Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Law of Attraction in Action: Encouragement

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This is post 118 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

We all need encouragement. It feels good to have someone say they believe you’re on the right track or that you’re ideas are terrific. A good habit to get into is to look for ways to give encouragement to other people. It makes the person feel good and in return, you’ll feel good too.

The more encouragement you give, the more it sends a message of encouragement to the Universe that can attract more for you.

DoorMats don’t get much encouragement, except for being encouraged to give and give. When you let people take advantage of you, they don’t feel a need to do anything back for you or encourage you to take care of yourself. The kind of encouragement I heard back then was:

•    “You’re such a good friend to me. I love how you’re always there for me.”
•    “You make the most delicious meals and I love eating what you bring me.”
•    “What a great support you are.”

Etc. So I was encouraged to keep on being a DoorMat to everyone. I didn’t need that kind of encouragement! It kept me giving and doing and sacrificing my own desires to make others happy. I felt good to be encouraged. But it was really about them. They praised what they got from me and didn’t give me much in return. That made it hard for me to give healthy encouragement since I didn’t receive any. I’d encourage them in ways that made them approve of me more, not any real sincere words. It was all part of the umbrella of people pleasing.

DoorMats don’t get much encouragement to grow and take risks for themselves since it might mean they’ll have less time to do favors for others.

DoorMat users want to keep you small and insecure, so you’re there when they need you. Leaving DoorMatville can be a wild and crazy awakening when you see your possibilities and know you now have healthier choices. I was so not used to being encouraged about things that were right for me so I didn’t know how to give that kind of encouragement either. It was like stepping into new territory when someone told me how great I was doing at taking care of me–like a balm for sore ears.

DoorMats have to get used to being encouraged to do things that would make them happy. Habits of living for others die hard.

At first I negated the encouragement out of habit. But then I remembered I’d left DoorMatville to take care of me and accepting encouragement would help me to do that. I still recall when an old friend said she liked the change in my attitude and I should keep focusing more on me since I smiled more. I almost refuted her words but stopped myself and enjoyed them instead. Yes, I was doing something good and should be proud! From then on I relished words that were meant to motivate me in positive directions.

Giving encouragement keeps you focused on what you, and others, are doing right.

As I got used to accepting encouragement, I began to look for ways to give it to others–not to please them but to feel good about motivating them to feel good. As I healed inside, it became more important to make people happy on healthier levels than sucking up to them or saying things to score points. The more sincere encouragement I gave, the more I attracted.

The Law of Attraction picks up on the encouragement you give and you’ll increase how much you get. Encouraging energy attracts more encouraging energy.

How do you know what to encourage? My rule of thumb is if you feel it, say it. When you see a friend trying to get his or her life together, emphasize what they’re doing right. If someone is starting a business and you’re impressed by how they’re going about it, say so. When you see someone doing something right, acknowledge it in a positive way. Their appreciation for your words will make you feel better too. That good emotion will help attract more for you too!

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series here.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



  • Golden Girl

    Thank you so much for this blog! It is something that I needed to read and to use to encourage myself and to encourage others. I am emerging from being a doormat and it made my day to know that I am not alone and that it can be overcome.
    Thanks again
    Folden Girl

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad my blog is helping you! It all can be overcome once you choose to leave DoorMatville. : )

  • BettyO

    Your wise comments about leaving doormatville behind really struck home tonight! Thanks so much for YOUR “words of encouragement” to all who visit your blog.
    I am the perfect example of one who is soooooooooooo nice. Everyone likes me because I am always there, never say no, etc. etc. It has taken it’s toll–I am usually sleep-deprived,take medications for depression and am almost never able to complete anything with quality.
    It’s not New Year’s yet, but tonight I have slowed down and have focused on what behaviors will be best for my new goals of pausing before committing and making my needs a real part of any decisions.
    Thanks so much!

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Just like me Betty! I relate. I changed and you can too! It’s time to be loving to YOU! Check out my self-love initiative. http://howdoiloveme.com/

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