Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for HowDoILoveMeCover.jpgWe look for love from a romantic partner. “I need to find someone to complete me” is a common lament I hear from single women, and even from men. Yet no one can complete you but YOU!

We look for love from friends and family. “I do so much for everyone in my life yet I feel used and taken for granted.” We chase love in many directions yet rarely feel fulfilled.

When I was a DoorMat, I sacrificed my own needs, and happiness, to make others happy, believing that they’d love me for it. It too me many years of hurting and complaining and yearning for love to realize that nothing I did for others made me feel loved.

I was very blessed to finally understand that I didn’t have to look for love. It was mine to give me!

Being loved begins and ends with you! Even when other people–your parents, romantic partner, best friend, etc.–actually do love you, it’s hard to receive love if you don’t love yourself! People can say, “I love you,” and do nice things for you. But, if you don’t love yourself, it still won’t make you feel content inside on a long-term basis.

Who are you with ALL the time? YOU!

That’s why self-love is the beginning of a wonderful loving life. If you want love in your life, go to the mirror RIGHT NOW and say, “I will make the effort to be more loving to you, starting today!” Even if you don’t love yourself, say it with feeling. Do it whenever you can. It will start your consciousness raising about doing loving things for you. Taking the pledge to take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–to do something kind for yourself for the next 31 days–can be the beginning of a love affair with you!

Look for the love inside you. It’s there, even if it been beaten down by self-criticism and ignoring your needs to please others. I created my 10 Commandments of Self-Love to create even more awareness of how you might be hurting your ability to love yourself as much as you could, and to help you increase awareness of stopping self-love busters. Print them out, hang them up, and read them aloud whenever you can. Eventually you’ll find yourself applying them more and more.  

10 COMMANDMENTS OF SELF-LOVE
1. I shall lovingly accept myself as I am right now.
2. I shall appreciate all the beauty that makes me who I am.
3. I shall regularly give thanks for all of my blessings.
4. I shall trust in my ability to take care of myself.
5. I shall not criticize myself.
6. I shall not criticize others.
7. I shall forgive myself when I make a mistake.
8. I shall be kind to others, without sacrificing my own needs.
9. I shall take responsibility for my life.
10. I shall love myself to the best of my ability.
© Daylle Deanna Schwartz

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