Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for HowDoILoveMeCover.jpgWe look for love from a romantic partner. “I need to find someone to complete me” is a common lament I hear from single women, and even from men. Yet no one can complete you but YOU!

We look for love from friends and family. “I do so much for everyone in my life yet I feel used and taken for granted.” We chase love in many directions yet rarely feel fulfilled.

When I was a DoorMat, I sacrificed my own needs, and happiness, to make others happy, believing that they’d love me for it. It too me many years of hurting and complaining and yearning for love to realize that nothing I did for others made me feel loved.

I was very blessed to finally understand that I didn’t have to look for love. It was mine to give me!

Being loved begins and ends with you! Even when other people–your parents, romantic partner, best friend, etc.–actually do love you, it’s hard to receive love if you don’t love yourself! People can say, “I love you,” and do nice things for you. But, if you don’t love yourself, it still won’t make you feel content inside on a long-term basis.

Who are you with ALL the time? YOU!

That’s why self-love is the beginning of a wonderful loving life. If you want love in your life, go to the mirror RIGHT NOW and say, “I will make the effort to be more loving to you, starting today!” Even if you don’t love yourself, say it with feeling. Do it whenever you can. It will start your consciousness raising about doing loving things for you. Taking the pledge to take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–to do something kind for yourself for the next 31 days–can be the beginning of a love affair with you!

Look for the love inside you. It’s there, even if it been beaten down by self-criticism and ignoring your needs to please others. I created my 10 Commandments of Self-Love to create even more awareness of how you might be hurting your ability to love yourself as much as you could, and to help you increase awareness of stopping self-love busters. Print them out, hang them up, and read them aloud whenever you can. Eventually you’ll find yourself applying them more and more.  

10 COMMANDMENTS OF SELF-LOVE
1. I shall lovingly accept myself as I am right now.
2. I shall appreciate all the beauty that makes me who I am.
3. I shall regularly give thanks for all of my blessings.
4. I shall trust in my ability to take care of myself.
5. I shall not criticize myself.
6. I shall not criticize others.
7. I shall forgive myself when I make a mistake.
8. I shall be kind to others, without sacrificing my own needs.
9. I shall take responsibility for my life.
10. I shall love myself to the best of my ability.
© Daylle Deanna Schwartz

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



  • theresa

    I DO LOVE MYSELF,BUT I AM LONELY. I KNOW THE BIBLE SAY I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU LONELY NOR FORSAKE ME.BUT THAT,S SPRITUALY I AM A SPIRT IN A BODY THAT WANTS TO BE LOVE , KISS,HALD BY SOMEONE.SOMEONE TO COME HOME NOT IN EMPTY HOUSE.SOMEONE TO KISS WHEN THEY HAD A LONG DAY AT WORK,SOMEONE TO HOLD ON TO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.I AM SO LONELY.
    I AM TRIED OF WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND THERE KNOW ONE TO HOLD OR WAKE UP AND KNOWW ONE THERE. TODAY I STARTED THE WALK TO JAMES RIVER BRIDGE AND JUMP OFF. BUT ICOULD NOT DO THAT,GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME,AND I DID WONT TO GO TO HELL.

  • Mike

    Interesting! I hope that everyone’s weekend was great enjoyed their New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day celebrations and I hope that they have a great week!

  • djmusiclov

    theresa
    read your comment above. He’s out there. Don’t go jump off a bridge!. JUMP down to where the men are at. Make yourself available.
    Have fun looking. Remeber, tommorrow is another day. I’m feeling the same way you are, but I can’t quit. Find him, as I seek for her. Too much love out there for you not to have some. Eyes open, be available and have more fun looking! “Seek and you shall find”.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Theresa–the more you SHOW yourself more love, the more you’ll be in a place to attract it. Learn to enjoy hugging yourself and getting hugs from people who care about you. I addressed this to a degree in a post last month! http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2010/12/question-is-it-a-contradiction-to-feel-blessed-yet-still-feel-lonely.html
    Thanks Mike–having a great new year so far and expect it to continue.
    Thanks for sharing that advice djmusiclov. Having more fun in general helps attract more.

  • Linda

    I have been following your blog, Daylle, for almost a year and I read your Self Love book from start to finish. This really does work and I hope all the others joining this month in January have success, too. I have never felt better, more content or just plain happy in my entire life. I am rediscovering all the parts of myself I had either lost or forgotten through the years of child-raising and marriage, work and a really bad mid-life crash and burn.
    One thing Theresa might want to consider is learning to love being alone with herself and getting know herself again. Nobody else can fill that void for you. The loneliness is not for another, but for your lost self.
    Happy New Year and Best Wishes to all other self-seekers and thank you Daylle for the great job you do.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for sharing Linda! I’m so happy to know that my writing has helped you so much!

  • Osman G

    Thank you.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Vedran Agovic

    This is a great piece that gets to the heart of the matter. One cannot understand, accept and feel love if they cannot love thyself. As simple as that sounds, it is often very complicated and overlooked. Being able to understand and actually doing it are two extremes that are needed. I love your commandments because they reinforce principles that we ought to know and do daily to not lose sight of the bigger picture. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for your kind words Vedran!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Tracy

    Thank you I have been doing what you use to do putting everyone else’s needs before mind. No more I am happy to help anyone as long as my needs are met first. Yes you are right until you love yourself it is hard to receive love. Thank you for you Commandments.:)
    Tracy

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Better late than never Tracy!

  • http://thecompostheap.wordpress.com Lisa

    How do you say the mantra you say and not want to slap yourself? No. I am not trying to be mean to you. I just cannot say it. No matter how I try, I see this ugly, fat pathetic creature looking back at me and I feel about as sympathetic for me as everyone else does. Not at all.
    It’s just a pity party, I have been told. Or, your self absorbed. Meanwhile, I am crying for help and it’s a just a pity party to most people. I will say, “I will try to treat you better.” I can’t make promises to myself.
    I am sorry to be so horrid. I am only here, because I have nowhere to turn and my own husband doesn’t even want to hear it.

Previous Posts

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely
Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP! I’d g

posted 12:01:09pm Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A Wake Up Call
Can you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced classes, workshops and seminars on Access Consciousness® and a

posted 12:01:58pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst
This is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To
We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not

posted 12:01:08pm Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Are You a Needy People Magnet?
Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did when I was a DoorMat. These needy folks would bring me down with their dem

posted 12:01:49pm Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.