of great things for me.

So I wasn’t expecting much when the waiter gave me my check with a cookie. I began nibbling it until I saw the little paper, which I pulled out and kind of glanced at. Then I tossed it onto the plate from my meal, not really putting much stock into it. But as what it said sunk in, I smiled and took it off the plate to read again:

Your love life will carry you through any circumstances.

My first thought was the typical one: I’m not currently seeing anyone special so I don’t have a love life to carry me through any circumstances. I know that’s what my single girlfriends would think. No big deal. Just a silly fortune with no meaning for me. “But wait!” I thought. Why am I skewing love life to just mean romance? And I smiled as the light bulb went on in my head.

I have a love life! It’s the love I give to me.

Romantic partners can come and go but I’m always here for me. I know what I like, want and need and do my best to make me happy. I’m not trying to minimize the blessing of having a healthy romantic partner in my love life. I’d be very happy to meet a man who increases my joy. But, when I do have one, he’ll be just a segment of my love life, not the while thing. I own first place! We all have the ability to give ourselves love, or withhold it, at any time. So does a romantic partner. But, we can control the flow of love we give ourselves. We can’t control what we get from others.

That’s why self-love should be the foundation of any love life!

 It’s common to make a romantic partner more important than yourself, but that doesn’t make it right. I am the most important love of my life. YOU should be the most important love of yours. That doesn’t take away from loving others too but does assure your place of honor in how you prioritize your needs and make sure you get enough happiness boosters. And, it assures that you’ll always be loved. Many people sacrifice their happiness to please someone else to feel loved. But, does that give you a real love life?

Self-love is the umbrella for loving others. The more love you give yourself, the more love you have to give. The more love you give yourself, the more love you attract, since self-love is attractive. The more love you give yourself, the more the Law of Attraction responds in kind. So self-love can help you get a well-rounded love life if you build it first.

Redefine the concept of love life to include self-love. Now when folks ask how my love life is I say “great!” They get confused if they ask who it is and I say I’m not seeing anyone special. It doesn’t matter what others think anymore. I had enough of that when I was a DoorMat and needed everyone to approve of me. Self-love motivates me to only need approval from me, and a love life based on self-love feels great to me! Build yours and watch it grow!

Take the self-love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself.

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