Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: Selfishness

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for * LOA logo2.jpgThis is post 108 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.


The word selfish has a negative connotation. People use it against those who don’t give them their way. I agree that a lot of selfishness isn’t nice. Never sharing when others share with you, always jumping to get the best seat when you know others can’t get there as fast is true selfish. We teach kids to share their toys. But putting yourself first as you prioritize your time and energy is the kind of selfishness that everyone should own to a degree in order to create a healthy lifestyle.

One of my favorite verbs for being selfish comes from the late Peter McWilliams, who encouraged SELFING in his book Do It!

Selfing is being into yourself enough to make sure your needs are met and you’re taken care of. What people don’t get is that when you take care of self first, you become much more resilient and have much more to give to others. But you have to first be focused on self to get there. When I began my journey out of DoorMatville and said “yes” to me more and to others less, I was often told I was being selfish. Of course these people were used to me always acquiescing so the change for them was magnified in comparison to what I used to give.


People who are used to getting what they want from you won’t like it when you stop being as giving as you had been. Their distorted perception may view that as selfish.

But, I finally realized that people who want more from me than I want to give are the selfish ones! I don’t care who needs time from you. Even your family needs to come second. That doesn’t mean neglecting them. But, you must make sure to allot enough time for your needs, GUILT-FREE, no matter how many times you’re called selfish. If you don’t nourish yourself first, you’ll be running on empty trying to be there for everyone else, like I was.

Learning to be selfish enough to want to feel good enables you to attract the energy for spiritual support to be happy and whole.


Being into self tells the Law of Attraction that you are going after a stronger, healthier you. The stronger I get from being selfish about my time, the more I have to give others, and want to give others. When people call me selfish, I remind them of an analogy you may have heard before. When you travel by airplane and they give instructions for a potential emergency, the flight attendant always warns that if you’re flying with a child:

If there’s an oxygen shortage, always put the mask on YOU first.

As a mother, my first instinct would be to get my child breathing well. But doing that means I could be deprived of so much oxygen that I don’t have the strength to get my own mask on. Then I can’t take care of the child if I pass out. So while it’s intuitive to help your child breathe, you’ll do a better job if you’re breathing well and have the strength to do everything else the child needs. It’s the same with taking care of your needs in other areas of your life.


Being somewhat selfish about taking care of your needs tells the Universe you intend to be strong and happy, which attracts it!

If you feel depleted from marathon giving, and don’t feel loving toward yourself since you have no time to BE loving, and your negative emotions from all of this eats at you, and you resent that your needs aren’t met, you’ll feel drained and deprived and unhappy. That sets a negative attraction in motion. And you make a lousy role model for your kids if you have them!

Since leaving DoorMatville, my mantra is “Self First!” I give what I can to others but no longer at my own expense. If someone  considers that selfish, oh well!

A nurturing and loving kind of selfishness attracts positive energy. If you want to feel good, you have to develop enough selfishness to tap into it. Do your best to give what you can to the people you want to help because they matter, not to buy their love. But always save some time and energy for the one who counts the most–YOU!

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series here.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

  • Sandra

    Hi Daylle,
    I love this article! A friend and I were talking about this exact topic the other day. I was like this, always giving and giving. Never saying NO, or thinking about myself.
    It was very hard for me to re-learn that it is okay to put yourself first, and when I did, my extended family – aunts and cousins – had a different attitude toward me. It’s sad, but it appears they only wanted what I could do for them.
    But I’m much happier and discovered that I should have put myself first a long time ago. I don’t look at it as being selfish, I look at it as being freeing and enlightening and I love it!
    Thank you so much for the article.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad this was helpful for you Sandra! ou can’t go back and change the past but you can now go forward with joy! : )

  • Stacey

    As I say in my book, “It really is all about YOU.”
    Ancient Christian scriptures say, ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ If you’re not loving to yourself, you can’t effectively love another. You can’t give to others something you don’t have yourself.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    So true Stacey! Love begins with YOU!

  • rickC

    You hit the nail right on the head. If you give to others first, you will end of with feelings of resentment, guilt and eventually anger. What is important for your love ones to understand, this is not good for them, nor for you.
    Now a person who puts their needs first, can give MORE of them selfs. Why? Because they have all they need already. Everything left over is a free gift, that can be given without conditions. How great is that? You see often, when we give to others first, we realize we gave more than we could of or should of, and thus we expect something in return. Most won’t say it, but they feel it.
    It is a good thing to have a HEALTHY love for ones self, and self preservation. It insures we have enough to go around. You see the glass that is 1/2 empty, will one day be totally empty, the glass that is 1/2 full, will soon be full. It is the full glass that has MORE than enough to go around.
    GREAT READ!! Keep it coming. rickC

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    So true Rick! The fuller you are, the more you have to give, and for better reasons than getting approval.

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