Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Why I Deserve the Best

Deserve. That’s a word DoorMats rarely use about themselves. Deserve. Since it means to merit or be worthy of someone good, it’s hard to wrap your head around that word if you feel lousy about who you are. As a DoorMat, I thought other people deserved my time or other good stuff. Me? I wasn’t worthy of getting it. It was always the other people who were so that’s who I gave my time and favors to.

When you don’t think you deserve to be happy and receive wonderful stuff, you usually aren’t happy or receiving wonderful stuff.

Think about how many times  someone did something nice for you or tried to give you something and you balked about it. “Oh, you shouldn’t do that.” “I can’t accept your help.” “it isn’t right for you to do so much for me.” DoorMats can’t receive easily. I used to give people a laundry list of why I wasn’t worthy when they tried to do something nice for me. Compliments made me stammer. My feelings of unworthiness shouted to the world that I didn’t expect any good.


Feeling unworthy is like carrying a sign that says, “I expect nothing from you.” It shows in your attitude and most people will gladly accommodate and do nothing for you.

Looking back, I missed out on so much because I’ closed myself off to receiving by judging myself. So many of us do that! As I began to appreciate myself more, I also began to respect my right to receive. You won’t just wake up one morning and believe that you are worthy of getting many of life’s gifts. You definitely are, even if you don’t recognize that yet! But you can raise your deserving conscious.

On paper or in a document on your computer, write at the top: “Why I deserve the best.”

Start each sentence with “I deserve the best because…” List even small things. Start with “I deserve the best because I’m a decent human being.” If you get stumped, ask people who love you for suggestions. Read your list out loud often so it sinks in. Keep adding reasons as you think of them. The more you affirm your worthiness, the more you’ll start to believe it.


Fight the urge to reject someone’s kindness.

If she wants to treat you to dinner, just say “thank you.” If he wants to hang the picture for you, just say, “I appreciate it.” Learning to accept kindness can be painful for us DoorMats. But doing it does reinforce that you deserve all the good you get. Now I know that I deserve the best that can possibly come my way. When I accepted that, self-love began to warm me.

Right now–go to a mirror and say to the lovely person looking back at you, “I am worthy of all good and will do my best to receive all the good I can.” Over and over. Do it every day. For more fuel, say “I love you” before leaving the mirror. The more you do it the faster something in you will click.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

  • Angela

    Im in the middle of a divorce, was used and walked on trying to put it back together for over six years (while being separated). Also, just got dumped by a so-called boyfriend and have been feeling used and walked all over again! so my new mantra is to be positive, believe in myself and do good things for me and repeat this in my head several times a day!
    I say to myself everyday in my head:
    I am happy, healthy, positive, smart, kind, confident, beautiful, talented, creative, independent, successful, loved, wanted, blessed. Jesus loves me! and I deserve the best!

  • bet365

    hi!This was a really wonderful subject!
    I come from endland, I was luck to discover your Topics in digg
    Also I learn a lot in your topic really thank your very much i will come later

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Amen Angela! Keep it up and give yourself lots of love.
    Thanks for your kind words bet365. Glad you found me!

  • Shyronn Crider

    I also find that I have a hard time excepting compliments gracefully. I have to fight the urge to excuse them away. “You did a great job!” Turns into “It wasn’t anything special, anyone could have done this…..” And as for deserving special things….well, the above exercise will help in that area also. I usually focus on all the reasons as to why I don’t deserve something, rather than why I do deserve them. It is an on going battle with me, one that I realize~yes, but I still battle with it each day. Developing self esteem isn’t an easy task for me, rather it’s one that I need to work on daily! Thanks for this tip!

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad it you Shyronn. It’s hard for most of us but the important thing is to try to be conscious enough to win the battle.

  • Linda

    Angela, I have been in your shoes, on both counts, so keep on telling yourself positive things because it WILL change things around. And yes, everybody deserves the best from their life and there is enough to go around for all of us! Thanks, Daylle, I love your blog.

  • Astrology Consultant

    Hello, i’m sneha here, I love your blog,I usually focus on all the reasons as to why I don’t deserve something, rather than why I do deserve them. It is an on going battle with me, one that I realize~yes, but I still battle with it each day…………Thanks for posting,,

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for your kind words Sneha! Stay with me in my blog and practice the exercises I’ll have on giving yourself love. That can help ease your struggle.

  • Roxanne Reid

    Happy that I am the first to comment! My word…I am in awe. This is what I need. As an introvert, who is slowly, painfully, trying to be ‘heard’ and ‘seen’ it is somewhat frightening sometimes to put myself ‘out there’. I act tough, but my oh my, on the inside…lol whimpering.

    I am a teacher by profession, and I say that, because I really do not enjoy every moment of it. I am enthused by the students (sometimes) but not at all by the profession, if you get what I mean. I think I missed my calling, and now, I am trying to make up for it by being the best friend, daughter/sister etc and teacher. I have the immense desire to encourage/motivate people. I was and still am enthused about working with the mentally challenged persons and delinquent youths. This is why I try to enjoy each day because if i do not and start to pout, I think I am becoming ungrateful and should be satisfied with whatever I have received. This is a HARD pill to swallow but it is happening.

    I often had dreams (desires and aspirations) and still do. However, it seems like because of my nationality (Jamaican) being a national of a third world country, those dreams are only suited for the upper, upper class in my country. I used to dream about traveling outside of my country (I shudder at being born in one place and then having to die in the same place without knowing this earth, when earth is my home too)…but now, that dream is dying.

    Thus, I often deal with myself harshly and for that reason, I avoid receiving compliments from others and try to ‘stay in my little box’ although, of late, as I mentioned before, I am trying to serve the box a notice of absence. It’s tough work though.
    I will use your guidelines…I do deserve the best and having said it and viewed my smile and eyes in the mirror, something clicked! lol….it may be long, or it may never happen, but at least I had tried…i had.

    Thank you! Namaste….

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